private parts not a joke

Michelle - posted on 06/27/2012 ( 31 moms have responded )

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My boys are 5 and 7, im trying to teach them that their private parts are private and not a joke, pls help not sure what to do. I dont want them to get a complex but need them to know its not something that you flash around :s thanks!

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Dove - posted on 06/29/2012

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I take it you have no boys, Pamela? They don't have to learn it from an 'older source'... Trust me. My son HAS no 'older source'. Playing with their penises is completely natural and doesn't have to be learned from anywhere.

Sherri - posted on 06/29/2012

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I agree Dove I only have boys, 4 of them to be exact and they just instinctively play with it. No prompting or learning it from anyone.

Kristin - posted on 07/03/2012

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I honestly think this is a stage all boys go through. My oldest loved showing off his nakedness until he was 8 and then he quit showing it off and my 6 year old loves to streak naked through the house but he is growing out of that as well. Sooner or later they do become self conscious about their bodies and I just told them that they needed to hide their private parts and not let others see them. So if I were you I wouldnt worry too much about it, its just a phase.

[deleted account]

I agree- I had to tell my 7 year old this morning to "put it away or go to your room." Nudity is not an issue in my home, but my husband certainly does not walk around with his penis hanging out of his boxers. It's the little mentally of, "I can do it because I have it." I also know that my son only behaves like this at home, and wouldn't behave as such in public or in school.

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Andrea - posted on 03/22/2013

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My 7 year old flashed his friends on the school playground, i am so angry with him, but how do i prevent that from halving again?

Casey - posted on 08/14/2012

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I would too take him to talk w/ someone considering the timing and everything. I have 2 5 y/o boys and an 7 y/o girl. They like to talk about privates and sometimes flash them as well. It could be just that he has discovered that it feels good to play w/ himself but it could also be a lot more. I used to catch my daughter playing with herself on the couch or where ever she felt like. I took her aside one day and explained that we all know it feels good to play with yourself but its polite to do it in front of everyone. That its something if you feel you must do you need to do it in your room or in the bathroom. Away from others. I havent cought her doing it at all. When my children talk about and play with themselves I simply remind them that privates are just that priviate that you dont need to talk about them or show them to anyone. Only me or Daddy and only if something is wrong, (i.e. hurting, burning, itchy anything that that it isnt normally. I do how ever want to point out a few things. Every child likes to play with them selves. Its natural and feels good. I mean come on now even adults play with them selves sometimes. As they grow then explore. Now a days a little faster then they used to. I would talk with him about it and also take him to a therapist just to be on the safe side.

Misty Ann - posted on 07/17/2012

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i am in the process of gettin him in therapy. but i feel stupid
saying this but even as his mother i feel uncomfortable
around him and it makes me cry to say that.

Dove - posted on 07/17/2012

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Get him to the doctor NOW, Misty. That is very suspect behavior especially considering the timing.

Misty Ann - posted on 07/17/2012

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My six year old was on a tlc with his aunt in chicago.
when he came back hes very sexual he plays with himself all
the time my husband caught him in the tub and questioned
him on what he was doin. now he wont take a bath. ive caught
him playing in front of the tv in the middle of the night
while i was sleepin on the couch. i woke up and asked what he
was doin he ran to the bathroom. he always wants to
hang on me and even though he has a bed he wants to sleep
in the livingroom when he goes to sleep i go to my room
and comes and wakes me up to sleep in the livingroom on the other
couch by him. and if i dont he throws a fit. it doesnt help ive seen
his aunt walk around in her bra and panties. WHAT DO I DO?

Sanelle - posted on 07/16/2012

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My 3 year old has been learning the difference between boys and girls at kindy. Now he will constantly ask me: "Mum, do you have a willy?" To which I would obviously reply no. Then he would ask: "So you don't have a penis?" Hmm again, no. Then the classic: "Can I see mum?". My 7 year old daughter would be blushing by then :) For now, he only asks, he doesn't flash....yet!

Dove - posted on 07/14/2012

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You deleted your post where you were insulting... THIS *Stop trying to convert the world to your lifestyle. You want people to accept your lifestyle then stop slamming everyone that does things differently. * is the closest 'I' came to an insult. I can not prove that you were incredibly insulting because you deleted your post.... I have deleted nothing and won't because I haven't said anything wrong.

You deleting your post and then claiming innocence to everything is what I am calling nonsense. And I guess I was wrong. I do have time for this... because you keep coming back as well.

Laura - posted on 07/14/2012

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One not being an ardent nudist, I would not say that is non-sense,it is a matter, I feel ,of a personal choice of one's lifestyle , folks can have different prospectives and not become insulting about the other's.....( you know the thing about one gets insulted,so they insult the other back,and it can go on forever )

...I certainly admit that sometimes I get too up-set when I feel that ANY child is disadvantaged by someone who could learn better child-rearing techniques, but my way,and the nudist way,isn't probably going to change their minds

I t is just that I have seen so many really good children that are ill now,because they had so much shame and guilt put on them as little ones.

This is not a perfect world,far, far,from it,so all we folks (,who have good intentions in the first place, )can do is just to try and do our best.I know that I make many mistakes in life,and I try to learn every single day.

Dove - posted on 07/14/2012

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The post where she was insulting has been deleted, so obviously nothing else I say makes sense. Whatever. @@ Not worth my time and energy for that nonsense.

Dove - posted on 07/13/2012

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How is stating that we're teaching our children that their bodies are ugly (which is a load of bull) the same as 'whatever life style a family wishes, go for it'?? I'd quote better, but that insulting post you wrote is mysteriously gone.

Laura - posted on 07/12/2012

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this Stephen,which drug company does he do public relations with??they may fire him because his statements are so pernicious,silly, and totally illogical,that even THEY would give out a big horse -laugh.........it is good for folks to put out POSITIVE vibrations,(rather than hateful negative ones,and be a vicious attack dog ).......the Karma THEN returned then is GOOD.Have a nice day.

Lisa - posted on 07/12/2012

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OIC.... O.o



For anyone interested, I submit the following:



A Close Look at Naturopathy

Stephen Barrett, M.D.



Naturopathy, sometimes referred to as "natural medicine," is a largely pseudoscientific approach said to "assist nature" [1], "support the body's own innate capacity to achieve optimal health" [2], and "facilitate the body's inherent healing mechanisms." [3] Naturopaths assert that diseases are the body's effort to purify itself, and that cures result from increasing the patient's "vital force." They claim to stimulate the body's natural healing processes by ridding it of waste products and "toxins." At first glance, this approach may appear sensible. However, a close look will show that naturopathy's philosophy is simplistic and that its practices are riddled with quackery.



The notion of a "vital force" or "life force"—a nonmaterial force that transcends the laws of chemistry and physics—originated in ancient times. Historians call it the doctrine of vitalism. No scientific evidence supports this doctrine, but a huge body of knowledge, including the entire discipline of organic chemistry, refutes it. Vitalistic practitioners maintain that diseases should be treated by "stimulating the body's ability to heal itself" rather than by "treating symptoms." Homeopaths, for example, claim that illness is due to a disturbance of the body's "vital force," which they can correct with special remedies, while many acupuncturists claim that disease is due to imbalance in the flow of "life energy" (chi or Qi), which they can balance by twirling needles in the skin. Many chiropractors claim to assist the body's "Innate Intelligence" by adjusting the patient's spine. Naturopaths speak of "Vis Medicatrix Naturae." Ayurvedic physicians refer to "prana." And so on. The "energies" postulated by vitalists cannot be measured by scientific methods.



According to a comprehensive report presented to the United States Congress in 1970 by the now-defunct National Association of Naturopathic Physicians (NANP):



Naturopathy . . . is the technique of treatment of human disease which emphasizes assisting nature. It can embrace minor surgery and the use of nature's agencies, forces, processes, and products, introducing them to the human body by any means that will produce health-yielding results.



Naturopathy is based upon the tendency of the body to maintain a balance and to heal itself. The purpose of naturopathic medicine is to further this process by using natural remedies . . . as distinct from "orthodox" medicine (allopathy and osteopathy), which seeks to combat disease by using remedies which are chosen to destroy the causative agent or which produce effects different from those produced by the disease treated. . . .



Naturopathy places priority upon these conditions as the bases for ill health: (1) lowered vitality; (2) abnormal composition of blood and lymph; (3) maladjustment of muscles, ligaments, bones, and neurotropic disturbances; (4) accumulation of waste matter and poison in the system; (5) germs, bacteria, and parasites which invade the body and flourish because of toxic states which may provide optimum conditions for their flourishing; and (6) consideration of hereditary influences, and (7) psychological disturbances.



In applying naturopathic principles to healing, the practitioner may administer one or more specified physiological, mechanical, nutritional, manual, phytotherapeutic, or animal devices or substances. The practitioner's end aim is to remove obstacles to the body's normal functioning, applying natural forces to restore its recuperative facilities. Only those preparations and doses which act in harmony with the body economy are utilized, to alter perverse functions, cleanse the body of its catabolic wastes, and promote its anabolic processes [1].



The American Association of Naturopathic Physicians (AANP) has stated that "naturopathic medicine has its own unique body of knowledge, evolved and refined for centuries" and is "effective in treating all health problems, whether acute or chronic." [4] According to a 1989 AANP brochure:



The main difference [between naturopathic and conventional medicine] is in philosophic approach. Naturopathic physicians treat patients by restoring overall health rather than suppressing a few key symptoms. Naturopathic physicians are more concerned with finding the underlying cause of a condition and applying treatments that work in alliance with the natural healing mechanisms of the body rather than against them. Naturopathic treatments result less frequently in adverse side effects, or in the chronic conditions that inevitably arise when the cause of disease is left untreated." [5]



Naturopaths offer treatment at their offices and at spas where patients may reside for several weeks. Their offerings include fasting, "natural food" diets, vitamins, herbs, tissue minerals, homeopathic remedies, cell salts, manipulation, massage, exercise, colonic enemas, acupuncture, Chinese medicine, natural childbirth, minor surgery, and applications of water, heat, cold, air, sunlight, and electricity. Radiation may be used for diagnosis, but not for treatment. Many of these methods are said to "detoxify" the body.



What's Wrong with the Above Picture?



Scientific research has identified measurable, causative factors and specific methods of preventing and/or treating hundreds of health problems. Naturopaths have done little more than create glib generalities. The above theories are simplistic and/or clash with science-based knowledge of body physiology and pathology. For example:



"Balance," "vitality," and "harmony with the body" are vitalistic concepts. Like "optimal health" or "supporting" of the body, these concepts are vague and cannot be objectively measured or scientifically tested.

Naturopaths pretend that precise medical treatment is less important than "maintaining body balance."

Whether infectious disease occurs depends on the degree of exposure to an infectious organism, the virulence of the organism, and the body's ability to resist. A person does not need to be "toxic" or "imbalanced" in order to catch a cold.

Some diseases are an inevitable result of genetic make-up. Others have little to do with hereditary factors.

The general concept of treating disease by "strengthening the immune system" is unsubstantiated and clashes with the fact that in some conditions, such as allergies or autoimmune diseases, the immune system is overreactive.

Naturopathy's claim that "natural methods" can treat cancer by strengthening the immune system is unsubstantiated, and the notion that cancer represents a failure of the immune system is simplistic [6]. In the late 1950s, it was hypothesized that the immune system guards against cancer cells in ways similar to its protection against infectious organisms. However, subsequent research has demonstrated that relationships between cancers and the immune system are highly complex and that successful tumors develop "tolerance" mechanisms that enable them to invade the body without activating immune responses that would destroy them. The rapidly developing science of cancer immunotherapy is aimed at detecting and defeating these mechanisms. One way might be to mobilize T- cells to attack and destroy cancers, but this will not be simple to do [7]. Merely increasing the number of such cells won't work. Thus the odds that any dietary measure, herb, or other "alternative" approach will solve the problem of cancer by increasing immune surveillance should be regarded as zero.



Naturopaths assert that their "natural" methods, when properly used, rarely have adverse effects because they do not interfere with the individual's inherent healing abilities. This claim is nonsense. Any medication (drug or herb) potent enough to produce a therapeutic effect is potent enough to cause adverse effects. Drugs should not be used (and would not merit FDA approval) unless the probable benefit is significantly greater than the probable risk. Moreover, medically used drugs rarely "interfere with the healing processes." The claim that scientific medical care "merely eliminates or suppresses symptoms" is both absurd and pernicious.



Most of the things naturopaths do have not been scientifically substantiated; and some—such as homeopathy—clearly are worthless. In many cases, naturopaths combine sensible dietary advice (based on medically proven strategies) with senseless recommendations for products.

Lisa - posted on 07/12/2012

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I've been googling like a madwoman and can't find a single professional reference to a "Dr. Laura Mornings".... Exactly, what kind of Dr. are you and where did you receive your degree? Just curious.

Dove - posted on 07/12/2012

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Teaching our kids to respect their private parts and not wave them around in front of people (yes, even family) is NOT the same as thinking those parts are garbage or ugly or any of the other nonsense you like to spout. Not every family is a nudist and guess what?! THAT is ok too!!



My kids are very comfortable with their bodies and I have no issue if they want to walk around naked, but if my son starts trying to wave his penis around in everyone's face or some other nonsense like that... Yes, he gets told to go put some pants on and/or do that in private.



Stop trying to convert the world to your lifestyle. You want people to accept your lifestyle then stop slamming everyone that does things differently.



And of course, this post makes no sense because 'someone' deleted their comment directly above here and wants to play all innocent now. Whatever. @@

Lisa - posted on 07/10/2012

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I'll give you fair warning... if you get easily offended and think that masturbation is something to be ashamed of, don't read any further.



This worked for my girls when they discovered that touching certain parts was pleasurable because it explained things in a way they could understand:



"Touching yourself there is sort of like picking your nose. Everybody does it sometimes because it feels good, but nobody wants to see another person doing it. When you want to touch yourself, go to your room, please."



Of course, my kids were only around 2-3 at the time.... by the time they were your sons' ages, they'd pretty much stopped doing it in public.



As for when my son discovered his penis at age 2... oh, Lordy. He walked around for TWO YEARS holding it and crowing about how, "I gots one and Daddy gots one. You don't gots one, Mommy, and Erica don't gots one but I gots one."



It finally stopped when his 6 year old sister (who had just lost her first tooth and had a glaringly large gap in her smile) got sick of it one day and yelled, "Oh yeah?? Well I _had_ one, but mine fell off!"



He was 4 and I watched as the blood drained from his face... all the while he was staring at the gap where her tooth USED to be! LOL



He never said it again and he stopped cupping his crotch all the time. =D

Lyn - posted on 07/10/2012

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After 4 boys; I can tell you for a fact it is very normal to not make a big deal. They grow out of it by around age 10. Gently remind it is not appropriate & if they would like to be free with their body to do it in private. Ex: bedroom / bathroom. However part of this is them understanding the differences between females & males & at that age (5&7) they are realizing it; but freaking or yelling or acting appalled only hurts their self-esteem. They are curious so why not just talk with them openly? I did until the boys were older 9-10 at that point I explained it was inappropriate. But they will do it if you are not around. Very normal!!

Chaya - posted on 07/03/2012

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When my daughter, age 2, asked me the difference between a boy and a girl, I said: "Boys have a penis, girls have a vagina." She was okay with that.
Perhaps they are hearing others (Adults?) treating male anatomy as a joke. Barring that, they'll outgrow it. You may wish to watch what they are seeing in the media. I had a slang term for my husbands penis, but my daughter didn't hear it, ever, if you were to ask her today, she wouldn't be able to tell you.
You should tell them that's not okay, but if you make an issue of it, they'll just do it to get you really angry.

Jenn - posted on 06/30/2012

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Try living in a house with 4 boys... I see way to many privates each day. For them, if they're being inappropriate and won't stop when asked, they're sent for a time out. I could care less if they want to be naked in their own room or the bathroom, but not in the rest of the house.

Michelle - posted on 06/30/2012

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I have 4 boys. I never made it a big deal. If I felt they were being inappropriate I just calmly told them to stop being silly or whatever. Boys are boys and they think body humor is hilarious. If you are talking about sort of masturbation things that is completely normal. Mine are usually naked when it is time for shower/bath or getting dressed in the morning. Not really a big deal. I figure as they get older they will let me know how much privacy they want and will act accordingly. They are only naked in front of my husband and me. When others like friends or family come over they know to not be naked and get dressed in their room and close the door in the bathroom. Hey, if anybody has any great advice on training them to keep the toilet seat down consistently and not spray everywhere let me know. Now that is a work in progress.

Pamela - posted on 06/28/2012

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Who taught them that this is what you do with your penis? Your husband? It had to be learned from an older source, if they are using their penises like flags. Did you allow them to watch an adult movie where this as done? Become aware of the source by asking them "Who taught you how to do this?" in an inquisitive, but not demeaning or threatening voice.

Sit down and have a talk with them both at the same time. Let them know that their penis is a special part of their body that when they have on clothes should remain covered. If they are in the bath or otherwise allowed to be nude, no big deal. If they are taking their penises out while dressed and using them as flags, simply discourage the behavior by making them aware that this is a valuable part of their body.

Be sure to not make it a bigger problem than it is if it is behavior that only happens when they are naked!

Sherri - posted on 06/28/2012

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If it is at home no biggie I would just allow them to be naked if at home then they won't find it to be such a joke but just normal. I also would make sure you are not hiding yourself being naked around them either. You will have much healthier boys who will realize there is no big deal about a naked body.

Michelle - posted on 06/27/2012

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I totally understand that, I guess it can be chalked up to crazy silliness lol.

Dove - posted on 06/27/2012

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Well... I only have one boy, but he's very proud of his bits. Doesn't help any that while I'm trying to be serious and tell him to go be in private.... his big sisters are laughing at his goofiness. lol

Michelle - posted on 06/27/2012

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Thanks Dove :) it is just at home, and they definatley feed into the sillyness. I will keep up with the privates are privates, wasnt too sure how normal this behaviour is. Thanks for your input!!

Dove - posted on 06/27/2012

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Where are they flashing them around? If it's at home, just calmly tell them to do it in their room. Don't make a big deal about it... just be consistent. If it's out in public, well... I have no experience with that.

Boys are very proud of their parts and I'm sure the two of them 'feed' off the 'silliness', so separating them and just emphasizing that privates are private might help.

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