Problems with neighborhood kids

Diane - posted on 03/13/2012 ( 24 moms have responded )

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Hi, new to this community, I saw some older closed posts about this issue but nothing recent. I really need some help. I have 2 young boys ages 11 and 7. We live in a small rural community on a middleclass neighborhood subdivision dead end street. We have people that moved in 2 doors down with 3 young girls, preschool and 1,2 grades and a boy in 4th grade.They moved in last fall and we have problems since day one. the kids have been at our house early in the morning and late at nite. They break our toys, throw their trash around our yard, fight hit swear, and disobey most of our rules. I have talked with them and their parents.The boy has been a behavior problem and has been told he can not play with our boys and cannot play in our yard. I watch a 5 year old girl after school about an hour 2-3 times a week. So the girls have played with her at times when she is here. We don't even get home after school and the girls are at our door. I have told the kids not to come over to our house as we do not have girls and our boys can not play with the boy. Yet everyday they are here. i've caught them on our trampoline upon returning home and they run off. I have told them repeatedly they can not play here. Nothing is working what should I do next?

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Diane - posted on 03/13/2012

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katherine, I know I've thought about the police but wish I could find a different option. I truly suspect those kids are not allowed to go in the house after school. From 2p on I see the littlest non school age one out on the street. When they come to the door complaining about something that has happened or get this, when another neighbor girl has been mean I tell them they have to go tell their mother. They just stare at me. I ask if their mother is home they say yes. But I wonder if she is or if she is sleeping. Tonite we had the same prob

. We have an in ground pool and I dread the anticipated Can we swim? every day, bit. I am really ready to put our house up for sale and move after 26 years in our home.

Diane - posted on 03/26/2012

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Thanks everyone for your help. Actually things have been better the last few days. I think the kids really understand that we mean business. They have come over to play but have asked first, have followed our rules and left when we asked. I hope this continues. I did talk to all of them about why we have our rules and how they are to keep everyone safe. The littlest girl is such a cutie but what a handful. I told my husband she is so darn cute I am going to have to remain consistant with her as she could easily manipulate. I think the comments about the possibility of problems at home are right on. The littlest girls have talked about DCFS involvment and some violence, unfortunately nothing I can report as she is inconsistant. I do know the reporting guidelines as I worked for Illinois DCFS for 8 years and have been a licensed foster home for 20. I am concerned and will keep my ears and eyes open.

Donna - posted on 03/15/2012

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Looks like it's time for locks and no trespassing signs on your back yard if possible. Since they are being less than helpful as parents, I would quickly document your conversations with them and the times the kids are at your house. If there are other neighbors you trust, I might ask them to come witness you asking the kids to leave and what the kids do next. All in case it gets ugly down the road.



I don't understand that they both work and need the kids out of the house. We all work in one way or another. Most of us are responsible for our kids, too. Next time you ask the kids to leave and they don't, I'd take them all the way home and knock on the door to return them. If they really don't want to be bothered, they won't want you knocking on the door, either, and might tell the kids to leave you alone. If they don't answer, that's grounds to call the police since they have left kids too young to be home alone.



It's annoying when things have to get ugly instead of people just being responsible for their own business.

Katherine - posted on 03/13/2012

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No, it's the parents fault all of this is happening, not yours. I remember going uninvited to friends houses, but when I went to the door it was, "Can so and so play?" Not just come barging in. If the mom said no I left. I never did that as a kid.

Diane - posted on 03/13/2012

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thanks, my husband are going to go talk with the parents tomorrow. I talked with another friend and she suggested I have them sign a not responsible for accidents waiver. so I called our insurance agent and he emailed me one. It will atleast keep us from being liable for accidents and by signing it the parents will or should have noticed it says the kids are here without being invited. Maybe they will pay better attention as to what they are doing outside and where they are.

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Richelle - posted on 03/26/2012

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From your most recent comments it sounds like the next course of action that you take should be to call CPS and ask them to do a welfare check. We had a neighbor whose daughter had ADD and was violent. Her mother had little to no control over her, and we'd have problems all the time. She tried to choke my daughter once and my husband went and talked to the parents and told them that if her behavior continued, the police would be called. That helped for a while. She picked a fight with my daughter again at school, but I had made the school aware of the problems this girl had been causing so they were able to handle it. Good luck.

Jackie - posted on 03/25/2012

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I don't know what state you live in, but in California, there are very specific laws. A totally separate umbrella policy is what i would do. It is there in case someone sues you for more than the max payout of your homeowners policy. We have a pool and we got an additional Umbrella policy for $1 million. It is not really expensive either.

Diane - posted on 03/25/2012

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Jackie, thanks for the tip about where to have the signs posted. WE do have them visible at the street. good to know that is where they need to be. We did add additional insurance when we put the pool in and when we got the hot tub. I am not concerned about coverage but I did not want the parents to even know about the additional coverage, I suspect they could be the type to leave their kids unsupervised and then sue when an accident happened.

Diane - posted on 03/25/2012

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Update. WE ended giving all the neighbors with kids the waiver of liability release form to sign. No one had a prob with and completed and returned immediately, EXCEPT the problem family, the kids via walks home from the bus stop (as I have not allowed them in the yard and constantly chased them away) said there mom was taking it to an attorney, then they said she was worried she would have to pay for anything the kids broke here. Several days the kids asked to play and a I told them no their parents had not returned the form. Last weekend apparently the kids complaining at home about not playing the kids brought the signed form down. DAMN I was hoping they would refuse to sign. Anyway things actually have been better, the kids have played in their own yard twice now. One day they had thrown trash in our yard, empty soda bottles, candy wrappers even after I told them to pick them up they refused, so I picked it all up and put it in their own yard. They also left a pair of shoes I told them to get them now or I would put them in the garbace. They said they did already get the. . But the shoes were still here so now they are mine. WE did get our NO TRESPASSING signs up and reinforced the locks on the pool fence gates. Hopefully their parents have gotten the message.

Jackie - posted on 03/25/2012

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You HAVE to post NO TRESPASSING signs where it would be legible from the street in order for you to not be responsible in a court of law. I would do that immediately. Also, make sure you have proper gate locks and door alarms because of your pool or you could also be held liable for a pool accident. You may also consider getting an Umbrella policy with your insurance company just in case. Better safe than sorry. Call CPS when youngest is out with no parental supervision. Start documenting everything!

Toni - posted on 03/22/2012

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OMG, do we have the same neighbors?? LOL. I'm at my wits end with my neighbor's children too. Their parents let them run wild. The youngest is 3 and tears my yard apart, he's a bully. The older ones swear and tear my plants up. They even have an annoying Chihuahua that thinks my yard is a rest room. Not to mention she chases my 6 yr old and snaps at him all while the parents laugh.

I've tried talking to the parents, but that's like talking to the wall. I don't think you're being the neighborhood crab, you're being reasonable. I'm at a loss too and don't want to bring the police into either.

Leah - posted on 03/19/2012

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Instead of calling police...think about calling child protective services and tell them to do a well child check. That should take care of it.

Leah - posted on 03/19/2012

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I'd "kill them with kindness" and boundaries! We have had some similar experiences, and so my husband talked to the child....which worked! Sometimes when it comes from a man, kids are so impressed, they get the point. Our rule is that the child cannot come over on school nights. He is welcome to go to church with us anytimei always make it very clear that kidsnhave ton follow our rules or go home. Most kids love the attention and boundaries. The attention is more than they are getting at home or we wouldn't have thisnproblem to begin with. I also want my house to be a happy place where my kids bring there friends. I trust my parenting more than strangers, after all!

These kids sound like abused puppies who need some tlc! So be neighborly, give the kids a snack, a thirty minute play time at your house and then send them on there way. Respect for you works better than intimidation and annoyed reactions.

Brandy - posted on 03/19/2012

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Honestly, for a legal liability stand point, you need to file a police report. With an in-ground pool, and neglectful parents, you have all the makings of an accidental drowning. The parents need to be responsible for their children, and if not then CPS needs to be involved.

Tracie - posted on 03/15/2012

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The next time you see the little one wandering around outside unattended, make an anonymous call to the police. They will have to come check on her and hopefully knock some sense into her parents when they find out where she lives. Good luck to you and those poor neglected babies. :-(

Diane - posted on 03/15/2012

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Well Well, the meeting of the parents did not go well. We stopped by during an evening walk. Last nite as the parents were outside on the front porch smoking. I had with me several things their kids had left in our yard earlier. Glasses, books, toys and trash. I explained that they were out laying in our yard and I was pretty sure they would need some of them by tomorrow. The parents just told me to throw them on the porch. Started out with small talk, about upcoming springbreak and summer. Then we talked a little about our youngest boys age 7 and 11 and one of them having special needs requiring a high level of supervision.The parents said their son was always in trouble for something, so then we explained house rules, picking up your own things, no bullying, swearing or destroying things and always listening to the adults and the consequences of not follwing them.(ie being sent home or not allowed to play here. They said that was fine with them sending them home. This gave the opening for me to explain that this has happened several times and the kids do not go home. They play either over in our ditchline or our treeline or at the curb. Then the parents got a bit annoyed saying it was a free world and the kids could play or sit on the curb or in the trees. I left that alone, offered my cell phone number and told her the neighborhood parents and I text back and forth so that we both know the kids have parental permission to be at our house and the parents know I am home and it is ok. They said they did not have a cell or home phone. But if the kids were over it was ok with them. They both work and sometimes need the kids out of the house.

Since it seemed we were getting no where I explained our rules were very strict for safety reasons and my concerns that the kids were not following rules, at our house without permission and their for several hours. I introduced the waiver of liability paper for them to sign. They refused so we left it that the kids absolutely could not play at our house and it would be considered tresspassing if they came over. I also told them this is not what we wanted, we wanted a comfortable neighborhood without any feuds and felt we could accomplish that without law enforcement intervention but that is the next step we are taking if our rules are not followed. We left the liability form with them and left for home.

Donna - posted on 03/14/2012

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Your expectations are NOT unrealistic. You have rules at your house they need to follow or they will not be allowed to be there. I tend to have lots of neighbor kids in my yard in the summers but if they don't follow the rules or fight, they get sent home. They also get sent home at meal times, when we leave or if my kids have to come in. I have even posted notes on my door to keep kids from knocking at certain times saying they will be available to play after such and such time. If they are in our driveway when we come home (like they were the day my husband left on deployment), I sometimes tell them my kids will be available to play in 30 minutes or an hour or whatever and then go inside and shut the door. The kids around here know what will get them in trouble here and I'm pretty sure I'm the most strict parent on the block, but they still come back to play. I'm ok with that as long as they follow my rules.



I would lay it down with the parents that they should not be in your yard if you have not given permission. That is trespassing and if you must, you will call the police. Most places have guidelines or even laws about how old a child needs to be before playing outside unsupervised. My 4yo does not run around the neighborhood without me being out there.



Something you shouldn't have to do but might - can you put a lock on your fence or make it so they can't come in when you are not home? Our gates don't open from the outside unless you are adult tall so other kids can't get in to our yard unless we let them in.

Diane - posted on 03/13/2012

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On another note, I am so frustrated. Is this pretty common practice? Are expectations unrealistic? Am I being the neighborhood crab? My husband and I have 3 grown sons and we never ever had this issue. No kid would have ever come over without being invited or if they did come to ask to play they were polite and listened and never overstayed their welcome and were a joy to have around. I really love kids and enjoy their energy That' s one of the reasons we adopted. With our youngest 2 it is kind of like starting all over again.

Katherine - posted on 03/13/2012

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That's really sad. I would go and talk to the parents AGAIN and tell them if they don't do something you are taking extreme measures...

Katherine - posted on 03/13/2012

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Even the parents don't care????



Honestly, truthfully, I would ask the police what you can do....



That's pretty much trespassing.

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