Puberty question?

Jennifer - posted on 03/14/2009

My daughter is also 11, and her dr told me to take the mother's age when she started and subtract 2 years. I also got her the American Girl book, because it talks about her body and its natural functions and not about what she will do with it when she is mature. I've looked at other books about sex also, because I want to be sure I know what the thing says before I suggest that she read it. It also helps when she has questions if you know what she has already heard/read. She wouldn't listen to me (or her aunts) about these things, but she would read the book. She tells me it has changed her life and she has even taken it to school and shared it with her friends and her favorite teacher.

Jaclyn - posted on 03/12/2009

My daughter has a couple of books that have been VERY helpful in explaining the subject.  It was less embarassing for her to discuss with me and she still continues to ask questions without feeling silly. 

Try these:  "The Care & Keeping of You, The Body Book for Girls" American Girl puts it out.  This one is less explicit and has good info for the age group.   The other is "The Period Book" by Karen Gravelle & Jennifer Gravelle.  This book talks a little about everything from their periods to briefly speaking about sex.  It is a pretty good book though. 

I would just proof read or scan it before just handing it over for her to read alone.  I went through both books together and skipped around according to what we needed to discuss at the time.  Hope this is helpful.    

Jessica - posted on 03/11/2009

You know I recently was freaked out too about talking to my son who is going to be 11 in a few months but I just did it like ripping off a band aid! =) No one knows what they are going to say it's all about how well you already comunicate with her. If you two already have a close relationship then it's gonna be smooth sailing. My Mom talked to me when I was very young and I talked to my daughter about it when she got curious on why I needed the "little pillows" last year. Now is the time before they get out of elementary for sure! Books are good but too technical. Ask her how much about sex does she know, becuase you might be surprised to learn that they know alot more than you thought. I did this exact thing to my son and he knew that kissing was involved and touching but that was it. I reffered to a man as a plug & a woman as a socket LOL I know it sounds crazy but he really got it! and when put together they create energy the energy was the "baby" then I got into further detail on why women have periods and men have their fluids he was sooo curious and asked me so many questions. I let him know that just because this is happening to him he can't use it! if ya get me? He's still a child but that's part of growing up. Our talk went so well and I realized that I was scared about nothing! That's my Son and he trusts me to the fullest so why should I be scared to teach him, it's just another obstacle like teaching them to talk,listen and right from wrong. She's your daughter believe me you will know what to say.

Anna - posted on 03/11/2009

Another great book is "How to Say It to Girls"  (there's also one called How To Say It To Boys) and it covers a lot of important topics that you'll probably face during your daughter's lifetime.  A good investment!

Kate - posted on 03/11/2009

My daughter started her periods at age 11, when nobody else in the class was even close to puberty. She struggled with both embarrassment and the fact that the school toilets did not cater for women, just little girls. I discussed all the changes that were happening in her body with her, and made sure that she understood that it was all natural and normal. I also had the "chat" about boys and what having your period had to do with making babies. To my surprise, she actually knew a lot of what I was telling her already, from books she had picked up and chatting with her friends.



She is now 17 and very comfortable in her body, and will come to me with any questions that she has. She was suffering with very heavy periods and we went to the doctor together so that he could put her on the pill when she was 16, which helped a lot.



All I would suggest is that you make sure that she gets all the information she needs before she needs it. My sister-in-law also started her periods very young, aged 11, but her mother had died not long before hand. She had only her dad and three older brothers to guide her into puberty. However they obviously thought that they would have more time than they did, and were slow to have the chat with her. The result of that was that one morning she woke up to find her bed covered in blood. She thought that she was dying and was extremely traumatised by it, especially in light of her mothers recent death after a long illness.



Good luck with your daughter, you will be amazed how easily you will be able to talk about it once you get started!

Melissa - posted on 02/18/2009

I'm so sorry about that! I'm glad that you and your daughter were able to talk though, we really have to communicate with our children these days that's for sure!

Laura - posted on 02/18/2009

thank you so much, that would be why my poor husband could not find it.

I did talk to her and she seemed to do pretty good, we both did

i am still going to get the book

Melissa - posted on 02/18/2009

Were you able to find the book? I just realized that the author of the book for older kid is different, sorry about that I thought they were all the same. Her name is Jane Graver.

Laura - posted on 02/17/2009

Thanks I will have to get the book tom. on my lunch hour. I know she understands her body is changing but I just do not know how to approach the period issue as it is such a horrible thing for my sisters, neices and me. We all have endometriosis, so that wonderful time of month is so horrible and I worry it will be for her.

Melissa - posted on 02/17/2009

The author is Ruth Hummel there is a series based on ages I also have a set of twins that are 6, their book is for ages 6-8 and is called Where Do Babies Come From? The next book is for ages 8-11 It is called How You Are Changing. It is a series for the Christian Family. I had a really hard time with this too, and my daughter thought the book was nuts but I told her we needed to talk about the changes her body was getting ready to go through because I didn't want her to be scared nor did I want her to think she was abnormal. She asked me a few questions and said she understood, said it was nasty and went on. But I liked the book.

Laura - posted on 02/17/2009

Hey Melissa could you share some of those titles from the christian bookstore with me.

Melissa - posted on 02/17/2009

You are better off trying to talk to her about it now so she does not get any supriese, that may only make her really nervous when it does happen to her. I also have a 10yr old daughter and she is definately haveing the premenstural symptoms. I'm not sure where you stand with your religious beliefs but there are some really helpful books at Christian Book stores that the two of you could read together. They are age appropriate too!

Marcelle - posted on 02/17/2009

Um, get ready. If your daughter has started developing - growth spurts, breast buds, etc start talking. If people at school are starting also start talking. The best advise I got was only answer the question that is asked. As they absorb it more questions will come.



My daughter started about her 11th birthday, 2 years too early. But we had been talking about it a bit. For us what was the best was that we went to a talk held at the school about puberty. That made sure all the main points were covered, she could compare it with what she had heard on the playground, and I knew what she knew. It was much easier to talk after that.



I also got her a modern book written in a language she could relate to. For a long time, she just dipped into it, and it took over a year before she read it through.



So it is not really necessary to go into all the sex and emotional details, maybe just the physical to start. It is 2 years on and my daughter is only slightly getting the inkling that boys maybe interesting in the future, so no need to jump the gun.



So my best advice is talk. It is hard to start, but if she is aware of your friend's daughter's events, that is an opening to start. We started casually over getting dinner ready together, so it hasn't become a secret hidden in whispered conversations, and is easier on the whole family.



~~~~ take a deep breath and go, it can be the making of your future relationship with her.

Michele - posted on 02/17/2009

Buy a good book like "The Care & Keeping of You: The Body Book for Girls", that's appropriate for her age. And just sit down with her and talk. I know it's scary but you have to do it. Ask her is she knows anything and tell her you can answer any questions she may have. Let her read the book and tell her she can ask questions as they come to her as well.