Punishment for 5 year old?

Lindsay - posted on 12/07/2012 ( 8 moms have responded )

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Hello - I'm hoping some can help me out! My son will be 6 in January and he's an only child. He's loved, has lots of friends, does well in school but he's been having social issues at school. He's very good at drawing, spelling, and numbers and he knows it so he's developed a very 'cocky' attitude at school - specially him being a January kid would be one of the oldest in the class; so he's sort of MR. know it all! I don't encourage that attitude but we do a lot of crafts, colouring , etc at home as I enjoy myself. He learns quickly and likes to show off to the other kids. Now the issue is he has no patience and almost tells kids they are 'dumb' cuz they are not doing it right or not doing as good as he does.

During Parent/Teacher meeting the teacher mentioned this 'attitude' problem that was 3 weeks ago. I have not heard one thing until I got a note from the teacher about his escalated 'attittude' problem. Should she not let me know more often what is going on so I can make some changes at home in terms of privildges? I'm not afraid to take anythign away from him in terms of activitiies if not behaving.

Also another issue is participating in group activities and being defiant with other teachers (gym teacher for example); to just sit and not play the game, or sort of play with the partner he was assigned to do the taks. My husband & I spoke to him tonight and took away TV, games & colouring, and will need to earn them back with good behavour at school. Is it too much to ask to the teacher on daily feedback? At home front, he has been defiant but nothing we cannot control - but he questions my request, etc. he know he has done wrong ... Any advise from anyone PLEASE.....!

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Shawnn - posted on 12/19/2012

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Ok, first of all, for a teacher to write a note home daily outlining your son's behaviour is a bit much to expect. With 18-20 kids per classroom if she were writing one note per kid per day, she'd spend half her day writing notes home!

Here, I email my kids teachers when I have questions. When they were in primary, I'd email the teachers once a week, to keep on top of any problems that may be occurring, and if it was necessary, I'd email more often. It is MY responsibility as the parent to keep on top of this, and to initiate contact with the teachers. And, this is most especially true in your case, where you've already been contacted about issues at school.

Sending a note with your kid only works if your kid remembers to give teacher the note. Likewise the same with her sending one home to you. The best policy you can adopt for the rest of his school career is to be proactive. Contact the teacher via email, or phone contact after school hours. Don't put the burden on her, because she's got 20 little angels that she's keeping track of. The least the parents can do is help out by initiating conversations with the teacher.

If you're really concerned about the behaviour, I'd suggest volunteering in the classroom, as well. You can see how the day works, how activities are structured, and quietly watch your kid interact, and determine for yourself any possible problems and solutions. I loved volunteering in the classrooms, or in the school in general. It got me more involved with my boys, and they were well behaved, knowing that I was almost always somewhere in the building.

Kim - posted on 12/19/2012

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Lets face facts here too teachers have become lazy..I've seen so many careless teachers anymore its not funny..yes it is low pay but they knew that going into the career..I think this teacher should step up if its happening at school and discipline the child or can she not handle it? There will always be a disobedient child or a child who is a know it all yes make the parent aware but discipline with timeouts or whatever if its happening at school parents are ever bit as busy as you are as teacher!

Patricia - posted on 12/18/2012

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Request a meeting with the teacher so you are both on the same page about things. Make sure your son knows you are doing this and that you are in close contact with his teacher. If he gets consequences for his behavior at school let him know you are glad his teacher cares enough about him to help teach him right from wrong.

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I just signed up for circle of moms today hoping to get my own solutions. I have a simular sistauation with my bright little son who just turned five, its not attitude related its listening to his teacher and is too many cases listening to myself!! I would advise you to try what i am currently trying .... so far its going better!! I know the teacher does not have time to write too much to parents each day but a simple happy or sad face system breaking up the morning and afternoon is a great way to understand what is going on with them daily , If she has time for a quick comment as to why its been :) or :( great !! Always more the better but you can then talk to your child about the afternoon and get them thinking . Kids are smart and the more they see we are paying attention to them that they have a chance to get two happy faces with lots of prase or vise versa , this may stimulate their want for positive actions. Stickers do not work for my son .. he is in a catholic school that expects alot from the kids in a full day of school and being mixed with daycare for lunch and afterschool , The enviroment's are so different . Im sure your sisuation will not be the same but I hope this helps. Its all work in progress. Taking things away I dont think is the answer, being on him like a hawk and teaching him what u expect and others with encourgement with be better for his testing stages. He is just learning how to feel about himself and others . Talk with his teacher on this method and then have open chats with him , before n after school. I take away things , I have done it all but kids become usto that punnishment and it doesnt bother them after awhile . Its a great tool to go along with this system but it has to begin in other tactics . From another loving mom to another ... keep doing it all !!

Barbara - posted on 12/13/2012

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Your question about the teacher giving daily feedback is a bit much. Weekly communication through email is what we do here and nip any monkey businesses in the bud. You said that you have control at home thats good but he needs to understand at school is important too. I like the color of the face Amy described on her post.

Sarah - posted on 12/08/2012

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I know that a teacher is very busy and I couldn't imagine having them send home note to every parent about the day to day issues. Some things don't need notes home though because the issue was resolved at school with a punishment. However, I believe that if a parent is made aware of an issue and then wants to continue with an update maybe weekly or so or if the parent sends a note asking for an update, it is the teacher's job to give the parent the update. It wouldn't have to be fancy at all. A simple note home that said the child is doing good or the child still continues with the undesired behavior. For that teacher to not have responded to any of the notes that the parent sent and then send one home saying that his behavior is getting worse is not the way it should have been handled. Now you as the parent is playing catch up with your son's behavior. You are now having to punish for something that was done over a several week time frame and that is not cool. Where I live, if a child gets into any trouble or is being defiant in a class, they get a note home every time. It is like a pink slip that goes into their file. It tells the parent what the child did and what the consequences for such action was. For instance, Billy didn't complete his homework last night and he was not allowed to go to first recess because he needed to stay in and complete his homework.



Now that I am off my soapbox, as for help with the behavior of your child, well you have to find something that hits home for him. My step son hates to get up in the morning for school (he is 15) and he also hates to have to do homework. His expectations are that he will maintain an 85% in every class (B average) and he will get up in the morning to catch the bus or he will walk. If he is late because he had to walk he will get tardy at school. If he gets 3 tardies he gets a detention after school. Now the consequences vary. The thing that hits home for him is not being able to go to his Church's youth functions (we are members of different Churches). He knows that if he doesn't meet expectations he will have consequences and if extreme enough he just won't go to the youth functions. Part of being punished is not having fun. So my advise is to fine the things that your child would just absolutely die for. If it is having arts and crafts time you then he don't get it until you get a notice saying that his attitude is improving. If it is a cartoon he likes to watch then he loses that. If it is a game system he likes then it goes. Basically, you take stuff until you see a change in his behavior.



Talk to the principal of the school and see if you can remedy the not getting a response back to your inquiries. If a parent wants to be involved then the teacher should relish that idea and allow them to be involved. Good luck with your son and the school.

Lindsay - posted on 12/08/2012

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Hi there! We spoke to him after the parent /teacher meeting and I've sent notes to the teacher to find out status of his behaviour and I've heard nothing until this note yesterday which to me if the issue has been going on why has it escalated to this extend? or is this just one incident and they are bending it out of proportion? If it has been happing every day then I should have had a phone call to be notified of the issue. I did communicate with the teacher to get her feedeback but nothing. I've taken away TV & videos... that will not come back until he starts behaving! I think the colour coding is a good suggestion - I don't mean to have a novel written each day but some indication to me as to how things are going at school would be nice and the colour coding would do. Thank you I will suggest this to her. The one that annoyed was the note was making it sound like my son is socially imbalanced - very exagerated honestly.

Amy - posted on 12/07/2012

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Imagine having to provide every parent daily feedback? She brought it up to you at parent teacher conferences and let you know it's escalating, that seeks sufficient to me. You could suggest a color coded behavioral chart to be used daily if you want daily feedback. My son is in first grade and each day they color a face green for good behavior, yellow if they were spoken to more than once about the same thing, orange they lose 5 minutes of recess, and red is a letter sent home. Every Friday the chart is sent home-that way we know at least on a weekly basis if there were any behavioral problems.



At 6 years old you should be able to speak to him about the consequences of his behavior. Honestly I would of spoken to him immediately after the conferences and let him know the behavior wouldn't be tolerated. At this point if I were you reach out to the teacher and let her know you want more frequent communication, so that you can immediately follow up with your son.

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