School wants to push meds on my child

Melissa - posted on 12/19/2012

Skip the principal and go to the supper intendent. That is going a step higher then the principal. They can not make you medicate you'r child!!! The school counceler is not a doctor to be labeling you'r child. Call a meeting write down what you would like to say and the issues at hand. Sometimes it is the teacher and sometimes it is the school. Let them know how they are negitivley affecting you'r child. I had many teachers try to push meds. It is not up to them you are her parent and in charge of her well being.

T - posted on 12/17/2012

Stay strong and be the voice for your child !! Its only kindergarden , get her excited about school and reward her. The more you do before and after school will help keep her memoery of what she needs to do their. dont let anyone force you to give meds to a kindergarden student its the whole experience that the kids are learning from in general . Schools and teachers i think need to screne the teachers and type of people dealing with kindergarden kids. I think it takes a special person to take on this job and help many types of children, and unfortunalty some children dont get treated the same. I have not had the best exprence myself , i am working hard with my son who is bright but is not listening to his teacher. . Keep your head up its kindergarden we will all make it through. Talk with the grade 1 teacher at the school before making a deshion to keep your child at this facility and see what type of relatioship you can build. I think most teachers now are just english majors who want a better paying job for their education . They are not counclers or doctors , you know your child best .

Deidre - posted on 12/17/2012

they dont have a right to make her feel like this. i think you should move schools.

Nicole - posted on 12/15/2012

Update on this. We decided to stay at this school, seeing how she would be in first grade. If things were going to stay the same, we were going to pull her and homeschool her. She did past Kindergarten and went into the first grade. This year, so far, everything is going smoothly. She is excelling in her abilities, calmed down, and is trying much harder than before.

I want to thank everyone for their advice. My husband and I both weighed your suggestions and advice. :)

Chaya - posted on 07/03/2012

If you live in a state with an ombudsman for education, contact them. Tell them your issues. I work in one, should have thought of this myself.

Lika - posted on 07/03/2012

If the principal is yelling about a hug from a kindergartener, she has a serious problem. No, I don't think your daughter is the problem, she is young compared to the other kids in her class, and is still learning how to be in a school setting. If the school is going to insist on having your daughter on meds, then make sure they are willing to pay for the testing, and if your insurance won't cover the cost of drugs, that they are willing to pay for that too. Get it in writing, so that it covers you.

My son's school did that to us, and I didn't know better. My son was labeled Emotionally/Behaviorally Disturbed by the school system. They told me that they couldn't help me or my son unless I got a diagnosis. The testing cost $4000.00 Yes, four thousand dollars. My insurance didn't cover it. Thing is you know what the testing uncovered? That my son had borderline (very mild) ADD in half of the categories, and that there is nothing emotionally disabled nor are there behavior disturbances. Because he doesn't have definite ADD, nor is it borderline across the board, he wasn't eligible for meds, really.

That was when he was 7, going on 8 in 2nd grade. I yanked him out of school immediately, and signed up for virtual school. He's progressed so much, now that he's 12 and going into 7th grade, it isn't funny, all because their labels are stupid and no good. So please, stand your ground, and don't let them win. You know your daughter more than anyone else, and if you trust your instincts, you'll fare that much better. Your daughter will come back, and you'll have triumphed over them.

Chaya - posted on 07/03/2012

I would reccommend pulling her out of school and homeschooling for a year,if she seems hyperactive to you, you may wish to get her on something. If not, try regular school again if that floats your boat.
Reguardless of home or public/private school status, make sure she has a good network of friends, not exclusively relatives. If her playmates friends parents tell you she's far more hyperactive than their children, or you observe that yourself.then you should consider treatment. My guess is that it isn't necessary.
This is the schools failure, not yours or hers, she needs to know that.
There is nothing worse than drugging up a child unnecessarily, if you wish your child to be drug free as teenagers/adults, don't give them the message that drugging them up as a five year old is appropriate.

Victoria - posted on 07/01/2012

Most doctors won't even test for ADD/ADHD until the child is 6-7 because that's when their hormones level out enough that they can accurately be tested. I chose to medicate my son at 5 but that's because he had violent outbursts and severe ADHD that was visable at that age. I think the teacher has piegon holed your daughter into a specific group of "hyper kids" and she's not willing to change her mind. It's unfortunate that her teacher thinks she's the expert on these things. Here in Nevada a teacher is legally not allowed to even think about labeling your child with something let alone tellling you your child needs to be medicated. It's against the law. I agree with the others. Find an advocate to go with you and request a meeting with the teacher and the principle. If need be have a behavior plan put in place that the teacher has to follow when it comes to your daughter. Good luck and I hope you get some help.

Veronica - posted on 06/30/2012

That is outrageous! Unless, in your opinion, it is a good idea. But, really, think about the kid, if you saw the world in their perspective, would you liked to be drugged so you can interact with other people. Personally I think if the child isn't verbally or physically abusing any other children all the time then they probably dont need to be drugged

Hillbillywoman - posted on 06/29/2012

http://homeschoolingwithconfidence.blogs...

Kim - posted on 06/28/2012

Your child needs to be tested. No teacher or guidance counselor has the authority to diagnose a child.

Can you change teachers? This is one of the sad things that have happened to schools. The teachers are TERRIFIED to touch a child or be touched by a child because of accusations of molestation, etc. But if your home is loving and you give hugs, your child is probably only wanting to share her friendship with others. Jumping to ADHD is an excuse.

Perhaps your child can be held back, also. My heart goes out to you because I know you want only the best for your child. This idea that children at age 5 need to be on task 97% of the time -- are we dealing with high school kids?

Nicole - posted on 06/26/2012

Is it possible to change teachers, I know schools strongly frown upon this so parents aren’t shifting kids based on their preferences but she sounds like a pretty normal kid looking for some reassurance from the other main person in her life, her teacher. Having a bad teacher that early can really affect how she perceives school and can impact her future success.

My son is ADHD and I agree with the diagnosis, I have always know something was different about him but waited until third grade to seek help...which was a psychologist and we did not begin a medication regimen until he was in 5th grade. I think, in hindsight, that I should have explored medication sooner as his confidence was shaken by 5th grade from the constant criticism he experienced at school by his teachers and eventfully peers.

Try and stay positive and advocate for your child, talking with the principal and even the guidance counselor many times may be what it takes. It sounds like she has already been pegged and that is a hard one to undo but it CAN be undone with the right loving encouraging teacher. Good luck and remember, YOU know your child the best!!!

Ashley - posted on 06/23/2012

I am going throught the absoulte same thing, except my daughter will be 9 soon and is going into the third grade. Weve even been back and forth with the idea and have even humored the doc and taken her for bloodwork and to the pediatric cardilogist to make sure shes healthy enough for the ADHD meds.. the more i think about it and talk to others, ive decided against it. Were working with her, without putting her in a "special" class like the school wants to. YOU and YOUR HUSBAND have the last word.. The school cant make you do anything you dont think is right for your child. Believe me, Ive gotten into it with the school a couple times. YOU know your child better than anyone.. do what you think is right, itll come to you.. good luck

Anonymous - posted on 06/22/2012

Jenna,
I completely disagree with you. Do you realize what unnecessarily medicating a young child can do to her psychological development? This child needs to be assessed by a neuropsychologist not an underqualified elementary teacher or her psychotic principal!

Anonymous - posted on 06/22/2012

While reading your article, I was absolutely mortified! It is the responsibility of the school district to do testing for children in regards to special needs, learning disabilities, and gifted. Have them test her for all of the above and become a pushy parent. Chances are your daughter is just keeping in a lot of anxiety, frustration, and pent up energy which her teacher can't deal with!! This teacher and principal sound like a couple of narrow-minded lunatics who can't deal with energetic and intelligent children. Testing may help to prove that they are wrong or it may even show that she is cognitively above average and needs extra stimulation which a good teacher, (not the one your daughter has), can provide for your daughter.
Also, you may want to look into the laws governing public education and find out your rights and your daughter's rights. Many of the posts are very informative in regards to these laws.

Jennifer - posted on 06/19/2012

Hi Nicole, I am a public teacher in MO. I just read your post, but not any of the replies so I am sorry if this information is redundant.

NO school personnel is qualified to diagnose a child with any kind of physical or psychological disorder. Only a doctor can diagnose a child with ADD/ADHD, and you can actually sue a school district, even a private school, for labeling your child with that diagnosis without supporting medical evidence- so stick to your guns and don't let them do it. If this is a public school, you need to research your rights as a parent in your state (google it!), and your child's rights as well. If this is a private school, I would think about changing schools- seriously.

The teacher really thought hugging is aggressive?

I have been in many, many kindergarten classes, and have never seen a 5 year old on task 97% of the time- was he a prodigy or what? I would ask how long this observation lasted, what the activity was, and what, specifically, your daughter was doing. I have had students who stand up when writing, walk around the room when trying to think of something to write about, put their head down, or twirl their hair when processing information- it may not look like they are on task, but they really are.

That is the most asinine, complicated behavior plan I have ever heard of, and I have been teaching for 12 years. I had a hard time visualizing it as I read about it. Kindergartners need 1-2 short, specific goals and an immediate reward like a sticker or happy face on a chart.

It sounds to me like the principal doesn't need to be working with little kids, the teacher is either burnt out or had a personality conflict with your daughter (it happens), and no one in that situation has ever heard of the concept of professionalism. Here is what I would do if I were you: write everything down: how many thumbs up vs how many thumbs down your daughter gets, what the teacher says to you, what your daughter says to you, what you observe when you are there, etc. They are stockpiling information about your daughter to use against you, do the same thing to them!

If that happens again to you don't be afraid to ask for a different classroom, or request a meeting with the principal, teacher and guidance counselor to create a behavior plan together. As for your daughter, lots of love and comforting for sure, but also, some role playing may not be a bad idea. Turn on the TV, or the radio so there is some background noise and try to get her to sit down and color or read a book with that noise going on. If she can- record it! It can be used as evidence that you are not seeing the same behaviors they are. Also- be the kid that is distracting her in your role play and teach her ways of dealing with it- ignoring, asking the teacher if she can move, or asking politely, "Can you stop that please, I am learning!" We do these in our schools and it works like a charm.

I know how you feel, I have been where you are. I am a public school teacher, and I hate hearing stories like this. Empower yourself for those meetings, and empower your daughter the best you can. Good luck next year!

Shelley-Ann - posted on 06/09/2012

Hi Nicole: Your post has made me sad and mad at the same time. I'm so sad that you and your family have to go through this. And I'm mad at the school for putting you through this. From what you've said, I think it's best to send your child to another school if it's at all possible. This situation doesn't seem like it will get better from their end, and if the principal is doing it to other children and is angry/negative enough to tell a 5 year old "don't touch me" then there's a lot more going on here than you can fix. Even if your child deals with whatever they think is wrong, there's always going to be other issues. As far as I see, your daughter is just being a normal 5 year old. Something is wrong with our society when a child is being punished for sticking out her tongue at another child! This school is not right for your daughter (not for any child, for that matter) as long as the adults are behaving the way they are. Protect your daughter, send her somewhere else. Advocate for her, let her know that sometimes adults aren't nice people and that doesn't mean that she's a bad person. A love of learning is the best gift we can give our children. Don't allow these people to make your child hate school.

Babymama - posted on 06/06/2012

Im having the same trouble with my daughters teacher and school so next year we are switching to another school.

Terra - posted on 06/05/2012

Do not send her back to That School!!!!
Try school next year.

That is to young for a teacher to even suspect a child, especially when the child hasn't normally been around other children, every thing is soo new!!

The School can not force you to medicate her either, Especially when the pediatrician said she did not have ADHD.

Tammy - posted on 06/05/2012

I am an elementary school educator and I think you should wait it out if she is excelling academically. Just as every child is different, so is each teacher with their own strengths and areas for growth. Your daughter might fair perfectly well next year with a different teacher. That being said, here are my suggestions:
1. If it really is ADHD then there are certain very strict diets for ADHD that work wonders keeping in mind the parent ALWAYS has to be consistent, one off snack changes behaviour. Think of this as any other medical condition - treat medically accordingly
2. Specifically ask the teacher how her behavior is different. So if she lifts her dress, how is it different from when another child does it? Is it that she continues the behavior after being asked to stop?
3. Work with the school on strategies you think would work. Go into the meeting with logical options that the teacher can do within a class of 20.
4. Understand that school structure does not suit everyone. If it does not suit your daughter in the end then you will have to work very closely with the school to support appropriate program changes.
5. Keep in mind that the teachers are asking you to do what they think is best. These conversations are not easy and teachers don't like having them. They must be trying to work with you for a reason. It doesn't mean you have agree, just approach with a positive attitude of working together so your daughter can get the best education possible.
6. Lesson length may be a key factor. Is she being asked to sit for 20-30 min? 5-10min frequently throughout the day is appropriate for this age group and makes all the difference in the world in regards to behaviors. Find out how long your daughter can successfully sit for a lesson then negotiate lesson length.
Hope these suggestions help, good luck.

Jenny - posted on 06/04/2012

Great video. Also, Dr. Gabor Mate does not call parents bad, like so many people think about parents with children with ADD/ADHD. Towards the end he really gets into the school issues and how this environment is not ideal for children/learning and can and do exasperate the issues of a child with ADD or ADHD. In the beginning he speaks about his own Add, his children's add, meds, no meds, the brain and environment, parents feelings and so forth. Great amount of insight and info in 26 mins. For anyone who is interested.

Sara - posted on 05/28/2012

IMO you can always go the med route later. No matter what, they will always be available to you, so why not try other stuff first. Like letting time grow her up a little;). She sounds totally normal to me. It would be really dumb to put a medicine into her system when she doesn't need it. Start school in a year or two. This has to be very hard on all of you. Why did you decide to not homeschool her? The early grades are SUPER easy to homeschool...you could do it and watch her and see how she matures, then put her in school when she is ready if you still want to do school. Parents know their kids best.

Jacob - posted on 05/28/2012

lazy teacher are usually the ones that want kids drugged ... it's natural for little girls to hug their friends just now a days they are not encouraged to be affectionate they just want little robots
I had teachers telling me to put my son on Ritlan ... worst mistake I ever did he went from a happy go lucky inquisitive boy to one that cried at the drop of a hat ... had him tested and the problem was he was sooo bored and needed more stimulation
kids are not allowed to be kids anymore
if your little one is happy and seems to be learning well ... just tell her some people don't like to be touched and to save her cuddle for when she gets home

Heather - posted on 05/27/2012

Your situation, unfortunately, is not unique. One thing you must know is that the teacher is a teacher, not a doctor, and demanding you medicate your child should be taken above the principal's head for disciplinary measures. That said...have her assessed. There are many things that can be done for kids who have ADD, ADHD or other similar concerns aside from medication. A diagnosis is not a bad thing, it is a knowledge thing....AND you DO NOT have to share any of that with the school!

Schools are far too quick to point fingers, over analyze, and diagnose students with ailments that they insist require medications.

Our son, who is now 14, had a teacher who told me that he required medication. It was BS! I took him to my family physician and he did and still does completely agree! He has never been medicated and is now homeschooled because the schools are failing our children miserably!

The other thing you must know is that it is absoluetly illegal for a school to remove a child based on the parent's refusal to medicate...even if the condition is confirmed. It is discrimination and ADHD is technically a disability so they are forced to deal with it.

That's another thing to consider in all of this...schools receive additional funding for every 'disabled' student, as well as additional staffing, so the more students they can label, the more money the school receives.

Go with your instincts and your doctors answers! Do not let them bully you!

Kim - posted on 05/27/2012

Guidance councelors can not do a diagnosis on a child and the school can not tell you to put your child on meds.. Only medical drs can make diagnosis and suggest meds. It is up to parent if drugs are warranted, I would suggest you have child evaluated for a Iep individual education plan if she does have ADHD, this would be an ohi rating other health impaired according to the idea act of 2004
Good luck if needed get an advocate to help!!!!

Lana - posted on 05/22/2012

Never listen to what the school has to say. They are not interested in your child's well being. They are interested in the quite child, who will sit through the class and do what the teacher says. They don't want to deal with the child, who behaves differently from their norm. Your daughter sounds like a happy, lovable child. She is still very little. She acts her age.
I had a similar problem and my friend did too. Do not even think about putting your child on meds! First of all, she doesn't need it. Even though they will tell you it doesn't affect the nervous system -it does! Which later will lead to anti depressants.
My daughter was born in the end of november, so she was also the youngest and problematic. When my child was in first grade, I had meetings in school with teachers and special ed. I called Advocates for Children - it's free and they give you great advices and tell you about your rights. I called Board of Ed. Finally, they were off my case. The teacher just had to deal with it.

Did you know that if child doesn't want to go to school because of the teachers and/or principal , and you have problems with them too, if child feels depressed, neglected, nerveous , etc, in school, you can complain to the Board of Ed and get her transferred to another school. My friend did that with her son. It was the best thing.
Good luck. There is nothing wrong with your daughter. Don't make a healthy child sick. Don't put her on meds.

Chris - posted on 05/21/2012

I have a child with ADD or something...

I went through no less than 5 psychologists/psychiatrists. The trick is finding one that gives a damn. One (non-prescribing) psychologist had my daughter beating on a witch with a foam bat.. not sure what the therapy was.... Another, a psychiatrist, after 15 minutes of talking to me, handed me a prescription for Ritalin. She never talked to my child. I set the scrip on her desk and walked out.

Months later, I found a good psychologist (Dr. Hartson, Iowa City, Iowa). After testing twice without medication and once with medication, the results were amazing. My child is on 10mg foaclin - 1/2 the dose recommended for her body-weight.

Before, I swear I was dealing with an ADD/ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) child.

It has not made her perfect she still does not like to do homework, brush her teeth, or anything else. What is has done is changed her typical kid behavior from spiraling out of control into a 2-6 hour tantrum (where I want to pull my hair out and scream).

Nor do I want a zombie child (well some days perhaps lol). It is a matter of balance and experimentation.

Prayers and best wishes to you.

Rachelle - posted on 05/21/2012

If possible change your daughter schools. My son went to pre school and the teacher there decided that my child was mentally retarded and forced us to see a specialist. After all the test came back and proved he was 100% normal the school still did not let the issue go. I went thru all the proper channels talk to teacher, then principle and then when I still wasn't heard filed a formal complaint. Some people are meant to teach others simply are not. You can email me if you want. I would ask the dr for a report from the appointment you had and if they still push the drugs bring it higher to the school boar and tell them it's harassment.

Faye - posted on 05/21/2012

Does your district offer a T1 class? It is a Transional 1st Grade which attends school all day. The first part of the day is a review of Kindergarten while the rest of the day is easing into 1st grade lessons.

If after the fall semester the child has "caught" up to the regular 1st grade class then they can be transfered into the 1st grade classroom. If they have not caught up then they remain in the T1 class for the rest of the school year and go onto 1st grade the next fall.

Stand your ground!

Ann - posted on 05/21/2012

I wouldn't worry about medicating her at such a young age. My son who is now 11 went through the same thing at school. He was born in September and missed the cut off for school but he ended up started school when he was three because we have a three year old program for low income families and delayed kids. I had just has left his dad for cheating on me and moved with nothing other than a few things that were special to him and his 6 month old little sister. He started acting out in school and i heard it for years that he had ADHD. I honestly think that he was just not ready for school yet because of his Dad and I were no longer together and that was hard for him to understand so he started acting out. I put him in some counciling and we held him back a year. It made a big difference. I refused to put him on medication until this year. He is very smart and gets good grades he just had a hard time focusing,so he is on a very low dose of medication. We were very lucky to have great teachers for the last 2 years for him, but this year he has a teacher that i think doesn't understand ADHD kids and what they need. I told the teachers that he is a kid and i will not have him walking around like a robot, do your job and teach not diagnose my kid. I am a Medical Assistant that works with a great doctor and also a volunteer teacher at my church and we don't agree with putting kids on medication at such an early age. I teach the first grade religion classes at my church every week and yes i have had some kids that were challenging but you have to learn your children and do what works for them. The thing that i find that works for these kids is to give them a stress ball or paper clip to play with in there hand while i am talking. Then i will ask them to put it in there pocket when we write or do an activity. It has worked for the past 5 years so far. I do see them pat there pocket and take them out once in a while but it helps them to stay directed and more on task. Maybe see if her teacher will let her try this. My challenge this year has been an autistic child that his mom does all his homework for him and doesn't give him a chance. He is actually a pretty good kid for the circumstance but for some reasons his parents treat him as if he is a baby and can't do things for himself and that just kills me. He loves to do things just like the rest of the kids so i try to treat him just like the other kids and he does so well in class. He can't always keep up but thats ok. I send the work home for him or i should say his mom to finish. Then after the mom comes in and baby talks him he leaves crying almost everyday. God help this family! Good luck with your journey and hang in there. You know what is best for her so follow your heart!

Susan - posted on 05/21/2012

Ask about repeating with a different teacher. A friend of mine had her child do this after a horrible year of kindergarten, and it made a world of difference. We didn't have our daughter repeat kindergarten, but we have been really fortunate that she has had really good, caring teachers since then. My daughter hated school in kindergarten - she had such a horrible year with that teacher - and has loved it ever since, and I believe the teachers she has had since then have made all the difference.

Michella - posted on 05/20/2012

Also I forgot to say, my son is a late July baby, he started kindergarten 4 days after his 5th birthday. Looking back, had I kept him home another year he may have not had so many problems. He did end up repeating 1st grade and that seemed to help a lot. If repeating kindergarten is an option, maybe give that a try?

Michella - posted on 05/20/2012

My son is now 8 years old, but I went through the exact same thing with him. His first grade teacher was absolutely convinced that he had ADHD or autism. I have been a nurse for 7 years and I absolutely refused to put him on medication at such a young age. I did lots of research and for me, I could not give him medication that could possibly change who he is. He went through all kinds of psychological and cognitive testing over the years and turns out that he has a language delay that makes it hard for him to process what he is told. Everyone always wants to push meds on kids because they just don't want to deal with them. I agree with your pediatrician. From what you've said she sounds completely normal. Young children just don't always sit still and do what you want all the time! If you don't want to medicate her that's YOUR choice as her parent and don't let them railroad you in to doing something that you may regret down the road.

Richelle - posted on 05/20/2012

The principal and teachers are way out of line. They have no right (even the guidance counselor) to diagnose and demand you treat your daughter for a disease she doesn't have! That's actually a HIPPA violation here, I'd check your state medical privacy laws. I'd also check into seeing if they can test her for a gifted/talented program. Unfortunately, many teachers and schools don't know what to do for a gifted/talented student, so consequently it is left up to the parent to do all the research on G/T programs. Don't let that principal bully you or your daughter. She deserves a better school experience!

Rachel - posted on 05/20/2012

This makes me so mad for you. If you have Netflix, I recommend checking out a documentary called Generation Rx. It'll show you some of the underlying forces at work that's causing you to be in this position. Grrr. For the record, I doubt very much whether preschool would have made any difference. I work in the children's Sunday program at my church, and some kids are just more energetic. Stay strong in your resolution not to drug her. She would probably benefit with being older, but obviously you don't want to repeat a year with THAT teacher, so I don't know what you should do.

Jemma - posted on 05/19/2012

Well if she does need meds I say take them. Get it now before it manifests it into something else.

Susan - posted on 05/19/2012

My daughter's principal made a big presentation about how we should not compare children because the behavior of a child who was just 5 was different from a child who was 5 years 6 months, and different yet again from a child who was 6. I had to keep bringing this up, because my daughter (August birthday) started school not quite a month after turning 5, and was being compared to 6 and 7 year olds in her kindergarten class. Her teacher tried to play at being a doctor and diagnose her as autistic - we went to our pediatrician and a pediatric neurologist. Teachers are *not* doctors, and are not qualified to diagnose children. I encourage you to resist any push for your daughter to be put on medication she doesn't need. One thing that we found helped was getting a letter from the pediatric neurologist stating our daughter is not autistic.

Sandra - posted on 05/19/2012

My 3rd son is a July baby. We kept him out of school another year, and he will be starting this coming year just after he turns 6. I had prior experience with a September baby that missed the deadline, and then turned 6 right after starting, and a July baby that started right after he turned 5(he graduated this last year at 17 because of his age when he started). An extra year will hurt nothing and no one.
My oldest was a July baby, and he struggled the whole time to where he lost interest and I had to always push, until he was out of elementary and into middle, then he excelled. My Septemebr baby did well, and is now in middle school, and average. My youngest, I feel was ready this last January, so the extra time is bonus. I am hoping he doesn't struggle starting a year later than my other July baby.
I spoke with a past teacher of my older two about her thoughts of waiting the extra year, a teacher I respect who has taught for many many many years, and she told me now the way they are teaching and what is expected, the summer and early fall babies are lagging behind the other kids, and then they have to stuggle always to catch up. That she hoped more parents would do what I was considering, for the best of the child. She helped me make the decision to wait.
My thoughts are that your daughter has not reached the age where she can sit and learn and is still in her play age. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I have found kindergarten now is not like when we were kids. It is all business.
Have you thought of, I know its too late this year, but having her repeat kindergarten next year. Or home schooling, or a charter school. I would consider restarting kindergarten. This will give her an advantage and time to mature. And there is nothing wrong with that, at all. A summer program also. And definately volunteer in her class as an aide if you can. Being known at the school has perks, and will open up options. And if you decide to have her restart kindergarten, don't make a big deal about it to her, and if the school gives you any problems, demand it. They work for you.
Teachers are there to test and teach, not diagnose. They can help with finding a way to teach your child. I have found some teachers are so set in their ways that any child that does not go along with their teaching style must have something wrong. I do not think many realize the age difference between a new 5 yr old and one that turned 5 10 months ago they are all starting at the same time. Major difference.
I would not opt for medication, as I do not think, from what you have said, that your child has a problem. She just needs to be a child a bit longer.
I agree with a previous poster, know your rights, do research, ask questions. Do not feel intimidated, as the teacher is equal to you, and should be working with you.
Your child is all that is important, do what is best for her only.

Pamela - posted on 05/19/2012

At age 5 a school counselor diagnosis of ADD or ADHD or any other acronym is way out of order in my books. Here in this state they do not even do such testing until the child is in 2nd grade or at the end of first grade.

Inability to sit still for long periods of time is common at this age which is why most school programs have lesson sections that do not last for more than 20 minutes for kindergarten classes.The twirling of the hair and playing with the clothes may well be nervous habits that have developed because of her anxiety to do what others want her to do.

Next time, STICK WITH YOUR OWN INTUITION, which told you she wasn't ready yet. Now that she is already in the situation STAND FIRM. Express the fact that you believe she is being diagnosed too early and REFUSE to put her on meds.

The suggestion of meds is for the sake of the teacher....not the child. Trying to make her have "normal" behavior and comparing her to a 97% child who may be months older is dangerous business.

Have her tested by your pediatrician if you are feeling concerned....not a school counselor.

The highest and best to all of you!

Jessica - posted on 05/19/2012

I am so sorry for your dilemma. I will say first do not let the school demand you put your child on medicine!! My daughter went to daycare/preschool from the ages os 1-3 then to real preschool from the ages of 3-5. When she got into kindergarden she was still restless in class. She still is and the first year is almost over. I wouldn't say that not going to preschool has put your daughter at a disadvantage though. Preschool is only like a preview of kindergarden. It isn't a necessity. My daughter did learn her ABC's and colors, shapes etc. But she still has problems with the "friend" part of school. Having so many friends is distracting. Shoot even a boring teacher can cause your child to lose focus in school. If she id doing well at home I WOULD NOT put my child on medication simply because the counselor says so! I would move schools... There are too many ailments these days being treated with medicines that may not even help your child. Talk to your doctor. Keep a diary of your daughters activities and her behavior. Visit your daughter in school and observe the setting. Do these things before considering medicine for an illness that may not even exist in your daughter.
Good luck :)

Melissa - posted on 05/19/2012

Sounds to me like she needed another year before starting school. Teachers often want to do what they think is easier for them. I would look into other school options. I would also find other places for her to have some structured activities maybe Sunday school, VBS, or some parks and rec programs.

Jennifer - posted on 05/18/2012

wow - thats a lot for the school to be putting a 5yr old through! the teacher and others at the school can do NOTHING other then make a suggestion. they did, you had her looked at, and someone with proper training said she appears normal and to look into it further if needed. thats that and the teacher should just get over it.

the way she is treated at school by the teachers and such could go a LONG way towards how she behaves. I can tell you my almost 6yr old son would not do well in those conditions.

if the school tries to force anything on your that your doctor does not agree with, you can take action against them - as well as if they try to remove her for no reason. my real suggestion would be to swap schools if possible - definatly for next year as this does not seem the place you want her to continue. HUGS to you, this can't be easy - I would be going insane.

BTW - good on you for not jumping to meds right away!!

Tammy - posted on 05/18/2012

You need an advocate, someone to go to the school with you, a person in authority who can make sure your voice is heard and that the teachers, guidance counselor, and principal don't railroad you. What you need to know for certain is that the teachers/counselors cannot force you to medicate your child. Though I would suggest that you take her to see a pediatric psychologist. They can definitively state whether or not she has any form of ADHD. Also, I would look into alternative schools. Sounds like this school isn't the best place for her.

My daughter has A.D.D. and I had her seen by a neurologist, pediatrician, guidance counselor, and teachers all evaluated her before deciding on medication and that didn't happen until 2nd grade, even though I had been told since Kindergarten that they suspected she had ADD. I didn't let them railroad me at all.

You can request your own doctor, a lawyer, child advocate or psychologist be present at any meetings to make sure that everything is being conducted above board. Best advice is to know your rights.

Rita - posted on 05/18/2012

Find a new school. Don't let the school evaluate her. This school she's in is medieval in their understanding of child development. As far as discipline goes, my daughter has many of the same temperament traits as her father (who has ADHD) but I don't want her evaluated b/c I don't want her on meds. There are a lot of non-medication ways to learn how to work with her temperament differences that might be causing problems. I've found that I need to minimize distractions when I want her to stay on task and to give her extra time. Counting puts too much pressure on her, and sticker charts are just too convulated. I offer incentives, but not as an obvious reward; for example, I'll say that we need to clean up the bedroom and then we'll have a snack. The snack is the incentive, but it's not made to be an obvious reward. I also help her sort out her toys, b/c a mess is totally overwhelming for her. Otherwise, I just let her be her as much as possible -- free play is super important for kids with ADHD tendencies. They are so creative and they need that outlet. Your teacher/school should be able to figure out how to work with your daughter; they're supposed to be professionals. And there are schools/teachers out there who do. My daughter's teachers were awesome this year. I realize not all teachers will be, but it's important to be an advocate for your kid.

Terri - posted on 05/18/2012

kindergarden is the first encounter they have with school....its going to take awhile for your child to adjust to a schedule like that. i'm sure at 4/5 years old, all they want to do is play and make friends and play some more. Meds to me should always be the last solution unless its a fever. If you dont like the schools suggestions then tell them how u feel or take your child out of that school. dont forget who the parent is and always trust your gut feeling........

Michelle - posted on 05/18/2012

sounds to me like your daughter just wasn't ready to start school, yes academically she is doing fine but being one of the youngest in class her maturity just wasn't there. As for your meeting with the school go in and put your foot down tell them that your child is almost a full year younger then some of the other children and therefore cannot be expected to be as mature as the almost 6 year olds. Explain to them that she is fine at home however she is not being given any refined sugars and when she gets into these at school they can make a difference in her behavior and you would appreciate it if the teacher did not allow her to have these items without your written permission. As for the lifting of the dress that is very normal behavior I have seen 6 year olds that still do it not to purposely show off their panties but because they are bored. Tell the teacher in no uncertain terms are they to refer to your daughter as adhd until such time as doctor has diagnosed her with it. Also the extra behavior charts that she has at school are just singling her out to be seen as the bad kid by the other children get rid of it. Tell the teacher that your child is to be treated like every other child and to stop being so unreasonable about normal childhood behaviors, The worse thing that can happen is they recommend that she repeat kindergarten which from the sounds of things might be good for her socially so she can start out with kids her own age in the fall. However I would be insisting on a different Kindergarten teacher so she can start the year out fresh.



My child does have adhd and is medicated but we did not have these type of issues with him in Kindergarten because he had to start when he was 5 he was one of the oldest instead of one of the youngest in the class made a huge difference for him.

Julie - posted on 05/18/2012

Oh Nicole! You poor thing.

First of all a teacher and/or a counselor are not in any position to diagnose your daughter with ANYTHING for ANY REASON. The only person that should do that in my opinion is a Child Psychiatrist, preferably one that specializes in ADD/ADHD.

Unless this is a private school, I know in our state (MO) at least, it is against the rules for teachers to even say the words to a parent if she/he suspects ADHD. I'm not sure I agree with it going that far but cases like yours are the reason that this rule was made.

Your story hit a nerve with me because it sounded ALOT like my sons kindergarten year. At the beginning he loved it, then things just went way downhill from there. By the end of the year, we BOTH hated school! His kindergarten teacher was new. She would reprimand his negative behavior but did nothing to reward his good behavior.

Anyway, I don't think it's legal for them to expell your child if you don't medicate her.

Message me if you want more of our story or need to chat. Good Luck to you and your family.