should children attend funerels?

Lynn - posted on 04/02/2009

my 7 yr old went 2 his nans and cousins funeral as he said he wanted 2 go he asked lots of questions but i think that helped him 2 understand what had happened and where they have gone.

Jessica - posted on 04/02/2009

My husband is a preacher, so my kids have spent A LOT of time at funeral homes from the time they were very small. They have been to services for church members they didn't know well and close relatives. I'm really glad they have had this experience because they have learned that death is part of life, and how to behave appropriately in that situation. I have known people who don't experience death/funeral services until they are adults and they sometimes have a really hard time with it. I would give them some experience with it while they are young.

Danielle - posted on 04/01/2009

thank you all for your comments, i think i will ask them all if they want to go and explain to them what it will be like if the wish to go

Audrey - posted on 03/31/2009

I have taken my 2 and4 year old to my husbands grandfathers funeral. They had seen him 1-3 times a month for four years in the nursing home. When he died I asked all my relatives and called our pediatrician as well as the director at my sons preschool. The answer I got was the same from everyone: do what is best for your family. So my husband and I decided that we would take them both to the wake and decide after that about the funeral. That worked out for us great! We saw that our two yr old was not quite ready for that kind of atmoshere and that the 4 yr old had many many questions about death even after we explained every single part of death to him. We had told him prior to going that he may ask any question he wanted and we would answer it as long as he whispered it to one of us. We ended up taking my oldest to the funeral after asking him if he wanted to attend and letting him know it won't be fun and there would be no other kids to play with. We explained before going to the wake that Grandpa was dead and that he would be laying in a special bed that takes him to heaven. We let him ask the questions after that and answered best we could. We did not tell him that they burry him in the ground though. I think it was good for him to see how it all happens b/c it was an expected death and he family members were very emotionally stable. Any of the next funerals are going to be alot harder on us and I don't know how well it would of been to be at his first funeral and to see his parents very emotional as well. The only part we forgot was to tell my 4 yr old was that Gma would not be happy and woudn't feel like playing. He didn't get that part even though she was trying her best with him.

Joanne - posted on 03/31/2009

I have 4 children 6,8,10,& a newborn  I take the kids to wakes/funerals as long as it's immediate family great grandma. grandma, grandpa etc people they knew.   I think it's important to expose children to death & the grieving process.  Even when they were much smaller I took them they didn't have to go up to the casket unless they felt comfortable but how else are they suppose to know what happens & what we do when someone passes unless we show them. My mom recently passed away all 10 of her grandchildren were there & some great nieces & nephews.

Kat - posted on 03/31/2009

I wanted to take my daughter to my father's funeral, however given her young age at the time, the fact she was potty training (2) and the distance we had to travel to get there, not to mention it was up to me to plan and organise the funral...well in any event people encouraged me not to, looking back however I agree with Lori Radun, it's a normal part of life and it might have helped her understand 'where Granddad is' but that's also how life is...

Lori - posted on 03/31/2009

I have taken my children to funerals several times. My seven year old understands death as I believe this is a normal part of life. I would never, however, force my child to view the body if he didn't want to. I don't make a big deal about it, but I explain to him who died and allow him to experience my husband and I sharing our condolences. I do, however, think it depends on the child. If a child appeared afraid of the experience or disturbed in some way, I would wait.