Should I send my Daughter to a camp for troubled teens?

Jennifer - posted on 05/08/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I have been having problems with my daughter Christina for about 6 years. She is defiant,runs away, and does not do anything she is told. It is getting worse the older she gets. I am so afraid for her.There is a program called Mountain Homes Youth Ranch in Utah.There was a thing about it on Dr. Phill.
I am really debating on sending her. she would be gone approximately 83 days. She wants nothing to do with it. I am so afraid she will hate us for it. I know I will miss her,and we are not allowed to go see her. I do not know what else to do.I have tried everything else I can think of. Do any moms have advice for me.

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Angie - posted on 05/10/2010

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Honestly, does it always have to be ADD or ADHD when people's children misbehave? I'm so tired of that excuse for every misbehavior....

As far as the camp is concerned, it could be a good thing for her. If it works, she won't hate you because she will come back a different person. Of course, she doesn't want to go, she doesn't want that type of discipline. Read up on it. Get reviews from parents who's children have been there. Pray a lot and then make a decision.

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Lisa - posted on 05/13/2010

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advice, listen to Total Transformations
my 9yr old became abusive towards me I Just started listening and things are already turning around. it teaches us how to be effective parents towards abusive kids. I can msg you the notes I've been taking but they are disjointed, you;d be better off listening to the cds yourself.

Michelle - posted on 05/12/2010

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There are many different reason a child acts out and it is our job as parents to rule each one out before we give up, those tough love camps can work both ways remember you are sending her to live with other juvenile deliquents so either she will change and get better but more then likely she will just learn from the best and get better at being diceitful and having inappropriate behavior. I also have a child with ADHD and to be honest if your daughter had it I am quite positive it would have been caught at a much younger age then now. My son also has what is called ODD (oppositional defiance disorder) which is more what your daughter sounds like talk to a dr. rule out any medical reasons before you send her away as I guarantee you at 13 she won't be thanking you for sending her away.

Rox - posted on 05/12/2010

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Um, Angie: As the mother of TWO kids with ADD, it is the FIRST thing I personally think of when it comes to kids and "misbehavior" because that is the FIRST thing people FORGET! Especially teachers who should know better. My post was not using ADD as an excuse, but simply an OPENER to the poster.

Secondly, all of the current books I have read on child/teen/girl rearing suggest that sending a child away without FIRST RULING OUT OTHER THINGS will, indeed, take being sent to a farm/camp or whatever as a sign that her parents do not love her.

Prayer is NOT the only answer. Why do people always assume PRAYER will always help??? If prayer helped, then my kids wouldn't have the problems they have because I pray all the time.

Susan - posted on 05/11/2010

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how old is she ,i totaly sympathise my eldest daughter is 16 in augurst i love her to bits but we just dont get along last june i put her in foster care only for a month but after month we both decided it was better if it was permant we now have i better relationship .im there for her if she needs me and vice versa we worked together on her prom i go to her parent teacher consults and she comes and visits when ever she wants i talk to her most days as before we just couldnt talk ,in the uk we really dont do camps and the ones we do are so exspensive far few people can afford them .i think you have to keep trying we tried everything for our daughter but at 14 she had got into crowd that was getting drunk skiving school staying out all night sleeping in parks having cat mouse games with police so we did what we had to to get her away from peer group she was in and the other week in her own words she thanked me because she said her ex best mate was now hoooked up with drug dealer and she was inand out of rehab and my daughter is now finishing high school going to prom and off to coleage to become a beautician.so even thou it breaks my heart not havingall my kids under one roof its the best thing as a parent i could do as went to therapy did councilling ect tried grounding she use to climb out of windows i think sometimes you have to let go and give someone else controll so your child can learn respect and controll of there own lives.

Rox - posted on 05/10/2010

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Hi, Just wondering -- have you had her tested to rule out ADD/ADHD, is she in good physical health (meaning no asthma, seizure disorders, allergies), when she started this behavior was there anything traumatic in your lives (death of relative she was close to, divorce, any known abuses - drugs, sexual molestation),
overly jealous of sister or brother, or anything else that could upset her? Has she ever talked with a child psychiatrist or psychologist? Has she ever had consequences for bad behavior --time outs, taking away ipod, gameboy, playstation, other toys? She's also in that confused "tween" age too, so that doesn't help with attitude.
In what ways do you and your family let her know she's loved? I'm not saying you don't love her, it's obvious you do. But sometimes kids get mixed messages when we aren't very clear about what we as parents expect from them or how we show them affection.
If you can rule out ADD and other physical things, can rule out the mental issues (trauma, etc), and she absolutely won't talk to you or a professional about what's bugging her, the ranch might work. BUT, you need to be in a positive frame of mind BEFORE you send her away, because she might take being sent away as a sign that you don't love or care for her.
There are some very good books out there about raising a daughter (I have just read two that were very insightful about girls in the tween years) that might help give you some ideas or peace of mind. One is "Raising a daughter : parents and the awakening of a healthy woman" by Jeanne Elium.
I hope some of my suggestions have helped. I wish you good luck, and hope everything turns out well for both of you! ;)

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