sleeping with siblings or parents..

Kira - posted on 02/08/2011 ( 36 moms have responded )

6

10

0

How do you break the habit?
I have 3 girls and at one point in their lives they have slept next to me but I was able to qucikly break the habit. But now my youngest 2 girls will not sleep on their own. They share a room but all sleep in my oldest daughters bed. Please help...

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Crissy - posted on 02/13/2011

2

36

0

I have 4 boys 10,6,4 and 3 months and I went through this will all of the oldest. My husband and I found that if you make their bed fun without interupting their sleep it helps. We used bed tents (walmart) on their beds and they loved sleeping in them and you may have to sleep the first night with them we did but not another night and eventualy they asked us to pitch them. We also have a carpet picnic and sleepover in the living room once a week or everyother weekend and they know they can't be a part of it unless they sleep in their beds like big boys. Also every time they get out of their own bed put them back in and be firm and strict once you start. Consistency is the cure! Goodluck

Ofonime - posted on 02/11/2011

21

19

0

HELP!!!It is such an issue for me, my oldest is 4 and 2months and my son is 2 and 3 months and both sleep with me, my own issue is quite different i live in Nigeria and have to deal with the issues of mosquitoes and malaria, so we all have to sleep under mosquito treated nets (talk about 3rd worlds), them sleeping in their rooms would mean me putting up nets on little beds and checking them all night long because they are such bad sleepers they trash at night and even when we sleep together i am constantly up all night re-arranging limbs and pulling people off the edge of the bed so that means i have never had a full nights sleep since my daughter was born in 2006, my husband has abandoned ship(talk about effective birth control) and sleeps on the padding on the floor before in his opinion he crushes them cos they get trashing from, he like cats martial arts movies in his dreams. we are moving into our own home soon and i have vowed that they must sleep in their beds whether they like it or not and believe me it will the sharp and fast and lock my door approach i will take, no body told me that being a mom comes with insomnia. Jeez

Rhea - posted on 02/10/2011

3

4

0

The hardest part about having kids share your bed is... getting them out! If you plan to get them out one day and prefer not to do the work... its best not to have a shared bed to begin with. I know its hard to resist such cuddly babies but they dont stay little babies for long! Sleep training early is beneficial. If you need to pry them off your bed at a later age, i dont think there's no other way than to do it the way you would when you sleep train a baby. Let them cry! It will only take 2-3 days (more or less for some cases. Consistence is the key. If you're gonna give in DONT DO THIS AT ALL. You will only make it harder for yourself and the kids. Why this works? Kids will try to get what they want only because they know they can get it. If they are shown they cannot get it, then they wont try. After 2-3 days of insisting that your bed is no longer theirs to share, they will feel they have no choice but to sleep on their own bed. DO NOT give them some days where you say "i guess its ok for them to sleep on my bed tonight, i miss them!" those days will mess up all the hard work you both have put into this. Its nice to cuddle with kids but do it before bed and then at bedtime they should head to their own bed. Hope this helps =) I have a son who is now almost 10. I co-slept with him bec we lived with my mom and shared a room ( I was a teen mom.) When I got married to my husband, we slept in one bed for 10 months!!! Then I got pregnant. I had to sleep train him to stay in his bed. It wasn't so bad but there were lots of "Mom, I can't sleep." He now sleeps in his own room on his bed. My daughter on the other hand was sleep trained since she was a baby. She now sleeps in her crib, her own room, and she puts herself to sleep. She just needs to be put in the crib at night and during naps and she will blab herself to sleep :) Makes a BIG difference. My son always bugged to sleep with us on our bed (i always said no of course to keep consistent) and he was a much clingier child. He couldnt sleep without me beside him when we were co-sleeping. This was inconvenient since his bedtime was 7:30pm!!!

Ashita - posted on 02/09/2011

39

17

2

my son too creeps into our bed in the middle of the night. he sleeps on his cot in the same room... the more i push him to sleep there the more he wants to come to us... I have left it for a while coz i don't want this factor to develop any insecurity.
if you can, make there bed bigger so the younger ones are not over your older one... :)

Jessie - posted on 02/08/2011

30

25

7

I wont be much help as my 12, 10, and 8 year have only just stopped sleeping in the same bed because the 12 year old is now at boarding school but I think they will work it out for themselves Ive found no ill effects and the 12 year old is adjusting really well and the other 2 are still sleeping in the same bed

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

36 Comments

View replies by

Shona - posted on 12/29/2011

5

9

0

I agree that it is perfectly normal for siblings to co-share, and don't see a major issue unless they are in their teens and diff sexes. That being said my kids have always had their own beds from young. They sort of co-shared a bit as babies but were both very prem so I was neurotic about rolling over and hurting them and had them on apnoea mats so it wasn't all the time..more so with my son (2nd child). My daughter was a quick sleeper who slept through early and liked her bed. My son prefers to be cuddled. He used to insist on sleeping in our bed so I would cuddle him to sleep in our bed and when we were ready for bed I would move him to his bed. He often ended up with us, but would snuggle down and go back to sleep. If he was giving hassles his dad takes him back to his bed and lies with him. He is 5 and still doesn't go to sleep on his own, one of us has to cuddle him but he will now go in his bed or in ours depending on how he feels. If he's sick I take him in our bed which I am thankful for because a month ago he had a febrile convulsion due to a rapid rise in temps due to a sinus infection. He was in my arms when it happened. If he had been in his bed I don't know what would have happened. Take it as it comes. If you really want them out of the bed, you have to just keep taking them back night after night. 2-3 nights does not work even letting them cry it out if they are not babies anymore but at the end of the day it is still consistency. You let them sleep in your bed, when you want to go to sleep move them over to their bed. If they come back, the choice is yours, take them back to their bed and lie with them until they go back to sleep or let them stay. Depends on how much you want them out of your bed. Good luck

Ange - posted on 12/29/2011

28

1

2

In our family growing up, we shared beds. This was normal. My folks grew up on farms in the midwest and they all had big families. You didn't get your own bed, you shared. So my sister and I shared a bed until I got tired of her stealing the covers during the winter and leaving me with a sheet to try to stay warm, or hogging the bed. I started sleeping on the floor next to the bed and when mom found out she let me move to the guest bed... when we didn't have company. When we did, I slept on the floor again. But it was my choice and I was probably around 8 or 9 and I suspect if sis had not made it tough for me, we would've shared even longer. (Easier to stay warm, and you know you're never alone.) Let them share.

Alicia - posted on 12/27/2011

2

15

0

Not sure if someone posted this already or not - but have you thought about getting a bigger bed in the shared bedroom? That way you can have the siblings cosleeping and hopefully keep them or at least 1 of them out of your bed so you can get more sleep?

Both my sons sleep with me (3 1/2 and 17 months) while my husband mostly sleeps in my older sons bed, either with him or alone when he's not working nights. It works for us because that's how we get the most restful sleep. I'm still nursing the youngest, so he sleeps with me all the time.

But come the time when he weans and he's old enough, we plan on putting both boys in a sibling bed so they can share.

I think it's innate in us to cozy up to someone sleeping. Especially if you've been doing it for a long time. They love having a warm body next to them as much as we do. Personally I love sleeping with my boys but I understand how people don't get any sleep with the feet in the face and extra snoring ect!! :)

Do what works best for everyone! If you're not getting enough sleep, you're no good to anyone a walking zombie, so it may be time to change things up!

Try a double bed in the girls room and maybe the 10 yo and 5 yo will sleep together with just your 2 yo in your bed?

You said they all sleep in the oldest daughter's bed? Does she mind? If not, then the bigger bed would solve the issue of having them in your bed. :)

Maja - posted on 12/26/2011

23

28

3

My son and my daughter are sleeping with us, they are 2 and 4 and I feel safer knowing that they are next to us and besides my 2 yr old still wakes up during the nite so her sleeping with me is just fine, i dont have to get up at least :))/. But I have slept w my parents till i was like 10 almost and i turned out fine ( i think at least ) :)) ... I'd sat just let them sleep however they like as long as they sleep all nite long and no one gets hurt :)

Jenn - posted on 02/23/2011

675

1

47

We are one of few cultures that feels everyone should have their own bed! My children (4 and 6) sleep in our bed though the 6 year old has recently begun to fall asleep in her own bed...as long as she gets to stare down the hall into our room! We put the girls' beds together and I expect once the 6 year old sleeps every night on her own, little sister will want to do the same.

I'm all for whatever works to have my children get a good night's sleep. The few times I've slept without them have been the worst nights of sleep for me! ;)

Yolanda - posted on 02/22/2011

1

35

0

I have a 5 yr old girl who has slept in our bed since she was 3m mos old! We let her fall asleep in our bed but put her in her bed when we are ready, but she always somehow ends up back in our bed! We have tried rewarding her when she sleeps in her bed but its not working! Help!!!

Wendy - posted on 02/22/2011

48

2

0

i agree w/ Dar 150%!!!!!! you get 1 go around w/ this child & when they're grown, they're grown. enjoy the loving on mommy time while you can.

Dar - posted on 02/21/2011

5

6

1

I have a six year old too who cant sleep unless he is touching me I say its over to soon so y not when they stop cuddling you you miss it. I have a 24 and 21 yrs old as well

Lindsay - posted on 02/21/2011

7

25

0

mine usually fall asleep with me and then get moved to their respective beds. they usually end up back with me by the morning, but I seem to get the sleep that I need. we have tried to have them go to sleep in their own beds and nobody gets any sleep! this works for us....for now. (ages 4 1/2 and 3)

Kristina - posted on 02/20/2011

30

15

2

I see nothing wrong with kids sharing a bed. My son will every once in a while sleep in his sisters bed with her, she has a bigger bed then him. Every once in awhile she climbs into his bed. When my husband is gone my daughter prefers my bed, my son trys to but I put my foot down because the two of take up the whole bed. We as adults do not sleep alone why should we force our kids to. If the biggest issue is the size of the bed then maybe a bigger bed is in order. By the way my two at home are 14(b) and 11(g). The most important thing is a good nights sleep and maybe the feel safer and more secure when they are together.

Angela - posted on 02/12/2011

14

39

0

there are many things you can try but I suggest an easy transition method that works for your family. Im starting to have the same issues with my daughter, who is 3. and it's starting to take away from my sleep.
What we do is once she's asleep, put her in her big girl bed. Also, sometimes we do ask her to sleep in her bed at bedtime. she cries, but my husband (he is better at it since it is ME she wants to sleep with, ) sits next to her for a small period of time and encourages her to sleep gently. Sometiemes they are afraid, and with that, i highly recooment a glittery fairy spray but the best technique is simply the routing of bedtime. brushing teeth, potty, & story time. I'm also the trouble maker because she is so darned cuddly. good luck! :) it wont last forever, just do it gently, but be firm! :)

Stacey - posted on 02/11/2011

83

14

10

I have 4 kids. The first 3 slept with me on and off for the first year and now they are in their own beds. The last ( a girl) will not move from my side at night and she is nearly 18 months old. The thing I wanted to say is I remember as a kid sleeping in my mums bed until I was in my early teens, (we had lots of family issues and I needed that security) after that I was more than happy with my own space. I was also a fearful child and quite scared of the night so it was much better for me and my mums sanity if I just shared her bed. Both my sister and I were like it. Mum didn't mind a bit it was dad who had the real issues about it. I think as long as it is working with you and your partner do what works.

Christine - posted on 02/11/2011

8

0

0

Get big stuffies so they can get excited to snuggle those..bet they couldnt all fit on the bed after that they would have to make the choice ;) a long body pillow would work to..... are they old enough for bunkbeds? make sleeping a NEW adventure sleeping bags on the beds camp out style ect

Kristen - posted on 02/10/2011

175

22

20

My daughter slept with me from birth till she turned 3, it was HARD to break cause during that time we had a routine and she didnt like that was gone. It took about 4 months of consistency with her and putting her back over and over again and not listening to the screams, but it worked! My son who is two has never really slept with me, unless he was sick, and even then I made him a padding next to my bed. It was easy when it was my daughter cause it was just me and her, but now their Dad is in the picture and he sleeps VERY soundly so I cant have them in our bed no more :( I miss it, it was a great bonding experience! Now on the other hand, my son wakes up and goes into his sissy's bed, and we cant figure out how to break it cause we dont see it till in the morning....kinda hard to explain to a two year why he cant do that lol I think were just going to have to let sissy know to walk him back to his bed if he wakes her?

Zainab - posted on 02/10/2011

1

9

0

wish i could help too.. i have a 6 yr old aswell who sleeps with her 11yr old sister who wants her privacy.. soo all hell breaks loose very night. she refuses to sleep in her own room.

Wendy - posted on 02/10/2011

158

36

7

wish I could help too but my 4 year old daughter sleeps with me all the time but sleep is so important!!!! Good luck :)

[deleted account]

My son is 3, and will NOT sleep in his own bed even though it's next to ours and in the shape of a blue race car lol. We wait for him to go into a deep sleep, and slip him in his own bed, but he ends up right back in ours within a couple hours.

[deleted account]

If they all want to sleep together.... get them a bigger bed to share. My twin 9 year olds sleep together almost every single night. They're happy w/ it, so it's fine. If my son (almost 3) would STAY w/ them.... he'd be doing it too, but he always comes back in w/ me (my room is his room too) about 20 seconds after the lights go out. ;)

Kira - posted on 02/09/2011

6

10

0

Thats always my worry but I found that when I know they are in the bed I stay in one spot. :)

Blossom - posted on 02/09/2011

17

30

1

i dont think its wrong, i just myself dont sleep well, so puting my little one in bed with me didnt work was alway afraid of rolling over on them. so i still wouldnt sleep.

Kira - posted on 02/09/2011

6

10

0

I have. I have done everything that people who say its wrong said to do but when I finally do get to sleep it is hard to just wake right up and pick them up and move them. I have sleeping problems already so when I get to sleep I fight to stay there. But if you have something that works by all means come to my house and show me.. I welcome you with open arms my friend. :)

Blossom - posted on 02/09/2011

17

30

1

my kids never slept in my bed after 6 monthes. The best advice i can give is when they fall asleep move then to their own beds.

Kira - posted on 02/09/2011

6

10

0

well we have a 3 bedroom, but they wanted a playroom and a bedroom the 10 and 5 yr old said they can share a room with my 2 yr old but they all end up in her single size bed. Or the 5 and 2 yr end up in my bed. I really don't mind as long as they keep feet to themselves but they dont :)

Julie - posted on 02/09/2011

5

11

1

My daughter spends half her nights on a pull out couch in her brothers room. I had to find out what was her reason for wanting to sleep there - Pretty soon the 10 year old will get tired of having her sisters in her room with her then you will have an issue,,,try to find out what is prompting them to sleep in her room, Feeling Safe and Secure in their own room is HUGE for a child, they will get there, but make sure they are not the ones making the decisions.

Sylvia - posted on 02/08/2011

1,315

8

31

If everyone is sleeping reasonably well, then there's no reason to worry about it. If not, well, that's a reason to try and change the status quo -- *not* because there's anything *wrong* with bed-sharing (there isn't! it's common all over the world, and was perfectly normal in North America until relatively recently) but because it's not working for your family anymore.

In other words, if your 10-year-old doesn't mind having her sisters in bed with her, you're good for now ;^)

Kira - posted on 02/08/2011

6

10

0

Well thank you all for that, I have been told before its not ok to let my kids sleep in my bed. But it doesn't really bother me that much. Just the no sleep part. My 5 year old sneaks in my room and lays on the floor. She has hidden a pillow and blanket under my bed for herself. My 2 year ols falls asleep in her room then comes in my bed. But if they are happy and there is nothing wrong with it than I am fine.

Coley - posted on 02/08/2011

10

18

3

Our daughter falls asleep in our bed and then we put her in her own then around 6am or so she will find her way back in. She is a mover so when she sleeps in our bed all night she is everywhere and i end up sleeping on the edge and my husband ends up with feet in his back lol. He wonders why his back hurts :) Good luck

Kara - posted on 02/08/2011

8

7

1

I have always had my kids sleep with us until they were 3 and then they were ok with sleeping in their own beds. Now my 4th child who is 3 refuses to sleep in her bed and sleeps in my bed. I figure if we are all getting a goods night sleep who cares and when she is ready she will sleep in her bed by her self. I have even tried getting her to sleep with her other siblings and that works sometimes or if I get her to go to sleep and put her in her bed she will sleep most of the night in her bed. This is a hard one to break and I just keep trying every night in hopes that someday she will decide her bed is not that bad. Also our house is too small for our family so my boys share a room and then my 3 year olds bed was in our room for the longest time until I moved it out in with her 15 year old sister. That whole share a room with a 3 year old is not going well with my 15 year old.

Eryn - posted on 02/08/2011

11

36

1

i know, i dont exactly get the best sleep either but she sleeps well in my bed so shes not going to school a zombie. i just keep hoping when shes old enough to "punish" or "threaten" (by that i mean old enough to understand shes too old and her friends dont do it) it will be easier... we share a bedroom now as it is so its too convenient for her to just crawl into mine... she goes to sleep in her own bed usually without a problem but usually i find her in mine in the morning!!!

Kira - posted on 02/08/2011

6

10

0

Thats how I feel but I get no sleep when they are in my bed. And I don't want them to have to sleep with me all the time they are 10 5 and 2 years old. My 10 year old stays in her bed.

Eryn - posted on 02/08/2011

11

36

1

sorry wish i could help but i have a 6 year old daughter that still sleeps with me half the time! i just think whatever works to get them a good nights' sleep!!

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms