Teenager sneaking out of the house at night

Angela - posted on 10/05/2009 ( 18 moms have responded )

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I was advised by a neighbor that my 14 year old daughter was at her home at 4:00am. She arrived with the neighbor's 18 year old daughter and a 15 year old boy. I was told that my daughter has been sneaking out through the back door for quite some time now.



I don't want to punish her unless I know for a fact that she has left the house in the middle of the night. I want to catch her in the act first. We have placed sensors on the doors that will set off an alarm in our bedroom when the door is opened.



I wanted to have a friend of mine pick her up in the middle of the night and "take off" with her to scare the daylights out of her. But there are to many things that coud go drastically wrong with that scenario. (police involvement, etc)



Any and all advice/suggestions given will be greatly appreciated.

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Dawn - posted on 10/12/2009

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recently my son,13 yrs old, snuck out of the house to meet a neighbor's 14 yr old daughter. We have always had a very open relationship with him, and when he admitted what he did, I didn't over react. What I did was take the fun out of sneaking out. I talked to both him and the neighbor's daughter and let them know that even though I do not approve of their actions, that they need to make sure they have their cell phones, and to call me in an emergency.Even though it bothered me what they did, because nothing good could happen in the middle of the night for two teenagers, I needed them to know they can call in case of an emergency. They never did it again!!! I took the whole fun out of it. Thank god, now I can sleep a little better

Brandy - posted on 10/05/2009

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How old is your daughter?? Catching her int he act is not as important as why she is doing it in the first place. I do not know what kind of relationship you have with her, but I would suggest sitting down and having a very candid conversation about why she feels the need to sneek out. Whatever she likes to do would be stripped away until the problem is resolved. School, homework, bed! If i had to sleep in her bed I would make sure she stayed put. I do think that a sit down talk and relationship building conversation though may get to the bottom of the acting out. I will pray that you know what to do and say and that all will be well.

Heidi - posted on 10/12/2009

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I understand wanting to make sure she was doing it- I would sleep in a chair outside the room if I thought my son was doing that.

Toni - posted on 10/08/2009

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Sorry but I never experienced that. My older children never snuck out I had set guidelines early on and they were respected. I can't offer any advice but I will pray that whatever you choose to do will work and also for her safety. That is so dangerous. Teens think they have some kind of shield to protect them from danger and we all know that they believe they are the smartest people around. Good luck.

Nadja - posted on 10/08/2009

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i used to do that when i was like 13. my mom and dad bought those lockers for windows and the only way you can open the window is with a key and of course i didnt get the key so. i also got alot of trouble wich i didnt care i think the thing that hurt the most was my dad saying that he lost his trust in me.

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Angela - posted on 10/13/2009

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Thanks to everyone for their advice on this to date. I have installed alarms on the doors that will sound in my bedroom if the door is opened. So far, my teenager has not attempted to leave the house in the middle of the night.

Adrienne - posted on 10/10/2009

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Contact alarms...you don't have to put them on every window and door...just hers. They are inexpensive and you don't have to be a rocket scientist to install them. Also, maybe a really bright motion light outside. If it becomes broad daylight as she is trying to be sneaky that might do the trick. I also really liked the moms reply about really talking to her to see why she does it in the first place. How old is she? If she's young this 18 year old can be held responsible for contributing to the deliquency of a minor.

Tracy - posted on 10/08/2009

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My daughter was sneaking out of the house in the middle of the night. We talked to her counselor and it's normal for teenagers to try. You just need to drill in to her about safety and what could happen to her by putting herself at risk sneaking out.

Blanca - posted on 10/08/2009

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Hi my son started doing that at the same age, I notice and I did catch him, I took his widow screen and send it to a place to put an alarm, that is if your house has an alarm system, when she removes the screen to get out the alarm will go off or you will get a specific sound that tell you it has been removed, it work like a charm for me and that was the end of his nights out, hope this helps!

Abigail - posted on 10/08/2009

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I caught my daughter in the act one night at 1 am. I couldn't sleep and was getting a book out of my car and I saw her coming toward our house but she hadn't seen me yet. I have not had a decent night sleep since then and that was 3 months ago. She has been caught 3 other times, so maybe what I'm doing is not effective. I took her cell phone, i-pod,computer, and t.v away and grounded her for 1 week. She was using her cell phone to make plans with friends. I have made sure that I have talked to her about the situation. Explaining how dangerous that is, not to mention disrespectful and basically performing a lie if you will since she was sneaking and trying not to get caught. I have told her that she can talk to me honestly about things. Even if i would get upset as parents do, I still want to know what is going on in her life and that she is very loved. Communication is the best thing you can do. Punishment should still be administered or else you will be sending a message that what they did was ok. Make sure to explain the ramifications of what could happen to them when they do that. I did not hold back on telling her the horrible things that could happen. I want her to aware of the reality of what could happen and hope that it never does. However, like i said, she has been caught 2 more times sneaking out since then. So, maybe someone can give me a suggestion. I just keep repeating our talks with her and re-inforcing the punishment.

Diane - posted on 10/08/2009

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my concern as a mom would be about you child.s safety (yes she still is a child)
teenage years are horendous and i do sympathisem but remember a teenager will givel you the old freedom line when they want to get their own way.

This is truely not a critisism of your parenting skills but u need to think is your daughters behaviour accetable to you? if not then you need to talk to your daughter and explain why you dont want her to leave the house and risk her safety

Amber - posted on 10/07/2009

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we caught my daughter sneaking out a couple years back and we asked her why and she told us that it was because she didnt have enough freedom. so we made a packed that if she felt the need to sneak out then she needed to let us know where she was going in case something happened...she went out the window a few more times after telling us that she was going to a friends house... soon she realized the front door was easier...YES she is blonde...(joke)...we just told her that the sneaking part is what was getting her in trouble not the going to do things...

Sharon - posted on 10/07/2009

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My daughter has snuck out of the house before. My husband had to end up putting LOCKS on the windows, sliding glass doors, and changing the front door lock, the kind where you cannot get out without a key.

Jill - posted on 10/06/2009

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Any ideas as to how she's getting out? Window, door? I used to sneak out thru the side door of our garage - my parents caught me and locked the door I would leave unlocked to get back in. I had to ring the door bell to get in the house.



My punishment - grounded (no phone, no friends over, nothing - if I left the house it was with my parents or for school), as well as wiping down every baseboard in the house by hand, as well as washing and flipping over every rock in our landscaping. Don't laugh - it worked.

Angela - posted on 10/05/2009

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My husband and I are looking at alarm devices for the doors, and I have informed her father. He offered to take her for a little while. I don't know what to do.

Angela - posted on 10/05/2009

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I know that last night she was with an 18 year old girl and a 15 year old boy (the "x" boyfriend). She is currently grounded from being outside for 1 month because she disobeyed a rule about going on a road away from view of our house. She was in the neighborhood, but not in sight distance. The previous punishments for this rule violation were 1 week of being grounded. That didn't work.

Angie - posted on 10/05/2009

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My sister nailed two boards in a X shape over her daughter's window while she was at school and didn't say anything. When she decided to sneak out, she found the X and a note which put an end to it. Of course, she was grounded forever in addition to have her window blocked but it worked!

Lindsay - posted on 10/05/2009

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Oh, wow! This is a tough one and one I probably won't deal with for quite some time! I would definately talk to her and see if she will admit to it and how and why. As far as punishment, if she's honest about it, I may just say to let her know what a punishment would be like in the future. Make it enough that she wouldn't want to try it again. Shop around, you may be able to find something that alerts if her window is opened or something. Sorry, not much help but good luck with it! =)

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