to have or not to have, that is thy question??

Devon - posted on 06/11/2009 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I have been thinking about this for a while now and i just don't know if i will ever have another child or not and if i can see myself having another one.



I am 26 years old, i live with my boyfriend who i have been dating for 6 years now and we do plan on getting married some time. i have twin daughters who are 6 years old from a previous relationship and my boyfriend has two kids from another relationship who are 9/b and 10/g years old. we both have discussed several times of wanting a child together. about a year ago i went off of my birth control pills and we tried for like 6 months to get pregnant and it never happened so i gave up and went back on the pill. we live in a 2 bedroom apartment, we don't have a whole lot of money at the moment because i am unemployed and without a car. my boyfriends kids live with there bm right now, but we also want to eventually take her to court to get custody of his kids because she is not exactly the best mother (there is to many reasons right now to list). eventually when i get a car (hopefully soon) i plan on finding a job and going to school to be a veterinary technician.



anyway, my problem is that i was 19 years old when i had my kids and i will only be 30 years old when they turn 10 and i still think that is young to where when they are old enough to stay home by themselves me and my boyfriend can start doing our own things and go out with friends. i just feel that if i don't have a kid soon like before i am thirty then i will be alot older by the time that baby gets old enough to stay home by itself, that i will have lost all that time to do stuff for myself that i can't really do now. and plus my kids are already 6 years old and i don't want to have another baby when they are hitting pre teen stage because i will be starting all over again with the diapers, formula, teaching them how to talk and going through all that stuff.



i really want another baby but i also don't want to have to start all over again and sometimes i can't see myself having anymore children. i am so confused on what i should do. should i have another one or should i just say forget it?? please let me know opinions and what you would do!!!

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Mandi - posted on 06/11/2009

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Never think about yourself when it comes to children. Think about the outcome of having the child. Will you be able to provide for this child? Do you have the money, time and space to support this child? In a medical emergency what would happen if you had no transportation to get your child to a hospital. Not only that, you said you have plans for you life too. Will you be able to do those things when you have the baby? It sounds to me like you have a lot on your plate and maybe it's not what you want to do but you should make sure you have everything prepared first so that way, when the baby comes along you can devote majority of your time to the baby.



There are a lot of other concerns that you might want to deal with first like the custody battle and finding permanent employment and securing some funds for when the baby comes along, just in case of emergencies.



Becoming a veterinarian doesnt seem like a long commitment and if anything whilst in your last few months of school you could try again? and another thing is if you are very stressed that is another reason why it could be difficult to become pregnant.



Im just listing a few reasons. Try making a list of the positives and negatives of having a baby and not having a baby. If you have majority of positives, go for it. If not, then you know it's better to wait.

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