Was a Nanny Service on your Baby Shower wish list?

Kim - posted on 07/01/2010 ( 39 moms have responded )

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All of my friends work; my family live out of state and I'm expecting my 2nd little one. When I return to work, how will we manage? Is it okay to ask for this service? Would you buy this for your friend?

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Danielle - posted on 07/07/2010

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Sherri...sorry, but I found your comment regarding a baby shower for aq second baby to be quite offensive. Why do you feel the need to judge what other people do in their own lives? A baby shower is for the BABY, not the Mom...and every baby is equally as special and deserves to be celebrated. My children are all adopted, and our friends had a baby shower for each and every one of them. I just get very frustrated when people judge others...especially when they are doing something positive in this world....

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If you are registering, I think it would be fine--you can ask for anything you want, but you may not get it....
Personally, I think this would be a great group gift, but probably too expensive for a single person to buy. Most people spend, what, about $100 on a shower gift, so if you have 20 friends at your shower and they all pitch in, you've got about 2 months covered.
Some of my friends bought me cooking service for 3 months for my shower and it was the BEST GIFT EVER!!!
If this is your second, you probably have lots of stuff from your first, so you don't need to ask for many things, so I say, ask for services to make your life easier and give you more time with baby. You could also just have a diaper shower, you can never have enough of those, and use the $$ you save on diapers for nanny service.

Btw, I think if your friends want to throw you a second shower, that's wonderful. Who made up this "one shower only" rule--I think it is stupid.

Lisa - posted on 07/08/2010

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I am in the same position as you are no family and my husband and I both work. But a nanny? I would not pay for a nanny service for you. Talking to my sister she is also in the same position as I am we both have 3 little boys and take our kids to daycare--it is sometimes crazy and hectic, but if you can't handle your own children, you should have them.

Danielle - posted on 07/07/2010

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I actually think that it sounds a little excessive to ask one of your family members or friends to pay for a nanny for you...if I'm understanding your question correctly....

Karen - posted on 07/03/2010

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I'm hoping that this is worded in a way that doesn't come off as completely slamming you. I'm not as bothered by the fact that you are contemplating a Baby Shower for a 2nd child because I look at showers as parties for the baby, not the parents. However, what bothers me is you are asking other people to pay to take care of your own child. Isn't that what parents are supposed to do? A Nanny Service is someone who takes care of your child, asking for it as a gift is asking someone to pay for what is your responsibility. IMO, figuring out how to take care of your own child and not asking others to do it for you should have been a consideration long ago. So, no way would I buy this for a friend but I also wouldn't dream of asking for it for myself either. Plus, if someone did pay for this service, how long would you expect? Wouldn't you have to figure out how to pay for it sooner rather than later?

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Julie - posted on 07/14/2010

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No, I would not ask for a nanny service for a gift, as this seems extravagant. People go back to work all the time after 2nd and 3rd children and utilize daycare. Some employers will help you out using pretax dollars for daycare - flexible spending accounts. Ask friends for recommendations on day cares and go interview some folks before baby arrives. Some daycares will have preschool integrated into them, which is a nice feature for the older kids. Congratulations on expecting your newest baby! :)

Heather - posted on 07/14/2010

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I never had a baby shower for either of my children, but found that my friends and family all gave me a small present after I had my children. For my first child our family asked me where I had put the baby material I had put on laybuy and some of them made contributions to pay that off at the store. Some of my friends and family simply came around and helped tidy my house, watched the kids while I had a sleep, or bought round a pack of nappies. None of it expected but all of it appreciated.

When I went back to work I looked around for quite some time regarding child-care and selected a day-care centre, I must of looked at 15 centres and home child care as well but chose a centre where I felt very comfortable with their procedures and their staff. We supplemented this with an Aupair on occasions as well. However your choice of child-care is a very important and personal decision and not something that you put on the baby shower list. If your friends or family would like to offer to do some child-care while you go out and give a certificate offering to do so, then you may choose to take up this, but if it is childcare to return to work, you should do this yourself.

Keisha - posted on 07/14/2010

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uhhhh huh? Ummm no, you should not put this on your list. What do you do with your first child when your at work? You may have to look for daycare or if you prefer a nanny, you should pay for that yourself.

As for the baby shower deal...you can have more than one shower. I do think that if your children are close together in age..for instance if you having them back to back, then no. However if you're having a girl and you have a boy say 3 years ago, then its perfectly fine to have another shower. I had two boys 3 years apart and even though folks asked if I was having a shower, I didn't because I felt it was unnecessary.

Nichole - posted on 07/11/2010

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In my opinion, a baby shower is not for a Mother, it's for a BABY and it benefits the parents of course. What makes a second third or any child not special enough to have a shower? I have 3 children, 2 baby showers because for the second I was living in the US, didn't have a lot of friends yet as we just moved there but still, the one person I DID know there showered me with so much it was ridiculous! I couldn't have wanted to anything else! Don't worry about people's "circles" and have a baby shower, a lovely excuse for a party to celebrate your baby's impending arrival with people you love and/or care about! As for the Nanny, honestly *I* wouldn't do it, I'd imagine you'd be prepared for that and if you weren't, you'd have 8 months to prepare lol

Ericka - posted on 07/10/2010

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I agree with some of the comments on this post. Kim didn't ask about whether she should have another shower. That decision is personal and left up to her family and friends. Someone who judges someone like that needs to look into their own life and heart. It upsets me to see people get involved and be so judgemental on issues that have absolutely no affect on their life.

Laura - posted on 07/10/2010

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in reguards to sherri, i think it's typically accepted to have more than one baby shower if the second child is the opposite sex from the first, or if there's a large gap between having children..tho i know of plenty of ppl that get thrown showers for each child reguardless. In response to the origional question...it WOULD be a good grp gift, but i dont think many ppl would choose to go that route as a gift because of the cost. But there's no harm in asking...worse case scenario, it doesn't work out.

Cheryl - posted on 07/10/2010

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I think as far as Showers go..... it is up to a friend or family to give this as a surprise, and if it is given, then those who cannot attend could perhaps give a small gift after the baby arrives. You have no idea how many people get their Shower, and those who actually attended the Shower, don't even get to see the new baby for MONTHS at the very least.
So whether the shower is for new moms only or however many babies there will be, either way, please make sure that everyone who is invited to the shower gets to see the baby! Prezzie or no prezzie. Certainly no Nanny service... on the wish list : ( nono!

Cheryl - posted on 07/10/2010

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Congratulations, and I hope that all goes well for you. Thats the main thing. Will you definitely be having a Shower for this baby also? Personally, a Nanny Service or Daymother here, costs a lot per month, and I would never put that on a wish list. It is something that you and your husband, if he wants to go and look with you, would choose yourself and pay for yourselves. That way, if you are not happy with the person, you can always remove your baby from their care. I would definitely ask your friends for referrals to a good and reputable Nanny service or Daymother. It is most important that you should be happy with the person. Good Luck.

Shana - posted on 07/10/2010

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Ok my backgound 4 boys (aged 10,7,5 and 2) 0 baby showers. In Australia baby showers are traditionally thrown BEFORE bub arrives....presents are given both at shower and at birth - at shower presents are neutral and might be given to mum too - at birth usually flowers/chocolate for mum and a present for bub!
As i see it you could be asking the question in 2 different ways
1) would it be too expensive a gift to ask for, my personal opinion would be yes
2) you could be asking "if you could have absoultly anything you wanted at all would you ask for a ananny service" personally no but i was a stay at home mummy too....however a cleaner would have been on that magic genie wish list (cause I hate housework!!) Hope this helps

Donna - posted on 07/09/2010

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I would not ask for the nanny service as a gift. How old is your 1st child? Are you using a Nanny already for that one? If yes, why do you need another nanny? Will you have to pay more to "add" the second child? If the one you have can't take care of two kids, you need to hire a new one altogether. If not, Why do you need one now? Could it be cheaper to find daycare?

As far as baby showers for the 2nd, 3rd babies, etc: I like attending showers for my friends and family no matter how many children they have. My family gave me showers for both of my children. My 1st child is a girl and my second is a boy. The 1st shower helped because we our family gave us their gifts BEFORE our daughter was born and her nursery had things to start off with. My Mom and my sisters chipped in and bought her bassinet and nursery items (diaper stacker, things like that), my Dad bought the crib and mattress, my Dad's 5 sisters chipped in and bought the stroller/car seat set, my husband and I bought the dresser.

For our son, we needed boy stuff. My family STILL held a shower for us and gave us things like new bottles since we had gotten rid of them when our daughter graduated to sippy cups, clothes, and LOTS of wipes and diapers :) They gave us the gifts simply out of love not because we asked. My husband and I still had ALL of our "big" stuff: crib, stroller, car seat, exersaucer/walker, swing, bassinet. We didn't "need" anything except BOY CLOTHING, but my mom/stepdad and dad/stepmom insisted on our doing SOMETHING (my husband's parents were both deceased by the time our son was born). We ended up changing the theme of the bedding, the mobile and the border on the room. We did not repaint, it wasn't necessary.

When it comes to other people's showers for 2nds and 3rds, I don't think you have to wait until the baby is born to celebrate him/her, but I bet it would be fun. I know in some cultures/countries it is custom to wait until the child is born. I think that would have been cool with my kids because I don't like being the center of attention AND the parties were BECAUSE of the babies. I have heard of "Welcome Baby" Parties after the Mom & Dad are feeling up to having OR being guests.

I usually try to give things for THE BABY, usually a handmade item with the baby's name or something special. However, I try to do this for the 1st as well.

Maxine - posted on 07/08/2010

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If YOU can't provide for YOUR children, which includes food clothing and responsable care then the answer is simple....Don't have children! or wait until you can provide these thngs. We don't have Baby showers here in the UK, a large item i.e. cot, pram is sometimes bought by the grandparents, but any gifts from friends and other family are just a nice thoughtful bonus.

Jennifer - posted on 07/08/2010

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i don't think i would ask for a nanny but i would bring up to friends that i will be needing a babysitter--maybe a friend will help out for reasonable fee or know of someone

Tracie - posted on 07/07/2010

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It may be a lot to ask friends and family to provide your childcare for you as you have decided to have another child, this is an expense of raising kids. However, if you would like some information on hosting an au pair for your child care it is much less than a nanny - about $345/week and you get live in help. Let me know and I can get you details.

Danielle - posted on 07/07/2010

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I guess it depends on where you live or your culture, but here in Canada, all the baby showers I have attended were before the baby was born, so that parents would have what they need when the baby actually gets here. In my case though...all my children are adopted and we had a shower for all of them, but now that my husband and I are going to try to have some biological children, my preference would be to have a shower after they are born, so that it's an actual celebration for the baby and not for us as parents. These new babies would be child number 6 and possibly 7...so I may have a tranquilizer party ahead of time....

Tina - posted on 07/06/2010

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If your friends want to have a shower for you for a second, third or tenth child, it is up to them. If people are against it because it isn't your first child, they don't have to go. But I would NEVER register for another shower. When my friend had her second baby, it was 13 years after her first, she had since moved to a different state, met a bunch of new people and was having a girl (baby #1 was a boy). She had nothing left from her first child (#2 was a surprise), so I held a shower for her. She was very greatful (she had recently lost her job). So let circumstances prevail.

Anaelisa - posted on 07/05/2010

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Oh, and by the way, I didn't have a shower for either of my boys and I don't think its wrong to have a shower for each pregnancy. My boys were 7 years apart and if I would have had a shower I would have needed new stuff for each child.

Anaelisa - posted on 07/05/2010

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I didn't ask for this...but it is a great idea. Just wish I would have thought about it. There is no reason that your friends and family can't pull together enough $ to help pay for a few months to help you out.

Like I said, a great idea, in my opinion and if you were my friend I would put $ into that account for you.

Good luck!

Rica - posted on 07/04/2010

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Ok wow!! I would never ask for a gift that big from any of my friends. If you want to have this type of service I think that you should save up for it. While I know that it can be a struggle to have two kids as I have two myself. I never had a baby shower so all the thing that I got were gifts from friends without even asking. I think that if you plan this out you and your husband can work out what to do. He can also look into his company to see if he is able to get leave too. This way you can take leave and when you go back your husband can take his leave too. Sorry but with times being tight I just would not ask anyone for something like this.

Sherri - posted on 07/03/2010

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This is not the norm in the US it is meant just to help the new parents get started. Our baby showers are before the first baby is born about 8 wks before he or she is born just to help the new parents get started it really isn't for the baby but more for the parents. I am now realizing the baby showers in different countries are different from the ones in the US even in meaning.

User - posted on 07/03/2010

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Im surprised at all the HATE about the baby shower situation im in total agree about that the Nanny gift is absurd unless your like royalty but in my cirle of friends and family, no make everyone i know always has a baby shower AFTER!!!! the baby is born, baby showers re not for the parent it is for the baby!!!! its to show off how beautiful your child is, its a chance fr everyone to hold and kiss and love the child EVERYCHILD should get this if you dont feel YOUR CHILD DESERVES THIS LOVE!!!!!!! than i feel just sorry for you and the children that missed out on feeling the love and affection of having s many ppl that love you celibrate your birth!! not having another baby shower because you had one for your first is like saying oh well my first child had a birthday party so why bother having one for my second third fourth ect child (does that sound fair) i think not but that only my opinion and only mine

Sherri - posted on 07/03/2010

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No you get your baby shower and that is it. Everyone can know what sex it is before they are born due to ultrasounds done at 20weeks unless you choose not to know. I knew all three of mine were boys before they were born. You don't get gifts once the baby is born unless someone didn't attend the shower etc. or wants to bring a small token gift to the hospital.

Here is a link on US baby showers:

http://www.a-to-z-baby-guide.com/baby-sh...

If you notice on the bottom it states that baby showers for 2nd and 3rd children is not the norm and is for the arrival of the 1st baby only to give the parents a helping hand in starting a family.

Sylvia - posted on 07/03/2010

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Really? That seems like just asking for bad luck to me. Must be a cultural thing, I guess. So, then, do people get two rounds of gifts, one at the shower and a whole other round once the baby's born and everyone knows what kind it is?

Sherri - posted on 07/03/2010

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Any baby shower I ever attended was before the baby was born when mom was still pregnant.

Sylvia - posted on 07/03/2010

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If it is truly a celebration for the new baby then a celebration would make sense AFTER the baby was born so they baby was actually there to celebrate.

Well, yes, *obviously* you don't have a baby shower until after the baby's born. I didn't realize that was a question.

Amy - posted on 07/02/2010

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I don't understand the rudeness/hate for more than one baby shower. I'm pregnant with my 3rd child, granted my youngest will be 10 yrs old when she's born, but my friends are throwing me a shower and I've already been receiving gifts as I have no baby items and both of my other kids are boys. Now I would never ask for a nanny service, but if your friends are well off enough to do that for you, then AWESOME!!!

Sherri - posted on 07/01/2010

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I see baby showers not for the baby but to make a NEW mom's life a little easier. If it is truly a celebration for the new baby then a celebration would make sense AFTER the baby was born so they baby was actually there to celebrate.

Brandice - posted on 07/01/2010

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I wouldn't ask for this as a gift. I would maybe tell people that ask if you want/need anything that you prefer money to help pay for care of the child. Maybe open a special savings account at a bank that people can deposit money in if they're uncomfortable with handing you cash.
Also, I see nothing wrong with having a shower for each child. It's for new parents, yes and each time you have a baby, you are essentially starting over again.
I have TWO children and had TWO showers. However, my first was a girl and with my ex-husband and my second was a boy and with my current husband. Either way, I would have had two showers. I've been to plenty of showers for people and it wasn't their first child.

Sylvia - posted on 07/01/2010

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BTW, although I think asking for a nanny service as a shower gift is ... probably not a good idea, I am not getting the hate for subsequent baby showers. A shower is a party to welcome a new baby to the world, is it not? I don't see why a second or subsequent baby should not be welcomed just as much as a first one. Everyone wants to meet the new baby, right? The new baby (especially if there's been a long gap between babies) will probably need onesies and little socks and diaper covers and so on just like the first one did, right? Everyone buys gifts for new babies anyway, right? So what's the big deal?

Now, I suppose if one views showers as 100% gift grabs, and if one registers for items like $400 strollers and $800 furniture and suchlike, then doing it all over again for a second baby when the equipment one got for the first baby is still perfectly serviceable would indeed seem greedy. But a baby shower doesn't *have* to be like that at all. (Back when I had DD, I didn't even know there was such a thing as a baby registry, but if I had, I'd have registered for cute diaper covers and a nursing pillow. Definitely not for the giant Graco stroller "system" my sisters-in-law clubbed together to buy me because obviously every new mum *needs* a stroller so enormous that it will barely fit through the doors of neighbourhood shops and causes people to give her dirty looks on the bus.)

Sharon - posted on 07/01/2010

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I think asking for a this service might be a little much.... I have never had anyone I know of ask for it. Maybe your family and friends are more affluent than my middle class family and friends and if that is the case maybe it is something that your parents and your husbands parents and family could get together and do for you... at least for the first six months or something. Have you priced this service so that you will know how much your looking at if you need to keep it up? Also on other showers.... it all depends on how you were raised. I believe every baby deserves to be celebrated and welcomed! Even if you only get things like diapers and wipes it doesn't hurt to have a registry or list as long as you realize most people don't really buy off them; at least in my experience.

Angie - posted on 07/01/2010

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No, it's not okay to ask for such an expensive give - especially when it's your second child. Not only would I not buy it, I would probably not go to a shower for a woman who asked for something so expensive and I wouldn't buy her anything else. I had a baby shower for my first child but didn't have one for my 2nd or 3rd - it just didn't seem right. It's probably overwhelming to think of having 2 children with no family to help but I think that's the norm in our society now. Our families were 11 hours away when we had our children and my husband and were able to raise our children with no outside help.

Sherri - posted on 07/01/2010

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A baby shower is meant for new moms only. A baby shower for a second, third, or fourth baby looks like pure greed to me. It is totally taboo in my circle and family. Although manners and standards have sadly changed in the last decade. I have three children and there was a 7 yr gap between my middle and youngest I didn't have another shower. It seemed very inappropriate and I wouldn't have dreamed of it. Unless it is a different marriage and it is the first baby for the significant other is the only time I agree for a second baby shower. I think it is in bad taste and bad etiquette.

Sylvia - posted on 07/01/2010

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Wouldn't that be, like, thousands of dollars a month? That seems a little steep for a shower gift...

Sherri - posted on 07/01/2010

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Okay sorry but I am not understanding if this is your 2nd child why you get a a 2nd shower this is such a pet peeve of mine. You get 1 shower with your first end of story. GAH!! Second you can ask but I would never purchase something like that. I think it is very extravagant and I have 3 kids and my family is over an hr away. I worked full time and I made it work. Sorry this isn't what you wanted to hear.

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