Wd it be nice to let ur kids knw u are leaving there dad for good?

Ijeoma Tina - posted on 07/28/2009 ( 9 moms have responded )

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daughter is 12 and son is 11. Things werent just working out fine btw u me and their dad n i have decided to move on.

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Lucy - posted on 07/31/2009

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I believe you should definitely tell them. I am going through this myself and my children are a lot younger. I think that they appreciate that I keep them informed instead of them being confused on what's going on. Just have a sit down talk with them. I think it would be best if the dad was there also. Good luck.

Monique - posted on 07/30/2009

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You MUST let them know. I had the same dillemma w/my youngest son and I struggled with the decision. One of my male best friends told me to sit down and told him the truth. I did, he cried, I cried and then he was good. The best thing is to talk to them beforehand and let them know that you both love them deeply but this is the decision.

DEANNA - posted on 07/30/2009

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PRAYERS TO YOU! WELL, ITS A TUFF SITUATION...BUT COMMUNICATION WITH THE KIDS IS A MUST. U & DAD WOULD BOTH BE BEST SO THE KIDS HEAR IT FROM YOU BOTH AND HAVE NO INSECURE THOUGHTS OF WHAT THE OTHER PARENT FEELS. AND BY ALL MEANS SHOW THEM THE FRIENDSHIP BEING HEALTHY. LET THEM KNOW IT'S NOT THEIR FAULT AND THAT YOU & DAD TRIED ALL YOU KNEW. IF YOU ARE MARRIED TRY PRAYER & GODLY MARITAL COUNSELLING BEFORE YOU REALLY SAY IT'S DONE...NO MATTER WHAT THE REASON(S) ARE FOR SPLITTING. PRAYER CHANGES THINGS!

Tainisha - posted on 07/28/2009

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In my opinion it is best to let them know, but make them understand the change in your relationship with their dad, will not change how he feels about them. Then it is both parties being adult enough to make that happen

Amy - posted on 07/28/2009

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I think you should be honest with them because in the long run if you aren't they will be mad at you for it. They are old enough to know. To an extent they need to know what is goin on in the home and I do believe if you feel they are mature enough to handle it then I would tell them. It all depends on their maturity level and not their age.

Angie - posted on 07/28/2009

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Are these step-children? Will you be leaving the family home? Of course, the children should be told that the marriage is over. They don't need to gorry details and they need to know that they have nothing to do with the divorce.

Letha - posted on 07/28/2009

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I would say definitaly let the kids know, I am going through that now and my children are 7, 4, & 2. The 2yr old knows theres a difference but doesn't quite understand it, but the other two often ask questions, the important thing to do is tell the kids, let them know that when people get married they do it because they love each other but after time sometimes that love goes away and that's what happened. Let them know that it's not their fault and that you and the father still love them and each other but its not the same kind of love, and that you and the father are better as friends. It's important as well to keep the stife you and the ex may have towards each other out of the picture around the kids, they need to see that you two are still on good terms, and that you both still love them. We have family day on sundays he comes to my house and we all do something together as a family, he brings his new gf and my bf comes too, not only is one family seperating in my situation, but two more are formed from it. Put it in terms they understand and can relate to, and expect behavior differences keep in mind alot of it will be acting out, but the key is that you and the father keep the same rules at both houses to keep it consistant. They will understand as much as you want them to, they are smart and have probably picked up on the "something's not right" atmosphere. most importantly never ever speak badly about each other when the kids can hear it causes resentment, confusion, and makes them think it's their fault. We tell our kids that they didn't lose one family they gained more people that will love them extra grandma's and grandpas to give them more hugs and kisses...etc. I hope this helped.

Colleen - posted on 07/28/2009

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hmmm thats a tough one. I would sit them both down, with the dad, and discuss it with them. Kids are so easy to think its their fault in those situations. Ive been through that as a little kid its hard no matter how old they are.

Lisa - posted on 07/28/2009

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I would say yes. They don't get a vote on who you stay married to, but they are old enough to know what's happening

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