What age is appropriate to discuss the birds and the bees?

Samoeurn - posted on 09/20/2009 ( 11 moms have responded )

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I have a 13 year old son, and he is changing before my eyes, I am thinking that he is starting to be attracted to the opposite sex, I want to talk to him about it, but I'm afraid to get him upset, or coming on too strong and saying the wrong things, cause he is very sensitive. My opinion is 13 is way too young to discuss this, so what age is appropriate? and how should I go about bringing the conversation up?

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Shelley - posted on 09/20/2009

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i think 13 is perfect. if u leave it any longer ull end up with unplanned pregnancy and all sorts of other things. i intend on giving my children contraception as soon as they turn 13. . .better safe than sorry a ; )

Maribeth - posted on 09/21/2009

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thanks to all who gave such great advice!!! i have 2 boys 11& 8 and have been sooooo nervous about the "talks"..thanks for all the encouragement!!! i was an ill-informed teen myself, and probably wouldn't have taken the risks or made the mistakes i did if i had the right info to begin with.not goin there with my boys!! 'Do as i say ..not as i do". I want them to grow up into great men!!! thanks!!!

Tasha - posted on 09/21/2009

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I think your question is important and I believe that you can never provide education too early. I have two children; my daughter is 11 almost 12 and my son just turned 10. My son started being interested or started doing things like pinches girls butts wanting to kiss a girl at about age 7. My husband was raised differently than I was and advised it was important to take all of the curiosity out of sex.



I went to Barnes and Noble and looked in the kids section... surprisingly enough there were books geared to each age level that explained everything. I sat down with both of my children and read through the book. It started out talking about body part differences and worked right into exactly how babies are made. It had a seperate section that spoke of different birth control options etc. My kids were shocked and so was I but it took all of the guess work out of it.



Sex was a naughty topic or taboo subject when I was growing up therefore left me very curious to seek out answers and experiment on my own. I was pregnant 2 months after I turned 15. I don't blame my parents because I decided to make the decisions I did however I encourage parents to provide sex education to their children as soon that they are starting to ask the questions. Take the guess work out of it. Make sure they know what responsibilities come with having sex. Best of luck to you.

Jodi - posted on 09/20/2009

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I talked to my son about 12 months ago when he was 11. He is fully ok with it all, and has handled it really well. 13 is definitely NOT too young.



I am so glad I did talk to him very openly - only a couple of days ago he came to my husband and I (my husband is his step father) and said "by the way, just thought I'd let you know I'm starting to get hair down there now". Because of the way we talked about it, he has absolutely no embarrassment and is proud that he is growing up and beginning the awkward stages of puberty.



I think you will probably find that your 13 year old already knows more than you realise. Kids talk about these things in the school yard. That is the biggest reason I started talking to my son younger, because the "facts" he gets in the school yard were not the way I wanted him to learn about sex. You need to get onto it very soon.



I planned my talk with my son in advance. I purchased a couple of GREAT books for kids. The one I found really helped us is called "What's Happening to Me?" by Alex Frith. It is specifically written for young boys and focuses on the changes they will face during puberty, health and hygiene, emotional aspects (sexual feelings and masturbating), etc. It does also cover a little about sex and the changes girls go through. It is a fantastic book and as I talked to my son, I was able to use this to show him some diagrams, and then once we talked, I could leave him with the book to read, and let him know that if he ever had any more questions, he could ask. And he does.



Good luck!! It will be fine.

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Stephanie - posted on 09/23/2009

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I do not think that 13 is too young. Especially these days. I would let him bring up the subject of girls, first. Then fish around to see what he knows and go from there. There is a really good book for this stuff that my mother used with me when I was growing up and u can still get it today. It's "where do i come from" It will answer the medical parts and you can take it from there with your morels and beliefs. I hope this helps.

Cortney - posted on 09/22/2009

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Well let him come to you. Also you can ask your doctor about how to bring it up or search online for how to talk to your son about sex. These web sites you find offer helpful information on how to bring up the conversation and even suggestions on what you might say.

Chasity - posted on 09/21/2009

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I think now would be a good time to talk to him, he is at that age that he needs to know! Im 23 and I learned about that when I was 11 at school by my friends. So he prolly already knows alot on the subject. Kids can feel weird and uncomfortable talking about this stuff with their parents so dont make it a big deal of it. Explain the basics to him and always tell him the cautions because his friends probably shared the juicey stuff and not the real things he needs to be safe or make the better dicisons.

Lindsay - posted on 09/21/2009

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I can't add much as I agree with these ladies but 13 is definately not too young. In fact, the sooner the better.

AMANDA - posted on 09/21/2009

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YES, 13 Is a perfect age to discuss this!! My daughter is 10, and has already started her cycle. I have talked some to her, but ofcourse not the "whole" talk!! If he is showing interest, I say its better safe than sorry!! I hear of kids younger than that getting pregnant!

Katie - posted on 09/20/2009

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The sooner the better. By 13, he's already had quite an educations from friends, he needs to know your beliefs and expectations about the subject to hopefully help in making good decisions. I have three little girls who are a bit younger, but I'm starting to ponder this myself. It seems like there are some good books out the to help the conversation along. Good luck.

Mary - posted on 09/20/2009

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you should talk with ur child before he gets misconceptions from elsewhere. in this society ,sad 2 say ,but children have a greater knowledge of things than we did at their age. if u r uncomfortable in getting the conversation started with him, check with ur local hospitals and see if they have classes 4 boys reaching puberty. with my daughter who is 11, they offered a class of girls in the same age group & showed them a film in a language they could understand then i as a parent was able 2 sit down with child & have discussion about events. this will give u an opportunity to have some control of the situation instead of ur child learning birds/bees from peers who may give him the wrong idea of what it all means. you may be surprised with how much he really knows already. best of luck.

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