what do you do to keep your kids from fighting?

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Kellie - posted on 01/20/2010

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I think the majority of parents are going to tell you that fighting is normal and kids will be kids and there is not much you can do it about it. But i just don't agree. Kids who fight end up being adults who fight with others. Fighting is due to a lack of communication skills. I would say it is normal for everyone to get upset, kids included, but if you teach them how to talk things out then you teach them how to problem solve which is a life skill. Other times fighting is a modeled behavior. They see others fighting so they do. Even if you can't control it make up some "rules" for fighting. No name calling, no hitting, kicking, biting, scratching or grabbing, and no yelling or screaming. Take on the part of referee and calmly ask questions to find out what happened and then help them come up with a solution. Listen carefully to what each child is saying and do your best to judge fairly and honestly. Try not to take sides or favor the youngest one. Taking away what they are fighting over is a temporary fix because they will just find something else to fight about. My sister and I used to fight until we were teenagers. I hated it. She was mean, hateful and said the most awful things to me. It really hurt me. When our parents divorced and dad remarried it just go worse between us. Finally one day i realized that if she and I did not stop fighting we were going to lose eachother too. One day I told her she was all I had left in the world and that I really didn't want to fight with her anymore. She agreed and as adults, wives and mothers we have a very peaceful and happy relationship. Our parents never did anything to stop us and it had the potential of damaging our relationship as adults. I believe you want to change things in your house and I applaud you for that.

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Becky - posted on 01/20/2010

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I have a girl and two boys, ages 10, 9, and 7 and boy do they fight. But kids are going to be kids, they fight. I agree with the other moms, if they are all fighting over the same thing it gets taken away until they can calm down and share. I do spank, but not in public, you have to be real careful there, but before I spank, I sit them down and get eye level with them and ask them "Who got you in trouble?" Most of the time they answer "me or I did" it lets them know they are the ones who got their selves in trouble. I don't spank all the time, it all depends on the situation and the child. My youngest child you can just get on to him real good and you would think his heart was broken. Now my middle child is ALL BOY and nothing works except a spanking and lots of talking to. Every child is different. Even though they may fight like cats and dogs, they will stand together and fight anyone who messes with one of them. They take up for each other. Me and my brothers and sisters fought, but we would do any thing for each other, so it will all turn out ok. Hope this helps.

Melissa - posted on 01/20/2010

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I have a 9 year old and a 6 year old who LOVES to fight with each other over the most littlest things ...for ex. Who has had the most helpings at dinner time uhgggg..neways No matter where we are at store, library, or just out and about each time my kids fight i make them hold hands. The reason why i do that is because nowadays you cant really "spank"your kids in public anymore without child protective services showing up at your front door step. In a way it embarasses the kids and they dont fight

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my kids are 6 and 3, and i agree with the toy sharing strategy- that seems to work great (at least for my two.) i try and let them work out their arguments between themselves with out resorting to being mean to each other... but by using words. and if they are really getting on one anothers nerves i will tell them to play in their rooms by themselves to give each other some space. usually within 15 min. theyve calmed down and are playing again.. =)

Janice - posted on 01/19/2010

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I have to agree with Tina. If my two kids can't share then neither of them can play with the toy. It gets put away. I also utilize my time out chair if necessary.

Tina - posted on 01/19/2010

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There really isn't a way to keep them from fighting in the first place. All you can do is try to difuse the fight and keep it from escalating. I usually find that they are fighting over a toy. My solution is just to take the toy away from both of them. If they can't agree to share then they can't have it period. If it's just some other type of argument they have to go to neutral corners for 3 minutes and then apologize to each other. Hope that helps

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