What do you do with a moody daughter?

Richele - posted on 04/06/2010 ( 20 moms have responded )

18

37

0

She is changing and can be pretty snotty at times, what do you do with a daughter like that?

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Anna - posted on 04/09/2010

1

46

0

I've discovered that quality one on one time right before bed each night works miracles. My 9 year old daughter has been so emotional lately and has had a horrible attitude (not with me) with her younger brother. I guess it is is hormones... I think maybe she doesn't know what or how to feel right now and she just needs more security in the relationships that matter the most. I definitely want her to know that she can talk to me and that is exactly what happens each night. We laugh and talk about whatever. I've also taught her that reading a little of her Bible each night will help her focus her thoughts on positive things. I really want her to learn how to cope with these feelings and to know how to react when she starts feeling emotionally out of control.

Bernadette - posted on 04/09/2010

1

26

0

Well I have a wait, let me put it the way she said it to me 9 years and 10 months old almost 10 years old Mom. She is so snotty sometimes and the moods are going to kill me. If this is the tween stage what is the teen stage going to be like? I have such a hard time keeping up with the moods. I just have to take a moment to calm down sometimes.

Holly - posted on 11/18/2013

1

0

0

I 100% agree with this! The day is so busy. But my daughter and I talk every single night. It's her whind down time I get her to open up so much more.

Patricia - posted on 04/07/2010

85

4

3

Unfortunately this is totally normal for this age! I would remind her of your expectations and try to be patient pick your battles if she is a little witchy whatever but if she is way out of line I would punish her. Try to make one on one time with her and let her now how much she is loved and that you understand a lot of times they just want to make sure they are being heard its a tough age they are wanting to get some independence but at the same time still want their mommies they are all over the place and need a "rock" to count on be that "rock" good luck!

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

20 Comments

View replies by

Jenny - posted on 10/26/2012

6

7

0

I must say that after ready all these posts it has mad me feel ever so slightly better and not totally alone. (I was actually starting to wonder if was raising Satans spawn!)

I am having a dreadful time with my she-devil (i mean beloved) 9 1/2 year old daughter.

Her moods swings are ghastly, she constantly mouths off at my husband and i, rolls her eyes, back-chats, over-dramatises EVERYTHING, whinges and whines when asked to do something, bursts into tears over the slightest thing, grunts and huffs and stomps her foot when she doesn't want to do what shes told, fights constantly with her 5 year old sister (who is starting to copy her big sister, god help us!).

As alot of you have mentioned we've tried all sorts of punishment like sending to her room, banning her from her ds or the computer etc.

But nothing we seem to do seems to make a difference and she just keeps on acting like a ferral brat.

Don't get me wrong, i love my daughter dearly and when shes in a good mood she almost makes me cry with happiness.

But unfortunately, the bad behaviour is far out-weighing the good at the moment.

I'm almost scared to speak to her because i know her response is going to involve a whole heap of spitting and snarling.

It's really upsetting me and breaks my heart when she speaks to me and treats me like she does.

She had a falling out with her bff a couple of weeks ago, which also resulted in her mother and i falling out and i think that has affected my daughter pretty badly.

I sent my daughter to her room about an hour ago because she was being so ferral.

She slipped a note under her door saying i treat her like a child (hellooo? your 9!) and i'm too overprotective (what the?) and that i'm always yelling at her and she's sick of being in tears every day because of it.

I know alot of what she wrote is just emotional blackmail (which is working as i'm about to burst into tears of frustration) but also i realise she is writing down how she really feels.

I don't know how much more any of us can take of this.

I am at a loss at what else we can do to get her to realise that the way she is behaving is not acceptable and that there are consequences to her bad behaviour.

Anybody want a moody, surly, backchatting, know-it-all 9 year old for a while?

Mummy needs a miracle before she has a breakdown!

Julia - posted on 04/11/2010

10

9

0

Number one thing to do is take a day with her alone and try to find out if something is up. It could be alot of things. My youngest daughter started acting like that, then one day she asked if she could have her friend from school over that I had not met. After I did it explained alot. When her father came to pick her up she didn't want to leave yet. When he tried to explaine that he was in a hurry her little 8 year old self turned to him and screamed in his face " Shut up, I am busy!" to which he replied that he was sorry. Needless to say, she was never allowed over again and I explained to my daughter that it was ashame he didn't care about his daughter enough to help her become socially acceptable. There can be alot of other things too. Onset of puberty, a boy, a big life change such as divorce, or a new baby, a bully neighbor.

Angie - posted on 04/10/2010

2,621

0

406

I give my 12 year old a lot of space. I remember the way I felt when I was entering puberty and all I wanted was to be left alone sometimes. When she's in a "mood" we all pretty much just stay clear until she's feeling better and back to her usually silly self. We talk about the serious stuff (like attitude) when she's not already in a tizzy.

Amanda - posted on 04/10/2010

21

29

6

My 8 yr old daughter is behaving the same way lately. she comes home from school or her dads house and has the nastiest attitude. i usually open the door and tell her to go outside and leave her attitude at the door when she walks back in. lol. also i give her punishments that i feel are really going to be difficult to her. such as her brand new DS being taken away. and it seems to be effective.

Rhonda - posted on 04/09/2010

25

15

0

talking alot and getting closer can help...dont yell back or be loud talk ..and take her out for a lunch and explain that it hurts your feelings and that you are worried and that she doesnt have to be that way..you can talk to me...

C - posted on 04/09/2010

21

193

2

divert her attention, try enrolling her in sports, theater, arts...this could be a form of expression wherein she could chanel her energy in productive activities

April - posted on 04/08/2010

2

14

0

my 9yr old girl went as far as pulling a knife on herself she said she would stab herself and the cops would think i did it and i would go to jail.but she didnt do it so i took her to therapy the doc asked what happened right before she did this i told them she wanted to go outside and play with her friends and i told her no she had to clean her room and help with dishes first and she just got mad so they started doing one on one visits with her the doc came out and told me she was a good girl very helpful and that she just wanted more attention so shes actting out that night we got home i asked her to help me carry the laundry in to wash and she said no that since i didnt work it was my job to take care of her and clean the house so now that ive read this i see she doesnt need therapy she needs a good scare and a reality check i think ill start we with video taping then if that doesnt work the local childrens phsyc hospital has tours and so does the juvenile detention center does aswell her school counselor told me to buy a yard stick and swat her with it and she knows she said hat maybe if i just go buy one she will be scared enuf i wont have to use it well good luck ladies i just know something needs to be done they are our futures

Rachael - posted on 04/07/2010

2

8

0

Oh this topic so fits what I am going through with my 10yr old daughter. I have been pulling my hair out trying to find away of dealing with it. She has always had a a strong head but when she was younger she was easier to cope with some how, but now she is older and she can throw you those glares across the room and her body language just says it all, she answers you in such away that it hurts, it really gets to me. Ive tried talking to her calmly I've tried the shouting at her to make her listen, I've tried the sending to her room for time out, you name it I've done it, probably.
I put it all down to hormones, she is going through puberty (they can start going through it as young as 7yrs!) and her poor little body is flooded with hormones, I have to remind myself how I feel at my time of the month and how the slightest thing can upset the apple cart. She is my oldest so I havent been through this before also. But I think now that I know that it isnt just her trying to annoy me or deliberatly trying to upset me I can cope with the out bursts better. I still need to show her that it isnt right to do what she does and that she needs to channel her anger etc in a better fashion, she does try but alot of the time it all becomes to much and she just flies for the nearest and dearest person to her :( She has 3 younger siblings 2 of which are boys and she finds them to be more than a bit annoying to say the least, she adores her little sister but even her little sister can get the brunt of it. To say our house is a peaceful household is not correct but we love each other dearly and support one another as best we can, so we have some rough times bringing up our kids but who doesnt? We are all learning and to be able to come on here and find other parents going through the exact same problems is a blessing as we can help each other and by doing that we can bring up our kids to be the best. All children are a blessing and I love my kids immensly and wouldnt be without them, I cant think of anywhere else I'd rather be :) Well..... actually, I'd love to have a huge house acres of land room for a pony or two....... oh and then theres........lol Love you my beautiful and wonderfully made children xxxxx

Geri - posted on 04/07/2010

22

84

3

lol I dont' think I have seen the "snotty" side of our 11 yr old yet...but boy can she cop an attitude...lol..and normally I show her where it came from and send her to her room for a time out ...(so she can collect her thoughts before she gets herself in more trouble) on the normal if any of our kids talk back...or get disrespectful in anyway...they have to go to their room to work it out.(they all have journals...to write in and large pillows if they are really frustrated...everyone needs to vent and its not good judgment to make them bottle it up-just my opinion)..when they have a different perspective and want to discuss their feelings more appropriately we are more then willing to listen...but we refuse to be abused ...lol

Lea - posted on 04/07/2010

44

59

5

I have a 9 yr old daughter and half the time I feel frustrated when she's talking back to me and her eyes are flashing at me, angry and defiant. About 6 weeks before her 9th birthday I noticed that she was copping more of an attitude and talking back way more than usual. I was at a loss for words. My helpful, nice 8 going on 9 yr old daughter was becoming a snotty brat. It dawned on me in January that she was testing the boundaries, seeing what mom will actually do. I used to only follow through on half my threats of staying in her room (which she hates), no TV or computer, and cleaning when she did something she wasn't supposed to. I'd always give in and say okay, don't do that again and not give the punishment. Not anymore.



I've had to re-teach cause and effect and about consequences. In turn I've had to learn to trust her a little more. As with adults, with trust comes responsibility. She wanted to be able to do more because she was older. I told her she lives in my house and when she stops the back-talk and shows me I can trust her to do as I ask, she will reap the rewards. My 5 year old is also learning this the hard way. But, I feel like she 's been snotty since she was 2 she can just verbalize it more now.

Judy - posted on 04/06/2010

25

14

4

With my 5 year old (I know there is an age difference) I usually look at her and say "Is that how you are supposed to talk to me?" Then she says "No ma'am" and I tell her "Ok...now try again without the attitude". She does and all is well. I taught her early that you respect your elders and your parents and since she is still young, I am still teaching her that. Some kids get that way with change in friends, schools, homes, or even because you ran out of milk :) I haven't tried to video her....yet....sounds like a good idea if asking her how she is supposed to talk to adults doesn't work. Good Luck!

Kimberly - posted on 04/06/2010

4

25

2

I'm sorry! I didn't look closely enough... Yeah, 9 years old is getting close to the tween years!!! I sorta look at the tween time as God's way of giving us a glimpse of what real snottiness is going to look like soon! Kids DO learn very quickly how to push our buttons and at times seem to really enjoy it, especially our reaction to what they're doing. I really do wish I could offer some tidbit of info that would help you but, clearly, not knowing you and your situation personally prevents me from offering anything more than best wishes for you and your daughter. Maybe this is one of those things that you just have to recognize as par for the course... Because it really DOES get worse later, especially if you don't find that magic "thing" that stops it now!

Richele - posted on 04/06/2010

18

37

0

I was actually talking about my 91/2 year old, but yes my 6 year old too. Just not as much. My 9 year old is the oldest and because of that thinks she can get away with more, and his soooooo hormonal. I know it is just the beginning that is for sure.

Kimberly - posted on 04/06/2010

4

25

2

I checked your profile and assume you are talking about the 5 year old! I have a 13-yr old daughter and a 6-yr old son and both of them went through a really odd stage at 5 years. Both had been to pre-school at age 4 so it wasn't like they hadn't had exposure to other adults and children. I think for mine it was more about being exposed to kids (in a larger setting - kindergarten) with their own snotty attitudes, trying to figure out what they are allowed to do as a "big kid" by pushing the boundaries with mom (autonomy), and their physical body changing. I think what we have to do as moms no matter the age when snotty or disrespectful addtitudes kick in is to continually reassure them that we love them despite the nastiness and praise them when they speak kindly without the "snot"! NOW having said that sweet stuff... One thing that I know worked like magic with my kids was to video tape them when the snotty stuff started (can be tricky if you aren't prepared with a video cam or cell phone with video capabilities but you could even record them - simply audio - when it starts). When my daughter saw herself on video talking like that (eyes rolling, hip stuck out, mouth set) she was embarrassed and looked up at me horrified. She still gets snotty (shes a teen!!!) but all I do, literally, is remind her of what she looks and sounds like and she gets quiet!



Wishing you luck cuz you've got a long way to go, sister!!! LOL : )



Kim

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms