What more can I do to get my 7 year old to listen to me?

Katy - posted on 12/14/2009 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I'm sooooo above and beyond frustrated with my 7 year old. The last 3 weeks he has been so naughty! Talking back, being disrespectful, being mean. I've grounded him, taken video games away, yelled, been nice and spent time with him. Nothing is working!!!!! Please help me!

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Valerie - posted on 12/15/2009

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There are two things I can offer...first and foremost start catching him be good. If he does anything that can be acknowleged then do it. How to acknowlege is to be positive and point out a virtue(positive trait like kind, gentle, helpful, caring, considerate) and tell him specifically how you saw it. Try to do that in the morning, afternoon and evening. You need to be specific and sincere and include the virtue because these words have power...second, when he starts to act out ask him a what question NEVER WHY...ask something like what's up with you? what's the meanness about?...and then wait and look interested in hearing an answer...get curious not furious if you want to find out what is motivating the behavior...perhaps it is something happening at school and he diesn't know how to talk about it...don't give him answers just ask what questions and listen to se if he offers something...don't try to fix a problem if it comes out just show curiosity and ask more what questions to get more details...like if he says i hate school ask what do you hate about school? if he says johnny is mean ask what is happening with johnny...when youve asked all the questions to help him tell his story ask him what would be helpful? it is important to ask questions and then be silent and just listen patiently for his answers...those are the things i would start with...it kind of depends of his answers or behaviors as what to do next...feel free to email me directly if you want more guidance...i am a parenting coach...

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Fatima - posted on 11/29/2014

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my sis is 7 and its like im 2 i yell i be nice and she stell talks back and ignores me hellp pleazzzzz

Katy - posted on 12/21/2009

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Thank you everyone for the great advice. I had another mother from my work tell me to come up with an award chart. For everyday that he is good he gets a star. If he gets "X" amount of stars each week, he gets to do something fun like going to a movie, going sledding, having a friend sleepover, sleeping over at grandma and grandpas, Having a game night, ect. We started it last week and he has been an angel since. I hope his behavior contiues to be good.

Kerri - posted on 12/18/2009

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Hello there. I at times have that with my 5 year old. Actually she is worse than my 9 year old at times. Depending upon what it is you are needing him to do. But I would stand there and watch him do what he supposed to until it is done. That gives him a chance that he knows that you really mean business. As far as the angry outbursts have you just sat down there and asked him if there is something is bothering him at all. My son was acting out in more ways than usual and I found out that he was having issues with school and early puberty. He was so confused and scared with all the above and now he knows that he is able to come and talk to me about anything. If you sit with him until he actually breaks. I think that he will be able to come to you with his issues. I hope that this works.

Patricia - posted on 12/16/2009

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I know with my 7 yr old when he gets like that I just ignor him. Its really hard when hes there saying mom like a hundred times. I just tell him if he wants me to listen to him he needs to show me the same. It usually works when nothing else does. I use it as a last resort. Reason being is it also hurts my feelings to do it. Hope it gets better.

Angie - posted on 12/15/2009

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You have tried a lot of things in 3 weeks. I wonder if you've been consistent enough with any one method to find out if it will work. Make sure when you speak with him that you are at his eye level and that he is looking at you - not listening to the tv or playing a video game. It's a lot easier to stop this type of behavior at 7 than at 17 so be tough now and your life will be easier later. Good luck!

Lisa - posted on 12/15/2009

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Going through the same with my 5 year old, last week I took something away everyday and I swear it didn't phase him at all. All I can suggest is not to back down, keep doing what ur doing and eventually he'll get the point (we hope). By the end of the week there seemed to be some turnaround, just don't make the mistake of giving things back too fast. I wish u luck!!!

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How about trying ignoring - just pretending he isn't there and demanding your attention? It's hard, but works a treat with my little one.

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