What to do when kids are calling my child names at school and the teacher won't do anything about it

Rebecca - posted on 02/07/2013

My girl got bullyed at school to the point she did not talk,do homework,eat,or go to sleep. then the next year the school had put a bullyed paper in the classroom now my girl just takes it home gives it to me have me fill it out for, her and then she takes it to school and gives it to her teacher, and the their gardens teacher takes them out of class and ask them what happened ,what did they say, who was with you when it happened and where did it happened. And it will go on their records that they are bullyes

Karen - posted on 01/15/2010

I am going through a similar situation with my DD. She had a girl who was being mean in 1st grade. We first talked about how to handle it (walk away which actually made the girl madder and more petty because she lost her power). I told her that she teaches other people how to treat her and she was to tell the other girl that she was not going to play with her if she was mean and then walk away. It has ended up working so now she knows how to handle the same situation calmly if it arises in the future. That also stops the ganging up effect if other kids sense your son is weaker and will take the abuse. Once that was settled I talked to the teacher to ask her to have the adults keep an eye on things to stop this girl if she tries it again or does something else. The teacher was halfway right when she said to forget about it because you don't want the bully to think he / she got to him because then he / she has the power in the relationship. You son's next step needs to be to speak up and tell the other child that he won't tolerate their behavior and then walk away. The other key is you don't know exactly what your son told the teacher. 5 and 6 year olds don't always get the story straight - either in what he said or what the teacher said (trust me, it's amazing the versions I get and how not close to the truth they are). I would speak to the teacher privately and get her version of events and give her a chance to handle it and make suggestions, too. If it still goes on, then go to the Principal. Sometimes all it takes is for the kids to realize that an adult is watching their behaviour and just talking to the teacher, adult to adult, may result in the kids involved being put on notice.



Kids will find things to pick on each other about (spoken from a very thick glasses wearing, braces, bad '80's permed hair wearing kid), that's just a fact of life. The key is in teaching our own how to be nice to others and how to not give the meanies what they want - a reaction. And "suing the school" is extreme, unnecessary, will get your kid labeled and set him up for far worse teasing than a few words.



One other question, how did this start? Is there any chance that your son said or did something to one of the other kids or their friends? I know there is no excuse for retaliation but they are also 5 and don't always use adult judgement. Could the cry baby remark be a result of his reaction to something? Kids cry but they also have to learn to have appropriate responses to situations. I live with a 6 y.o. drama queen so I constantly have to remind her to make her response appropriate to the situation and not go into crisis mode all the time. My typical response is "solve the problem". If your son is overreacting to things he is inviting those types of name calling and making himself a target. The teacher may have been very correct in telling him to just forget about it. As Moms, too, we sometimes feed into the tears, reactions, etc. because that is just our nature, so we need to be more aware of how we are teaching our kids to react to things.

Paula - posted on 01/15/2010

I had this problem with my daughter from K-2nd grade cuz of her birthmark. After the teachers didn't do anything when she told them I had a talk with the teachers about it..it continued so my husband went to the school and had a talk with the principal about what had been going on..the principal called the kids in the office had a talk to them about what could happen if the name calling and poking her birthmark continued and then he called their parents and told them that if their kids continued to mess with my daughter like that they would all be suspended. It is harrassment and can cause your child to not want to go to school..It has all stopped now and has for the last 3yrs since we had the talk with the principal! Hope this helps! :)

HEATHER - posted on 12/03/2009

We had that same situation this year with my daughter. It went on for weeks. My daughters K teacher told us that is petty non-sense and she doesn't have time to deal with it. I went straight to the principle and got things all cleared up.

But have you tried roll playing with him?? We did with JD. It helped a lot. Ask him what he would do if "Joe" said he was a girl. See what his response is, and maybe give him something he can say back.(Nothing bad of course).

Brenda - posted on 12/03/2009

I feel your pain Dawn. My son has had that experience as well. What I did with him was to first of all let him know that he wasnt alone in the experience....mommy had been called names when she was younger too. My next thing was to explain that not every child has been taught good manners like he had. I explained that many times when a child picks on you it is purely for the reaction. If you ignore them they get bored and quit. (granted this is not always the case) I then asked how the childs name calling made him feel and we discussed how he himself shouldnt behave that way because he knows how it makes you feel and he wouldnt want anyone else to feel like that. I let him know that if things did not improve he was to tell me again and I speak with the teacher. Good luck and hugs to your sweet boy.

Rhonda - posted on 12/03/2009

Talk to your son,.reasure him,and give him plenty of love,..I have a 6 year old and I know he can be quite sensitive to name calling,,i try to help him understand that sometimes other people can be mean,, and when they are, he should not take it to heart, they just want to make other people feel as mean and nasty as themselves..

Ashley=) - posted on 12/03/2009

go straight to the teacher ask her if she is aware of this matter and take it from there.don't let it go your son has the right to a happy school environment free of this sort of stuff.KIDS WILL BE KIDS but teachers are adults but there to stop this sort of bullying in its tracks.if you feel she hasn't done that step in and sort it out.good luck to you all.:)

Sandra - posted on 12/02/2009

I am going through a similar cituation. My son came home very upset that he was blamed for behavior done by other student. When he told the teacher that it was not him but another student the teacher told him she did not beleive him and sent a negative note home. I am trying to figure out how to go talk to the teacher and find out what is going on. It has happend several times. He is starting to say he hates first grade. I don't want him to get a negative idea of school, I have told him to let me know if it happends again and will go talk to the teacher and counselor at the same time. It is very sad when I see him so upset. I think you should go talk to the teacher because that is bulleing. The other thing is maybe you can volunteer in the class once in a while so the other kids see you and learn that there is an adult that will protect your son. And the teacher might become more attentive to what your son is saying. I have been asking his teacher when it would be a good time to go in...I am still waiting.

Victoria - posted on 12/02/2009

girl dont hold it in.. go up to that school and show out.. start with the teacher and if that doesnt work got to the principal... if that doesnt work go to the board of education... i dont like bullies and i dont think that my child or any other child should have to put up with it...

Carolyn - posted on 12/02/2009

I think you need to talk to the teacher. He may have said something to the teacher, but you don't know this for sure or if she understood. He's only 6 and doesn't need to just deal with this on his own. He's still learning these skills. I would also assume the the problem kids aren't just calling your son names, so the sooner it is dealt with, the better, don't just let it continue. Good luck

Jessica - posted on 12/02/2009

If it continues I would go to the principal. You can even sue the school if they do nothing to stop it. It's harassment.