when spanking for discipline do you put over your knee or how and bare bottom or not?

[deleted account] ( 55 moms have responded )

For those moms who think spanking is wrong no need to comment

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[deleted account]

I spank over-the-knee with my hand on the bare bottom. My daughter hasn't needed to go there yet, but my son has had two sessions on the side of my bed. I think it makes perfect sense to spank on the bare. Why would I not wish to actually see what I was doing?

In both cases, I gave a dozen smacks (age X 2) from cheek to cheek, finishing with three down low where the bottom and legs come together. The spanking stings and reddens the bum, and the tears are real. But my son knew why I was spanking him, and the spankings he got taught him a lesson. If that isn't the object of the exercise, I don't know what is.

Anna - posted on 11/15/2012

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I'm a firm believer of spanking. That is what's wrong with kids now they don't get them anymore. My daughter will be 10 soon and I use a paddle like they have in schools, but not bare bottomed. I make her grab her ankles. She's too big to put over my knee. After a few of those, you won't have to use it any more just the threat of it works.

Michael - posted on 11/27/2013

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I've smacked my daughters bottom she defies me sometimes I've had her over my knee tonite

[deleted account]

Absolutely excellent answer, Fay! Your comment should be required reading for all new parents.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 11/15/2012

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Ok, WAS sufficient...mine are 18 & 14 now

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Mallory - posted 4 days ago

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Spanking a child is a parents decision to make, however I would like to give you some information on spanking and how this can impact your child, so that you can make an educated decision on what is best for you child. Recent research shows that children who are spanked have increased grey matter in their brains which lowers their IQ, and is linked with increased aggression, violence, impulse control problems, and substance abuse over the span of their lifetime. Parents who spank are typically uneducated, and are of lower socioeconomic status. While I hear the argument all the time that "I was spanked and am fine," while this may be true, without spanking you could have been even better and smarter. As for its effectiveness, it is short term, because spanking does not deal with the "root cause" of the behavior, nor teach the child how to handle the situation differently. While other methods of discipline are just as effective, they do take more time to implement, and so many parents use spanking because they do not want to put effort into teaching, rather than controlling. I am sure we all love our children and want what is best for them, rather than what is easy or convenient for us, so I hope this information helps those who were unaware of the outcomes of spanking children.

Tony - posted on 12/13/2014

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You are probably right. Spanking virtual adults is probably not wise. There is an age where it should finish. In my family I put that about 8 or 9 yrs.

Tony - posted on 12/13/2014

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That is very sad but please don't transpose that onto to a healthy spanking. Your mother had a problem and passed it on. Now you see all discipline through those eyes which is unfortunate.

Tony - posted on 12/13/2014

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I think you have it all wrong. There should be a loving relationship between parent and child but there may be times discipline is needed up to a certain age. To deny parents that right is very shortsighted.

Yes we know about abuses but don't throw the baby out with the bathwater.

W - posted on 11/29/2014

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when I was a child yes I was spanked over the knee bare bottom I was never embarrassed I was more concerned for my bottom and yes I learned and yes my parents explained why I love my parent and grateful they raised me with love and guidance

Tony - posted on 11/14/2014

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I don't know. I am aroused by being spanked and my wife has been comfortable with it for many years. It fits into our sex life quite well. She doesn't like it for herself though.

John - posted on 11/08/2014

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I was spanked on the bare bottom by my mother after I left work to attend college, ages 22 to 26 , bare with the cane in the "Assume the position "position for up to 24 strokes. Above that I was allowed underpants for up to 50 or sometimes more. It hurt like hell and was good at keeping me in line in my studies. Sitting down was another question!. Embarasing yes but valuable even more so. Mother kept this up until I left home at 32. I still think it was valuable!

Ashley - posted on 10/09/2014

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We spank over our laps on the bare bottom. not naked just pulled down to there knee's the same way my parents spanked me and the same way my husband was spanked

John - posted on 08/09/2014

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Think about it from a trauma stand point, a strong person approaches you and orders you to remove your outer clothing and lay down, threatening you with harm if you don't do that. The person is the opposite gender. Now they start to forcefully remove your under garments and can visually up close view your genitals. The act is frightening, humiliating, and yet strangely you feel some weird pleasant feelings in your genital area involuntarily. This is a memory of trauma for what? Rape, incest, or a spanking? I suffered until mid life with a shameful masochistic fetish for this very ritualized act I remember from my childhood many times by my mother. I sought help to understand I was being sexually aroused by my mother but too young to know it at the time. I remember my last spankings in early teen ages being oddly attracted to the order of walking to my mother for a spanking and in therapy was helped to understand that subconsciously my mother may have been sexually gratified by this ritual of spanking I experienced, it was good for me and her. Also in therapy I started to have repressed trauma broken down and remembered rather than the dissociative erotic memories my mind had used to band aid over the real fear, and humiliation I experienced up to that time. According to my therapist the sexual arousal I was feeling is linked to feelings of being loved so I developed an attachment to desiring to be humiliated with forced exposure and spanking from a mother like figure. It complicated my marriage! I'm NOT alone in this one aspect of abuse from spanking, I'm sharing my story and that of the site owner in links for all here to study. The comments left are ALL volunteers sharing their same damage as I from childhood spanking. A spanking fetish very compulsive for one's entire life! http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/sexua... http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/can-c... Please mothers don't sexually abuse your children ignorantly!

John - posted on 08/09/2014

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Think about it from a trauma stand point, a strong person approaches you and orders you to remove your outer clothing and lay down, threatening you with harm if you don't do that. The person is the opposite gender. Now they start to forcefully remove your under garments and can visually up close view your genitals. The act is frightening, humiliating, and yet strangely you feel some weird pleasant feelings in your genital area involuntarily. This is a memory of trauma for what? Rape, incest, or a spanking? I suffered until mid life with a shameful masochistic fetish for this very ritualized act I remember from my childhood many times by my mother. I sought help to understand I was being sexually aroused by my mother but too young to know it at the time. I remember my last spankings in early teen ages being oddly attracted to the order of walking to my mother for a spanking and in therapy was helped to understand that subconsciously my mother may have been sexually gratified by this ritual of spanking I experienced, it was good for me and her. Also in therapy I started to have repressed trauma broken down and remembered rather than the dissociative erotic memories my mind had used to band aid over the real fear, and humiliation I experienced up to that time. According to my therapist the sexual arousal I was feeling is linked to feelings of being loved so I developed an attachment to desiring to be humiliated with forced exposure and spanking from a mother like figure. It complicated my marriage! I'm NOT alone in this one aspect of abuse from spanking, I'm sharing my story and that of the site owner in links for all here to study. The comments left are ALL volunteers sharing their same damage as I from childhood spanking. A spanking fetish very compulsive for one's entire life! http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/sexua... http://www.child-abuse-effects.com/can-c... Please mothers don't sexually abuse your children ignorantly!

John - posted on 08/08/2014

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Spanking with forced clothing removal frontal exposure can be very arousing and make you potentially committing sexual abuse of your own child!

John - posted on 08/08/2014

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I'm a married man with spouse and kids. Never spanked because I was sexually aroused by the undressing of pants and underwear ritually done for the preparation of spanking by my mother. I sought psychological treatment for a masochistic fetish with humiliation and spanking late in life, but I remember at age 9 my body being taken over feelings of being treated by an adult mother figure in fantasy that took over my mind and I act it out in private. I also was helped to grasp that my mother unconsciously also was suffering from this sort of sexual damage in sexually sadistic form and was sexually gratified secretly as she spanked me and my siblings in the ritual undressing and frontal partial nudity that occurred before the spanking. Mothers, please don't do this to your children! I hate my dead mother for the ritual humiliation, and sexual desire that haunts me yet today even though I'm age 55! Spanking is sexual abuse for some children and some mother's and father's are committing incest ignorantly with their children!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/17/2014

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Sheila, you've been told: "spanking" (which is assault) an 18 Year old adult can get you charged with assault, or battery. Spanking a 16 yo is ineffective as well.

You need to learn how to handle your parenting in a more adult manner.

Sheila - posted on 07/17/2014

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My daughters are 16 and 18.
I did put them over my knee for breaking curfew time a few weeks ago but my 16 year old daughter said after she felt she was going to fall.
She is taller than me and my 18 year old daughter.
If they need smacking again they will bend over a chair.
As soon as I tell them they are having their bottoms smacked they take their skirts and knickers off.

Jan - posted on 06/15/2014

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What else can i do with my son i try everything he only listen to a spanking please tell me what can i do else.

Amanda - posted on 06/12/2014

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As a Psychology graduate I feel inclined to tell you that physical punishment is detrimental to a childs development. You are literally scarring your child mentally. I don't think this will make you stop, but think about what you are doing to your child and how it will effect them later in life, because beating and spanking only harm them and do not teach them a lesson.

Jan - posted on 06/07/2014

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My son only listen to a good spanking what else can i do please tell me Shawnn i don't want to beat him any idea are welcome.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/05/2014

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Are you still defending your abuse of your child? methinks thou dost protest too much.

Since you continue to defend your statements, that tells me that you KNOW you could be applying other, more effective methods, but that you would rather just beat the boy.

Unfortunately, you must be in a place that does not advocate child protection, but encourages child abuse, many countries are still in that 'mode'.

I'm sorry for your son.

Jan - posted on 06/03/2014

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My advocate told me that i not beat my son yes i even have the right to spank him so my son gets a good spanking whenever he needs its.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/27/2014

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A spanking is 3-4 pops. Not 25 licks on a bare backside. That is beating. Any child advocate will tell you the difference. I got this guideline from my local law enforcement.

Jan - posted on 05/27/2014

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I DO NOT BEAT my son he only gets spankings and i do love him when he is misbehaving he gets a good spanking.

Charlotte - posted on 05/21/2014

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I do believe in spanking but I also believe there have to be limits and restrictions to this subject, both physically and emotionally. First off I will say I was spanked bare bottom until I was 16. It hurt, of course, but after a certain age it became emotionally hurtful. Humiliating. So I brought my 4 children up with the occasional spanking but NEVER bare bottom, and I NEVER did it out of anger or to embarrass them. I think that's the important factor in spankings. Its a punishment not a means to take your anger out on them for what they did wrong.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/21/2014

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No child needs to be beaten. Period. Beating on a bare backside for 25 licks is abuse. Period.

Learn to verbalize. Learn to address the situation appropriately, because it is QUITE OBVIOUS that your beatings are accomplishing nothing, except to potentially turn your child away from you entirely.

Hopefully someone in your area realizes that you are beating your child and turns you in to protective services.

Janijpma - posted on 05/21/2014

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No its not abuse my son needs a good punishment he is misbehaving very badly sometimes and yes i give him 25 swats on his bare bottom he needs it Shawnn

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/19/2014

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Oh for christ's sake...If you cannot verbalize with your TEN YEAR OLD, I think there's a friggin problem

How many of you have TRIED anything other than spanking as a punishment?

And, I'm sorry, but TWENTY FIVE swats on a bare butt? That is abuse. That is not spanking. Spanking is, at most 3, MAYBE 5 swats. Your point is across by that time. Anything else is excessive punishment, and I'd call your sorry asses in every time.

And, YES, I SPANKED IF I DEEMED IT NECESSARY.

NEVER BARE BUTT, NEVER OVER MY KNEE, AND NEVER MORE THAN 3 SWATS.

And my kids are damned near awesomely perfect, in my opinion. They're respectful, responsible, and self sufficient.

Janijpma - posted on 05/17/2014

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Hello Ellen yes he squirms and i give him extra swats for it thank you for your support.

[deleted account]

For a boy of ten, I'd say that's a good spanking, Jan. I hope he doesn't squirm too much across your lap. If and when he does, you might give some extra smacks right at the top of his legs, right where his naughty backside tends to be especially sensitive. It's actually not a bad idea to spank him there anyway, just to 'punctuate' the punishment.

Jan - posted on 03/17/2014

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Mothers how often do you spank your kids. I spank my son a few times a month.

Jan - posted on 02/24/2014

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I just spanked my son of 10 year old he is misbehaving very badly i have him over my knee today

Jan - posted on 01/11/2014

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I give my child 25 swats on his bare bottom with hand and over the knee

Monique - posted on 12/19/2012

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Do any of you believe in God & the Bible? Whether you do or not the Bible says "spare the rod, spoil the child" I'm a firm believer in both.

Shelly - posted on 11/25/2012

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I've spanked my kids, but not very often. I saved it for those moments of outright defiance, not every infraction. Over the knee works with younger kids; I guess it's a matter of figuring out the logistics of it... I never did the bare bottom - that always seemed to me to bring a sexual element into it, as well as humiliation, which is definitely not what I want. Bare hand for me, clothes on for the kids. And afterwards I always cuddled with my kids to let them know that I still loved them. I also found it be effective only up to about school age. After that there are other forms of discipline that probably work better. And of course, it always depends on the individual child. What works for one may not work on the next. Spanking is already a contentious issue, but done correctly I believe it can be effective. I think the key is to never do so if you are angry, otherwise you will be letting it out on the child.

Fay - posted on 11/20/2012

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All very well saying "take things away", my children dont have things to take away, no laptops, no mobiles, no gameboys or ds's or whatever, we have a family computer and tv, that's it. And some people say "time out", but how does that work if you're trying to get a child ready for school? What's the point in letting them sit in a corner for 5 minutes, when you only have 10 minutes left? To answer the question, yes, I spanked my children, yes I put them over my knee, and yes I did it bare bummed! After a few times of doing it, they knew I would carry out the threat, and then all I had to do was threaten it. I was spanked as a child, given "six of the best" as my dad put it, but i was also given the love that was necessary to reassure me. It's about balance, and finding what works for the individual.

Sophia - posted on 11/19/2012

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Frist thing frist.. hitting is not real discipline. I take things away .. cell phones, lap top, tv, games, no friends over, no no no no no. I say. you want to really make a child get what you are saying put away all his toys. and explain why.

Tracie - posted on 11/16/2012

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Ask yourself how you would prefer to be taught/disciplined and act accordingly. Your child is a fully formed human being, just like you.

Sherri - posted on 11/15/2012

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No never!! One spank open handed standing over clothing. Although we only spank till around 3 1/2yrs old, then they are more than old enough to reason with.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 11/15/2012

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Not over my knee, usually 2 pops is sufficient

Barbara - posted on 11/15/2012

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I do not approve spanking a child for discipline because this is a violent task and is not teaching a child right from wrong. As a child, I was spanked by my dad as well as my siblings and we all thought that nothing was truly learned only hurt. A child needs to be discipline from time to time but I think it is better to talk it out with your child and have consequences rather than spanking.

Dove - posted on 11/13/2012

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I'm not completely opposed to spanking and have done it before, but I've never put a child over my knee and I would absolutely never pull down their pants to spank under any circumstance whatsoever.

Kari - posted on 11/13/2012

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I don't personall agree with this sort of "discipline", and it seems to be the trend these days to NOT do it....I don't know if you'll get a lot of responses here that you're looking for, just FYI.

Anastasia - posted on 11/13/2012

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not sure on the over the knee or not but bare bottom just causes embaressment and humiliation it will not correct the behavior im not really agianst spanking though i do not practice it myself as a child i was regularly spanked though until i was around 12 and thus i only have my own experiance to draw from.

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