Why does my daughter don't tell me when she is emotionally hurt or wounded?

Wayne - posted on 06/30/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )




I have two kids. My eldest is a 5 year old girl and a 1 year old boy. I am currently stationed overseas and my wife stays with the kids.

I left my country (to work) when my my daughter was two years old. I have been away for 4 years and go home twice a year. I normally stay for a week. Our communication is every night via skype.

We btw stay at my wife's parent's house and live with my mother and father inlaw.

Going back to my daughter, when she reached the age of four, i noticed that she became a bit of an emotional type. especially when she gets scolded or gets hurt.

One thing that worries me is that she refuse to tell me when she is wounded or gets scolded and even asks her mom not to mention anything about it. Here are more of my observations:

- she will keep on saying nothing happened.
- when she gets scolded, she tends to self pity especially when we had her brother and less attention was given to her.
- when she is wounded she will go to her mom instead of me.
- when her mom scolds her, she will immediately ask her mom not to tell anything before the video chat session.
- when she knows i find out that she has been scolded, she will tell me not to tell mom.
- i feel like when she knows i will be angry about it what she did, she will keep quiet.

i feel like she has low self esteem, and everytime she does something, i always praise her. I rarely or can't even remember the last time i scolded her.

There was one time i asked why she was crying and she said nothing happend, to find out (secretly from mom) that she knocked her head on the floor.

So i told her nicely that next time, if she get's hurt or scolded or break something. she has to tell me because i will not be angry. she agreed.

i do not know whether she does not want me to get disappointed?

please help and need your advice.



Louise - posted on 06/30/2012




She does not want you to be disappointed with her. She simply loves you so much that she is ashamed she has been told off. Share stories of you being naughty like eating to much cake or breaking a glass or something. This will show her that we all get things wrong at times. She is very young and does not understand why her dad is in the computer screen and not home like other dads. I know how this works as my husband is away for 6 weeks at a time working and my 3.5 year old talks to him on skype.

Just show her that silly things happen. Show her bumps and bruises too! Anything that will show her that these things happen.

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