Aleshia - posted on 06/12/2010 ( 72 moms have responded )
I have been struggling with my oldest son (5years old) for about 2.5 years now. Each year has progressively become worse. He is now very defiant against anything we need or tell him to do, abusive to his 2 year old brother, he lies and steals, manipulates--at least he gets away with it from his brother, but only tries it with us...and many other bad behaviors.
He acts like he cannot do any of the things we demand of him, but his pre-k teacher says he is not a problem at school and other people who have cared for him have no issues. It seems it is something between me and him.
One thing I do notice is that other people always give him what he wants and I rarely give him anything. I have taken all his toys away and it never phased him. I have attempted to get him toys when his nana would send money but he breaks anything he gets almost immediately, taking it apart to use as a weapon or something creative. I refuse to buy him anything anymore or let anybody we know buy him anything. The only thing he has left to do is use his imagination or watch a little television which is limited to a certain amount of time a day and he is only allowed to watch the noggin station or a few cartoons on disney in the mornings, or color/draw.
I have been alone this entire time to deal with his problems, but I do have a new boyfriend that has lived with me since January. He takes responsibility and helps discipline him, but my son thinks he is a joke and is very disrespectful of him. I have also talked with the doctors about his behavior over these couple years and they do not seem to worry, but it worries me that they are not considering my mental and emotional tension that has been building and getting worse.
I am afraid of hurting him now. I have never felt this much anger towards a child, but his behavior would make anyone lash out no matter the age of the person acting it out. I have been very patient with him up till about a year ago and I would give him so many chances...I feel this has backfired and now it seems there is nothing we can do to restrain his behavior and make him understand the consequences--which he does not seem too bothered by, and no help to fix it. He is very whiney when he does not get his way or screams out blood curdling screams, which anger me more at times and others i try to ignore depending on the situation and location.
I could probably keep going with my frustrations here, but I will stop and see if anyone has any suggestions. I have an appointment on June 24th to talk with a psycologist or something of that nature. I am not sure what to expect from this appointment so I wanted to ask parents that might have ideas for help.