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Sonya - posted on 01/19/2010 ( 3 moms have responded )

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Hi all. I have a 18 yr old son who is gay and is a college freshman. I also have a 17 yr old son that is a junior in high school. I love both of my sons dearly and do not care of their sexuality. My question is is that I do not think that my 17 yr old knows that his brother is gay. He is a 17 yr old adhd child that jsut doesnt get life. Do I tell him. My son did not come out to me directly, although i thought he was since he was a toddler, but asked him when he was in 11th grade, but he denied it. Shortly after the conversation, i seen on his facebook that he was. I was the one that told his father. Do i tell my 17 yr old or not.

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Maria - posted on 01/30/2010

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Hi am new as well, and I feel for your situation. but I don't see that it would make a difference. I feel that at their age they would talk about it when it needed to be talked about. I am only learning so by no means am i any kind of expert. I wish you luck in whatever you decide. the other thing is that It doesn't seem like your son is open to talking about his sexuality and may take it as an invasion of privacy.

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Teresa - posted on 07/28/2010

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This is a hard problem and it depends on your child. I believe your child probably already knows. If he is 17 then he has seen your other sons facebook. We did not tell my younger son or daughter, but one day my daughter who was 10 at the time came into my room and asked me if her oldest brother was gay. I asked her why she was asking and she said she saw it on his facebook page. I told her yes. She asked me why I didn't tell her. I was honest. I told her I didn't know how she would react and that it didn't change the fact that he was her brother and we love him. She agreed and said nothing to her other brother. Then one day when my daughter was 11 (last fall) she said something about my son's significant other in front of her other brother. My middle son then asked, as if surprised, if the oldest brother was gay. I said yes and my daughter just nodded. My son raised his eyebrows (he was 15 at the time) and went back to his homework. He later asked me a couple of questions which I answered as honestly as possible and that was it. So I think as close in age as your sons are, that the younger probably already knows. Children in his school would know and say something (children can be incredibly insensitive). I would be really shocked to hear that your younger son did not know.

Jennifer - posted on 04/29/2010

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I would be likely to start talking to my 18 year old gay son so it doesn't feel like it's a taboo subject. Hopefully He will feel that he can be loved and accepted exactly the way that God made him and he won't feel the need to deny it. Once you have opened the door for your older son to feel comfortable being himself, then it can be up to your older son to talk to your younger son about the issue. Even with ADHD, your 17 year old should be able to get it.

In any case, even if no one talks about it, it would be helpful if you ever hear derogatory remarks either made by family or others in the direction of homosexuals, for you to let those people know it is not acceptable to behave that way. This will help your older son see that you will support him and it helps with self worth.

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