no motivation for school

[deleted account] ( 10 moms have responded )

what advise can one give when a child of 17 has no goal in life although he is aware of school education in general. he hardly can find the motivation to work for it.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Trisha - posted on 12/21/2008

3

21

0

I recently read in a book called Parenting teens with Love and Logic. That though it is really hard to do we have to let them make their own choices and live with the consequences. The only thing you can do is set consrquences for his actions or lack there of and stick to them. Motivation seems to be a big issue with a lot of teens these days and just know that you are not alone in your struggles. Good luck!

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

10 Comments

View replies by

Crystal - posted on 07/10/2009

1

0

0

It is important at this age to move from motivation to purpose. It isn't as important that your son find a "thrill" or high level of interest in school, because that may not be true for him. Help him understand the value and purpose for continuing school. Have him develop a 10 year plan working backwards. Encourage him to find out what motivates him it may not be in the classroom, but it will make life worth living.

Leigh - posted on 07/09/2009

285

25

21

School is not for all kids, what other educational institudes are availble for him to 'try' something different? I think around this age they tend to 'flip/flop', around with what they like, what they want to do, but they have no idea about putting strategy's into place to getting there. When my son was this age his father took him to work with him for a week. My husband is a welder, works in a factory & pretty much has a routine job. It's hard slog, early starts without stopping during the day. My son was amazed & after a week said to me, I can't believe that Daddy's been doing that for the past 20 years. My son found it boring & mundane, but he did like the management side & told me that he wanted to be the one that got to walk around the factory floor & tell the 'workers' what was required, so my answer to that was to ask him how much education he thought these 'managers' had, & he told me he realised that he would have to get educated. As a result he is now at uni (again, something that I had to go with & walk him through for him to realise that this was an option that was open to him). I did have a talk with him when he was on his last year at high school & gave him 3 options, 1. Further education ie uni or a training course, 2. Join the armed forces (in Australia you can do a gap year which allows you the freedom to leave after a year if you find that it's not what you want) 3. Get a full time job (he already works at McD's as a 'for now' option so knows how crappy some jobs are). Like the majority of kids they like to find what the can get with the least amount of effort, but when he really thought about a few small goals he wants to achieve, ie traveling, getting a nice car, not living at home forever, he realised he needed MONEY to do all these things, & the more education he got, the more MONEY he'd make, so uni was the go. I am now going through the same thing with my 15 year old, small steps to get him into something he wants to do every day & get paid for it, what a luxury, I have never had, but want my children to experience. One option that a number of my friends have allowed is that their kids finish high school & then get to take a year off, for what I have no idea, but the majority of my friends are now going through having a lazy youth coming & going & treating their homes like motels, without any accountablility?? Good Luck Alie, I hope your boy comes good!!

Trish - posted on 06/30/2009

12

3

3

I agree with letting them live with their own consequences. There is a socially accepted timeline for things, but does it really matter when people achieve things? Of a family of 6, only 1 of my siblings finished high school on time. But of the 6 of us there is - a cytotechnologist, a computer project manager, an executive chef, a ticketed millwright, a talented mother of 4, and me - a university graduate hoping to return to get a MA when my kids are older. We are all fine, it just took us a while to figure things out.

Ginger - posted on 04/11/2009

2

7

0

I have a 18 yr old who will graduate in a month and had trouble for the last 3 or 4 months getting him to go. I finally figured out after talking with him a lot that he feels like he is an adult now and should get to make his own decisions. So I started giving him is own responsibilities and letting him be responsible for the consequences and he seems to have worked things out for himself. He finally gets up on his own, goes to a job in the afternoon and even pays his own bills, including doctors, courts, etc.

Melanie - posted on 04/04/2009

6

3

1

I have a 17 year old who does not like to talk about school. However, he found a couple of years ago a passion for karate. This seems to keep him going in everything else. Maybe your son could use an extracurricular activity to get him excited about life. Also, you might want to check him out for depression, just in case.

Marianne - posted on 02/17/2009

1

11

0

I'm having the same issues. It seems that we give them too much and they really don't earn anything. So they are not looking ahead for anything. Does he need to save up for a car or anything like that? I try to remember the goals we had when we were growing up, but they don't seem to have thea same goals.

Ana - posted on 02/01/2009

1

3

0

Unfortunately, It is difficult to get teen motivated to do anything at all! 



After years of trying to help our teen (almost 17 year old)  do well in school my husband and I ultimately decided to allow our teen to take the GED test.  Our son presented us with the idea about a year ago, but we continued to encourage him to finish regular high school.  He understands that he has to live with the consequences of not pursuing a regular high school diploma, if there are any.  I'm happy to say that since the GED, he has decided on his own to continue his education in college and he seems to show more interest in life in general... He feels like he has control of his own life and we are there to support  and help guide his decisions.  It's difficult to let go, but I've learned that it's ok!  Let them make mistakes because they will ultimately learn from them. 



Another thing that really helped me is my religious beliefs.  I pray for him a lot!  I ask God to guide him and keep him from harm.  :D



 

Janet - posted on 12/05/2008

4

0

1

nothing has worked to motivate my son. its like the goal seems to far away to care about. he used to be into bmx, and wanted to go to camp woodward ($1000/wk) so i offered that in exchange for A's and B's. nope. he thought i'd send him anyway but i didn't. now he's (hopefully) going to graduate in a few months, and signed up for the Marines. he ships off to boot camp june 8th, and i guess he is going to do whatever he wants till he leaves! nothing i say or do matters, and he won't get a job. so he doesn't have his drivers license yet either, and that's going to be pathetic to be a Marine that can't even drive. you just can't get them to look beyond today.

Rachel - posted on 12/03/2008

6

21

2

My son is also unmotivated with his school work. So the school set up a rewards system for him and like minded children. They were given goals and if they made them the school payed for four after school activities. Your son is older than mine but you could try the same thing. Offer something that he can't say no to (Moter bike lessons spring to mind)

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms