I relinquished full time custody of my teenaged son

Vanessa - posted on 06/07/2010 ( 1 mom has responded )

Last year, about this time, my son gave me the blues. He began hanging out with this kid who was a bad influence. My son's friend was put out onto the streets often, by his Mom, and I just wouldn't allow this boy to be walking the streets especially at night. I let him stay with us. His Mom even granted me temporary custody. I ended up asking CPS to intervene, as the Mom drinks and becomes irresponsible. I even asked if I could gain permanent custody. I found out that the kid's Tribe, he's a Native American, wouldn't allow an outsider to adopt him. Upon this kid's return home, and the Mother's growing alcoholism, he got worse. In doing so, my son chose to hang with him and also got caught up in making bad choices. My honor roll son began failing in private school (he was fortunate to get scholarship), running away from home (I became close with the police), the school threatened to arrest and fine me for HIS truancy, while walking home from school he ignored a passing car that slowed as they tried to snatch my daughter into the car, and finally he allowed this boy into my home (while I was at work) and they poured rubbing alcohol onto my tile floor and lit. The flames grew so high that my daughter grew extremely frightened, upon awakening, and put it out with her blanket. My daughter became so frightened of her brother and his threats to her, that she sent me an email reporting all the things I didn't know about. To top this off my son went to sleep (early am) in the tub, with the water running while my daughter and I were sleeping , and the overflow destroyed my linoleum, carpet and the downstairs neighbors as well. I woke up only because the neighbor banged on my door. I debated long and hard on the consequences to all this. His school terminated his scholarship and called me on the job demanding that I pick him up before the school day ended. I explained to them that I work a very dangerous job, can't leave my crew a man short and was too blessed to be stressed. I then told them to turn him over to their security for safekeeping, or to the police, and I would pick him up after my work day ended.



I enrolled him into an alternative school and he started slowly but surely turning around. This was after the Principal made himself a personal friend of ours, along with the Police there. I'd already gotten a Big Brother from the Big Brothers/Big Sister's Foundation for him and a counselor to boot. His Big Brother was as surprised as I was at my son's Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde routine. He did good for a minute then started the cycle again. I chose to hide the house phones to keep him from making calls in the wee hours of the morning. I even enrolled him into a center for runaway teens, during the Christmas and New Year Holidays. The whole family hurt from his rebellion and resistance to help. How dare he talk to strangers, when his family was more than receptive and bending over backwards? His older brother was ready to beat him up! He kept saying to me, "Send him here Mom. Send him to ME."



The stress caused me to lose sleep, I had to get a lawyer to overthrow my landlord's threatened eviction (because of the number of times I called the police), I had to pay over $500 in apartment damages, I failed my first year apprenticeship (in sheet metal) and have to start that over from scratch. My union pay scale dropped by almost $3/hr.



The day I threw my son up against the wall and told him that "In the animal kingdom, the mothers eat their young and you look like food," I knew that he had to go! I was quite serious about taking his life before I would ever feel afraid of anything I gave birth to. When I sent both my kids to stay with their Dad for the summer in another state, I made the impromptu decision for my son not to return. I also decided to enroll myself into professional counseling because of my verbal abuse and threats towards him. I decided it might be a good idea to put myself into counseling as well, when I found myself praying over which would be a better purchase: a bat or a gun to use against my son!



My Hubby has turned up the heat on this son and my oldest son watches him like a hawk. Hubby's put him to work, in the church, assisting him with janitorial duties. For this, they both get paid a stipend. He's also pulled his grades up and is on the honor roll again. The school has recommended him for advanced classes. Last but not least, he's begun playing the keyboard, viola, and cello. I understand that my oldest son (playing his percussion instrument), middle son (keyboards) and Hubby (sings) perform for the church occasionally. I'm so happy that I was able to get past my ego (Easing God out) and relinquished my son. BUT OH HOW I MISS HIM! And I fear for his life in that neighborhood. Everyday I pray on this and turn it over to God. It was one of the main reasons, I'd taken him with me to another state. The gangs are very bad and the city very prejudiced. I wanted my children to grow up, in the Lord, and fully respecting all races! My eyes are filling with tears as I write this and I try very hard to not judge myself as a failure. I've raised two children to adulthood, had two to go and now I'm down to one. Each child holds a special place in your heart and one cannot replace the love you have for another. It's now one year later and I realize just how much I too traumatized my son. However I couldn't save my face and ass, at the same time. It was about getting my son back on track, through any means necessary. In retrospect, I made the best decision by him. I know that God had my back then and still does now. Thank you for reading this.