Am I being selfish to want DH help when he's in town?

Whitney - posted on 10/27/2011

I am very very fortunate that I have my family and my inlaws in the same town as us. They are both very good to help whenever I need. I'm the type of person though that I hate asking for help unless necessary. I also have a few friends that are good to help as well especially with the older two. I do have one friend that will watch the babies during the day if i need help. I understand how you feel and why you feel like you want to move closer to your family. We live in Texas and my husband's job is based in Oklahoma. When I use to complain about doing everything on my own he suggested we move closer to him. I couldn't do it. Maybe I'm being selfish, but I couldn't move away from our family....all the people that help me. Yes he would be there, but he would still be working just as much. He is very good to help when he comes home. He does stuff around the house...like the dishes. I don't wash one dish while he's home. He also will take one of the boys with him during the day while he's out and about so I do get a little break there. One baby is a breeze when you're use to having 2 all the time!! lol I hope it gets better. I'm here if you want to vent!! lol

Cari - posted on 10/26/2011

I tell my DH that too, and he gets defensive saying I think he's on vacation when he travels! I'm still in shock that he has become so immature since baby arrived - he used to be the more responsible one!



Can I ask you, how do you manage for weeks while he's away - do you have your own family nearby? I only have DH's parents, who see grandson once a fortnight and am missing my family support now that I have a child. I'm thinking of moving 3,000 miles to be near my family because DH won't speak to his family about helping more when we need it (he has a brother that lives close but brother is all-consumed with his wife's family and wife has no interest in anyone outside her family so we only see them once every 3 months), and there are also aunts uncles and cousins (with kids) but DH won't establish a relationship with them to help us find more support. He also refuses to go to Daddy groups and make any friends (his only friend lives 4 hrs away) so our only friends with kids are mums that I've met at baby groups. He's doing nothing to help and I've done what I can so far but explained I need more support and more socialising with family, so I feel I have no support, from him or elsewhere. I just wondered what network you have to help you cope.

Whitney - posted on 10/25/2011

You wanting help is totally realistic. My husband is gone for weeks at a time. I'm a SAHM with four kids...9,6, and 10 month old twins. My husband knows that I expect help when he comes home and he is actually very good to help. Yes they travel and have to deal with that, but like I tell my husband when his job is over at the end of the day he gets to go do whatever he wants...ALONE. They get down time. Us moms NEVER get off the clock. We work 24/7!!!