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Anyone a Railroaders wife??

Amanda - posted on 05/21/2012 ( 3 moms have responded )

My husband is a railroader and is away more than he is home. He is on call 24/7 and has limited days off. No set schedule and gets called out whenever. We have 2 boys ages 6 and 5. They are his world and vice versa..... Most days I just feel like "the mom". I am a stay at home, and for the most part love it, but at the same time, I have no life of my own, and am pretty bored most of the time. I try so hard to instill values, morals and establish boundaries and rules. The boys don't listen to me, they don't respect me, they don't help out, they fight constantly and drive me absolutely nuts! I just have such a hard time finding the right means of discipline for them. It is so different from day to day. When dad comes home the rules and schedules always have to change to benefit the time he is home. Bedtime routines and times change depending on when he is home. He lets them do things that I don't and then I am left to hear the "but dad lets us do it".....blah blah blah.....

Just lookin for other moms who deal with this as well. Maybe together we can come up with solutions and advice for each other.

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Brenda - posted on 05/27/2012

My hubby has been with the RR 7 years. We have a 3 year old and a 8 month old. I just became an at home mom 1 month ago. I can relate to what you are saying about when they are home. Nothing is a routine & it seems like the work you've done while they are away matters but it does because we are here for them. Bedtime is hard for me to enforce because I want so badly for them & him to have as much time as possible.

Amanda - posted on 05/22/2012

I must say....Hang on! My hubby has been railroaden for 13 years and it really doesn't get easier, just adjustable in a sense.
Thanks for the great advice as well. One thing I have noticed with the kids is they are needy but don't need me as much. Make sense? They are truly independent with themselves but they need my attention 24 hours a day! That's what is so hard aabout the whole thing. I don't get a moments peace. They want me to be doing something with them every moment and won't occupy themselves at all. When dad is home he is with them every minute because he is afraid he will miss something with them and he feels guilty about being away from them and missing what he does, so when he leaves again, the kids want my attention. Negative or positive.
I am establishing a routine/schedule today.... especially since summer is here and we need something. I am going to have a chat with dad too. I know he wants to see things turn around as well. He hates calling home only to have me out of sorts and frazzled. I want to be able to have relaxing phone conversations with him and have him confident that I can handle things at home.
Thanks girl and keep in touch

Denikka - posted on 05/22/2012

1,800

My hubby is a conductor.
It's tough. We haven't been doing it for long at this point, he's still in the training phases. But 7 weeks away from home all at once, then sporadic times away in the few months since then...it can be pretty tough.

My kids are a lot younger than yours (boy-3 and girl-1), but what I've found helps is to keep routines the same. Meals at the same time and bedtime at the same time. Some days it really sucks because they don't get to see dad. But stability is really important in a kids life. That could be where part of your problem comes from.
Same thing with rules. Pick your battles. Choose what is most important to you and keep it simple. Things like *no hitting*. If they hit, they get a specific consequence, like a 5 minute time out. Loosen up on things that aren't as important, but be consistent. Dad needs to get on board with the program too.

Consistency is key, no matter how you raise your child. I know how deep of a rut you can get into, being a stay at home mom :) I'm in the same boat :) Try and find something to keep your spark going. A hobby for yourself or something you can do with the kids. Make sure you take a few minutes here and there for yourself. Even if it's just 15 minutes at night to read or paint your nails :) makes all the difference in the world :)
Good luck :)