Anyone else discover their husband cheating while traveling?

Nisha - posted on 04/19/2013

Hi, ladies, I am new and have read so many stories similar to mine. U ladies are so fortunate that yr husband at least talks to u and assures u that he loves u. I have caught my husband cheating on me several times but he has never apologized or spoke about it, he pretends it never happened. All he says is that if i want to leave, the door is opened. The worse was 3yrs ago when he wanted to name my unborn child after a prostitute he met and fell in love with online. I hold so much resentment towards him and being a travelling husband makes it worse. I am a stay at home mum with 3 kids, where to go if I wanna leave!? I have no other family.

Nisha - posted on 04/19/2013

Hi, knw exactly what u feel like, been going thru same problem. I have caught my husband cheating and with porn and when confronted he ignored me.? I am still hurting but I will not let him win both ways, by breaking my heart and make me into a boring housewife. I'm committed to god and prayer and starting a a new business in crafts from home. No benefit in crying over what he's done, get over it and decide whether u want to be with him and forgive him or leave. God bless u and yr kids,!

Sarah - posted on 02/09/2013

I am hoping you ladies can help me. My husband's job requires him to travel every week to usually some really nice places. I have 3 children and am currently a stay at home mom. Almost 10 years ago he came home from a business trip and I felt something was wrong as I have very strong instincts. I confronted him and he told me that he had cheated on me. He says he had had too much to drink and really didn't remember much of it but he knew he had. I know it's been 10 years and I really should "get over it" but it still hurts each and every time he goes away. I do love him more than anything and at some point I did forgive him....but here I am....years later still questioning every time he goes away. He is constantly in fun cities and wining and dining clients in expensive resorts all over the US as well as Internationally. There are some nights I go to bed without dinner after juggling the kids all over town for their activities and it it just hurts. Yes, am I jealous of course but I am the one he says he is working so hard for and yet here I am alone and sad. He swears to me that he loves me more than anything and would never ever hurt me again....but I also know that alcohol can make people do things they normally wouldn't. I am resentful and bitter and am at the point that I am wanting a divorce. He is always going to travel. I have set up an appointment with a marriage counselor in hopes that we can get help before it's too late. I know a relationship is built on trust and I am trying. Trying to find trust doesn't take away any of the pain I am feeling when I know there are nights I lay alone in my bed while he is entertaining people until late hours of the night. It just sucks..... Any advice?

Missy - posted on 11/17/2012

I am going thru the same hell you are at this very time. It's been over a year and TRUST issues yet to be resolved. He has never truly acknowledge the DEEP hurt and living hell this has put me and our daughter thru. He says he is sorry loves me yet seems he does very little to rebuild the trust. Sometimes I feel he thinks he is the victim. I have explained on every level possible why I don't trust him and how he needs to help me in those areas by doing his part. At this time I feel exhausted and have about given up on our marriage. Seems to me if he truly loves me he would do what I need from him to rebuild the trust. Instead I feel he purposely continues to keep that sense of doubt and evasive behavior in play. I have confronted him about this and given him examples of this behavior yet no change. I love him but it hurts so much to be in this marriage. I have accepted the fact if he does nothing to make it work then it's best I leave. I don't understand men who do this to their family?

Elizabeth - posted on 04/25/2011

I gotta tell you, I thought I'd be damned if I was gonna behave as if I had something to be ashamed of. I should post the email his skankariffic lil "freind" sent me-calling me pathetic. I even got one from one of her "supporters" telling me I could chase away a thousand women, but as long as he wasn't happy he'd continue to stray. LOL Ofcourse I then sent a copy of a flirtacious come on email the supporter sent to proposition my husband to the skankariffic freind to alert her to the kind of people she calls friend. These women sick and they are plenty of them out there that have no problem shredding families. They delude themselves that a relationship built on lies and deceit stands a chance in hell of lasting, marriges that result of adultery have a 74% failure rate-say goodbye to bad rubbish if that happens and embrace your new lease on life! She'll be his problem now, be sure to thank her for taking him off your hands and tell her she deserves him. LOL Mostly I ended up feeling I'd won the booby prize-and I don't whether not we will last-I've yet to make that decision. Sadly he seems less and less appealing to me with each passing day.

Vicki - posted on 04/24/2011

Elizabeth I gotta hand it to you. that was the most tell it like it is reality check sobering helpful post yet (IMO). thank you for telling it like it is. impressed.

Elizabeth - posted on 04/24/2011

PS Everybody tells themselves and thier spouses this is a deal breaker, it will be over. I did too. We all do. It aint over till its over. First off forget about him, work on you by that I mean take care of you. You did nothing to cause this. It is his character defect-remember that. Dr Huizenga has some what to do next...he is great.. really.

Elizabeth - posted on 04/24/2011

It is his dirty laundry, all you did was trust him. I lived this, my husband still works this same job. Rather I'm living it. It tore my world apart. He met several online via facebook noless. In games like Arena and Friends for sale...I discovered it almost one year ago 5/3/2010, on our 13th wedding anniversary. And its been a year that kicked both our respective asses. It changes the marriage forever, I wish I could soften this for you. I can recommend several websites, support groups etc I have read experts whosay min 2yrs avg 3-5yrs to work through the emotional tsunamis that follow. I have good days and bad- I resent the living shit out him when I let myself think about it. Heres at stat for mos wives stay most husbands that get cheated on leave... interesting hugh? It helps to read others stories but I can forewarn you it wont explain the why of it. look for Break free from the affair newsletter by Dr Robert Huzinga another good one is Mort Fertel, there is also a very good group called Retrouvaille.org. Stay in touch, maybe I'll see you there....

Vicky - posted on 04/22/2011

Hi Charity, I am so sorry for what you have to go through. As a wife with a husband that travels I get anxious all the time about going through something similar. I make a point of letting my husband know that this will not be accepted (in a nice way of course) and that this will be the consequences. I would personally leave him (I am not saying that is what you should do I am just saying that is what I would do) and here is the reason why. I make the sacrifice of taking care of my children alone so he can do the job he loves. In return the least he can do is respect me by not cheating. He knows that I won't take him to the cleaner if we were to get divorce (for the sake of the children) but I will demand certain things as to make the children as comfortable as possible in the transition ( as they should not be punished for their father's mistake)



Here is what I would do. Sort of create a new "plan" for you and your husband. Sort of maybe the night he gets home he takes over the kids playtime, bathtime whatever to "entertain" them when you get some alone time. (as I am doing right now ;0)) then set some one on one time for you and your husband to "reconnect". I would also maybe figure out a way to stay on his mind when he is away. Like maybe he has to call before he says goodnight and let you know what he appreciates best about you (prefferably something different evey night) If he is not willing to put any work into it then he seriously needs to be told there will be some consequences to his actions. If he does make some real effort to work it out with you then you have to find a way to forgive him. Do not forgive what he did just forgive the fact that it happened that you can't change what has already happen.

Vicki - posted on 04/19/2011

I think try not to give up yet. marraiges go through shit. none are perfect. sometimes its better to divorce and sometimes we can get through stuff. if you are up for it try the counselling thing. you can't force him but hopefully he will come around. I've always thoguht you cheat I'm gone. but then I've seen people go through stuff andn amazingly overcome it and rebuild. the cheating is the trust factor I figure. the reason behnd the cheating might be what needs to also be explored (no, you didn't make him do this, not meaning that and yeah sometimes guys jsut cheat cause thy are assholes). still, sometimes assholes can make a turnaround. I've seen both wides happen. sorry million typos am sure babies gonna wake soon. hoping for the best for you. the resentnment bldg is sooo toxic. have felt in past and sometimes still do. hey if you can't get through to him I'd figure you need sme immediate coping skills for yourself of ypu're gonna explode. I used to do yoga and helped. no time now of course! ahh...the joys of parenting multiples with extra added spousal stress on top of it.

Chairettie - posted on 04/19/2011

Hi Charity :o)
I am sorry you are going through this, I can only imagine how scared, insecure and just betrayed by the man you love and have a family with. My world would fall apart for me and my kids if I ever found something like this out :o( I agree that him saying he is sorry is not enough but it is necessary to see if he is at all sorry for the needless pain he is putting you (and your family) through. If he is not or doesn't seem to be remorseful I can not imagine any joint therapy that will help your marriage. I am sorry to be so bold but you are not going to be able to rebuild what you lost if you do not feel he is capable of remaining faithful from this point forward. You deserve a heartfelt apology. You and your children deserve to be happy and a happy mom (physically, mentally and emotionally) will have happy healthy kids. I do not know how old your children are but they see and feel more than they might let on too and trust me when I say they see that you are dealing with something and when Dad is home they will feel the tension. Either way - when you feel you are ready seek some sort of support - support system to help you with all the baggage that comes with such an emotional event. Many prayers to you and your family to get through this.

Terri - posted on 04/19/2011

First of all, I am so sorry to hear that you are hurting, that is a pain no one should ever know. I agree with Sarah, but before you run to counseling make sure you are ready to take on the issue(s) at hand. I went through counseling for something way different in my past but I wasn't ready to handle the emotions, so I quit going...not the best plan I just ended up back there months later :) That being said look past the mad & hurt if you can & look deep inside yourself only you know if you have it in you to get through this & work past the obvious trust issue. I do believe if you stay together or go in different directions you'll need counseling at some point to help yourself get past the hurt. If money is an issue as it is with most people there are places that work on a sliding pay scale based on what you can afford, churches often offer help in group classes or individually & some insurance will cover family counseling.

Sarah - posted on 04/17/2011

I agree with the above comments. Counseling is a neutral ground where you will both get help. If he is willing, it should be top priority. This is not something in a marriage that fixes itself. I am so sorry that this has happened, and I will be praying for both of you and your family. Healing is possible, but you can't do it alone.

Heather - posted on 04/16/2011

I went thru a cheating fiasco with my ex and it's been 2 years and I still can't get past it. If you want to salvage your marriage, I would definitely suggest counseling. For me, this was something that has eaten at me and hurt so badly. I chose not to salvage the relationship and have been a single mom since I was 4 months pregnant. If you love him and want things to work, counseling is the only way. I'm sorry this has happened to you as I know how painful it is. I wish you the best!

Vicki - posted on 04/16/2011

omg to get that trust bac. good luck! I agree. couselling separately and together. finding the time with travelling spouse might be an issue but if you can do it I can't see any other way in helping you deal and move forward. I soooo feel for you.

Ashley - posted on 04/15/2011

Im sorry too has he at least apologized not that that matters to little to late but shown any guilt or anything, you said 4 children combined i take it u both have children invested in your relationship all i can say is councilling shared and separate because its going to go from bad to worse mostly because he broke your trust so that equals you cant trust the idiot sory, which is going to make you crazy, controlling, that will push him away. You need to figure out if you will ever be able to trust him and he has to prove he is worthy of your trust first please seek help its really hard to work through this with out help. i really hope things work out for you.

Vicki - posted on 04/14/2011

I'm sorry I ahve no feedback to offer just wanted to let you know I am sorry you're going through this. that is really shitty. also pretty sure you're not the first person this has happened to. hope someone can offer some support. good luck charity.