Are there any "happy" Moms of traveling husbands?

Ann - posted on 11/19/2012

@ Sara - I, too, suffered the loss of a child when my husband was on the road. It was a difficult time, but we got through it. My hormones were all over the place, which made it more difficult. Once the hormones leveled off and I had a chance to grieve, I was able to go on.



There will be difficult times when he is home and when he is gone. It is important to build a support system so that when he is not home, you have emotional backup.

Sara - posted on 11/17/2012

Hi Jane I really related to your story my husband just took on a truck driving position and Pennsylvania law and I met to miscarriage and it was that difficult I felt very alone and so forth but at the same time am tired. And difficulty in our marriage and I feel more Lovin need it now in our family feels more appreciated

Annie - posted on 06/15/2012

Having my husband gone most of the time was harder when the kids were younger. I had 2 in diapers at one point and was ready to scream.

Now that my kids are teenagers, it is EASIER not having him at home. The kids cannot try to play one parent against another. I know what is going on with the kids. I also have to handle the finances. In turn, this means that we NEVER fight about money.

In some ways, he is a little clueless as to what goes on. I try to NEVER use the "but you are never home" line when we bicker...which is usually when he IS home.

Annie

Danielle - posted on 05/27/2012

Hello Bethanie, My husband spent 13 years in the Army, then went to a great paying job as civilian bradley mechanic, had it great for 2 years then they laid off over 300 people and he was one of them, after stuggling and suffering with unemployment for close to 2 years he decided going to CDL truck school would be something he should do and now he is an OTR Independent truck driver, he is gone 3 months at a time, I just got to see him a week ago after not seeing him since febuary, Its a struggle thats no lie, ive had my moments but I completely support him in his new job because he did what he felt he had too for the good of the family, at least we can pay our bills and what not, and honestly we are happier as a couple now than we were when he was home all the time, when we were stuggling there was alot of pent of frustrations which are now relieved and everytime he comes home the reunions are awsome and happy and full of love, we have 3 children ages 10,7 and 4, I do not drive and live isint easy but sometimes in life we compromise because its whats good for the family as a whole, I can easily say i'am I guess I wouldint say thrilled about his job but I'am happier, theres less stress, few worries and an all around better situation, I miss him to pieces when hes gone, but as hard as it is I do think some woman can be selfish and this life isint for everyone, you have to be able to deal with the solitude, I love him for it because what we dont realize is how much they miss us when there out as well, its just as hard on them, as long as we have our phone calls we will be fine!

Kristin - posted on 05/23/2012

I am a very happy mom with a spouse who works out of town. It is tough at first but i also have a demanding full time job and activities i enjoy doing such as going to the gym, parks or swimming with the kids. Sometimes it is nice not having to worry about that other person and we appreciate our time more so when he is home. We talk every night on the phone and sometimes the kids and i will travel up to see him for a mini holiday as we call them lol. With the economy the way it is a lot of people have had to either work away from the home or re locate all together. I am just thankful that my spouse was able to find work and that he works hard to give us a lifestyle we all enjoy. I think woman who are independent and have their own lives tend to be more secure in the fact that their spouses are working out of town. I do not think i could handle sitting at home all the time waiting for him to come home.

Leekeisha - posted on 05/21/2012

My husband is a traveling welder and I support him all the way. I trust him and even though he is gone a lot we communicate regularly on a daily bases. We find ways to make it work. He is able to provide a healthy and stable lifestyle for the kids and that makes him happy. When he is away we act like little kids we tango (another form of Skype) each other,we pray together, and we miss each other more. When he come home I fall in love with him all over again. I am proud of him because he is young and it hurts him that he misses out on the boys life, but he refuses to let them live a life like his childhood. I miss his touch at times and vice verse but that just makes the love even better when we see each other.

Leekeisha - posted on 05/21/2012

I agree. I feel the same exact way. I love my husband but when he is away things flow so much better

Katie - posted on 05/18/2012

I do actually love when my husband is out of town. I've gotten used to doing things just the 2 boys and me and it's hard to add he back into the normal routine and the decision making. When it's just me I don't have to ask his opinion and I am things get done. Now, I love my husband very much and love when he is home as well. When he's home I like that on big decisions we can make them together but I'll tell you mornings flow much better and faster when it's just the 3 of us :)

Diana - posted on 05/14/2012

As a wife of a traveling husband, I can honestly say, I have a happy, healthy relationship with him and although it is hard at times being home alone raising my boys, I know he is working hard to provide a finacially stable home and out of town is where his work has lead him. I have even come to enjoy being alone with the kids and knowing that I can do this on my own if need be, I don't know, it gives me some sort of confidence as a mom that I didn't know I had! I find when he has a steady schedule of being gone Mon-Fri. it is easier for me and the boys to adjust than a week or two gone then a month home then gone again. We have a nice routine of things; when he gets home on a Friday evening and depending on the time, we either go out for pizza and frozen yogurt or I let the boys stay up and say goodnight to dad and he tucks them in, then him and I share a dinner I have prepared or take-out of some sort, and then we get into our bed and talk about our week and plans for the weekend, we always make love both Friday and Saturday nights and have really grown to enjoy and look forward to these moments of intimacy. Then on Saturdays my husband usually takes the boys to do some sort of activity with him and I get my alone time, then Sunday is family day, wether we go bowling or fishing, or the beach or just lounge at home then we say our goodbyes and depending on his schedule he either leaves in the evening or early morning before we all get up. It is all about looking at the positive side of things, I could be negative and bitch and moan about being alone with my kids all week or not seeing my husand enough, but we live a comfortable lifestyle and have settled into this routine, it may not be this way forever but we like to make the best of any situation we are in and it is working pretty well for us! I do miss my husband, but, knowing the time we get to spend together is always right around the corner gives me something to look forward to and be thankful for! I also think, well I know, that his traveling job has brought us closer together and has made our bond stronger than ever, and I think that's pretty awesome ;)

Nicolle - posted on 05/12/2012

I'm sure this is going to be a challenge but I just joined the ranks as well. I am a mom of 2 little girls and I work full time. I have a great support system that includes a daycare provider that we couldn't live without.

We're are just starting the adjustment so I am trying to remain upbeat myself and realize that this could turn into a really great thing for us. It is hard, very hard sometimes. I think for myself the biggest challenge is not getting sucked into the poor me syndrome. That and being assertive enough to stick to my guns when he is home that we (us) and the kids need to be a priority.

If you guys have any suggestions to pass along that would be great. I'm not really good at being a doormat so I need to balance my own emotions and needs aswell. This job will enable him to have frequent flyer miles, that's a BIG deal because our family lives far away. We will finally get the chance to fly on our own dime to see everyone throughout the year.

Thanks for creating this thread, I need all the help I can get.

Nicolle

Julie D. - posted on 05/08/2012

Sorry, but this one isn't happy. Spouse lives, works in another state 1,000 miles away & flies home to visit every other weekend. I want him to "fish or cut bait" -- I want us to live together as a family in one place or just split up. We have a 16 yr old son & I'm sick and tired of having a "dial-in dad/dial-in spouse."

He remains upbeat, we can make it work, etc. For me, I feel out of sight, out of mind. I wish it weren't that way, but it is. He simply "announced" that he was taking the new job -- no discussion -- so there's still much residual anger there. I had no economic clout to do anything about it at the time, but am now working fulltime.

Sorry, but life isn't always happy.

Alissa - posted on 03/07/2012

I'm MUCH happier with my SO then I have been in a very long long time! We fought all the time and getting to the point of looking into online dating. We never had any money and always had more then enough bills to try and pay. My SO Hated his saw mill job. He just moppet around everyday and just wanted to sleep all day every day then go to work and restart with sleeping all day long. We never seen him. Just were ready to call it quits and then just recently he got a call that he got a job in another state and was gone the next day working for the oil rigs for weeks on end. I miss him and the kids can be a handful but our relationship is the best it has been in a long time! We no longer fight and have no reason to fight anymore and our kids seem alot more happier cause now we can afford to do more with them that we never could before!

Laura - posted on 03/05/2012

There are so many wonderful stories here! I would love for you to share them with me and the mom's that need it. Please visit www.plane-janes.com - it is a blog where I hope to have mothers share their stories about how they navigate life married to a traveling husband. You are all inspiring to me!

Kelly - posted on 03/01/2012

Pretty much the same here! My husband also does 28/28 and is "retired" when he comes home, although he tends to work on small home renovations. We often think we are better off than most full time working parent households becasue we truly value the time he is home and he helps out so much with cooking/cleaning/pediatrician appts etc so I really welcome the break.

Emma - posted on 01/26/2012

It's difficult -- pretty tough to have him always gone. But in this day and age Skype and technology is making things so so so very much better! We can Skype every night, the kids can see his face, it's a lot better then when I was growing up and my dad was traveling all the time

Alissa - posted on 12/05/2011

I can't agree with you more. There are families out there that are deployed and still love each other, respect one another, and support no matter what. Just hang in there and know that you and your hubby are in this together!

Sam - posted on 12/02/2011

I had the same feeling when I looked at this board and that's why I don't check it very often. I get to see my husband every week, so do not at all have the same situation you do - but we are happy and work though any issues we may have.

Kelly - posted on 11/07/2011

I honestly don't have support other than my husband....I am hoping to turn that around in the next year and start making friends and connections that are worthwhile

Rosalie - posted on 11/06/2011

That's very hard. My husband travelled but 3 weeks was the max at a time. you're going to need support. I hope you have some.

Kelly - posted on 11/03/2011

My husband is a commercial airline pilot (on reserve) my 4 month old and I get to see him for a night or two every couple of weeks. It's a rough lifestyle but we try to make the best of it. I am so very thankful for technology and skype. With it he's been able to see her hit major milestones and we've been able to stay connected as partners. Like I said the situation sucks but he was a pilot before I met him and it's what he loves to do. Would he rather be at home squeezing our baby....sure. I try my best to have all of the mundane tasks done before he gets home so that way we can focus on us as a couple and focus on our LO. It seems to be working for us and hopefully the unhappy couples can find a way back to the happiness that they want and deserve. Every single day is a gift. Fill them with good memories and let all the little stuff roll away. :)

Jackie - posted on 10/21/2011

Also X-Army wife here....and I think we have been given a gift with all of our army wife training. My husband left for a 15 month Iraq deployment when our last baby was 2 weeks old. We had just moved to TX, and I had no friends/family. Yep, it sucked...but we got through it. I learned that my attitude was my choice. I chose to be miserable for a long time, and then I realized that even in the midst of the difficult circumstances, I had tons to be thankful for every day!! Having our husbands gone is a challenge, and not easy all the time...and it is harder to choose that positive attitude, but it's still our choice each day how we look at our lives :)

Kelly - posted on 10/20/2011

Hi Bethanie, You are doing a great job being positive and supporting your husband's career. It is a very hard thing to do. My husband has been in the Navy for 12.5 year and he has been deployed for 50-60% of that time. He has also been deployed for 3 of our girls short 4 1/2 year lives. We have twin girls and he was deployed to Iraq for 99% of my pregnancy and their birth. I was also hospitallized for 6 weeks with no family but my sister who also worked 40 hrs a week, before the girls were born. I have said from day one that I would support my husband's career decisions no matter what. But it does help that he always asks my opinion and he makes his career decisions based on my feelings too. I am very happy with my marriage and family, but I won't lie, sometimes I want my husband home every night. It is just a lifestyle that does take some getting used to. Stay positive and try to find local Mom groups that you can get involved in.

Natasha - posted on 10/19/2011

My husband work on the road too. He travels the continental US working in powerhouses cleaning the turbines and other parts. We are very happily married, not to say we don't get stressed and grumpy with each other at times and even upset that he is required to gone so much and is missing out on seeing first hand the milestones our son is reaching, it's just normal to not always get along perfectly. We are happy and just make the best of the situation.

He actually did quit this job for awhile and went to school with plans to work locally or at least with a company that we could all go with him and not be apart for such sporatic and sometimes lengthy times. But unfortunately those plans did not pan out. Maybe for the best, who knows. We discussed all our options before he went back to this job, and since we both whole heartedly agreed that it felt in the best for me to stay home for a mininum of 1 year with our newborn son, This is what we chose so there's really no one to blame or be angry with about the situation.

We talk everyday, usually multiple times a day, and even our 4 month old son likes to babble on the phone with his daddy. It makes his hours/days/weeks home that much more special and we make those times family time. We take a couple days, if he's supposed to be in longer than just those couple of days, and visit our families and our friends. But any other than we have US time. My husband, my son, and me. No one else and very limited interruptions. Unfortunately he can't turn his cell off because of his job, but I do at least turn mine on silent (preferably off, but there's family medical things going on that I like and need to be in the know about),and only check it 1-2x's a day at most. While I know this doesn't work for everyone, it works pretty well for us. And as long as we are happy more often than not, we will probably keep doing things this way, unless something better comes along.

Marie - posted on 05/25/2011

because of my husband's job (he builds movies sets and goes on locations 3-6 months, or longer depending how big the movie is), early on our relationship, we agreed that i would basically raise my 3 step-daughters and the child we would eventually have together.

we have been together for 11 years now and have a 3 1/2 year old son. we are very happy, have a very strong relationship, and couldn't ask for anything different! we are very fortunate to have had the opportunity to travel to so many different places and experience so many different things.

sure he's missed many events through out the years, but that's why i get to "stay home" so i can be at those memorable events and document them!

when the girls were younger and i didn't have my son, i didn't get to travel with my husband as much (i stayed home since i was the one who took the girls and picked them up from school, volunteered at school, coached their teams, baked cupcakes for the class and etc.) but now the girls are older (and live with their mom) and my son needs his father, my son & i travel with my husband as much as possible!

this is our life, my husband's job puts food on our table and a roof over our heads, so we had excepted this way of living and have adjusted the way we needed to.

honestly, having my husband away has its positive side. it has made me stronger and more independent. it has definitely tested my patients and i have less stress. plus, absence makes the heart grow fonder... so when we do see each other, our time together is more valuable!

Amanda - posted on 05/24/2011

My husband is gone 2 to 3 weeks at a time, but we have a WONDERFUL marriage, I am very independent and we have 3 children, I would say the hardest part of him traveling as the kids get older is missing the activities they participate in, but I take LOTS of pictures and video tape EVERYTHING and they share it with him when he gets home. . . better yet, he makes sure once a month we get a few hours of just "us" time, he arranges a sitter, he makes the plans and we always get our time as well. . .
While I do not work I am a full-time student but I will graduate in 3 years and my husband will more than likely come off the road. That will be an adjustment for all of us!
I would have to say when the stress of life or illness comes into play that is where negative comments come out.

Misty - posted on 04/18/2011

My husband has been traveling for almost 7 years now. When he first started it was a 7/7 rotation, now we are 28/28. The kids love it because when he is home he is "retired" (so he says)! LOL We can do what ever we want when he's home. He hasn't been home for Christmas the last 4 years but the kids don't mind having another when he gets home! They have adjusted well. I love the schedule and do miss him when he is gone but I'm ok when he leaves to go back. We just celebrate whatever he misses when he gets home if it is "really important" to us. We video chat and talk with him all the time and the kids love to face time with him and so do I! We love what he does and so does HE which makes all the difference.

Chairettie - posted on 03/21/2011

I moved to another state in support of my husband who accepted a job where he would be required regularly to travel from a day to a month or so at a time (which turns out is ALL the time) there is no family or friends near us and I was 7 months pregnant with our twins now 8 1/2 months.... it was very exhausting, lonely and emotional. Everyone said they would visit and come help. We had a handful of people visit and only my dad and sister come to help me in the earlier months when my husband was gone...he supported my desire to resign my govt job so we could try for a baby (a second family for him-his two kids have kids of their own) so I was all about supporting his deisre to change jobs.... he loves it and I love that he does....he is a good man and though it totally sucks ( somedays more than other) I am glad we are doings this way, I get to be a stay at home mom with our little angels and nothing can compare to that! :o) I think sometimes we just need to vent because it can be very lonely and over whelming at times when our spouses are not around. But that being said - thank you for reminding me how blessed I am to have a great supportive husband what a true blessing it is for him to want me to be home with our girls and be willing to support all of us :o)

Vicki - posted on 03/18/2011

ha. wish we were even at the pojnt of regional airline. my hsband is on his 2nd instructor position. but at least this one is twin engine teaching IFR and he does get flights occasionally for canada post runs type thing. took so long for him to get here that we are actaully really lucky he got this. he can move up in company (which would mean my moving which I don't want to do for myriad of reasons, and do want to to have us together) or can lead to elsewhere. still, you know how it is...gotta do the time to get there slowly bit by bit. so for us its more of a gone a month or so. I do want us to all be together and hope it'll work that way eventually but right now at this stage in his career it just makes more sense for us to be here. sucks but still lucky. it was a toss up. take this job and move ahead getting the hrs needed on twin and advance from there (even though as sure you get, advance often means step forward but step back at same time). go figure, crazy industry they fell in love with! or stay here and keep flying places on our dime and apply. guys he knows are gettign jobs in another part of this province and am so happy for him but still glad he went this route. I tell him, don't jump the gun, go slowly. your experience can't be taken away from you but jumping with a company that only gets you so far can stall you.
anyway...hard for me to get the jargon and concepts of the field but this is where we're at and this is how we make the best of it. (sorry, must be typos, squeezing in while babies play).

Terri - posted on 03/18/2011

Vicki my little guy looks for his dad too the morning after he leaves. I go into Asher's room & get him when he wakes & take him to my room (since he will just run there anyway) sit him on the bed where he can see everything & he always checks under the covers! He realizes Joe is gone, but gets a little hopeful when we go downstairs too. It is like he is on a mission to prove that daddy isn't just playing hide & seek! He quickly realizes its the two of us again & goes on with his days. Infact Asher does very well for the first 4 days & if my husband is gone for a 5th day trust me he can not get home fast enough. Normally by day 5, I am asking how far behind or ahead they are that day because mommy needs to check out of mommy mode for a couple of hours & I need him home lol Thankfully I've got bedtime down & I get a few hours of downtime for myself every night! I too tell kiss & hug my little guy every night & tell him that it is from daddy, then I give my hugs & kisses, tell him that we love him very much & I can't wait to play in the morning. My husband laughs when he is home and hears me saying this but I do choose to believe it is endearing to him hehe

I don't claim to be an expert, but I did learn fast how this life was going to be & it took me a year or so to really adjust but if you ever have any questions feel free to msg me :) I am learning as we go too... Besides, I may need reminders of what the beginning was like down the road when he leaves the regional airline &goes to a major. Gone will be the days of decent schedules & being high on a seniority list :)

Vicki - posted on 03/17/2011

Teri I've gotta say thank you for that post! My husband is early stage career and we'e adjusting to the being away. YOU'VE described it incredibly, as well as good advice and tips. My twins are 16 months. They get excited when they wake up and papa goes in there room, and when he leaves he always does the goodbye kiss and cuddle and out the door. Then we move straight on to playing. When I go in the room in the morning they are kinda looking around for him and I give them a kiss and say this is from papa, he's back at work again and we get on with the day. When we head dnstrs they kinda look around and in the bdrm when we pass it checking out where he is but they really do move on and deal well. Pics, skyping, talking about him. You really did describe it perfectly and I am sure I will refer back to it from time to time (and hopefully get the chance to read all the other posts)!

Terri - posted on 03/17/2011

Paula, you said it & decribed it best!

Terri - posted on 03/17/2011

Melissa when my husband and I met we had been dating about a month when he went to upgrade to become a captain (upgrade was 6 weeks). While that was hard & something I wasn't even close to use to it was kind of exciting since I was niave as to what it meant lol that being said let me be the first to tell you it is not glamours being a pilots wife. At least not in the begining of their career. The good news it only gets easier :) The bad news their schedules change monthly when they are as junior as he is. The reality you will find a routine get used to it & he will come home and mess it up every week but you'll love it that way and not want anything different!
We have a son that is one now and that truly is harder than months ago since he now understands when he sees daddy in uniform he is leaving. When he comes home though Asher looks at him like "well there you are & where have you been?" he is soooo excited & for a few days every week it is all about daddy & who on earth is mommy? (I find this cute at this point in time)

I'm going to make a suggestion if your husband hasn't lined up a crash pad for the month or so that he will be on reserve (possibly 6 depending on the airline & how long it takes for him to hold a line, hot reserve is even worse than reserve so count your blessings) he should get in on one. My husband commutes weekly from Phx to Den(his base) & in the beginning that was necessary or you will have an insane hotel bill that may result in the hubby sleeping at the airport.

Now for you...you'll cry, some days will be fine, some happy as if he is there with you, others terrible & others you wish he could see what you saw. That being said get big on text & video text with the little one so he can see what you saw :) At times it feels like being a single mom, but know that you aren't & that is why if you can arrange your errands & girl times when he is gone do so. That way when he is home you can do all the family time in the world. Remember date night(wkly or biwkly whatever works) alone or with couple friends, or institute it even if it is lunch one of the days without the baby. When they are gone 3-5 days a week you have to make a point to catch up & have time like you did before or trust me the stress will sneak up as you adjust to this new lifestyle. When you are frustrated ask yourself if it is with him or the airline? Then you can displace frustrations properly. Always say bye, I love you & hold all confrontation or upset until the end of the night when he is safely at his hotel (not always possible but 98% of the time it is). NO ONE wants a distracted pilot & you'll always want to know should anything go wrong he wasn't upset over what you said (sorry I know how that sounds, trust me I really do...we had a really close call a couple of years ago & it made me understand things clearer & no it had nothing to do with me it just set ground rules in my mind). Mostly at this point in time though, it won't be the baby that is upset over daddy being gone it will be you so be thankful for that you don't realize it yet but him doing training this early in the babies life is a blessing in disguise. While I am all for having emotions infront of your child, try not to totally melt down they do feel when you are stressed & it does stress them in the long run making your day that much longer.

For the little one teach the baby it is exciting for daddy to come home & try to smile and wave before you know it they are waving as your husband drives to the airport. I don't recommend sneaking out, alway make sure they get to say bye even if it is daddy hugging, kissing and saying I love you but you don't have to make it a big production. That being said as the baby gets older the baby will realize more & more what things mean & it only gets harder at least for a while. For the last month my huband had to say bye in the playroom because our son was having a massive meltdown if he saw his dad leaving so we had to play and distract to keep the peace, but tonight infact we stood outside and said our byes, smiled & waved as my husband drove off. Do what feels right that day for the little one & nothing else it will help them adjust if you can go at their pace as they start to understand.

On a side note, I know you & your husband may feel what my husband did...he will grow up thinking I was never there. I guess some kids do, that being said I am the product of a father that worked swing shifts where we didn't see him for 6 weeks at a time because he had to sleep when we were awake or he worked while we were awake. I assure you I didn't even realize it was that long, nor did my brother. We are both in our late 20's & in the last year we found out it was 6-8 weeks at a time that we didn't see him, we both thought this whole time that it was days or a couple of weeks at a time! The point is, if you make the best of it & the time you are given with your child they will grow up happy & well adjusted & think that this is normal, as it is their normal :)

Vicki - posted on 03/16/2011

gone 4 home 3 pretty good actually, I'd think. no, your sone will realize there has been a change but not the real object permanence kinda thing, just make sure he always says goodbye to him, even at this young of an age. no sneaking out. help build for future. and remember, if you cry (not for hrs :) when he leaves that's ok too. kids can see our different range of emotions. if you feel lonely and having trouble coping pm me.

Melissa - posted on 03/16/2011

We aren't sure where he will be based. We are hoping for Fresno which is about 2-2.5 hours from where we live. He's supposed to be on reserve at first. As far as we know he will be gone for 4 days then home for 3 days. I'm sure our son won't realize his daddy is gone.

Vicki - posted on 03/16/2011

oh melissa I'm sorry. but honestly it'll probably be you missing him more than your baby at this stage. after training will he be based from home or out of town?

Melissa - posted on 03/16/2011

I am too a new wife to a new commercial pilot. Does any of the other pilot wives have suggestions for me to get through the beginning stages of this career??? I need something. My husband is so excited to be going and starting his training for the airlines, but I am not because that means he will be gone for 5 weeks straight and our son is 4.5 months old. Please help!

Vicki - posted on 03/12/2011

oh and to add I actually read parts of this thread to my husband tonight (he's here and leaving tmrw) and it actually helped. he saw that I am not the only one out there with messed up mixed up feelings about everything. and hey...we have not laughed together nearly enough lately! some of these posts are words that could have come straight from my mouth and into his ears (at an extrememly loud volume!).

Vicki - posted on 03/12/2011

"it sucks that they leave and i think most moms just need to vent without hurting anything. We all deal with it and kno its for the better, and when are kids are grown they will kno to that daddy had to do this for the greater good."

EXACTLY!

"I think the women on this board are just needing a place to vent and looking for support and feedback. We suck it up all day/week/month/year and we don't want to take it out on our kids and husbands, so we write, and write to get it all out. I feel that writing is very therapeutic for me. AND THEN finding someone that feels the same way helps even more!! It seems very negative, but this may be the only place these women are being negative."

also EXACTLY!

to be honest I feel split on this thread. part of me agrees that we are super negative and all that...then the other part of me resents what OP said. this IS the place to vent and get it out. I would not change a thing (ok, maybe not 100% true :) I would prefer for my husband to have been able to find a job in his career where we live...but this is life. and I waited over 5 years for my babies and would never go back and change anything if I knew how hard this stage would be. that said...give me a break! it sucks doing it alone and missing him and then things getting all rattled when he's back. I know how much he brings to the babies lives. but this is the way it is. they don't know how hard it is for mummy and papa...other women in similar situations do! vent and vent and purge and get support and give support and get ready for the next day!

that's how I see it.

Terri - posted on 03/11/2011

I have a husband that is a pilot and all I can say is I knew what I was getting into when I married him...it isn't like his career path or schedules were a surprise when we had a kid or married. Do I miss him? Yes, every time he walks out the door. Am I happy to see him? Yes every time he walks in the door...Do I wish he could be there for everything? Seriously, who wouldn't? Some moments are worse than others, some days are rough and others are easy. I agree there are people who seem to be miserable & I wonder are they that miserable, is it stress or is it looking for people to commiserate with?

I became a stay at home mom just over a year ago & the first few months were really rough while adjusting to the life style & lack of contact with others. There are days where I feel like a single mom, while I know I am not. I can see where stress can get to a person. At times stress gets me some nights my husband calls & I am ready to cry & telling him I am beyond over the day & ready for the next! That being said I love & support my husband, I can not picture him doing another job or being happy doing another job he loves his career & I admire that. I love our time together & I love being independent. I feel I have the best of both worlds! It is all perspective :)
That being said, we've talked about contract jobs overseas and while I know it would be rough, currently I can't imagine it. I suppose initial shock of reality for people could be tough. If one goes from a civilian job to contracting I can understand feeling 'this isn't what I signed up for" however it is because no spouse would decide to do a job like that on their own, there is so much risk. Sometimes it is easy to forget there are choices we must make in life that are not choices we like, but are choices that are best for a point or situation.

Faye - posted on 03/03/2011

Mine is OTR. We live in Southern KS, loads in Kansas City, (northeast corner of state) and delivers in CA every week. Reloads in CA and brings it back to either Wichita or Kansas City. He may be home 24 hours every week. Normally Sun after 6 pm til Mon at 6 am, delivers the product, loads then back home for a few more hours before leaving on Tues AM.

I was single for 18 months before he moved in, so I am used to being alone. As long as he is not home for 2 1/2 months like he was this last fall due to surgery then we are great. I was ready to hurt him this last fall.

Anne - posted on 03/01/2011

i am, of course i do miss my husband, but we are together for almost 14yrs and i still have "butterflies in my tommy" when he comes home, just the way i had, when we just met, who else can say that if it is not us wifes with a travelling husband

Sara - posted on 01/25/2011

HI, I understand! My husband is a sound engineer on a cruise ship. He is gone on contract for 6 mths at a time. I don't like him gone, worry when he's gone, but I support him in his career cause he loves what he does:) good to know there are others here that understand!

Avie - posted on 08/14/2010

Hi. I'm new to this group. I also have a husband who travels a lot. I am very happy with this. When he's home (though I love him more than anything), we jsut seem to be in each other's way. It seems strange, but my toddler and I have a schedule that gets interrupted when his daddy is working from home.
He is a CRA and was doing this when we met and I worked. But when I got pregnant, we decided that I would stay home. I LOVE every minute of it right now!
also...thank you to all of your husbands who are pilots and get my husband home safe. And thank you to all the military wives on here for being the foundation of your families and giving you husbands the support they need to keep fighting the good fight and becoming heroes to their own families and their country. God bless you all for the sacrifices you make on a daily basis.

Stephanie - posted on 08/07/2010

My hubby is in the oil field and I love it!!! We are both strong-willed independent people and we function well in this setup. We are incredibly happy. He does miss the kids, but communication being what it is, they still get to connect, so it is great. And the best thing is that when he gets back after being gone for two weeks or a month, depending on his rotation, it is like meeting a sexy new stranger when he gets off the plane. For us, absence makes the heart grow fonder!

Jessi - posted on 07/24/2010

When my husband took his job, his employer had a meeting with the both of us, making sure I was on board. With his job, they travel ALL THE TIME. But sometimes he is home and sometimes he is not. He is a medical equipment repair man. So if the machines aren't breaking, he's home. Sometimes he's gone a couple days a week, sometimes an entire week and SOMETIMES he's home ALL week. We go day to day and because of that, I can plan nothing during the week. I also work a 40 hour work week and I have a 4 year old and 10 month old. He started this job just before our oldest turned 1. He was gone for two months in the beginning and missed our daughter's first birthday party because of weather (postponing his flight home).



That being said, it IS hard some of the time. It's hard when he's gone because I have hardly any time for myself. And when he is home, he is still doing the stuff he does when he's gone, plays his computer games. I have talked with him about interacting with the kids when he's home and he sort of gets it, he helps me with them a lot more than he used to. AND a lot of my chores get put off until the weekend and then we don't have a lot of time to do things, or if we do things, chores don't get done.



BUT I AM ON BOARD WITH HIS JOB CHOICE!! It brings home a lot more money than he would if he had a different job. AND he is home some of the time. We see him every weekend (with the exception of hospital calls once every few months). And it doesn't seem to affect my kids much. My oldest sometimes gets sad when he's gone all week, but we always have the phone and we call him whenever she wants to. (In her head, he can see her when the screen to the phone is on) We have a good routine when he's gone and when he's home. During the week, and he's home, the routine just gets easier with two parents. And I've learned to try to take more time for myself during the week, although the only thing that includes is a half to full hour of TV time. I think the both of us are pretty independent and I think that helps for us.



I think the women on this board are just needing a place to vent and looking for support and feedback. We suck it up all day/week/month/year and we don't want to take it out on our kids and husbands, so we write, and write to get it all out. I feel that writing is very therapeutic for me. AND THEN finding someone that feels the same way helps even more!! It seems very negative, but this may be the only place these women are being negative.

Alissa - posted on 07/11/2010

I know exactly how you feel, that is funny, almost identical to our year!! It is hard, you just have to learn how to take the rains and take care of everything. I personally just try to keep busy. It is bliss when they finally come home. I only get to see my hubby one day a week. Being pregant and taking care of the kids and everything was hard, but I did it. Just hang in there. You'll be fine. and take it from me, once that baby comes, and he is there for it, it is the best feeling in the world, and a lot more emotional and bonding for the two of you since he can't be there for the most part now.

Alissa - posted on 07/11/2010

Well I'm happy. But I am lucky, I get to see my husband once a week. No one is ever happy their husband is gone, but I am happy we are a family and together. I just have to keep thinking about the fact that when we finally do get time together, it is so precious. It give you a chance to truely appretiate each other. Many families take each other for granted. I miss him when he is gone, and I feel sad inside, but still happy, cuz even though he is gone, he is still my husband and is always there for me!!

Angela - posted on 07/11/2010

My husband and I have been together for over 6 years. I went off birth control in August last year. In October whilst on holidays our unit was flooded and suffered a massive amount of damage, my husband started working away 1 week later (3 weeks way, 1 week home). In November I found out I was pregnant. We had always said we would get married before we had kids, so I had to start planning a wedding which took place in March. I am now 37 weeks pregnant. My husbands work has just agreed for him to work 2 weeks away and 1 week at home.

So this has been a MASSIVE year for us and it's been hard to deal with all of this whilst being separated. My husband has missed scans, Dr's appointments, ante-natal classes, bleeding scares which resulted in a hospital visit, shopping for baby products, contractor's, insurance, packing and moving all our belongings to get the carpet replaced and walls painted etc, not to mention most of the wedding planning. There have been times when I have been extremely frustrated & unhappy that I am having to do all this one my own. My husband has also had a frustrating and unhappy time as he is not here to help me. It has been a really hard time for us.

I am supportive of my husband and his choice of work - in fact I wrote my husband's resume for this job. I try very hard to make being away from home as easy as possible for him even though I really do hate him being away. He understands that I hate him being away, but he appreciates my support and loves the fact that I try so hard to make this situation easier for him. In turn, he tries to be as supportive of me as possible. He sits and listens to my many rants (pregnancy related, wedding related, contractor related etc) - he even giggles at me which helps me cool down much quicker! It isn't easy and sometimes it doesn't feel like him working away is working, but we just try something else.

Even though I feel like I'm always waiting for him to come home, that week that he is home is absolute bliss! We love each other very much and know just how lucky we are to have each other. This knowledge is what keeps us going and when we are together you would have a hard time finding 2 people happier than we are. He is my favourite person in the whole world! He makes me happier than I ever thought I could be! He makes me laugh like no one else can. So for me that's the silver lining :-)

Mini - posted on 07/07/2010

Since I'm also a working mom who does not have her husband around for over eight months now, I have been doing all the odd jobs myself. I have a 14 year old daughter. So wether it's the school PTM's or her dance or music classes or the long queues to pay up ur certain bills, have been done by me. So there is hardly any time to miss my husband because at the end of the day u r so tired, u just want to retire to bed.Keep ur fingers crossed and hope for the best to happen.

Rosemary - posted on 07/02/2010

i am a very happy mom of traveling hubby! we have been together 12 yrs, married 8, and our kids are 6 and 2. he has always been in racing (previously indy car, now nascar). sometimes gone 3-4 weeks at a time but mostly 4-5 days a week. he misses everything! every holiday, every birthday, except thanksgiving and christmas. luckily.



we have no friends here in NC since we moved from indianapolis, his family is in san diego, mine all over the place, but the closest is a 12 hr drive in illinois! so no help what-so-ever!

it sounds like a terrible thing but it's not. it's all we've known, we try to go on the road with him when we can but w/school and activities, it's hard. it's hard on him too, to not see his son hit his first baseball, or school play etc, but he's there when he can be and the the times he's home is all quality time. no time for drama, social politics etc..... we eat dinners at the table w/no tv, we go places, read, play etc.

i also do alot of dog fostering, so it makes for a crazy world here by myself w/2 kids, 2 cats, 3 dogs of our own and a housefull of crazy fosters pulled from the gas chamber, but i think i thrive on the constant stimulation.

i also feel that since he is gone so much we don't have the chance to take each other for granted and argue about petty things. there's just no time, so it actually makes for a better relationship for us. i'm a strong woman, capable of handling any and all on my own and he is confident in those abilities and my decisions so that helps too.

this is my hubby's dream job, and it allows me to stay home w/the kids, do my dog fostering and volunteer at their schools, take them on summer and weekend adventures and just be there for them. they get to do things becuz of his traveling job that other people could only dream of (like sing the national anthem at bristol motor speedway),and we have webcams that run constantly in our home and my hubby can log onto at anytiime and see us just doing our daily thing around the house. the man works hard and long hours to provide for us, and he's doing what he loves. we chose this life, and love it for what it is. :) i feel pretty fortunate to have a husband that loves us so unconditionally,that can do all he does and come home and still be a wonderful father after being awake for 36 hrs & stepping off a redeye flight! there are alot of men out there who are NOT stand up enough to do whatever it takes to make their family work and happy about it . i'm just thankful i found one of the few that are out there!