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dad works 2 weeks then is home for two weeks. does he deserve not to have to do anything?

Nikki - posted on 03/02/2009 ( 6 moms have responded )

dad is discipliner, and we just had our 3 rd child, now 2 months old. when i go back to work next month. he makes really good money, and works hard at work. I'm on maternity leave right now, but when i go back to work next month, i will have to come home after work and do EVERYTHING around the house, cook clean and take the baby. the 2 older kids will be at daycare during the day, and my husband will be at home with the baby. (for 2 weeks at a time- 40 hours a week) not asking for sympathy, just advice. he is VERY touchy and i have to go about talking to him like it was his idea, and all that... how do i get him to help? read articles but is there anything else???

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Kenny - posted on 01/22/2013

some of the things i read on here make me wonder. are most of the woman or people on here very young.. seems like that there is so much more work to do looking after kids and a house then when I was in that role... like most things in life we are good or not so good at them but we try and looking after kids and house work and all the things that go along with it . I was a stay at home dad for 7 years, I had no problems at all 2 boys cooking cleaning taking care of the yard cars, hockey games school work, dishes baths , etc why is it so hard to do now, its it a now generation thing. are people doing so much more or it is that thay dont use there time like thay should.. I never had any problems when i had that role.. just never got laid.. lol

Kenny - posted on 01/22/2013

every one needs to help out . its a family part of being a family is to do your part. By the way you cant exspect your hubby to do things the way you do or like you want them to be done . he is different then you just as you are to him.. just let him do it his way and help him if he needs it. we are all different and know two people do things the same way most times...

Rachel - posted on 03/26/2009

108

Of course your husband should share in the housework and childcare when he is around - I think everyone in this group would agree with that. But if your husband doesn't agree, then that speaks to an attitude issue on his part that is going to be difficult for you (I have a friend in a similar situation and it is really rough for her).

You need to work with him to come up with an arrangement that makes sense for both of you. Of course you can't work full time, cook, clean, and take care of 3 kids all on your own - it's a tremendous load that needs to be shared. You mentioned that he's bringing in good money - could a bit of that go toward hiring someone to clean once or twice a week? If so that could take a load off both of you. Are there certain tasks that your husband would be more agreeable about taking on - say, grocery shopping, laundry, paying bills, handling kid baths/bedtimes, ...?

It sounds like your biggest issue here is going to be the communication that is needed for you and your husband to reach that balance of sharing the load. I'm not sure what to suggest, but maybe try focusing on the happiness of the family as a whole (i.e. how will the kids feel if their mom is stressed and fried and exhausted all the time? what sort of example will it set for them if they see mom always running like mad while dad relaxes?) Try to make it a matter of practical realities rather than an emotional issue if possible (i.e. without his help, X, Y and Z will not get done because there's just not time, but if he participates, you guys can accomplish so much more).

Good luck and keep us posted!

Adelaide - posted on 03/26/2009

I suggest that when you come home from work you DON'T do any house work at all. After a few days, the clothes will be dirty, the dishes will be racked up, the floor a mess etc etc. Perhaps he might learn to appreciate what you do at home and help YOU while you are at work! Good luck!

Carole - posted on 03/26/2009

Hi there, my husband work 4 wks on 4 wks off - I have 4 kids and when he's home the first couple of days fair enough he catches up with sleep and being back home. When hey after that he helps and so they should. I know they go out and work hard and earn big money, but you work very hard too, and actually going out to work will be much harder on you. When he's home he should realise that he should take some of this burden away and let you have some time out too. Being a Mum to 3 young children is the hardest job in the world, but our kids need us and rely on us -no one else will!! We are their parents. So yes he should help out, when you're at work and the baby is sleeping or happy somewhere he can surely do some housework, clothes washing, prepare dinner - I mean doesn't he do this when he's away? Good luck and take care of yourself, the last thing you need is landing up at the dtrs needing help?!

Marissa - posted on 03/03/2009

In my opinion he should still help out. He lives there too even if he travels. I have 3 kids as well and when my husband comes home off of the road he catches up on the laundry that I can't do. To me that is a big help. I still do most everything but I stay home all of the time. But since you are going to work to he needs to pitch in too, regardless if he works very hard or not. You work very hard to at being a mom.