Do you have a spouse who travels for work? Are you frustrated, overwhelmed, (or) feeling a little guilty that you kinda like it when he is gone?

Laura - posted on 03/16/2012 ( 11 moms have responded )

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I do. I have felt everything there is to feel and one day just found myself completely numb. I didn't care anymore. I opted to shut my hubs out and just endure my life instead of figuring out how to live the life I was given well. I did a lot of things wrong, and a few things right...but in the end I decided that I just needed some support. I am gathering women who have stories to tell (the good, the bad and the ugly) so we can figure out together how to manage and be resilient mothers to our children and teach them to live well regardless of their circumstances. Being married to a traveling spouse is NOT easy, but I truly think my family has grown in ways we never could have had we had a 'normal' home life. So, if you feel like you want a space to tell your story, and hear others- laugh, cry, drink a glass of wine;) with other women who have been there- you are invited- please come! www.plane-janes.com

or find me on facebook at Plane Janes.



Struggle well mamma!

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Heather - posted on 01/18/2013

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My dh is waiting to hear from a new job possibility. It will mean that he travels 100% of the time-comes home on Fridays, leaves on Sundays. I work full time and also run my own business. We have 3 teens and 4 dogs and I have no help in the house nor any family support. We need for him to take this job if he gets it (looks like he will), but I am basically about to become a single mother. I want to be supportive, but this job pays FAR less than he has ever made, so it's not like I'll be able to afford any help at home or even the occasional take out meal. It's taking all I have to keep my worries to myself and act all happy about this...

Teresa - posted on 01/03/2013

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Hello everyone. My boyfriend of 10 years and father of our two children (ages 4 and 7) travels for work as well. He is a pipeliner. He was gone for 7 months two years ago. And now he is 10 hours away from home since September. He has been able to come home for Thanksgiving and Christmas but just recently left to go back and we have no idea when he will be back. It is getting so hard on our 7 year old boy. He has broke down crying the last two nights in a row. It breaks my heart to see this. But on the other hand, the house is much more quiet a peaceful with dad gone. LOL. I can cook what I want for supper. I can clean when I want. That part is nice.

Andrea - posted on 04/13/2012

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Laura - My husband works for an international Internet retail company in HR. he previously worked for an international shipping company based in Germany (we all lived abroad for 3.5 years, and for the first 2 years he traveled around the globe every week, only home on weekends.) his job is project management - which means he has to travel to the project. It is definitely something you just learn to adjust to!

Andrea - posted on 04/13/2012

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My husband travels a lot, normally anywhere from 5-12 days a month. Starting Sunday he'll be living in Seattle until the end of May, while myself and our two kids are in Kentucky (we are moving to Seattle June 1). It's not the first time (we did six months of him living in Germany - home one week a month - while the kids and I lived in Philadelphia). I like that I get the remote at night, I can make girlie food he doesn't like, and if I feel like going to bed at 9, I don't have to feel guilty for it! But it is also lonely, and I find myself talking to myself a LOT more than usual!

I'm glad that there are other wives out there who also enjoy a bit of time to themselves!

Andrea

Denikka - posted on 04/11/2012

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My hubby only just started travelling, so I can't offer any advice or anything...but I still wanted to share.



My situation isn't nearly as bad as some others. He's a train conductor. Sometimes he does yard work and so is only gone 8-12 hours at a time. Other times he's on the road and can be gone 2-3 days at a time, gets 8-10 hours off then can get called in again. If things are tough somewhere else, he can be called away for up to 28 days.

Not to mention he just finished 7 weeks of training where he was gone 24/7.



I'm still not sure how I feel about the travelling thing yet. I don't like it when he's gone over night. No one sleeps well then (we cosleep with our 2 kids, aged 3 and 1), but days are pretty similar to his previous work.

He hasn't missed anything important yet, and I am not looking forward to that possibility. Fortunately, most of the guys there seem pretty good about switching shifts and whatnot for birthdays and that sort of thing. Most holidays can kinda be delayed a bit (like Easter this year XD Bad mom forgot about it, so we're having it a week late XD)

I'm a stay at home mom, so I guess it's a bit easier than if I was also working, part or full time. Our agreement has always been that I take care of most of the house stuff, cooking, cleaning, bathing and feeding the kids, shopping, that sort of stuff. As they get older, I assumed I would also be taking care of most of the appointments, running around, and whatever else along with the housework.

He does help out when he can, picks up toys here and there. He also lets me sleep in whenever he's home in the mornings, so that really helps.

I don't know how I'm going to feel a year from now. I've only just started out on this crazy journey. I hope things work out as best as possible. I'm hoping we don't start getting that distance that seems so common with travelling families. And I'm hoping that the kids end up okay, growing up with a parent who's gone sporadically.

Jeannine - posted on 04/11/2012

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Oh my - you ladies are great.

And oh my yes!

I am like Shannon. My husband travels three of the four weeks of the month, has a week home, and is home every weekend (sometimes he does have to spend the weekend at the job).

I can totally connect with Barbra, about auto pilot (and it is funny)..... you do the same thing week in, week out - you have a set schedule. I find it that when my husband is home, that schedule gets all mixed up.

I can't "plan" anything because I never know if my husband is going to be called away. His schedule is only out about a month in advance. He can't plan and take kids to dentist appointment or eye doctor appointment. He doesn't get up in the middle of the night with fever, or nightmares. We had this big discussion this morning and he told me to "deal with it". My EX husband told me that same thing. I feel like my husband is a border in our house. Sometimes I feel like he's only my financial support.

Is it wrong to feel like - on the weeks that he's home - for some help around the house?? I assumed (and maybe that way wrong) that when he's home it's got to be a little easier on me.

I only work part time, so when I got home from school yesterday (and my husband is home this week) the kids had not eaten dinner, no homework was done, and minimal chores were done.

I guess I don't know how to "deal with it" anymore.

Laura - posted on 04/03/2012

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Barbara- what are you doing to help rebuild? I hope it is not too personal, but I want to do everything I can to LIVE- like you say and not muddle....



http://plane-janes.com/2012/04/becoming-...



I hope we can grow and find each other and as the 'experts' on this- figure out how to teach other women to make life great even if the circumstances are not ideal.

Laura - posted on 04/03/2012

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Shannon! so glad to 'meet' you:) you should read the post yesterday from one of 'us' :) http://plane-janes.com/2012/04/becoming-...



I would love for you to share your story- I think the only way for us to help each other out is to talk about what it is like and find out from each other how to be successful...



Oh, how I understand the feeling of relief when he goes and resentment as well...

Shannon - posted on 04/03/2012

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YES ! I'm a SAHM to four kids and have a traveling husband. It varies but at times he's gone 3 weeks out of four and only home on the weekends. I sometimes enjoy him being gone (a lot actually) BUT then dealing with all the kids schedules can be stressful too and then I get VERY VERY resentful. So glad I happened upon this site.

Barbra - posted on 03/19/2012

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I will check you out on FB.

My hubby travels 70% of the time, and like you, I found myself in what I call auto-pilot (no pun intended, but now I realize how funny that is...tee hee).

I have worked diligently over the past several months to bring back the life and intimacy in my marriage, building the life I want to LIVE, not just muddle through.

I look forward to hearing from other women in the same situation.

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