Guilty of resentful and jealous feelings.

Sonia - posted on 07/23/2010 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I have to children a 12 yr. girl and a 1yr boy. My girl plays seasonal sports, I work a part time job and barely keep the household running, but its a mess. Meanwhile my husband travels alot. He's works locally sometimes usually getting home late and is home most weekends but his volunteer work also takes him traveling. He works hard and I know that I feel jealous of his time when he's home and I feel bad about that. I just feel so overwhelmed by everything sometimes. And so I feel that he doesn't help enough when he's home and doesn't have a clue about anything in this household. My husband is a good man, hard working and loving father. I hate that I feel this way, but sometimes it just gets to me and I have these feelings.

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Shawna - posted on 08/18/2010

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I used to be really jealous of my husband. It seemed as though I had to take care of everything, and the only thing he had to worry about was getting up in time to go to work. I finally talked to him about it, and now my view has completely changed. When I start feeling jealous of him again, I just remember our conversation.

He gets jealous of me too. His usual work schedule is 28 days on, 7 off, but lately it has been 3 months on and 10 days off, working 14+ hours a day. He gets jealous of me because I get to be home with our son, be around family and friends, and sleep in our bed. He gets so disconnected from everything because he just gets off of work, eats, then goes to bed, just to start over again the next day. He really misses our son, and wishes that he could have been there for everything he has missed, including holidays. (The only one he gets off if Christmas) It's very lonely for him, and he thinks that I'm with people all day, everyday, just hanging out and having fun all the time. (Which is completely untrue) And I think that he just gets to have fun working on trucks (he's a lead mechanic, and loves working on cars) all day, then go back to the trailer and relax. (Which is untrue)

I guess it is just seeing the other's point of view. He only saw the ups to me being home, and I only saw the ups of him being gone. Neither of us really thought about the hard stuff each of us has to do. There are times I used to want to switch places with him, but we each have our own role to make our family work. He works all the time to financial support us, and I take care of everything else.

We have been doing this for four years now, and it just takes getting into the right mindset of this is what we need to do for our family, and understanding and acknowledging how your partner feels about his role.

I hope this helps, good luck :)

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8 Comments

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Hanoi - posted on 07/30/2010

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I am with you and I disagree with the other comments. Why the woman has to do double journay, one at home and another one at work and the man only need to work??? Both of you are part of the family and need to work together... he needs to help at home when he is there... he has his free time and you need free time also...
I also has had a job where I had to travel and, although you work harder, you have free time when you arrive to your hotel and you can rest without children around, you eat with friends, clients or suppliers. You do not need to do dishes or make dinner.
Tall with him… explain how you feel

Zoe - posted on 07/29/2010

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Its very easy to say stay positive but its not practical in normal life... my husband has been travelling for 8 years and its hard when you are sitting at home with two kids and they have been pushing your buttons all day and the house is a mess and your husband is at a business dinner and then goes out had has a good time... Also generally they expect the house to be wonderful upon their return but this again is not practical.

Dont worry I am sure you are not the only one who feels jealous cause I do often and I am sure we are not the last.

Yes these are good men who travel for work to help support us and our children but it doesnt make the lonely days easier.

Christine - posted on 07/26/2010

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My hubby is gone 4 days a week. I work from home and handle everything when he is away. I have felt resentful sometimes in the past when he comes home and doesn't help out. When it started affecting our relationship I sat him down and we talked about little things for each other and things he could do that would mean alot when he was home. The talk has helped a lot.
Also be sure to do something for yourself each week even if it is just for an hour. Making time for something you enjoy will help you feel less overwhelmed.

Trindy - posted on 07/24/2010

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Good on you for your post, trust me, you are not the only one that feels this way. I'm resentful due to my husbands travelling as well. As he seems to have the best of both worlds. I get to the stage where I lose the plot, and yell at the family to help, as I get to tired and to the end of my tetter, eveyone creates mess but I seem to be the one left to clean up. Feel like an undervalued slave at times. Hubby like yours is hard working and a great father, but has to be told to help with, housework, kids homework and assisting with showers, etc..

Samia - posted on 07/24/2010

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tell him all about your feelings discuss everything with him feel free and tell him about your fears and how much you need him to be home but you should choose the right time to say so in a friendly way dont blame him just love him and be yourself with him
Good luck:)
p.s:keep in touch and tell me what happens:)

Sonia - posted on 07/24/2010

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It not that I don't show appreciation, I do and I try to show him that in many ways. I try to be very positve but sometimes the loneliness rears its ugly head. He doesn't always understand that when we haven't seen him for a while and he's home I need him to be there for us. So when I tell him that his time is important to us I feel like a nag. I thank you for your words and I will try to stay positive.

Samia - posted on 07/24/2010

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you shouldnt feel that way you said that he is a good man and wonderful father i dont know why you feel jealous, from what? you should feel happy when he is around you.i think you expect too much from him may be if you show him much love and appreciation he will change .Try to make plans and surprises with your daughter for him tell him how much you love him and appreciate him for doing his best for you and your children and throw away all your negative feelings and replace them with positive ones you will live more happily just work on yourself and you will be satisfied .wish you all the best.Good luck.)::::)

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