Husband in oil field

Tracy - posted on 01/23/2009

hi ladies!!

my husband works offshore for a danish compny called maersk he does 4 weeks away and 4 weeks home been all over the world denmark norway australia singapore egypt etc to mention i few!!we have 3 kids 19, 12 and 6yrs!! kids have adapted better than me over the years cos that all they have ever known!!aprt from our 19yr old who had dad home for the first 7 yrs of his life!!thing is the kids have so much fun with their daddy when he is home and i wouldn't have it any other way so long as he and they are happy so am i. i do find that sometimes i think to myself i wish he still had a normal 9-5 job but to be honest i probably have more quality time with him now because of his job!! i do miss him so so much but its a small price to pay for happiness all round

Amanda - posted on 01/17/2009

I like to go for kid-friendly dinners with my son, too. He always loves that. I thikn keeping them occupied, just like I keep myself occupied , keeps us all form missing him too badly.

Nan - posted on 01/16/2009

hi amanda, it's hard to help the kids missing their dad's....we are lucky at the moment because he is on land and we can skype so they actually get to see dad most days....although they spend most of the time either laughing at him or asking him to show them around his apartment...the biggest thing at the moment is for him to hang the laptop out the window so they can get a glimps of the snow.....no snow in tropical Queensland! we talk about his alot and make things for him that we keep together to give when he get's home....at the worst time I just let them have a little cry on my shoulder and tell them how much I miss him to.....once they get it out they seem to feel better....we have two girls 3 & 5 and while they are both dddies girls I think it might be a little easier than having son's who miss the same sex parent and all the special things they do together.....my little one even jokes about no boys in our house because the dog is a girl too. Try to make some little traditions that you do when he is away - we go to the fish and chip shop for early dinner just the girls and stuff like that. uld love to hear what everyone else does.

Marcia - posted on 01/16/2009

Hi Marlene,

Cute boy you have there! I couldn't figure out how to post to your wall directly--this is all new to me.

I don't think you ever fully "get used to" this life, I think you just learn better ways of coping. It's a hard life but I always tell myself it could be worse and I definitely try NOT to focus on those who have it better. . .lol! My heart goes out to you!

The box I purchased was from Once Upon A Family--I'm not a sales rep or anything but they do have really cute items.

Marcia

Marlene - posted on 01/16/2009

i meant thnx Marcia...sorry Amanda!

Marlene - posted on 01/16/2009

Thanks Amanda! Sounds like ur family is adjusting, and i like ur ideas on the box...i'm gonna steal it! lol..We use msn to talk to my DH but there is two hour difference and he works overtime so we don't talk everyday with him. Its hard..but its our lives now so we'll have to make the best of our situation.

Marcia - posted on 01/15/2009

Hi Amanda,

I agree with you on making some alone time with your hub. That and time for myself are still the hardest to schedule in--it's almost always about "family" time. Glad to hear that you are a team, cause really, that is what it takes. Gotta be in it together!

I can't even tell you how many nights I've had to soothe broken little hearts who miss their daddy. That's definitely the worst part--watching your children hurt. For awhile we had a "while I'm away box" which would surprise them with a card and little goodies every so often. Talk A LOT on the phone and now we are finally Skype-ing which is great. It's gotten a little easier as they've grown up but sometimes he misses certain events and it really stinks!  Not much help am I? Sorry. . .

A big hello to Nan in Brisbane and Marlene in Canada!!  :) It's lovely to meet others with similar struggles.

Hang in there Marlene-- I know you have your hands full, but I swear time does fly much, much too quickly! There have been some really rough times over the years, don't get me wrong but sometimes I feel sorry for him. On how much of his kids'  lives he's missed out on--the everyday little things. They don't stay little forever and before we know it they'll be off living their own lives.  . .

Anyway, families come in all different shapes and sizes but what matters is that you're together--right?

Take Care!

Amanda - posted on 01/15/2009

How do you ladies handlehelping the kids when they miss Daddy?

Amanda - posted on 01/15/2009

Adjusting can be hard. My Mister just left for work day before yesterday, and it is hard to make the switch back to regular routine! I miss him, too, but staying busy helps with that :) I am looking into getting a part time job after I graduate form school in October, but like some of you have mentioned, I am a little concerned over childcare. My son will be in Kindergarten in the Fall, but I will probably need after school and holiday care, and I am not sure where to start to find something good. I want someone I know and trust, but I just don't have anyone here. I have til October to think about it, though.

Marlene - posted on 01/15/2009

Hi Ladies! We live in Canada and my husband is working in another province, so we've had to adjust and it has not been easy for me. I have a two year old and a five month old, so I am very busy and sometime I just want to call it quits as a mom! I just hope he finds a job here now that work is slowing down. Anyways, hope you ladies are adjusting and hope to get to know you better.

Jenny - posted on 01/15/2009

Ooops, I meant to put IT can always be worse. My fingers get ahead of me sometimes.

Jenny - posted on 01/15/2009

Hi Nan. Hi Amanda. Amanda, it really does sound like you guys are a great team. That is wonderful. Nan, You are so right about "it could be worse" with being a single mom. My husband has been to Australia twice and LOVES it there He has been to Perth. He was actually in Perth when 9/11 happened. I had called him to tell him what happened, as it was the middle of the night there and he thought I was just exaggerating......until he woke up in the morning and turned on the TV. I do always think about the men and women that lost their significant other and have had to have babies or continue to raise their children on their own. I can always be worse. Thanks for your reply ladies. Stay in touch.

Nan - posted on 01/14/2009

My husand works off shore at the moment in Cina - we live in Brisbane Australia. We have two daughters 3 & 5 it sure is hard work. He flew out the night before last and works month on month off........got to say a month off is a long break especially when it's life as usual for the rest of us - when people ask how I do it I just say at least I don't have to to do it alone all the time like a single mum friend of mine!. Sometimes I wonder if it's harder or easier with him away - seems like less work when I only have to look after the girls and the routine is easy to stick to, the house stays tidy and there is no one to resent sitting on the couch while I still do most of the work.....jokes aside it does get very lonely - I'm lucky to have a great part time jobso I do get out and spend adult time with my collegues in a challenging and rewarding role - but gee it's full on trying to get the girls up, ready and to day care and school then myself to work and then the reverse at the end of day and then dinner etc etc.,...still in todays environment I think myself lucky to have. Nice to be chatting with you all - we would love to get to the US one day to check it all out...although we can't complain t the moment the summer here is magic!

Amanda - posted on 01/14/2009

Oh, but yes. It is very chaotic when he gets home. There is just so much he would like to do after being stuck on a boat or an oil rig for 4 or 5 weeks. So I try to make time for all the things he wants to do. He has a 3 year old daughter that we get half the time he is on land, and my son who is five lives with us full time. One of the hardest things I think is getting time alone while he's home. We want to spend time with the kids because we miss that while he is gone, but we want that adult time as well. I think the key to everything is BALANCE. One of the greatest things I get to do when he is home is sleep past 7 AM some days. We tend to take turns with who gets up with the kids and stuff. Liek I said, we are a good team :)

Amanda - posted on 01/14/2009

My MIster works in the oilfield too. He's a commercial diver for Global. We just recently moved in together, and it is an adjustment getting used to this lifestyle. But we really are a great team, he and I, and seem to handle it well so far. I miss him terribly while he's at work, but I keep busy and I know that he loves his job. I wouldn't dream of asking him to quit. Plus, since you miss each other so much, the time you DO have together is really special. Like a honeymoon everytime they get home from offshore :)

Jenny - posted on 01/10/2009

Hey Marcia. He in Missouri, by Illinois. He said it is beautful where he is at. We were there about a year ago in.....ummmm, St. Joe. My husband is actually a pipeliner....so it is oil and gas. His company leases automatic welding equipment to contractors and they go train the welders how to use the equipment and trouble shoot any problems on the length of a job. Canada has been wonderful for us. I love it there and we have met some of the nicest people!!! Do you live by relatives? We lived in Houston for several years, as our families are in San Antonio, TX. They were not too far, but Houston was not home. We have just recently moved back to San Antonio...in March. We have a 5th wheel trailer so if we need to go to Houston, if he has to go the office there or any jobs in the states, we can stay in that and not in a hotel. Sometimes traveling with them gets hard. I have to sort through and figure out which scenario would be more difficult though. It has been so nice chatting with you.

Marcia - posted on 01/10/2009

Hi Patty,

I'm Marcia--nice to meet you on here! I laughed when I read that you worry about the oil prices dropping-- I too have had that thought! You've gotta wonder right? The company my dh contracts for just let go of 15% in the US so maybe there's something to it.

Africa huh? We thought about trying a similar situation but in Russia. Gone 5-6 weeks then home for the same. At the time I thought I'd never be able to do that but now he frequently is gone more than the 3 weeks.I hope you have lots of family living nearby to help out, I know it's not your husband but it's very helpful.

I can't travel with my husband either but we have gone to CA for visits. It helps that all our friends and family are there also.

Well, I hope it's not too long before he gets back!

Have a great weekend,

Marcia

Marcia - posted on 01/10/2009

Hey Jenny,

Oh my gosh. . .I was cracking up when reading your post to Patty! "Being a kept wife?" Hahaa. And, especially to the part you said about NOT dropping everything to "play" or whatever. My husband is only home 1 week at a time but he treats it as a vacation and totally makes the house chaotic--just like you said! Ha! I too have to mentally prepare and then stick to our routine as much as possible. That not only helps me but the kids as well. They become accustomed to our routines and have expressed their need to stick to it even when daddy is home.

Anyway, we live in Missouri while he still works in CA . No, he is not offshore. He's a contractor. And, possibly soon he will be working in Canada ( Alberta) Your husband is in Missouri? There are oilfields here? I didn't know that. He's been in Tulsa and  Texas but not here.

You are definitely right when you said that people don't understand! I'm sure they're sympathetic and try to empathize but you just don't know until you've lived it. My husband was in the military before and at least the wives all had each other. Another thing I've noticed as well, is that if you live away from where you grew up --in an area w/o family nearby it is WAY worse. The other oilfield wives I know that do have family nearby at least have that. Not the same as your husband but definitely helpful!

Thanks for sharing your experience. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you that you get Louisiana!

Have a great one!

Marcia

Jenny - posted on 01/09/2009

hey Patty. Ohhh, those ones with the limited communication is so hard. I am happy he is in a safe place. I do not know what is harder....sitting there and waiting for the call to know they are ok and you have sooooo much to tell them....or when you hang up!! It is heart wrenching. My heart goes out to you. I always try to remind myself that it could be worse, but sometimes it is hard. My husband's company that he works for has an office in Houston, Tulsa, OK and Holland. I do not know anybody in Holland, but I do in Tulsa. He works with a lot of Union guys and we have befriended a lot of them, as they are seasoned pipeliners and have been doing this for a looooong time. One of the wives is now her husbands helper and they are going to retire soon. The other wife stays home and her husband is going to retire soon too. he does not travel anymore, but she has been the biggest help as far as helping me through the hard times and giving me advice. As far as working through the adjustments......it is still hard, but I just have to mentally prepare myself a few days before he comes home that it is going to be chaotic. When I am prepared I can handle it better. Sometimes I try planning a couple things when he first gets home.....like tomorrow we are going to Chuck E Cheese, I promised Braxton we will go with you when you get home.....the trick is.....trying to keep things on your schedule and don't drop EVERYTHING you and the kids when he is gone. Sometimes it is hard to stand that ground, but you have to for your sanity. My husband right now is saying lets go here and lets do this when he gets home in a couple weeks......the things he is wanting to do is going to conflict with my sons basketball he is staring tomorrow and the day school he goes to 2 days a week that keeps me sane. I told him I will check my calendar and see what's going on. Really that is my ploy to collect my thoughts and see how we can meet in the middle. Instead of missing a whole month of basketball and school ( you have to pay for this stuff) maybe we can only miss a week instead. I have to find my wording where we are still doing something he wants to do, but not completely dumping all of our routine and the things we do. It does become a way of life and I still hate it, but I know this is what has to happen right now. Other friends and families comments that don't understand your situation is so hard. Whether it is "being a kept wife" type of comment to any sort of money comments they are all hard to deal with. They don't know what they are saying. I just tell myself "did they really mean harm"? One of the things that is so hard for me is to let things roll of off of my shoulders, but I have too. How long has your husband been doing this?

Jenny - posted on 01/09/2009

Hey Marcia. Yep, the range of comments people can make is astounding, but you are right...you do what you have to do. I just have one son, Braxton is 4. Your husband is in California? I love there weather there. My husband has been working in Canada on and off for about 2 years now. He is in Missouri helping to finish a job they were having some problems on. That one should only be a couple few more weeks. Then it is either Brazil or Louisiana. I am hoping for Louisiana. Does your husband work on the barges? I know those can be rough for them. Thanks for your reply. Maybe we can help be supportive when the times get tough.

Jenny

Patty - posted on 01/09/2009

Jenny,



You mentioned that you've worked through the adjustment period. What helps you? Any advice?



Patty

Patty - posted on 01/09/2009

Hello! My DH works for an oil service company doing offshore exploration. He's been working off the coast of Angola, Africa for about the past two years (thankfully not the side of Africa where there have been pirates recently, LOL). He's generally gone 5 weeks and then home 5 weeks. I've tried every trick I can think of, and the transition is never easy!



We have 3 kids - ages 11, 8 and 2.



One of the particular challenges we face is that our communication is extremely limited while he's gone. No skype, webcams, cell phones or snail mail. Basically just email and an occasional phone call from his ship's satellite phone that he can only talk on for a few minutes.



I also get the "that must be difficult" comments. But none of my friends or family can truly relate since they're not in this situation, and so it's AMAZING to me that I found this site full of other people who seem to know exactly what I'm thinking and feeling sometimes. I have to admit that I'm envious of some of the moms on here who have the option of traveling with their DH. It's not an option for us due to the offshore work.



Of course I've been happy to see the falling gas prices whenever I fill up my tank. But I'm also silently hoping "don't drop tooooo far, or else hubby's job might be in jeopardy!" Do you ever feel that way?



Patty

Marcia - posted on 01/09/2009

Hello! Glad to find someone who can relate!

Yep, mine is in the oilfield too! Not 3 months at a time though (is he offshore?)--my hat is off to you! I usually do 3-6 weeks (he's in Ca and we're not) and I always have people asking me, "How do you DO that?" Well, you do what you have to do and now that it's been almost 9 years it is our way of life. How about you?

We have 2 kids who are 11 and 9--girl and boy! We finally started to Skype with daddy and they LOVE it! Not sure why we didn't start earlier. . .

Anyway, if you ever want to chat or compare notes, I'm here.

Take Care,

Marcia