I feel like my situation is the suckiest EVER!! Anyone else in my boat?

Angela - posted on 06/19/2012 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I am 25 years old living in Texas. My husband is 28 and lives/works in Vegas and Cali right now. We have a 4 year old son, 2 year old daughter, and I am 9 months pregnant with our 2nd son.

My husband has been in our lives 6 months of the last 19. That's it! This last work stint has been 7 months, in which we have seen him 9 total days. He has basically missed his daughters life thus far.

I understand that he is working away to support us, but sometimes I feel that he could have tried harder to stay at home and work. I think he jumps at chances to travel and go work different places because he is having fun, but is really honestly putting his family 2nd.

He has already told me that he will not be coming for the birth of our son, and that he might make it down the next month. That leaves me in a town with no family (that I followed him to for his job to begin with) caring for 2 toddlers on my own and expecting another any day now. I don't even know who is going to watch my 2 kids while I am delivering. The nearest family is 3 hours so they probably won't make it in time.

What makes me REALLY feel like we are 2nd is the fact that he is in Vegas and goes out with friends on the weekend, travels to California for fun, and is basically doing what he wants, when he knows I am stuck and obviously not able to do anything but care for kids and the house. He even opened his own bank account while there, and the kids and I get a couple hundred dollars allowance each week to live off of. He has completely cut me out of finances and I think it is because he is hiding what he spends money on.

I am truly at a point, where I feel deserted by him, I feel sad for my kids who don't have him around, and I am wondering to myself, "what is the point of being married to an absent person?"

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Kristy - posted on 06/21/2012

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My husband used to be home on the weekends. It has become more like three nights a month this last year. I dont know why I do this with him. We have three kids together...and I have two others that are not his. I feel like an empty person. He is always telling me he is doing this for "us". The truth is, we have no savings....just major debt...it will always be this way. He is not the man I married, and I dont think I am the woman he married either. I want to say we stay with these men for the sake of our babies...but the truth is that they are not home enough to make a difference. Sorry.

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Melissa - posted on 08/08/2012

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I know how your feeling, I will soon be married to a long haul trucker. This last time he was home, he was only here for 4 days after 7mos away. It's difficult to have our men gone, but you have to have REALLY REALLY good communication with him. Be open about how you are feeling, but don't bombard him with all the issues/problems right away. Start with the MOST important issues and work them out first. The hardest part of not having him home is being able to trust him, which it seems like you are having a hard time with right now. Let him know that you are having a hard time with expecting the baby any day and not having him or family around, also that you can't do what you need to do for the kids and yourself with the little amount of money he is "allowing" you. Really communication is the key. Good luck doll, congrats on the baby, and keep your chin up!

Melissa

Amanda - posted on 07/25/2012

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if i lived where i have friends and family i wouldnt mind him being gone. it sucks having nobody to talk to whatsoever unless i go on facebook to email someone. hes looking to finally change jobs cause i told him i wanted a divorce cause there was no point in being married if i see him 2 days a week or less. sooo.....hes looking at other options. fingers crossed!

Courtney - posted on 07/16/2012

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I am glad that you got to resolve your issue. And good luck on the new baby! I have a one month old and waiting on my husband to have a job interview where he will be in Cali till Oct. I live in Maine with both of our families. I Was just doing research on how others took their situations. All situations are different. We have the option if the company hires him fulltime after this project they will move the family as well. But I am not sure how to do it with a new one and my 5 yr old. Thank you for sharing your problems and the solution. ♥

Amanda - posted on 07/10/2012

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thats great! happy for you! :) i wish my man would leave his travel job but he wont :/

Angela - posted on 07/08/2012

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Since I wrote this, I DID let my husband read my post. I think he understands more how I'm feeling. He actually has left LV and came back home to work at a local job. I am VERY HAPPY about this. It actually worked where he is not starting the new job for another week and I am having our son this week, so he will be here.

I am most definitely getting a tubal, and will NEVER be put in that situation again. If he ever decides to leave again for work, thats it. I'm gone!!! Hopefully, that will be something I don't have to ever worry about.

I appreciate all you ladies and your input. Thank you! :)

Amanda - posted on 06/27/2012

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i wouldnt blame you one bit if you got a divorce! my husband is home 2 days a week on weekends then is gone out of town or out of state all week. if he didnt come home, id be gone back to where my support is. i have zero family in NY and i have 2 friends 3 hours away so i know how you feel on not having anyone around. it sucks! next time you see him, tell him whats going on. or show him your post. i get through to my husband the best when i show him my issues in writing. (go figure) i too was cut off from money and its cause he was hiding things. we got a lot of things resolved once he realized i was serious about leaving him and i guess the thought of losing me and his son finally hit him. you really gotta talk to your man and if he wont change anything and put you first, its time to move on!

Kristy - posted on 06/24/2012

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My husband does the same thing with the "trying to be home"...we even moved to a different state so he would be home more...and guess what, its not happening! I was surronded by family before this new move...and while they were some help, I am happier to be away from them. Other people just dont understand what it is like being in this kind of relationship. I feel better being on my own and away from the opinions of family. It is hard enough dealing with a traveling man...I dont need family to add their own 2cents. I figure that the good thing is that my husband is gone a lot right now...because I am so darn sick of living like this and I am too tired to argue!

Angela - posted on 06/21/2012

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I most definitely stay with him for our kids sake. If I was not pregnant, I would not have stuck around for this absence. Another thing that keeps me hanging around for him, is that he always says he is trying to come back home. That it will be soon, he will come back ASAP. Yet, here we are about to start July and he has been gone since January! It really is hard. I can't imagine you having 5 kids by yourself. I hope you have family help.

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