All Communities > Moms with Traveling Husbands > I need him to show me he cares, and that he can do this...

I need him to show me he cares, and that he can do this without actually physically bein here!!!

Connie - posted on 03/23/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )

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This man, we'll call him Chev, works in the oil fields. He's gone a month to a month and a half at a time n comes home on break for a week after 1-1 1/2 months. We are not married but do have a commitment of only seein one another. We've been together only a lil over a year. He'll text me once er twice through out the day, maybe if im lucky i'll get a 2-3 minute phone call. I wasnt okayy with this long distance relationship from the get go, and in my eyes we were only pose to be a 'one night stand', but he wanted more, so i went with it. Im inlove with this man now, but cant stand the fact that he wont take more time out of his days for me. He gets outta work round 6-7pm, n then goes to the local tavern with his crew and gets drunk, goes to the motel n eats n then passes out. He claims he drinks so much to get me off his mind cuz he misses me so much, but once he is at that damn bar, i get no text, no phone call, NOTHIN!! He ignores my texts n calls! I know hes not cheatin, i do trust him in that way, but i feel that 'bottle' is takin my place!!!! I told him many times what i need outta him, n he either gives up n does nothin or he'll do it for a couple days n stop. I get soo mad when he ignores me, and yess i show it through my texts n calls. He hates conflict n seems to rather give up on us than talk it out. I have tol dhim so many times that i jus cant go through this anymore if he doesnt start showin me that he cares, he says You know i love you n i want only you, but all you wanna do is fight. I say, Well if you would jus give me a lil more of ur time we wouldnt fight. Its a no win situation! He has time to hang with the crew n get drunk, why cant he make time for me? And whenever i try n text him what i need from him, or what is botherin me, if he dont like it, he'll ignore me,,,,,,even for days and think its ok.We could even be havin a good day, but as soon as he gets outta work, if its a night hes gunna meet the crew at the bar, i lost him for the whole night. This starts a fight! I hate when he ignores me! HELP!!! He's drivin me crazeee!!! I need to get through to him before i give up but dont know how.....??????

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6 Comments

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Tracey - posted on 11/11/2010

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My big concern for you is his drinking.. not everyone up there drinks to pass out all the time. .. If he can not make you more of a priority to maintain contact with, rather than spending time & his money ( the reason he is there I would guess ) with his crew. I think if he respected you and himself more this would not be an issue..... Next question..... is this man the kind of man you want your son to grow up to be or your daughter to be married to ?? If your answer is no... what are you doing with him ? Respect your self, demand more & if you do not get it .. move on. Best of luck.

HEATHER - posted on 11/08/2010

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HI- I'm sort of wondering if you and your pseudo-spouse are still having difficulties. I'm not an expert -- but alcoholism is rampant in my family. I would guess that your husband is an alcoholic. I would walk away unless he's willing to attend alcohol rehabilitation and AA meetings.

If these children are his and he valued your relationship -- he wouldn't be treating you this way.

Helen - posted on 10/20/2010

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Your big problem is his Drinking and sad to say thats a BIG RED LIGHT, don t let him tell you "your the reason why he drinks", that isn t fair, and I think in your heart you know what the answer is "get out now while you can", alcoholics have an illness that they can not blame on anyone else cheers you deserve BETTER! after all its the old saying love "isn t supposed to hurt"

Jessica - posted on 03/25/2010

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That really sux, I'm sorry to hear that. Most of my friends are oilfield families and we all experience the same thing. Couples start fighting like cats and dogs when guys go back out on the road. After so long of being apart, it's like you kinda forget what it is you're fighting for and it's just easier to give up and walk away. And I'd say about 95% of they people I have met in this industry have done just that. So many of us end up broken or split up. It's hard to know what to do, fight or walk. But if you truly truly love this guy, I know you'll fight for it. We're women lol it's just what we do when there's something we want :c)

Connie - posted on 03/24/2010

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Thank You Jessica for respondin. I do have 3 children. 2 of which are school aged. I dont think he would be willin to do a video chat, i mean i tell him one text in the evenin would make things soo much better and hes not even willin ta do that, well, maybe 2-3 times outta the week he will, so a video message would prolly be too much work for him. And its funny that you said you tell him you didnt sign up for this, cuz i tell him this too. I told him in the beginnin that i didnt think i would be able ta handle bein in this type of relationship, but his persistence in the beginnin made me think i could handle it. But as months went by and he started doin less n less, i told him i didnt sign up for this, we should have jus left it as is when he dropped me off the next mornin after our 'one night out' I jus dont know, it gets me thinkin tho.....He can so easily let us go, but then again he loves me more than he has ever loved another....?? When were together, were close ta perfect, but sa soon as he leaves, shit happens. If he was jus a lil bit willin ta fight ta keep us together, i would put soo much more into this. But he jus wont do nothin. We broke up yesterday, ooh this makes me cry, but i dont know what else to do if he isnt willin to meet me half way.

Jessica - posted on 03/24/2010

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My husband works in the oil fields too, and is gone a lot. If you don't have any school age kids, I say travel with him. It might be a small hotel, but you don't mind when he's there with you and you're getting your quality time. If you do have kids that need to be in school, the next best thing is to maybe do a video chat. Like Skype. Tell him you both need to set aside a few minutes everyday to login and say hi and talk about your day. My husband and I fight 10 times more when he is out on the road than we ever do when he is home. I always tell him I didn't sign up for this, this came along AFTER I married you, and I'm trying my best to deal with it. After that he realizes it's not just hard on him, and it tends to open lines of communication. It's so stressful on both ends, no one ever said being an oil field work's wife/gf was easy. But you just have to find something that works for you and your situation. Good luck, you can do this, just keep trying

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