kids acting ouot cause they miss their dad's

[deleted account] ( 23 moms have responded )

i was just wondering if anyone has any tips on how to deal with young kids and them acting out cause they miss their father? my oldest daughter is 4 years old and she is daddy's girl. my husband strated going away to work 7 months ago. he is gone for a month at a time and is then home for 2 weeks, she is a different child when he is home, when he leaves she is saucy and defiant. she won't listen. i have tried putting her to bed early, takeing tv priviledges away and special things like going to movies or sleepovers with her cousins. but nothing seems to work, she even starts hitting me etc. so any advice?

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Heather - posted on 02/22/2009

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My husband is gone for 2 mos and home for 2 mos (captain on oil tanker) - the calendar idea really works. My husband also made several tapes of him reading their favorite books so even when he can't call they can hear his voice. I have also tried to work in planning on 1-2 hrs per week with each kid all alone and focused on just one on one time - the 'time-in' seems to put 'money in the bank' for them to know how much I do care and can put things aside for them - hope it helps

[deleted account]

Hi Jayme!

I think you should talk with her more, let her talk about her feelings and needs.You also be honest with your feelings and become friends.Be patient work more your relationship and come closer to understand her.

[deleted account]



I understand.  My 4 year old son is the same way.  He is an emotional wreck until daddy gets home.  My husband is an independent truck driver.  He used to be home weekly, but since the economy started falling he is only home once every 2-3 weeks.  It has really effected my 4 year old.  We have started putting time limits on when he will be home so my son has something to look forward to.  Get a calendar and put an x on the day daddy will be home and use stickers to count down the days.  Also make sure daddy doesn't just become the one that comes and plays for a few days and then leaves.  He needs to do some of the parenting too.  You don't want him to be the fun one and you be the bad guy all the time.  I hope you get what I mean.  The calendar thing with set goals has really helped both kids, but especially my 4 year old.



Sherie



 



Quoting Jayme:

kids acting ouot cause they miss their dad's

i was just wondering if anyone has any tips on how to deal with young kids and them acting out cause they miss their father? my oldest daughter is 4 years old and she is daddy's girl. my husband strated going away to work 7 months ago. he is gone for a month at a time and is then home for 2 weeks, she is a different child when he is home, when he leaves she is saucy and defiant. she won't listen. i have tried putting her to bed early, takeing tv priviledges away and special things like going to movies or sleepovers with her cousins. but nothing seems to work, she even starts hitting me etc. so any advice?





 

Laura - posted on 12/29/2008

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Also, what about using a webcam? Get a good quality one so your daughter can still see him.

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April - posted on 01/14/2014

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My son is an emotional mess while my husband is gone. I have no family around to help me. I have no idea what to do with him. I ask him why he is crying over everything and he says i dont know. He is 3 years old. I try and Skype with my husband every night that he is gone but our son wants nothing to do with it. He says he is mad at daddy and mommy and believe me he shows it when daddy is gone. Not listening to anything and doing what he wants. We do try and keep in routine from when daddy is here and when daddy is gone but nothing seems to help. My husband is normally gone for 2 weeks home for 1 day and gone for 2 more weeks. He doesnt travel on a regular basis and when he does travel we get a days notice. Does anyone have any suggestions on what I can do to help my son cope?

User - posted on 05/09/2013

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ALSO- it seems like he acts like this when dad leaves, or maybe I am planning too much play dates?

User - posted on 05/09/2013

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Hi moms out there. my husband is active military. I have a 5 year old, lately he has been in and out due to his high demand job, we are a close family with structure and stability. my 5 year old son has been acting out, complaining a lot, not wanting to do what hes supposed to, talking back ect. everyday I plan play dates for him makes snacks ice cream ect. I feel almost like he doesn't appreciate me. I am very overwhelmed. I don't know what to do. I am looking forward to things calming down. my husband can usually get him to talk and understand whats going on. can anyone give any advice? I feel like im always at my wits end with him and its hard to get onto his level at times :(

Rosalie - posted on 11/06/2011

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I'd say explain things to her. Show you are strong enough to handle it (because she may feel you're sad or angry he's gone and pick up on it). Keep boundaries because they provide security. Reassure her with special bedtime backrubs, story time, making things for daddy, talking to him on the phone, etc. Talk about it and reassure her.

Kynder - posted on 02/15/2009

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i had the same problem. i would buy gifts for my 3 year old and tell her they were from daddy. my husband also send my daughter mail. let your child write her father emails or try a web cam so they can chat with each other. try to be patient as for punishment try timeout or take away her favorite toys.a picture of dad by her bed has also worked wonders.

[deleted account]

My husband is a pilot and has his own business, so his schedule is very erratic-he can be gone for one day to two weeks at a time. We also use a webcam. I also play videos for my daughter of her and my husband that I record on my cellphone-it helps her remember their times together. My daughter is almost 3 so we talk about how she feels about Daddy being gone.

Shelly - posted on 01/22/2009

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It sounds to me that she is treated differently when daddys home.  You say she's a daddy's girl so daddy spoils her just a little?  Wwell if this is the case here my advise you and hubby need to dit down and set some ground rules for both daddy and daughter.  Things meed to stay consistant.  You can't have it one way when he's gone and another when he's home.  All that does is make you the bad guy.  But you and your husband need to be on the same page.  Yes it's great that she is a daddy's girl but daddy I'm dure doedn't want a daddys monster.Good luck and let us know how things go!!!

Lisa - posted on 01/19/2009

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Has your husband ever made a video of himself, perhaps reading to her? I seen on tv the other day a soldier that was away and he made video of himself reading to his daughter. Maybe you could play it for her when she goes to bed and you tuck her in.

Amanda - posted on 12/25/2008

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My boyfriend works offshore, so his schedule is a month at work, then a month at home. When he's here, we are on the go almost everyday, catching up and doing fun things with the kids; it is definitely different than when we are here alone and everything is pretty much routine. I think that the key is trying to keep things consistent. Especially nap and bedtimes, and meals when possible, when Daddy's home. It's hard because you want to have fun when he's home, but a disruption in routine is hard on kids sometimes.

Skylar - posted on 12/24/2008

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Maybe if you had him talk on the phone with her daily and remind her that HE expects her to be respectful to mommy and if you report specific acts of defiance to him and then HE talks to her about them. My husband is not gone as often or as long as yours, but I find my 5 year old always acts up when he is gone and is a bit more defiant. Him setting the expectations before he leaves seems to help, as does making a chart where we put a star up every night he is gone so she can see when he is coming back. I also try to do something special with the kids when he is gone we wouldn't normally do.

Marcee - posted on 11/28/2008

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Yes I can agree with your husband..Ft. Mac isn't the nicest place in the world to raise kids. I have been there a few times, so I've seen first hand a little of what goes on there. My husband says the same thing as yours. Glad to know that you have a great support system! That helps big time. How handy for your mom to be right across the street from you.

Marcella - posted on 11/27/2008

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continued.... so when he walked in the door he knew were we were at, so that if there were privileges or punishments outstanding the consistency could continue. It's good to let my husband "off the hook" with the guilt he was feeling too. The best reward for us is seeing our boys growing into such "good" little men (not perfect.. but good) Hope this helps!

Marcella - posted on 11/27/2008

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Hello Jayme, I don't know if this will help. My kids are older so this tip may be something to store for future use. My husband is away for shorter periods than yours but still it took some adjusting when he first took over the job. I found the biggest problem in our house with my husbands coming and going was the inconsistency in what was happening when he returned. He felt guilty about not seeing the boys and would spoil them on his return. It felt like we were playing "good cop, bad cop" (with me as the bad cop) When he left again it would feel like it would take me a few days to get the boys back into gear again. When I became aware that the over-indulging was amplifying the disruption, I found it really helpful to be able to debrief him as soon as he landed ( he'd ring from the airport)thn

[deleted account]

actually my mom lives right across the street from me. so i have a great support system, my hubby is in fort mac too, we thought about moving up there but my husband says fort mac is not a place to raise a family, and if we moved else where in alberta i would have noone i know to help me or give me the little breaks here and there

Marcee - posted on 11/27/2008

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Wow, that's quite the commute for your husband! Yes my husband is an electrician. Although we live just outside of Calgary, which is only 7-8 hrs between us and Ft. Mac. Much closer than you I'm thinking. My husband tells me all the time about the guys up there that are from out east..it completely blows my mind...I always think why can't the whole family move closer, but I think that might be harder than being apart for a month. I agree with you completely about is it worth it or not..it can be so hard, raising 2 kids pretty much all by yourself! You have to be the mom and the dad, and it can be very challenging, and rewarding at the same time. All your family must be around you though?? I hope so..that makes it a little easier..I find anyhow. Almost all my family is within a 40 min drive from me, so if I need a break someone is always there to help. Do you have that??

Marcee - posted on 11/27/2008

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My husband works in the oilsands too. It is hard, and my husband would say the same thing as your husband..wanting better life for the kids. That's why he's there. Where do you live then?

Marcee - posted on 11/27/2008

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Your welcome Jayme...I hope that will help! What does your husband do that he's away for that long? My husband is an electrician, and works 2 weeks on and 1 week off. We've been doing it for 4 years now. I found it very hard at first, but I still have my moments when I wish he was home.

Marcee - posted on 11/27/2008

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Hi Jayme,
I think that maybe it might help if your daughter is able to talk to your husband on the phone every night before bed. How about if your husband and daughter create a calender together that counts down to when he's home again? These ideas may help. Good luck!!

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