My husband is a truck driver and i feel like a single mom!

CHRISTINA - posted on 09/06/2009 ( 28 moms have responded )

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We moved from West Virginia to Oklahoma for my husband to get a better job because the economy wasn't doing so well and we were having trouble surviving. Once we got to Oklahoma we moved in with my parents and my hubby got a truck driving job that was suppose to be regional and he was suppose to be out for 7 days home for like a day and a half. Well that isn't the case. He usually out for about 3 wks if we are lucky and then i might get to see him for a day and a half if I'm lucky. We have a 7 year old boy and a 3 year old little girl. and they both wanna see daddy when daddy comes in but there never seems to be enough time when hes home. i feel like someone is being left out and i think its usually me. i don't mean to sound selfish but it really hard on the marriage not to get to send TIME with each other. and for course when its time for my hubby to leave again he gets real grouchy. i didn't know that being a trucker wife was going to be so hard. i feel like I'm alone in the world. left to do everything myself, i know all I'm doing is complain but I'm hoping being able to talk to someone that understands might help.

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Shelly - posted on 06/12/2013

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then get off your butts ladys and make enough money for him to stop.i bet you dont say a word when is payday most of you probably do not work at all how sad ur man working his life away in a truck to support his family whats he getting this garbage.wish i had a man who would risk his life everyday to provide for me shame on you all.

Melinda - posted on 09/22/2009

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My husband has been a trucker for 13 yrs. We have been married 14. He tried to come in off the road last year but with the economy the way it is there just wasn't enough money. He is gone 6-8 wks at a time and generally only home for 2 or 3 days. It is a lot like being a single mom. You have to be mom and dad still work, keep house and be mrs. fix it. The only advice that I can give to anyone is when he is home appreciate it. We try to fix it to where he spends 1 day with the kids 1 day with me and 1 day as a family. Generally doesnt work that way, but hey we try. My biggest problem is that by the time he gets home I need a break from the kids and want to go out to a movie or dinner he just wants to stay home because he has been out for several weeks. Some days are easier than others, just make your goal to get through each day at a time and eventually it wont be as hard as in the beginning. If you ever need a shoulder to cry on, holler, I have very big shoulders.

Sara - posted on 09/10/2009

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It is very hard being a spouse of some one who travels. My husband was an otr but not for that long of a time. Luckily. But there would be a month that we would get no time together due to his family. I hated it. I still hate the fact that he is gone all time. Now he is a pipefitter and that is worse because he doesn't get home as much or may be working from one town to the next state away with no time off. But you do need to talk to him and maybe a web cam or something and you could use yahoo im to communicate on the web cams privately. Also it does take a strong person to be the spouse. The reason he is getting crabby is he doesn't want to go but doesn't want to tell you that. You guys really need to communicate better. I found for me it was easier to write him a letter then to talk in person. Because then if I cried I didn't have to upset him seeing me cry and he could read as sharing my feelings rather then accusing him and feeling like I blamed him. But I did blame him a little. Because his parents and grandmother came be fore me and the kids. I swear I could write a book about being a wife of a truck driver. P.S. Companies always lie about home time. And unless he stands up and says he needs to be home more they will still take advantage of him. And if he signed a contract he needs to read it really carefully. Because sometimes it states that home time changes from what you where told.

Faith - posted on 09/07/2009

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Your not alone!!!! My husband is gone 3 to 6 weeks at time too. Then hes only home for a couple of days, before he leasves again. i too feel like a single mom at times specially when I have to do it all myself. We have 4 children 25 and 23 daughters and then 13 1/2 yr old son and almost 8 year old daughter who is a 2 time liver transplant patient too. I know its hard to understand the lonelessiness your feeling, but understand this your husband doesnt wwant to be gone from his family that long either. I been married to my husband for 20 wonderful years and unfortunately last year he had to go on the road just to be able to support his family too. Its hard when hes gone all the time but I know when he is home we make every minute count and spend time together as a family. This has helped alot. It has been hard I will be the first to agree but trust that your husband doesnt want to be gone either and that all he wants to do when hes home is spend time with you and the kids. Don't let the miles come between your realtionship with your husband. Remember Love can conquer all!!

Faith Shobe

Emma - posted on 09/05/2012

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i have been with my husabnd for 5 years almost 6!!! we have two girls one is 7 tomorrow and the other is 2 in december!!! life for a truck drivers wife/gf is not an easy task!! being left at home to look after the kids the house all the important stuff, but i love him for what he does for us!! working a normal job as they call it was just not bringing in enough money!! finding the right job that suited him where he was home at least one day a week even just to see us meant i had to pack up the kids and move closer to where he was based!! having no friends or family therer was hard but i knew what i was getting myself into as his whole family had drivin trucks their whole lives and i knew one day so would he!! he has been driving for almost three years and it never gets any easier on us at home as partners/wives but i love him for him and even if he is not home alot i know he is only trying to give his family money to survive on!!

He knows i hate being home all the time alone and sometimes it gets very frustrating and i blurt it all out, but i wouldnt make him change his job for the world!!

we as truck drivers wives all know and feel the same!!! and are here if anyone just need to talk and vent their problems with others in the same situation!!! all the best for a positive future xx

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Janique - posted on 02/16/2014

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Allo Christina, Just wanted you to know that I too, am a truck driver's wife,I have been married for 26 years and he's a truck driver for 30 years, and we have one boy who now is a young man of 19, and I can tell you that, yes at times it was really hard on us , the marriage and our son. But the love we have for each other was stronger then the missing and the feeling of been a single mom, because of course in that life we feel that way, since it is not a single choice that we made by becoming a single mom, if you know what i meen! But stick there and love each others, and talk on the phone a lot with the good night and love you always. Take a job and if you have a dream then i is time for you to try it, since you have the time , you will realize that you are more then juste a mom once you try it. Older peopl are alone without a family and they need volonteer try that to, and implicate your children with you. You will see it becomes less hard and you will also have something to share in your conversation with your husband....stop thinking that it is not worth it! He has to work and is job is that...so go on! Jane D. Quebec.

April - posted on 08/11/2013

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my husband just left for his new trucking job today, the house feels so lonely with him not home. to be honest im really sad but i have two toddelers to care for. my hubby has always wanted to be a trucker and he is finally doing it im very happy for him. hes an awesome father and an amazing husband i can not wait for him to come home but untill than i have to be strong for all of us.

Faye - posted on 06/18/2013

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Shelly, please don't lump all of us "ladys" together. I work a 40 hour week plus what I do at home! To say we "ladys" are not grateful to our man for being OTR is BS!

My BF has drove OTR for close to 30 years. He knows no other work. I have known him for 8 years. In that time I have never complained that he is gone between 6 and 7 days at a time. Sometimes it has been 10 - 12 days. Yes I hate that he is gone for days at a time BUT I also don't complain. Yes his pay makes the house payment and I thank him for that. We each have to work in order to pay the bills. If my check allows, I pay the house payment but he then has to bring in enough to pay the rest of the bills. The rest of the bills I am talking about are groceries, electric, car insurance, house insurance, life insurance and gas for the car. We are in the country so we have our own water well plus we are all electric so no gas or propane for the house.

I was single for a number of years before he came into the picture so I know how it is to be alone (with the kids) and how hard it is to struggle to pay all bills on one income. I make sure to thank him every chance I get (a) for being in my life and (b) helping pay the bills so we can have the house we do. My ex never did understand the concept of working more than 2 weeks a month. He worked just enough to pay the bills but that was all. We had no "play" money. My kids thought McDonald's was a treat because we normally did not have the money to treat them even to that place.

Lynn - posted on 02/25/2013

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to be a truck drivers wife is like being the wife of a military man. Never get your expectations up because it will only make you down. You never know when to plan anything and requesting days off for anything is out of the question. As a wife you have to have the ability to handle many things on your own and not be clingy with him or even the little bit of time he does have to be home. Usually his home time is his time first and if possible when he gets the energy you are then included in that home time. You have to be able to live a solitary life most times and keep your heart open to him, trusting he is doing the same. Communication while on the road needs to be light, and filled with encouragement. You have to keep his mind free of things that will bring him down, or anger him. Remember he is behind the wheel of a huge beast and if his thoughts are bogged down with nonsense it will distract him.

Being the wife of a truck driver or any man that takes a job that makes him spend lots of time away takes a very strong, independent woman that has the courage to face things alone and does not have trust issues.

I started a page on Facebook some time back called Families of truck Drivers. We are a small group and aimed mostly at keeping the Truck Drivers going strong, and offering them support. Many wives, girlfriends., children and the truck drivers themselves communicate back and forth throughout the day there. Sharing anything and everything, sometimes just knowing there are others in the same boat, helps to keep you stronger.

you are more than welcome to come join us there.

http://www.facebook.com/groups/255372627...

Melissa - posted on 02/05/2013

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Man, I know its wrong of me but I am jealous of you ladies. I would love for my husband to be home every weekend, or every 11 days. My man is gone for 2-3 months at a time. It is really hard, we have a 3 year old and she has a hard time when he leaves. She even will tell him she doesn't like him. Anyone have any ideas for me to help her?

Colleen - posted on 02/04/2013

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Hi, I do understand. My husband is a truck driver. He leaves on Sunday night and gets home on Friday usually around midnight. I'm having a hard time dealing with it. My kids are 10 and 8. I feel like a single mother, and almost trapped at times.

Lisa - posted on 12/02/2012

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Hey Donald! A guy... That's different on Circle of Moms. I'm not married to a truck driver, but I've been married to a construction electrician for 17 years, who is sometimes gone for months at a time. My answer would be to communicate. Tell them all the reasons you are happy to be home, and what the advantages of being home are, and do something fun as a family (we love to play laser tag/ paintball, and spoil your girl (at least a little!) I know from my hubby traveling is tough, but being the parent at home is tough as well, so a special treat just to know that you appreciate the time and effort means a lot. My hubby is good for picking up coffee for me when he is home, or splurging on some flowers/ or some other little thing I'd like. We also talk often, at least a couple time a day most days, usually morning, after supper and before bed. I try to take a day off work when he is home, just so Mom and Dad can have some alone time. I'd be interested to hear feedback from other Moms, just cause this works for me doesn't mean it would work for everyone!

Kelly - posted on 11/20/2012

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Hi Donald,

My husband loves being on the road. He's away 11 and a half days a fortnight.

(He drives from east coast of Australia to the west coast and back)

I know he loves our kids and me, but I know he loves driving.

Over twelve months ago, he had a horrific accident and was lucky to be alive, but all he wanted to do was jump back into a truck. His family begged him to change jobs, he only got upset with them. To put him a factory or office job would be like shoving a cat into a birdcage.

He calls me several times a day and when he stops at night.

When he is home, he lays on the lounge for half the day (and that's ok, I understand the need for it) and spends a day doing something with us as a family.

One day is spend with just him and I while the kids are at work and school.

I guess what I'm saying is as long as there's communication, I'm happy.

Truckies are a breed of their own :)

By the way, we've been doing this for almost 23 years now.

Good luck with it all.

DONALD - posted on 11/20/2012

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FOR MANY YRS IVE FELT SO BAD FOR GOING ON THE ROAD , ITS ALL IVE EVEN NONE , SON OF A TRUCKER AND TRUCKER MY SELF , I HAVE TWO KIDS NOW 7 AND 6 BOYS , LOVE ME VERY MUCH , THERE MOMMY TOOK OFF 3 YRS AGO , MAYBE BECAUSE OF TRUCK , AND ALL THE TIME ON THE ROAD , BUT SHE LEFT THE KIDS , WOW SO I PYT THEM IN THE TRUCK WITH ME LITTLE BOY TWO YRS LIKE THAT , MEET A NEW WOMAN AND SHE IS TAKEN VERY GOOD CARE OF THEM , BUT MY LIFE HAS NOT CHANGED STILL A DRIVER , SO I GUESS IM ASKING U LADIE IS WHAT WOULD U WANT FROM YOUR MAN MOST OF ALL WHEN HE COMES HOME

Melissa - posted on 11/03/2012

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It's not selfish to want to see you man more. I know it's tough but you have to remember that some people have it worse/harder. Me for example, I have a 3 year old who cries most nights for daddy. My man is long haul, all 48, out for 3 MONTHS then home for about 4 DAYS the most I ever get him is a week. While that is hard for me, I have to remind myself that some women don't get to see their man even as often as I get to see mine. If you want/need to talk email me any time mmhjohnson8588@gmail.com Keep your chin up doll!

User - posted on 08/11/2012

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omg sweetie i hear you. my hubbys gone 3 weeks works in a different state and home for 2 wks. we have 3 kids. 3yr, 2yr and now 3 months. he was gone while i was preg with our 3rd child and didn't meet him till he was 2 wks old. my 2 older ones cried at first. keep them busy is key. my hubbys also military reserves and wen he's home hes busy making up missed duty days and predicted duty days it seems he's only avialbe 4 out of the 15 days that hes home. my kids have kinda gotten used to it now. it took about 5-6 cycles of him coming and going but they've come to accept it and i've sat them down and talked to them about it. i tell them "daddy's going to work but he's coming home soon." so now my 3 yr old (she was 2 when he started this new job) tells me when i ask her "where;s daddy" she says "he;s at work. dont worry mommy, daddy's coming." i dont have experiece with an older kid but with your younger one and even your 7 yr old talk to them and let them know its okay. when he leaves act as if its normal. wen we drop off dad at the airport he says "ok i'm going to work now. see you soon." they say "ok daddy". hope that helps

Felicia - posted on 05/27/2012

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i am 25 years old i have a 6 year old and one on the way my husband is a truck driver to he stays out for 3 weeks too and only home for about 2 days it sucks but i know he has to work i feel so lonely some times i miss him so much it is not easy at all just keep your self busy honey

Melanie - posted on 10/07/2009

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I totally understand. My husband is gone for at least 2 weeks at a time then home every other weekend. I have a 6 yr old, a 23 mo old and a 4 mo old. I live in a town without any family around and I feel so alone.

Carra - posted on 09/24/2009

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No one can understand you more than me, girl. I am a "single" parent of a 2 year old and an 8 month old. It is so emotionally and physically hard to take care of 2 peoples responsibilities. You have to be a superhero. LOL. I am thankful that every night I get to kiss my kids good night, eat a home-cooked meal, and sleep in my own bed, as those are all luxuries I have taken for granted. I know it is hard. You just have to make the best out of what life hands you. And let your man know how you feel, it is the only way to make yourself feel better. Some days are so hard and I call my hubby and tell him I am so lonely and resentful and I know they are hard words to hear, but I know he understands that it isn't easy for me and I know it isn't easy for him either. Just cherish every moment you 2 have together and stay connected. Good Luck, know that I am here for you!

Jessica - posted on 09/22/2009

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I don't know eactly what you are going through becaue i only joined this group to see what other women said about their husbands being a truck driver because my fiance is going to truck driving school right now and will be a truck driver shortly there after. We just moved to Louisiana and I have no friends or acquaintances so I am worried about what this might do to our wedding plans. I'm affraid i's going to ruin our enggement. I have an 8 month old and a 3 1/2 year old and I really don't want to be a single mother again in a strang place with none I can run to.....It's all jut a ig mess and I give credit to every woman who has husbands who work out of town for weeks on end and take care ofkids themselves and I guess if you love ur men then you have to support them in whatever they do because theyre doing this for their family. Good luck!

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Same here My husband has been driving truck for 7 years and he has totally missed the kids!! Our son graduated fron high school went to college and has moved away. ! of our girls has grown and moved out. Time is flying by and I wonder if he knows what he is missing. The money is not worth it, not to mention me trying to work , be Mom and Dad, cut the grass clean the house.... etc... what are we to do!!

[deleted account]

At first when my husband would go off, it was just for a month or two. I was lonely, depressed, mad, I felt everything all of you ladies feel, now. Then, he went away for 12 months while I was pregnant with my first child. When he came home she was 9 months old. Of course, he was in the military. He still went away, same thing with the 2nd and 3rd child. I thought for sure I was going to die, I felt like the black holes they described in space were in my chest. He was discharged after 9 years of service. But, continued his type job. He went to Iraq for 4 years, Afghanistan for 3, and all over the US. Since our marriage in 1986, I have spent a total of approximately 14 combined physical years with my husband, if that. I eventually, somehow, got over it. I now forget when he left or how long he's been gone. But, I never forget how much he loves me nor how much I love him. And I would never change our life for anything in the world.
As long as you have a great man, make the most of that one day a month with him. Pray for those ladies that no longer have that opportunity.

"Things can never be so bad that they can't get worse." Putnam Ponsell 1921

Julie - posted on 09/17/2009

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Hi,I feel the same,a single mum,my partner runs his own transport company,so he is very busy away most of the week,& when he is home he is just too tired for my son 3yrs& myself, it's hard not to get annoyed at him,we hardly ever eat tea together or watch a movie just the simple things is what i miss,I just have to keep believing in him,that one day we will do things together,thank God i have a great mum that i chat to on the phone alot.And my little boy is just a blessing to be with,so instead of sitting & feeling sorry for myself,I have to be happy for my little boy so some days we pack a picnic & go for a walk to the park kick a ball around he loves that,so each day i just focus on whats best for my little boy & that is to be happy.

Jaimie - posted on 09/13/2009

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He All us trucker wives feel the same way sometimes!!! I have been a truckers wife for over 2 years now and Yeah i feel like a single mom most the time. Your Dh should get 1 day off for every week he is out thats how most companies are. We have a 5 year old son. If you need to let off steam or just want to chat about things I'm here just message me

Judy - posted on 09/10/2009

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Quoting CHRISTINA:

i appreciate u taking the time to message me. its good to hear im not the only one feeling the way i do. i hide a lot from him i dont want him to know that im so unhappy. im hoping this helps


 



I understand you don't want him knowing how you feel. But by hiding it inside it is just going to hurt more. You are married you should be open to your husband. That is what it is all about being there for eachother. By hiding it your are going to become empty inside and depressed. You need to let him no how you feel. So some how you can work together to make things better for you both.If he doesn't no there is nothing he can do to help you. Let him no how you feel.

Tash - posted on 09/10/2009

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even though you don't want to burden him with things to worry about, you should really tell him how you feel. you are partners and the more that you hide from him the further apart you will grow. this is what happened to me and my partner, and i grew to resent him for leaving me all the time. i thought that i was doing what a good wife dose and support him. but i found out through counselling that he needed the chance to do that for me, and by hiding it, i took that away form him. plus it always seemed to surface anyway. to the kids, or silly things that i would blow up at. now i see that he takes the time for me, and sometimes he even brings me home gifts, not ones the kids can see, but thoughtful. lol. hope this helps. be strong. tash

CHRISTINA - posted on 09/07/2009

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i appreciate u taking the time to message me. its good to hear im not the only one feeling the way i do. i hide a lot from him i dont want him to know that im so unhappy. im hoping this helps

Judy - posted on 09/07/2009

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I no how you feel. I have been a truckers wife for 10 years. It finally got better with in the last 3 years. He is home every weekend now but it is only 24 or 48 hours then he is gone again. I wish I could tell you it gets better with the leaving part but it don't. I just remind myself what he is out there doing for his family and what he has to sacrifice everyday he is gone.You have to be strong to be a truckers wife there is no other way to put it. Because it does get tough.The best way to make it is. You have to be strong with out a doubt, treasure the time you get with him, stay positive and remind yourself what he has to sacrifice everyday out there on the road.It is just as hard for us wives as it is for are husbands.I hope this helps. If you need a friend are someone to talk to just send me a message.

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