My Husband is about to start a six weeks away and two week home Contract- how will I cope, should I cope?

Jacqui - posted on 03/16/2011 ( 14 moms have responded )

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Hi, I am completely new to this and wondered if there was anyone out there that can help with coming to terms with my husbands leaving to work away for such a long time. Anyone else in this same situation? We have been married for twenty seven years and still love each other, though our relationship recently has not been that brilliant given the recent announcement of working away. We have two children (not really children 17 and 25 but still at home, however, 25 year old leaving soon, then 17 year old going to university next year after A levels, so will be leaving too) My husband previously worked away 10 years ago and was away for three weeks maximum, I hated it and remember how lonely at times I felt all of the emotions have recently come flooding back. At that time I had the children to keep me busy. This time they have grown and fear that life will become more lonely and unbearable and this has become out of my control. It is not really what I want for the rest of our time together. What should I do to try and deal with this, should I deal with this? Harbouring some resentment right now. what do you think?

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Hayley - posted on 08/24/2012

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Hi, I am just wondering if anyone has any difficulty copping when your partner is home from working away?

My fiance does two weeks on two weeks off (sometimes three weeks on, one week off) and when he is away it is difficult at times, especially when he is missing special things & just the whole seperation. But being able to miss each other is also great for our relationship because we never bicker or fight, and we can just talk about what's been happening on the phone without the rush of day to day duties. But sometimes when he is home, I feel like I am being very... hostile, (i am not sure if that is the right word) and we are starting to argue a lot more. I think mainly this is because my whole routine of things gets turned upside down, but it is silly because I love having him home. I just don't know whether this is a normal way to feel or not and would like to know if anyone else feels like this.

- H

Jacqui - posted on 06/16/2011

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I just want to thank you all for responding and to update you. It is good to know there are sensible people like you out there to offer support and sound advice. You were all very right. Since my husband left for his new role, he has been away twice, twelve weeks and back for only two weeks - the going and coming back is probably the most challenging. It has not been easy and the first time was the worse!!! However, I took a check on my life and asked myself lots of questions, basically, for a change instead of thinking of others, just what I wanted? And decided to use the opportunity to do all of those things that I could not do before: To date: I have lost three stone in weight, have taken up keep fit & Zumba dancing classes (highly recommended). Visit friends and family more often and shall be returning to work very shortly. The resentment has turned more into fulfilment. This is not to say there aren't times when I do not miss my husband or do not feel down but these days are becoming less and less as I fill my life with other things. It is not half as bad as I thought it was going to be and the answer to my question was definitely within my own fulfilment. Thank-you so much for being there. Jacquix

User - posted on 07/22/2012

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My name is Christina and I reside in PR with my husband and our 2 children (5 and 2). My husnand is an RF engineer and I didn't know that his job required traveling until after we had gotten married. He, at first, would travel from time to time. As of lately, he travels more often and is gone for maybe 6 weeks at a time. I felt the same way you feel: "this is what I have to deal with up until he retires"? I actually felt feelings of anger towards him but came to realize that it's just a part of his profession. I have gotten more comfortable with him leaving but not completely. It isn't easy to keep a strong emotional connection when there's distance in between. And I do get lonely at times. That's where my faith in God comes in. I have to trust Him and do my best to keep my emotions in tact. I think it'll always be a challege for our marriage, the traveling, but it's just life. I hope my story has helped you in some way. God bless.

Jackie-Oyee - posted on 06/16/2011

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Just take it easy. I have been married for a long time. I have three children 20, 10 and 4. My husband works for an international company, what meens he has to travels a lot. Sometimes from six mohts to a year.
Sometimes we used to go with him, but at certin point i got tired of so much travelling specialy for the children. I decided to stay home, started studying again and work. I work from home. since i took that decition, i havent regreat it. I spend a lot of time doing my own things. I'm very independ, i have my own freinds. I know who i'm and what i want. I love my husband, but i'm still my own person. You can alwyas keep yourself busy doing things you havent done before. I visit friends when the cchildren have holidays. Life does not end because your husband is going away, just think of it as starting a new life.
Enjoy, life is too sort.

Amy - posted on 04/23/2011

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This is my husbands exact schedule and we have been at this for a few years now. It is very lonely at first,I won't lie to you and you may feel really down at first. But its so important that there is trust and love there. If you don't have those you have nothing. And its also vital to your well being to have outlets of your own to express yourself and releive the stress. Keeping busy and taking it one day at a time is the key. I still have my weak days,like holidays and birthdays,where I have to be strong for the kids because I know its hard on them too. If you ever need to talk or just wanna have someone listen I am around:) Good luck sweets:)

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Kl - posted on 11/16/2013

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Jacqui- I don't know if you're still out there but if so here is a post to you. First, I would like to say congrats on 29yrs of marriage because your post was in 2011.
Our kids are exactly your kids ages, and I have been married for 27 now to be almost 28 yrs. I have been doing the project style life for 1 and 1/2 yrs. It was very difficult for me in the beginning as we also sold our home in one part of the United States and moved to another where his company has their headquarters. Our 27 yr old lives in LA, California but out daughter is living with me as she is still in college. I suspect she will go to a university in another year. I had lived my entire life taking care of the ones I love. I have a great husband and kids both. But i realized I was codependent on them, I didn't feel like I had a purpose once everyone began to scatter about in life. So I came to the same conclusion as you, I had to figure who I was and what I wanted at this new place in my life. I am starting back to school to get a Master's degree in counseling, (Marriage & Family) and going to work in the behavioral field. I have also gotten active with a group in my church which really supports self discovery. I wish you the very best and God Bless! Thank you for your post!

Jonathan - posted on 10/24/2013

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I'm on my way of walking away from my marriage, this being away for two weeks on and two weeks off sucks ! Especially since I have no family or friends here. Can someone help or offer a word of advice ! I'm very lonely and has became very very depress.

Jonathan - posted on 10/24/2013

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I'm in a similar situation, if not worst ! My husband works two weeks on an d two weeks off ! and sometimes 3 &1. But what's worst is that my husband moved me 1800 miles away from my family and friends ! to a state where I has no one which makes it difficult toget around when he's away. I often thinks about leaving him and going back home , I'm so confuse and so lonely to include very freaking depress. I can't understand the fact that my husband company pays for his travel to and from ! So why did he have to move me away from my family and friends ! Just to travel out of town ! He feels that it would be closer to where he's working but still he's not home

Lisa - posted on 08/24/2012

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Hayley, yup, that is totally normal. We have been doing this for a long time, close to 15 years,, and it drove my crazy at first. Now, I just expect my whole routine will get mixed up and thrown out the window, and have just learned to manage.... and go back to my "normal" life when he is gone again. The kids and I have a Dad is home routine and a dad is away routine, In the short-term would encourage you to just accept the craziness, and seize the day, and enjoy the time with your sweetheart. Long-term, Talk to your partner about it and start to set some "home routines" that work for both of you.

Lisa - posted on 08/12/2012

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Jacqui: I missed your update.... But thanks so much for posting! It is good to hear that someone is managing well.

User - posted on 08/11/2012

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My husband is gone for 3 wks and home for 2 wks. he was gone alot even when he worked in the same state as we live but he now works out of state. it is hard. i was preg with baby #3 when he got the job but with a (now) 3 yr, 2 yr and 3 month i have my insane moments. not gonna lie. but i agree with the other moms: join a group, hang out with friends, ask family if u have it. i dont have family and my dependable friends live an hr away and have kids and lives of their own. my help is very limited but when i can get it i struggle leaving because i'm crazy with and crazy withOUT my kids. lol. mom group didnt help me but i still try to go when i can. the gym helps. key to working it out is to stay busy. while your kids are at school either read a book, join a gym, but do something that will keep your mind occupied.

Francesca - posted on 05/23/2011

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With the kids getting to be self-sufficient, would there be any chance you could travel with him some of the time? I agree with the others-- it helps to have your own things that you do when he's away. What are your interests that he never shared? Do you have friends that you don't see as often because he doesn't click with them? It helps for me to come up with a few things I'm looking forward to when my husband leaves... (I get to watch the TV show he doesn't like. I get to prepare foods he doesn't like for dinner. I'll have time to tackle some of the home projects that always get pushed off when he's home.

Good luck-- I hope it can work out for you.

Lisa - posted on 05/18/2011

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I honestly think that the transition is often the hardest thing.... I find once i get going I manage better. My opinion is that if all else is good in the marriage this is just another challenge, and may actually be easier with older kids than younger. I know one of my challenges is getting some alone time with hubby, should be easier with older kids than wee ones. I would encourage you to share your worries with your husband. Hope this helps!

Sarah - posted on 03/18/2011

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Hi Jacqui, I know all about resentment. It is an ugly yet understandable monster that creeps in and can take over. Six weeks is a long time. The question of how you can cope, I might be able to offer some suggestions that worked for me, but the "should I cope" question is one you will have to figure out yourself. It sounds like you and your husband have loved for a long time, through teenagers even! That's a feat in itself! I hope you choose to fight for your marriage.
So, how should you cope? I have found that friends and family are invaluable when I am left alone. I reach out to them a lot and plan a lot of things to do so that I'm not left alone much. And for the times that I AM alone, I keep the radio or TV on and set my mind to work on some projects I've been putting off. I also treat myself to chick flicks and some pampering! I'm not sure what you like to do, but this is a great time to have some time to know yourself more. Take a class, join a group, plan a daytrip to somewhere you've never been! I know it is not going to be easy, but it is probably not going to be easy for your husband either. Find ways to connect with him while he's gone. Send him a card, make sure he knows you love him and miss him!!

Not sure that helps, but hope you can fight the resentment monster off. Once the monster gets in, he's hard to kick out!!
Sarah

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