My husbands gone during the week. How can I keep my marriage strong?

Lori - posted on 09/11/2009 ( 14 moms have responded )

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I am new to the circle but my husband got a job in another state and he's there during the week and I'm suck here trying to sell the house and he comes home on the weekend. I never thought it would take us over a year to sell the house and I never thought we would be living like this. My question is how do you handle your husband talking about all the stuff he does like go to the gym, out to eat with work buddies and your at home all day and night with the kids (I love my kids and I love being home with them, but we have no family around and it's really just me and the kids) I get frustrated when he can go out and do whatever he wants and I can't, I'm just talking about getting my hair done or running to the store myself or just 30 min by myself. I know it sounds selfish but I don't want this hurting our marriage.... Any advice?

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I know how you feel.....My husband has traveled for 5 years and we have 3 kids 5 and under. My advice is DATE!! When he is at home spend some time as a family and then go on a date. Reconnect with him and your relationship as husband and wife. Once you reconnect after a long week for you both, it helps for you both to relate to one another. I can always tell when it has been too long since we have been able to spend time together one on one. I start to feel all alone and the world is against me and he is just another chore I have to do but after we spend time one on one it does help. Another thing is to get involved in some playdates if you can or for me I started a gym membership with a childcare program. It gives me time to listen to my music and shower and dress without little bodies pestering me. I hope this helps....... Good luck

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Deanna - posted on 10/11/2012

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Hey Lori,



My advice is find the hourly rate babysitter and hire twice a week near your area. just have yourself for 2 hour break.



Do some gym time with your kids, watch on youtube ( Gym with kid at home). It helps a lot. It makes kid tired and get to sleep early. Turn your women power.... make sure you have a nice good dinner with him by going out on date since he like going out lunch with his buddies. In a way, you showed him that you could do it. Leave the kids with babysitter. Then, Sunday create a family game time and family time and create as memorable time for him. Also, Go and stay with him once a week if you and your kids able to do. As you will see that you gain his interest in the family back. Then, after one month of your activity, you explain him how you feel and show him that you can do it for him.



Don't feel sad, you not selfish. You just need supportive since you are in the leadership position at this moment. Kids also need to be happy. Kids are the most effective when parents get into emotional problem. I used to be that kid. My dad left my mom for work. It's not even the different state, it's different country. We get to see our father once a year. I became stronger as ever and I learned the lesson from my mom whom yelled at me and depressed, no attention, leave us with babysitter. Now, I am in the same position. I changed myself into different approach. If you have time , read " Taming your ALPHA BITCH". It helps a lot to me.

Carrie - posted on 10/06/2012

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I'm in the same boat, however I work with him and his excuse for needing to stay is that he coaches football and would get home really late.... I hate it and think it's selfish.

Towanna - posted on 10/03/2009

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Hey Lori,



I know how you feel, my husband travels almost 3 weeks out of every month. It's been like this since he quite his job and went in business for himself. I encourged him to do this and I'm behind him 100%. I can tell you that its very hard and stressfull. We have 3 kids 20, 16 and 9 all girls. We went from a family doing lots of fun things together to trying to get an hour of his time. If the both of you are in agreement with the work schedule, you can find ways of making it work. Plan dates and keep them. Cherish the little time you do have with him. Get yourself a webcam- this could be fun for the both of you:) The most important thing I can tell you is to communicate with one another. I just came though a very tough period in my marraige where it was on the road to no return, because we were growing apart due to him not being at home enough. It's hard but you can make it work.

Kelly - posted on 10/01/2009

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My hubby has travelled during the week since we married 12 years ago. We have 6 children ages 11 to 1(next week). Men can be clueless to a woman's needs. Get a babysitter for a couple of hours and go somewhere and have a major heart to heart with him. We started out with me getting the kids down for a nap and going out anywhere was fine with me. Sometimes I would call a friend and meet for lunch. Othertimes I would just window shop. 9 times out of 10 I never spent a dime. But it was still relaxing and me time. Men seem to think that we don't need breaks, but I get really testy if it goes more than a couple weeks without getting my break. He will even take the kids out all day and just let me sit at home and do nothing if I want to. I am sure that if you two sit down and really talk it over he will be okay with you taking some time to yourself. You need it!!!! Good Luck.

TYTYGFVFJ - posted on 09/27/2009

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I FELL HE SHOULD KNOW B/C THINGS CAN MAKE A TURN FOR THE WORSE REAL EASY ,AN FOR HIM MAY BE HE'LL THINK ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL WHILE HE IS GONE IT'S JUST NOT FARE TO US AS WOMEN WE DO TOOOOOO DAM MUCH FOR THEM TO JUST NOT HAVE ANY WORRIES..

Tracy - posted on 09/26/2009

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I am in a similiar situation. First I have learned you can't let him know how it bothers you he gets to go do things and you cant. He wont realize what you do and go througheven if you try and explain it. Try and plan things so you have a date night when he gets back each weekend. We cant because of lack of sitter. Our daughter has autism so it is tough to find one I like. Just try and focus on what you do ave and not what you dont have with him. Get a webcam?!?

TYTYGFVFJ - posted on 09/25/2009

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YOU HAVE TO REALLY SIT HIM DOWN AN TELL HIM HOW YOU FELL I HAD TO DO MINES THE SAME WAY I WAS FELLIN LIKE I WAS REALLY ALONE I WAS GETTIN TO THE POINT OF BEIN ALONE ,SO ONE NITE I JUST SAT HIM DOWN A TALKED TO HIM HE DID NOT LIKED HOW I FELT BUT I FELT BETTER AFTER TELLIN HIM

Karyn - posted on 09/23/2009

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Hi Lori, my husband is away every week of every month and home on weekends. He has done this job for 17 years and we have an 8 year old and a 3 year old. It is tough being at home like a solo parent, and I fully understand how you can resent your husband when you are literally stuck with the kids. When there is a husband at home and you feel like a break after a hard day you can easily just go have a coffee with a friend or have a walk or go for a run or whatever. But if they dont come home because of their job then it is not as possible to have a break. When the children are younger its soooooo much harder to cope with. But as they age and they have time at friends houses after school etc, It is alot easier. Hang in there, cos its in everyone's interests to make it work. The lady above made a great suggestion make a girls weekend work on as regular a basis as you can, cos that is a great release !!!! Best of Luck

Pam - posted on 09/21/2009

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I know it's hard. I have been there. I have a 4 and 12 year old. Is there anyone that has children the same age that lives near you where you can set up a play day? Usually at the malls they have a play station and the mothers sit around and talk. Or at the library on special days they might have a toddler time, and the librarian reads stories. Good luck. One day you will miss this. They grow up so fast.

Tash - posted on 09/15/2009

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i love my three girls, but when i hear that my hubby is hung over cause he had such a great time with his mate's after work it makes me feel like he is living the best of both worlds, he gets to be a single guy parting with his mates during the week, and home spoiling the kids on the weekend. i soooooooo know how you feel. the best thing for me is that once every 2 mths or so i plan a great weekend away from the kids. sometimes i include my hubby and sometimes i don't. depends how i feel. girl weekends are the best, we go out to the club get all dressed up and have a ball. hope this helps. :) the best thing you can do is to look after your kids mum, she is after all the most important person to them, even though they don't act like it.

Lori - posted on 09/11/2009

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Thanks for the advice. Don't get me wrong I love my husband and I'm very grateful for what he's doing and I know he's doing it for us and I know it's harder on him than me, at least I have my girls with me. I guess I was just taking a minute to feel sorry for myself.....

Sara - posted on 09/11/2009

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Talk to him about how you feel. And don't blame him. The situation sucks. And you could always do fun things with the kids. I know how you feel. But if you want to quit resenting him you have to look at the positive things in life. Also ask your realitor why your house isn't selling. Have you tried having a day to yourself. Were he takes the kids and you pamper yourself. I know that helps me sometimes. Plus if I know my husband will be home at a certain time and for a few days I hold of the grocery shopping for him to do with the kids or go alone. Then I also grab a few minutes alone time before I actually do the grocery shopping. LOL

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