Vent!.. Encouragement needed!

Jenny - posted on 02/04/2009 ( 9 moms have responded )

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My husband travels about two weeks out of every month and then works from home when he's in town. I am a stay at home Mom, we have two children, a four year old boy and a 7 year old girl. I am in no way claiming to be the perfect house wife. There may be a little dust, and maybe the beds don't get made every day but I am SO tired of picking up after him! Example: This morning before I even showered or anything I unloaded and loaded the dishwasher, wiped down the kitchen counters, cleaned up the stove etc. So my husband comes up from his office to make his lunch and I go back into the kitchen about an hour later and there on the counter I had cleaned are pieces of Ramen noodle and the Ramen noodle package and his dishes are in the sink instead of in the dishwasher! I was floored! Am I wrong in thinking that as an adult he is capable of throwing trash away and putting dishes in the dishwasher?! He also leaves dirty tissues EVERYWHERE- kitchen counter, bathroom counter, nightstand etc. I feel like following him around with a dustbuster could be my full time job! ... And that's without toting two kids all over the city, making meals, helping with home work, picking up the house, doing the grocery shopping and volunteering at my daughter school. Help!

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Danielle - posted on 04/15/2009

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I know how you feel. My best friend's two year old son can get his dishes to the sink and his trash to the garbage can, yet my 24 year old husband cant. Something doesnt add up here. He gets mad at me for not checking his pockets before I do the laundry. I have a 5 month old son with reflux (I wash a full load of clothes and burp clothes, not to mention my spit up covered clothing everyday.) I cant remember to check his pockets too.

This is bad but I've figured out something that works. If he leaves trash laying around, I stick it in his boots after he goes to bed. If its clothes, they end up on the back porch. Its childish, but you have to find some way to inconvience him to make him realize what hes doing. Men dont think about stuff like that. They know that if they leave it, we will eventually come behind them and pick it up.

Jenny - posted on 02/08/2009

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Thanks for all the advice and words of encouragement. I appreciate everything you all have said:)

[deleted account]

My husband does the same thing and when my inlaws are in town his father does it too. His mother is up all day on her feet when she is in town, constantly cleaning something. I used to be offended by this and think she thought my house wasn't clean, but I learned that it is her. She created these monsters. My suggestion is like the other story says. Go on strike. If you can afford it, when all the dishes are dirty, take only you and your children out to eat, and if all the clothes are dirty, buy only you and your children clothes. When it starts hitting the pocket book and he has nothing, maybe he will learn his lesson. I would do this only if you have spoken with him first and asked him to clean up. My husband will for about a week and then falls into old habits. I work 5 days a week and he works (airline pilot) 4 days and comes home. Our daughter goes to work with me everyday so he has at least 1 full day to himself. I leave him a list of things to get done and realistically expect only half of it. Also make a list of everything you do for a few days and ask him to do the same. Compare lists, maybe it will open his eyes or at least you might get something shiny out of it. Some of it is it's just not a priority for him, find a way to make it a priority. I have learned we can spew peaceful conversation only so far, until they realize we are FED up it doesn't seem to sink in. I get more accomplished by first telling, then yelling instead of telling again. Good luck.

Jessie - posted on 02/07/2009

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I would be putting all the tissues on his desk in his office. i have had to start calling my hubby in to the room and asking him what he would do if our daughter left things on the bench like he has... he gets the point and puts what ever it is away or in the bin...



 I have kept this up for a while now and every now and then he even does the dishes without me asking...



just make sure you stay calm and speak softly when asking, then there is less of a chance that he could get angry at what you are saying... explain how what he is doing, not him, makes you feel... and if all else fails tell him that you are getting a cleaner the weeks that he is home... this added expence might make him see that putting stuff in the bin isn't so bloody hard after all!!!



 



hope that helps

Karen - posted on 02/07/2009

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Was this how your husband was raised? If so, then he's just used to it, and doesn't even realize what he is doing. What you could start doing is praise him every time he does help you out with the cleaning/chores around the house. Also, encourage your kids to start helping you out with simple things and praise them to when they do this.



 



My husband is a super big slob and never cleans anything. He's also a pack rat. He has no idea that I'm constantly throwing his stuff out or donating items. He has absolutely no clue! It's always very innocent things such as junk mail that he honestly doesn't need. This helps keep the clutter down a bit.



 



Another good example came from my mother in law. She raised two boys and a husband who were all big slobs. One day she went on strike. No more cooking or cleaning or anything! My husband tells this story to me a lot, so I feel like I was there when it happened. The guys of the house caught on, but not right away. It took about a week before everyone started helping her out. If she cooked dinner, then someone else had to do the dishes, etc. That was her new rule for the house and it has worked ever since. If she does the laundry, then someone else folds and puts it all away, etc. Does that make any sense?



 



Also, my mother in law asked many times throughout the week for her boys to pick up their toys, and they never not once did. She gave them fair warning that if she picked up their toys that they would disappear, but I guess they didn't listen. One day when my husband and brother in law came home from school every single toy was missing. She had donated everything! They learned their lesson immediately. It was a long time until the next gift giving time (Christmas)! LOL (I realize that this won't work for your husband, but it's a good story!)



 



Good luck!

[deleted account]

My husband also is cleanliness challenged and leaves food wrappers sitting around. For instance, next to the computer there are 2 open bags of chips and an open bag of popcorn. My husband also does not like to throw anything away so there is a lot of clutter. The clutter I limit to the office-about every 2 weeks I just throw the clutter in there and figure if my husband needs it he will find it. I have been married 10 years and so I don't think I can really change how he does things. My husband has started picking up more now that my almost 3 year old asks him why the office is so messy! From the mouth of babes! My husband also travels so I use that time to organize the house.

User - posted on 02/06/2009

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Just wanted to let you know you are not alone! I feel your pain and have no clue what to do about it.

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