can i ask a question

Tiffany - posted on 08/25/2010 ( 22 moms have responded )

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my husband loves our 8 month old daughter u can tell but he doesnt spend much time with her growning up he didnt have a father so should i over look it and try to encourage him to spend time with her or keep my mouth shut and let him work up to it at his own pace?

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Candace - posted on 08/31/2010

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You could encourage your husband to spend time with your child by asking for some "alone" time. Start out small, maybe by going to take a bath, go for a walk, go out to see a movie. This will be good for you, AND good for him. However, keep this in mind. Men are sometimes very afraid that they are going to do something "wrong" with a child. Mothers and Fathers each have different ways that they interact with a child. As a stay at home mother, you undoubtedly have a routine, certain ways that you do things with your child. Don't be upset with your husband if he does things differently. I saw one mother freak out on her husband because he fed the baby extra formula instead of fruit. She yelled at him for a good 10 minutes in front of me, and continued to do so even after I left the room because it was so uncomfortable. The dad had done nothing wrong, he played with his son, changed a super scary poopy diaper while I laughed at him, and fed him. He did great. So unless daddy is letting your child play with knives, or is sitting him on the street corner with a sign "Free baby to good home", let your husband interact with your child on his terms. It will make him more confident, and create a closer bond between the two. And it will give you a much needed break.

Shannon - posted on 08/30/2010

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I wouldn't worry too much, i know a lot of families that go through this some me just don't know what to do with a baby,once she gets older and can interact with him more I am sure thay will spend more time w/ eachother. I would guess He dosen't know what to do with her as far as spending time. I sure if you show him what to do with her to spend time he will be happy to do it. He is learning what a dad does. Maybe suggest a baby and me swim class or something like that.

Adriana - posted on 08/26/2010

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my husband and i have a 2 month old babygirl and he doesnt spend much time with her either but i think its because they give them till a certain age for them to start playing for example till they turn a year or until she start walking just give him some time you dont want to bring something up an end up in an arguement

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Carol - posted on 09/13/2010

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my husband is the same. He dosent spend time with our kids till their one, my son just turned 18 months old. He didnt have his real father in his life till he was 19 and that didnt go over well. I had brought it up multiple times to him about spending time with our kdis as babies. He explained it quite well, babies are mushy, squishy stinky things that drool, (my husband is a medic in the army can deal with blood and burning flesh but hates diapers and drool?) that dont do anything and cant be taken any where because they arent fun. (fishing camping etc) When our son turned one, he took him fishing, we where goign to go camping but that hit the dust, he takes him hiking etc. Our daughter he dosent want to hold her, he refused to give our son a bath as a baby and he wont give our daughter one he hates changing diapers (but i get him to change at least our sons). I can understand, if babies where able to walk and talk and came potty trained and where two when they where born it would be alot more fun. Im sure some of you moms are grudingly agreeing with me on that. But as mothers we raise our children, our children look at us for that first year as protector/snuggle buddy/food/ play toy, and dads are just there. When ever my husband holds our daughter, she stares at me or trys to crawl towards me. To sum it up, babies really want mommy, and no one else. You are their world.

Brenda - posted on 09/11/2010

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i think he might need some encouragment. he might just not know what to "do" as a father. my husband is the same way and i have to keep telling him that he is doing fine and our kids love playing with him. which they do. today was a daddy/ daughter day and my 5 yr old thought she was the queen of the world for the day!!

Sometimes we all need a little encouragement, and those loving men of our that didnt have the chance to learn the "father" role from personal experience need a little extra encouragement from those closest to them.

Christi - posted on 09/08/2010

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my husband was the same way. i kinda just started asking for a little more help. like asking him to give the baby a bath or just spend time feeding her. most men are afraid because babies are so small and they feel huge and think they will hurt them if the move them wrong. thats exactly what my husband told me when i asked him why he didnt spend alot of time with my son at first. Your husband will get alot better with spending time with your daughter as she gets old and starts doing more things that he can do also. (like playing with toys)

Jane - posted on 09/07/2010

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encourage it, he didn't have it that way so he needs the support of encouraging it. he is probably b/c he doesn't know what to do. make yourself scarce sometimes by running to the store or folding laundry in another room. he'll love it once they get into their own rhythm and giggles.

Kimberly - posted on 09/07/2010

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I do not think that you could push anyone but encourage yes! Help him with simple games and thank him for the time spent with her or tell him how much she enjoyed the time with him. I believe that once she starts moving around more it will be easier for him. Boys are diff then girls. We like to nurture and the guys like the play.

Jackie - posted on 09/05/2010

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I have noticed that not all dads are that enthused to take care of an infant. I just think they do not have that instinct to know what to do like we do. however when the child gets a little older alot of dads come in to play more often. However if his past of not having father child contact is bothering you you could bring it up to him and just have an open conversation about it!

Kristy - posted on 09/04/2010

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My husband was the same way..He also has an 18 year old daughter and said he was the same with her..He has gotten so much better now that she is almost 7 months old and she can interact with him..At the beginning when she didn't respond he had a hard time...I think it's a guy thing and a lot of us women experience this with our husbands..they become daddy's little girls when they are older so enjoy the quality time with her now...They will have their time soon enough.

Ji-Young - posted on 09/04/2010

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You know, I felt the same way about my husband. He grew up with one brother and parents that were loving but not super playful. So, I felt like he didn't really spend quality time with her. It seemed like he just went through the motions and did things if he had to. I knew he adored her but he didn't display it the way I did. I tried to talk to him about it, and give him reminders when there was an opportunity for him to interact with her more hands-on, but over time he just got bitter at me about it. He didn't want to be told how to be a father. So, I ended up just praying for him every day, and presenting opportunities instead of telling him in words. I would tell him I needed to go run errands or whatnot and if he could stay home with our little girl. Slowly, he started taking more responsibility since I wasn't around to take care of it. Now, he plays with her all the time and happily changes her diapers, feeds her, etc. It's not as natural for men to feel that maternal thing so just give him time, encourage him through actions, lead by example, and hopefully he'll feel the desire to be a bigger part of your child's life.

Lizzie - posted on 09/04/2010

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say something, he may not notice he has not spent enough time with her or he just simple don't know how to interact with her , because as you stated he did not have a father-ly role model there for him so he might just need some encouragement , remember that old saying you have not , cause you ask not. lol hope everything works out for the best.

Krisanne - posted on 09/02/2010

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I have a very involved husband but his advice is to trust him alone with your baby. He will have to care for her since he is the only one to do it. Don't take off to Vegas for a week or anything but go out for a coffee or run an errand start off small. My hubby also says that if you see your husband doing anything with your daughter and it maybe a little different than the way you would do it don't whatever you do correct him. He needs to find his way in parenting too. Men are not wired the way women are when it comes to caregiving so be patient but try an outing or two and let your husband do his thing. See how it goes and then tweek it as you go along.

Stephanie - posted on 09/01/2010

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Before my daughter was 1 year my husband didn't do much interaction time. He would change the occasional diaper or get up in the middle of the night everynow and then but other than that i did the feed and bathing and stuff like that. After she turned a year and started walking and became more "durable" he started spend more time with her. He did things differently than i did so in order to not discourage him i would only correct one thing at a time. Such as he would give her milk all the time whereas because she is anemic and milk makes it hard for her to absorb iron i let him know that she could only have juice or water between meals. I only corrected that one item until the next time he had daddy/daughter time then i corrected another. So just know that we as mothers have a natural bond with our babys however daddy's bonds may be there at birth but they start small and grow as their comfort level grows. Have patience.

Priscilla - posted on 09/01/2010

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Encourage play time together. Have him take her out to the park. LIke say "I really need to get the laundry done, could you please take DD to the park so she can get some fresh air" I had to do things like that. My husband did have parents except his parents were never around. Their lives were full of work and school that they forgot to be parents. They were left with a granny who could hardly take care of herself much less 2 young boys. So when we had children, 4 girls, it was hard for him to be a dad. He was a SUCK IT UP type of guy. The girls would get hurt and he would just tell them "Suck it up your ok" the girls would drop some drink on the floor he would think they did it on purpose. It was much like raising my own children AND my husband cause he didnt exactly have "parents" to guide him along. Fast forwad almost 13 years later and he is such a sweet caring father. He plays with the girls, spots them when they need help with tumbling, Jumps up when someone gets hurt to comfort him and so forth. It took some time, be he graduated with an A...wont say and A+ cause he still has some issues with priorities. Still, hes a better father than what his dad probably was.

Allie - posted on 08/31/2010

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the most important man in a young girl's life is her father! give him a gentle nudge and I'm sure it'll exceed your expectations!

Melissa - posted on 08/31/2010

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My husband was the same and he actually told me its because he couldnt do much with him. My son is nearly 2 now and my hubby spends as much time as possible with him... They go for walks watch movies and go for drive together... I didnt have a father growing up either and i put my concerns accross to my hubby he then made an effort and took him for drives every sunday morning... ( i loved the sleep ins) Just try to explain that you cant do much with her either but that doesnt stop you from trying to find things to do...

Cassie - posted on 08/31/2010

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I'm not going to lie, I am in the same boat at times, but at others, it's like he can't get enough of our son. My husband didn't have a father much growing up either. He left him and his sisters when he was 7 and says that he could care less - that it didn't affect his life in the slightest, but I know it did. Missing one of your parents is a hard thing to deal with and maybe he just doesn't know how the "father thing" works. I would say to let him know that your daughter loves him more than anything and that she would absolutely love it if he was able to spend more time with her. Try not to make it out as "you're not doing it right", but more of suggest that it would make her so happy. Know what I mean? I hope this helps :)

Sophie - posted on 08/31/2010

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my husband and i have three boys 21, 19 and 14 and when each other them were little ( under a year) it was difficult for him to deal with them at that age because they were so little. my husband also had issues with his father and step father and i thought that why he was distant with them. but as they had gotten older,spent more and more time with them.. and NOW he feels the 'empty nest " syndrome.. so he holds on to our youngest as long as he can.. dont worry .. it will change, and if you still are worried , it wont hurt to talk to him with your feelings on this.

ALICIA - posted on 08/26/2010

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I would talk to him in a nice and helpful manner and let him know that you understand what he went through but that should make him want to do better by his own children! Cause i'm sure he wouldn't want his child growing up with resentment in their heart! But be led by God while doing so, cause in everything we are suppose to do it in perfect season! Pray about the situation and give it to Jesus and allow him to lead you! I pray that you are saved and that God will lead you in the way you should go with the situation!

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