Do I tell him or not? And do I have to call him and say NO again?

Tanya - posted on 05/14/2010 ( 83 moms have responded )

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Yesterday at the store I ran into an ex boyfriend. He said "Hi" I couldn't just pretend I didn't know him we didn't have a bad break up nothing bad happened between us plus I am 100% over that part of my life so I didn't see any harm. I said "Hi, hows it going" He asked me if I was still married I said ya and I have 3 daughters to. He smiled and said wow and I said well I'll see ya and walked way. I finished my shopping and got in the car and started to drive then my phone rang (unavalible) I answered and it was my ex I saw in the store. He started saying "well your still married huh?" I said yes and he says "unhappliy I hope" (WTF) I didn't know what to say I have never been in this kind of situation EVER I said no very happliy married. He said maybe we can hang out. I said that is a very bad idea he says why I was your boyfriend first I knew you before you husband we can hang out there is nothing wrong with that. I said NO I can't do that I'm married now and he said well you think about it and call me, he hung up and text me saying this is the number...



I don't need to think about it I love my husband I love my family I love my children I love my life!!



So do I need to tell my husband about this? Or should I just keep quiet about it? What would you do?

Also do I need to call this ex back and tell him NO absoultely not! I'm happliy married and I will never be "hanging out" with him or anyone else for that matter..

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Angel - posted on 05/16/2010

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you should be honest with your husband, my ex-husband has been making comments to me for the past 13 years and he still wants me back and he will always love me.. My current husband knows everything he says to me and he is not threatnend at all and he trusts me....be open and honest

Lynn - posted on 05/14/2010

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I asked Mr Herrmann.His opinion on the situation. He said that you told your ex the wrong thing. You told your ex 'i cant' not 'i dont want to' which gives him hope.

My hubby says you should surely tell your husband, that way if ever he finds out anything, he wont think you were hiding something from him. And my husband said DO NOT CALL YOUR EX BACK

Rebekah - posted on 05/26/2010

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Definitely tell your husband. You did nothing wrong and you don't doubt your love or affection for your husband, it's better that he knows rather than accidently pick up your phone and see stuff. Your husband will understand I'm sure, and maybe even offer advice, from a guys point of view, on what to do about ex.

You need to tell ex to back off. You aren't property, this isn't one of those "I SAW HER FIRST" things. That's rude and down right degrading. (side note, I'm glad you aren't with him anymore lol).

Another reason it might be a good idea to tell your husband is in case ex won't back off. Men feel powerful when they are dealing with women (>:P) but they tend to back off when husband gets involved.

Hope this helps. Good luck :)

Emma - posted on 05/17/2010

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Personally, I would definately tell your husband about this as if he finds out it could get tricky.

Just text your ex and tell him you won't be hanging out with him or anyone else because you love your husband, your kids and your life. Tell him you've moved on and so should he.

Good luck!!

Sky - posted on 05/17/2010

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i agree with Lynn. i would tell my husband ASAP and just assure him at the end that you are happy, it was a freak thing that happened and that if the text messages and phone calls persist he can either answer your call and tell him to get lost or you can just ignore him completely and then call your phone company to block the number...good luck! i have the same problem but it is with a guy friend that i know has had a thing for me and i just tell him to not talk to me like that...but it really is such a hard thing to deal with. i will pray for your peace of mind!

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Shereese - posted on 07/05/2010

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yes tell your husband he needs to know. Don't call him back it shows your thinking of him or at least thats how he will see it.

Jennifer - posted on 07/05/2010

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BTW...don't call or text your ex. That willonly encourage him. Erase the number and pretend like you never saw him. If you do happen to run into him again....just keep walking!

Jennifer - posted on 07/05/2010

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Yes...tell your husband and tell him exactly what you posted. It is better he hears it from you than sees the number in your phone or over hears a conversation while out somewhere. The ONLY person your husband could be upset with is your ex who is obviously a big fat jerk in a very low place if he is attempting to backdoor your beautiful relationship.What a jerk!

Laura - posted on 06/03/2010

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well if i was in this situation i wud tell my husband, theres no reason to hide it. besides if it happend to him i wudve want him to tell me too...but yea i dnt thnk u shud txt ur x at all, unless he txts u bck thn i wud hand da phone to my hubby n tell him to take care of business...

Corrine - posted on 06/02/2010

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If you call the ex it shows interest no matter what you say to him so I'd just leave it the way it is. If he calls again, tell him you don't want anything to do with him. And definitely tell your husband about the meeting and phone call and your reply, otherwise it could come back to bite you.

Catherine - posted on 06/01/2010

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this man does not care about your life he is trouble ,i think i would tell my husband as you have nothing to hide and he chased you i would tell him if he calls again you will have to take further action you love your husband and are secure and happy. But it would be bad if he rang and your husband answered the phone and he started telling stories to him to make trouble. GOOD LUCK

Cyndel - posted on 05/30/2010

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Personally I tell my hubby everything we have a very honest and open relationship. I've never been in this situation, but if I had been I would have told my hubby as soon as possible. He is a very jealous man though he isn't violent at all. If he called again I would hand the phone to my hubby and let him deal with it.

Sara - posted on 05/27/2010

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That depends, is your husband a jealous person? I say don't tell him unless the ex keeps calling you. There's no need to make a big deal about something that is nothing. If the ex won't leave you alone, then tell your husband, hand the phone to him when the ex calls, and hopefully the ex will get the hint and leave you alone. And it doesn't matter that your ex knew you before you knew your husband. You didn't marry your ex, you married your husband. You ex has no claim on you. Tell him that straight out and hopefully that will get him to back off.

Maria - posted on 05/27/2010

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wow, that made ME uncomfortable. yes, i would mention it to your husband..no, don't call the ex back. if he calls you back just let him know you're happily married and it would be inappropriate for you to "hang out." besides, how creepy is it that he hopes you're unhappily married?

Adrienne - posted on 05/27/2010

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You already told your ex "absolutely not" so why call to tell him again? Also who are you trying to convince that you don't want to see him - us or yourself? It seems to me that if you really had no intention of seeing him you wouldn't need to debate whether or not to tell your husband. You would tell him because he deserves to know, it was an interesting part of your day, and most importantly you wouldn't feel like you are missing out or burning any bridges, IMO.

Stephanie - posted on 05/27/2010

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Do not call your ex back, that would be completely dumb... That would be giving him hope. Be honest with your husband about the situation in its entirety. You don't want it to look like you did something wrong by hiding it from him.

Kendall - posted on 05/25/2010

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I wouldnt call him back b/c then it would show you were thinking about it and took the time to text/call him. If it were me I would have to tell my hubby b/c it would weigh on me and I would feel better with it off my chest even though it was not your fault and you didnt do anything wrong. If he calls back I would tell him "Look Ive moved on. Im very happy where I am. We dont not need to talk anymore. Please dont call me again." hope this helps and good luck :)

Elisabeth - posted on 05/25/2010

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Don't ring him back but if he rings you tell him that there is no way in hell you would ever be with him especially after they way he disrespected you and you marraige and family the way he did. Tell your husband, you would want to know if it was him dealing with his ex.

Anne - posted on 05/25/2010

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be honest with your husband ...its always the best way ...you know that deep down ...and as far as your ex goes....steer clear sweety he is up to no good in my eyes ....apparently he is miserable in his own life and wants to bring you down with him so he can get back with you!!! the man is crazy !!!

Tani - posted on 05/24/2010

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I agree with Lynn Herman, You should have said you dont want to rather than you cant. I dont ant to tread on anyones comments, but I think that if you give the phone to your Hubby, then the ex will think your hubby is just controlling and will try harder and try manipulation next. And Honesty is the key in ANY happy marraige

Patricia - posted on 05/24/2010

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I think you need to talk to your husband about it. that way if something strange happened where your ex made something look bad for you your hubby would know better because he was already informed. the other question I would just dodge him. don't talk to him, avoid his calls when you can. hang up on him when you can't. he seems too persistant and might not be getting it at all.

Maria - posted on 05/24/2010

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Been in your situation before, and have to tell you, you're inviting trouble if you're even entertaining the thought. It seems exciting at first, the romantic thought of seeing your ex and all, but that's all there is to it. You don't need to call him back. The fact that you won't even entertain that thought will give him that very idea. Delete his number from you cell phone. As for telling your husband, tell him impasse like it wasn't important. Tell him that you just ran into him while you were at the store and leave it at that. No need to elaborate. The fact that you didn't keep it from him is enough to let him know that you're being honest with him enough to not keep it from him.

Karen - posted on 05/22/2010

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A good rule of thumb for me and my hubby is, put the shoe on the other foot. What if it were him who ran into an ex and she texted him, how would you feel and what would you expect of him?

Jodi - posted on 05/22/2010

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Okay first the type of marriage I have I would tell my husband. We have no secrets. Communication is the most important thing. I would say "hey I ran into my ex in a store, you know the one I told you about (if you did tell him about this guy) at some point and well he asked if I was married blah blah, exactly how your conversation went. Then I'd say, so yeah I'm in the call driving home and I get a phone call from him asking me again if we can hang out. I told him no I was happily married to you. It was kinda scary actually hun and I want to block him from the phone. What do you think I should do babe if he texts me or calls again?"

See this way you are telling the truth, showing you husband you love him, want his support on this matter, his input and you aren't interested because you have a life together with your girls and that you need him if your ex contacts you again plus if the ex does call there aren't any surprises between you and your husband where you feel you are keeping more secrets.

Definitely do not call the ex back. Bad move it only opens a door making him think you say you don't want him or to be friends with him but he will think you really do.

Hope I helped.

Jordan - posted on 05/21/2010

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u should tell your husband everything... and do not text or call the dude back because i think that might make him think there is still hope that he might be able to talk to into it... if he calls again... hand the phone to your husband let him let ex what is up!

Jenny - posted on 05/21/2010

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I think u should tell ur husband cause if u dont and he finds out on his own then hes gonna think u didnt tell him 4 a reason and that there was more going on then just u running in 2 him. Just curious how did he get ur #? Is it the same # 4rm when u were with him?

Monica - posted on 05/21/2010

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i was in this situation before i thought about it and when my husband asked what was bothering me i was tiered of trying to hide it and just told him i explained that i hide it only because i didnt want him to get mad at me and he understode just asked that the next time i tell him first and as lynn said you should have said i dont want to not that i cant because guys have an attention spand of a friut fly and anything that might give them hope does! but stick in there and do it you will feel much better after you tell him!

Rachel - posted on 05/21/2010

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think about if this happened to your husband.would you want to know?Iwould tell him.

Kornelia - posted on 05/21/2010

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Keeping secrets in a relationship never turns out well, so tell him what happened and block your ex's number. He sounds like he is looking to start some trouble, and nobody needs that.

Crystal - posted on 05/21/2010

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I'm glad you told your husband! I talked to my hubby about this and he said to definitely let your husband know - that way if you end up in a stalker situation you'll have him on your side and no suspicions.

He also said not to contact that guy and we both find it rather disturbing and creepy that he's trying to look you up. Getting your phone number, what he said to your husband, etc. Give your husband the phone if he keeps persisting and if need be get a restraining order. Just make sure it's all recorded.

Krystal - posted on 05/21/2010

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i would tell him exspecially since it must be bothering you if its on your mind. Plus, if my husband had a situation like that i would want to know. Just tell him it will make you feel alot better to get it out there.

Sonia - posted on 05/21/2010

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I think the comment that Carolee York gave is spot on! :o)
Personally i'd tell hubby what happened and if he call/texts when you are on your own just ignore them (save the texts for hubby to read if you want)...if hubby is about then yeah i'd give the phone to him and let him sort it out :o)....I did that and I had no more texts or phone calls from my ex and i've never been happier!!! :o)

Jessica - posted on 05/20/2010

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I would tell my husband about it. Not because you have anything to hide but also because you have nothing to hide! If you are truly over this guy, you should just tell your husband. If something were to come up later and your husband finds out some other way, he is going to wonder why you weren't forthcoming about it.

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I would defently tell my husband about it. You did nothing wrong. I wouldnt even bother calling the ex back. Just let it go. He shouldnt have put you in that spot to begin with. I hope it all works out for you. Im sure you husband will be greatful and understanding. Since honesty is the best thing in any kind of relationship.

Heather - posted on 05/20/2010

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If he contacts you again, I might even go so far as speaking to your husband about changing your number. Texting him or calling him to tell him no again would not be the smartest idea, it would only encourage him to continue working on softening you. Just leave it alone and delete the number!

Heather - posted on 05/20/2010

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Yes tell your husband! This works for two ways. One if he finds the text (which you should delete without writing down the number) he wont think you are hiding it from him. It is important to be open and honest. If anyone else knows about it, and tells him it would be much better for him to be able to say "Yes. I know what happened, my wife tells me everything!" I know that when girls from my husbands past came to his old work to "say hi" he would call me as soon as they left so that if someone on his crew told me I wouldn't feel that he was hiding anything. It saved tons of strife because there are people that only give bits and pieces and that can cause worry.

Rosie - posted on 05/20/2010

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Tell your husband, before he finds out another way, even if you think it's unlikely. Txt the other guy and say that you don't want to hang out sorry but you don't feel it's right, nice knowing you...

Katy - posted on 05/20/2010

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I agree! Eventually this will come out, and I imagine you would be hurt if your husband kept something like this from you & you found out later.

Kathy - posted on 05/20/2010

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My VOWS had love, honor, and cherrish in them, not telling is not being truthful.

Katy - posted on 05/20/2010

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I would tell your husband about running into him & I would be honest about him calling you & suggesting to hang out. Then of course tell him you said no. I would also delete his number from your phone & move on.
You did the right thing by telling him no!

Sarah - posted on 05/20/2010

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To save your marriage, just keep it to your self and don't call your ex again. If you let your husband know, it might start to create some suspiscion. Its good you are happily married and love your family, keep your marriage healthy.

Veronique - posted on 05/20/2010

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WOW! First i would tell your hubby about this. You don't want him to find the text in your phone or even if your ex decides to text you again and your hubby sees it he'll think the worse. You don't want to be keeping secrets like this from him. Put yourself in he's shoes you wouldn't want him to tell you. As for your ex he's just trying to cause problems between you and your hubby so just ignore this poor sap. If he ever calls again make it very clear that if he doesn't stop calling next time your husband will answer and if he keeps bugging you i would change numbers.
Good luck

Christi - posted on 05/20/2010

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Oh but do not call him back. He will think that you are interested and just playing hard to get. If you ignore him, he will go away, eventually.

Christi - posted on 05/20/2010

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Now that you have his number, block him. And yes, you should tell your husband that he called you. Because if word somehow gets to him that you talked to your ex and he called you phone and tried to get you to meet up, it'll be alot worse. You didn't do anything wrong, you told him no and moved on, no big deal. My ex and I had a horrible break up as well and he still tries to call and talk and email and come by my home. He has even gone as far as to go to my parents when he knows I'll be there. I have told my husband and we get a good chuckle out of it, and it makes me feel even better that I made the right choice and moved on.

Kathy - posted on 05/19/2010

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Let HUBBY tell him. When a person knows that someone is married and still persues them they only want one of two things sex or a butt kicking. Ask your husband to handle it, how would you feel if this happened to your husband?

April - posted on 05/19/2010

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Dont call him... Blow him off.. He doesnt deserve your attention if he wont respect your relationship with your husband!! And he obviously doesnt respect u or your family!!! Just forget about him!! :)

Koree - posted on 05/19/2010

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I say tell your husbend, and do not call your ex back that will make it seem like he has a chance.

Rebecca - posted on 05/19/2010

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i would tell my husband and tell him how much it upset you that he could be so pushy. i would NOT call the ex back tho and if he calls you again, ask him 'what part of NO don't you understand?'

Deniz - posted on 05/19/2010

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Like others say, tell hubby--you have nothing to hide!! Also, don't call this idiot back ever!! He will get the idea eventually. I have trouble with this guy who has no respect for you, your husband, or the family you've created! He needs to get a life!!

Jess - posted on 05/19/2010

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I would tell my husband about it. My husband is my best friend so I would def. tell him. Plus this guy sounds aggressive. He seems to think he can take you away from your "hopefully unhappy" life and I would view that as a threat. It would be best to have your husband on your side if this guy decides to do something crazy or keeps pushing to have a relationship with you. But that is my oppinion. If your husband is the jealous type then I would try to deal with it myself first.

Hope - posted on 05/19/2010

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If it were me, I would tell your husband. If he were to find out later, or your ex made a scene or started being shady/scary/dangerous/etc. he would probably be upset that you hadn't told him yourself. Be completely honest with your husband and tell him everything that happened and what was said. That way it looks like you have nothing to hide (which you don't) and he doesn't think that or think that he can't trust you. You may even be able to ask your husband what to do in regards to either ignoring or contacting the ex again to tell him where to go, having a guy's perspective may help. That is what I would do-tell your ex that you don't need him or that kind of "friendship" in which someone wants you to be "unhappy". It sounds like the ex is an immature, ignorant, spiteful person, which is someone you certainly DON'T need in your life! I do want to ask you a question: would YOU want to know if the situation was reversed? Good luck!

Dericka - posted on 05/19/2010

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I think you should tell your husband about it because if you don't it will seem like your hiding something from him. I also think you should tell him what your ex said about you guys hanging out and how you told him no because you were happily married. NO NO NO! don't call your ex back because it's showing him that your thinking about him in some kind of way..I don't know if that part makes sense but I think it's best that you don't call him back and if you see him again I think you shouldn't speak because I think he still has feelings for you.

Rebecca - posted on 05/19/2010

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I agree, Tanya, that the ladies in this community are great! Circle of Moms is one of the best sites I have found for support and communication. I'm glad that you feel that you have been supported and that I was able to help in my small way with my input! I wish for many blessings in your marriage and with your family!! :)

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I would tell my husband if it happened to me. There is nothing to hide and since relationships are built on honesty, sharing everthing with your husband would be the best thing to do.



And no I wouldn't call him. I would delete all his contact details and if he calls again I would make it clear to him to stop calling.

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