Does anyone feel guilty for having such a wonderful husband?

Linda - posted on 01/03/2010 ( 83 moms have responded )

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Frequently, friends (and even some family members) complain to me about their husbands and remark about how wonderful my husband is. They know about the things my husband does for me and our daughter and make snide remarks about how they wish their husbands would do things like that for them. It makes me feel uncomfortable because I don't know what to say, but on the other hand, hearing these negative comments about their husbands makes me realize and appreciate how lucky I am to have such a wonderful husband. Anyone else in this situation?

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Suzie - posted on 01/03/2010

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I know how you feel I go out with my girlfriends and they are always complaining that their other halves never got up to their children when they were young, that they never take their children out or give them time to themselves.

I get remarks that my husband must have been a mother in a previous life or he must be gay to be so supportive and helpful.

I end up now not joining in the conversations so not to rub it in their faces.

Why should we be ashamed of being glad we have found great husbands.

Tammi - posted on 01/05/2010

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I also have a wonderful hubby and have no guilt whatsoever nor should you.It's not your fault that they chose someone who does not treat them as well as your hubby treats you.When I hear friends complain over and over again I just say if it's that bad then leave him which makes them point out all his good points instead because they feel the need to stick up for them.I also say I know I am very lucky but I deserve it and I treat him just as wonderful as he treats me.So with all that said,enjoy your man and always appreciate what you have and never take advantage of him or your relationship..P.S. how do these woman treat their husbands?Maybe they are not as good to them as you are to yours which could be why they are not treated as well as you are.

Tracie - posted on 10/21/2012

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In my case, when I get compliments on how great my husband is, I reply, "Yeah, well he didn't come that way. I made him that way!" (which is the truth) This gives them the idea to expect/command more from their partners. People treat us the way we teach them to treat us. My hubby isn't perfect (neither am I) but he is light years from where he started.

Tah - posted on 04/13/2010

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i am a military spouse and many of the wives are being cheated on, he isn't giving them any money for the household as most of them are stay at home moms, he doesn't engage the children or help with any housework, so i now just keep my mouth shut about the fact that my husband doesnt touch the money until i let him know what we need to do and actually do it, I actually give him pocket money from either his check or my check whatever i dont put in savings and that is his idea, i have found myself feeling not guilty but like i cant be as happy as i am with him, in front of them so i understand what you mean

Dee - posted on 01/14/2010

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Marriage is a 2 way street. I wonder what the husbands are saying about the wives? Obviously there needs to be some changes in the marriage or sometimes they shouldn't have been married in the first place. I never feel guilty about acknowledging how wonderful my husband is. I let people know how great he is because I want people to see how a wonderful husband should be. Of course he's not perfect but overall, I couldn't ask for a better husband. If people can talk about the negative things in their lives, why should you feel guilty when you speak the positive?

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Carol - posted on 05/31/2014

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I don't know ladies ... I got SO LUCKY with my hubby !
I'd had 3 other failed marriages but this one IS A KEEPER ! So... I do not feel ONE BIT guilty over appropriately letting people know how much I appreciate my husband !

Stephanie - posted on 10/31/2013

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I absolutely do NOT feel guilty for having such a wonderful husband! It really does make you appreciate your spouse so much more when you hear other women's horror stories about what their spouses don't do. There's no reason for you to feel guilty about having a man who loves and supports you.

Eljeran - posted on 10/29/2013

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My husband is a dream come true. He is everything I ever wanted all of those other guys I went out with to be. And I feel guilty as hell. I am HAPPY! I am so happy! As I write this my eyes are tearing up. I never knew such a man existed. I don't want to tell anyone about how happy I am because it feels like I am bragging or something. I think that is an ugly character defect. Every day I am terrified that he will die and it will all be over. It is my biggest fear in the world...that one day, there will be a knock on the door, it will be the police informing me he died. The pain would be so intense I would never bounce back. My life would be over right then. God always takes the good ones too soon, I am so afraid.

Jenina - posted on 02/02/2013

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A good man is hard to find but a great man never leaves you behind. I have the same issue. When folks make the comments on their better halves, I kindly say, my husband is a blessing and I am thankful for him always.

Deanna - posted on 01/20/2013

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When they make those remarks, smile and say "I am very lucky to have my husband." And leave it at that. It is not on you to make other husband's better.

Julie - posted on 01/06/2013

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NO GUILT here. You need new friends if they can't be happy and embrace your marriage success. Stay the example, and those who know it's a good thing will follow :)

Teresa - posted on 01/03/2013

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Since I got married 3 years ago my husband was great,help me at home undestrNd me in everythingthen I got pregnant,I was a lil depressed he was good with me like trying to support me but behind my back he cheated on me he went to erotic massage places 4 times that I've known then he texted an escort nothing happend with the escort he says ..I discovered after I gave birth it was horrible for me.But we worked things out I forgave him bc of my son other than that he is a great husband and even a better dad?Now after he cheated he is even more wonderful with me but sometimes I feel bad when I remember what he did is this healthy for me?What are some suggestions...He is putting an effort to make things work..To be honest I think if I go out with a different guy & date a lil that might help idk...Thkz

Rachel - posted on 11/02/2012

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My husband does so much for me and the kids and I feel weird telling people because I'm a sahm and most people think that the things he does for us, I should be doing. They don't get that it's just who he is and he enjoys doing things for us.

He enjoys cooking and doesn't mind laundry. He's a great help with our kids too.

Tristan - posted on 10/24/2012

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I don't feel guilty for having a wonderful husband, I wonder why other women tolerate having a terrible husband. My friends all ooooh and awwww about how spoiled I am because my husband is good to me and helps out with the kids. Really, isn't this a partnership, aren't we joint parents, of coarse he should help out, they are his kids too.



When I had to go into the hospital for a month with our last daughter everyone just laid on the compliments to my husband. He took an unpaid leave of absence from his work to stay home with the kids. "Do you know how lucky you are?" everyone would ask me. I would then share with them that I had washed and looked out a month's worth of clothing, done a months worth of shopping, made meals and froze them, arranged to have the kids go to my hairdressers every morning before school, I bought almost a months worth of Lunchables. I got that I began to resent everyones comments about how wonderful my husband was.

Darylin - posted on 10/24/2012

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I know exactly what you mean. I get the same comments and feedback about my husband. I just say "it's not luck that we are together, it's intellegence!" We both know what we wanted and what we didn't want in a relationship and a marriage. We were up front and honest from from the begining. We have great communication and work as a team to make sure that our family is healthy, happy and whole! If people make negative comments about there husbands/wives/significant others they are missing an opportunity to work on their relationship and choosing to wallow in self pity.

Maxine - posted on 10/24/2012

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hi after a 5 year abusive relationship one child , a 3 year relationship one child and a 11 year relationship one child , and this man killed himself , i had given up but fate had one more man for me and he is the best man anyone could ask for kind ,loving caring, not selfish, his only love apart from me is his football , and parents , but his first concern is me and my girls , he is the only person in my life who puts me first , never moans if i dont have much time for us with how busy i am , he works hard is at uni part time , irons, cooks , cleans, i could go on and on , if i could bottle him i would give every woman a man like mine good luck girls , but never give up hope they are out there .

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I'm in the complete opposite boat as you - but I'm so happy for you and all the ladies that have wonderful husbands who treat them well. It makes me smile to know there are men out there that are real men and can put their spouse's and children's happiness before their own. Maybe you could share some words of wisdom? I've tried everything - positive reinforcement, role-modeling, etc, just talking about it, counseling and negative (silent treatment, etc). Has your husband always been that way?

Stephanie - posted on 10/15/2012

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I couldn't be more thankful for my husband. I have had my share of well Losers and I thank God everynight he crossed our paths. The only reason I feel guilty is because I know most people settle. But not to sound vain but I think our personalities complement each other and isn' that what a good partner suppose to do.

Wendy - posted on 11/24/2010

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Not guilty - honored. My husband is a constant living reminder that I did something right! LOL. At times it is scary how smart that man is and he always seems to know my thoughts/reactions ahead of time. It is a priviledge to call myself his wife and I only hope I can express how much Iove him. I'm lucky if I am half the person he is, but his strength, intelligence, care and dominance (the good kind) is my fuel, my lifeforce to be better. He is an amazing father, our sons are the best behaved little gentleman and it because of his leadership. There is no reason for a woman to feel guilty if she has a great man. A lot of women I know have great men too but they don't know what they have and try to stifle their men in ways. Or they just want to complain about something. Wow - I'm so glad I found this site and read this thread. I think someone is getting an extra long foot massage and back rub tonight. :)

Melissa - posted on 04/13/2010

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Yes!! I hear this a lot, and I too don"t know what to say, so I usually reply as "Thank you, I am blessed."
I know it sounds cliche' but it's the truth, I feel blessed. And so should you!!

Jessica - posted on 04/04/2010

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Don't feel sorry for anyone, they like what they have. Everyone is in a relationship they want to be in. No one forced anyone to get married. They probably complain but wouldn't trade their husbands for the world. My husband is wonderful, he works hard, does chores, rubs my feet and stays in shape. But when I'm in a situation like that all I say is "well, he does seem perfect, but the one thing that gets on my nerves but I don't say anything because it will hurt his feelings is....he sleeps with socks on and always...ALWAYS wakes up with only one. I think he his supporting Nike with his sock purchases alone" and we laugh. No big deal.

Sue - posted on 03/06/2010

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Ya, sometimes I draw the conclusion from what I hear that some husbands are true Duds, as opposed to Dads. LOL.
On the other hand, we don't know what goes on behind closed doors, and even if Dad is sometimes an absentee Dad, who's bringing home the bacon? How many hrs. does he work during the day, and what else does he do, and how supportive is he in other areas.
Often it balances out, more than we realize.
Even if we're members of the "I have a wonderful husband" club, even we have to have our cranky days, when he just can't do anything right.
It just makes it that much more important to show appreciation on days when we're more sensible, and more in control of ourselves.

Margi - posted on 03/06/2010

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perhaps your friends (and family members) need to discuss their "problems" with their husbands instead of you... maybe things would change.

You should NEVER feel bad that you have a wonderful husband. You should look them in the eye and say "Yes, my husband IS wonderful. Thanks for noticing!"

I have people around me who make me say to my husband over and over and OVER again... "I am so lucky to have you!"

Amanda - posted on 03/05/2010

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Boy do I know that feeling! I hear it all the time. i do feel guilty but lucky all at the same time. I just ignore the snide remarks anusually reply with htis.."You choose to not fix your own situation so dont be jealous of mine" We are the lucky ones and in the end thats all that matters!

Barbe - posted on 03/05/2010

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At my last job my manager would constantly tell my how lucky I am to have my husband. I would simply tell her that God has BLESSED me. I was previously married to a man who constantly degraded me, and still does to my kids. Now I am mariied to a wonderful man who supports everything I do. To me he is a Wonderful Gift From God. As long as we apprecitate our husbands' why feel quilty? I surely do not feel guilty that I have such a good husband.

Lynn - posted on 03/03/2010

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Absolutely not! I have a wonderful husband who is a great father to our kids. Why should I feel guilty? I have been through enough heartache in my life and am now finally happy. So no i do not feel guilty, just wish more people were happy like I am.

Rebecca - posted on 03/03/2010

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other people make those kind of remarks to me, but obviously they don't see the problems we are having, and i don't generally go around talking about them either, because my husband is the person i take troubles to about our relationship. people tell me i am lucky -- i tell them it wasn't luck -- i looked for a man who knew how to treat me right, and didn't settle for less, so that's what i got. i also feel that many women are inconsistent in what they want -- they look for a traditional man, and then complain that he acts in traditionally male ways. i wanted a liberated man who truly believed that women are just as good as men, and that's what i got!

i also think women too easily fall into traditionally 'women' roles and i've seen women deliberately exclude men from certain things by criticising that they don't do it well enough, and then they complain that men don't want to help. it's true that my husband doesn't do the chores exactly the way i would do them, and in some cases that means not as good as i would do, but so what? i would rather have his help than not have it... my impression is that some women would rather be right and run men down...

Kristal - posted on 03/02/2010

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Over the years we've had our ups and downs, but at the end of the day we are still the most important thing in each others lives. He is an amazing husband,father and friend. What I love the most is that he is a good man. Years ago when our children were younger, he said to me " Our relaionship is more than being parents, I love you." We have been together for 20 years, married for 16. I have never had a regret, wouldn't change anything.

Maria - posted on 01/18/2010

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I can understand how you feel. Most people don't realize how important it is to choose carefully when finding a man to raise a family and spend the rest of their life with. When they do find themselves married and raising a family with a man that no longer measures up in their eyes they have the choice to support him, see the best in him, and try to make the situation better, or they can complain that nothing he does is good enough. Those that choose to complain will only destroy their own relationship. Those that choose to see the best in their husband despite his weaknesses can build themselves a great life equal to an great marriage they will ever see. The majority of people do not realize that it is a lot of work to keep a marriage and family together. They can look on and tell you how wonderful your husband is, but if they are complaining about their own husband they obviously have no idea how hard it can be sometimes to work out all your little problems,everyone has them the difference is how they deal with them. Good relationships are more work the difference is things are worked out before they become problems. Congadulations on having a great husband, I'm sure you have your moments but you have obviously come out on top. Don't let anyone make you feel bad because your life is so much better than theirs, you and your husband must have earned it.

Kristine - posted on 01/18/2010

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I understand how you feel too. I would just tell them the comments make you uncomfortable, or just ignore them. I constantly hear woman at work complaining about their husbands and it gets annoying. In my opinion dont say anything about your husband you havent or dont plan on telling him. You should feel blessed with all the happiness you have, and no feel guilty about it! My husband is a fantastic husband to me, and fantastic father to our son. He is more involved in our lives then I know any of my other friends husbands, and I feel truly blessed to have such an equal, loving partner in my life..and you should too :)

Kelli - posted on 01/17/2010

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I think it's a 2 way street, if you looked at your friends relationship from their partner's perspective how good is it for them? A relationship is only what you make it. If you try to change your man or aren't happy with who he is as a person then of coarse your not going to think he's wonderful.

Yolanda - posted on 01/17/2010

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This is so true!! I always feel guilty about having such a wonderful life - which can be attributed to many things. Faith is first, but hubby is definitely next! I have a lot of friends who complain about their husbands - which is my biggest pet peeve!! I think if maybe they found some things to brag about in their own husbands, they'd begin to see how wonderful the one they have actually is. Women should NEVER bash or belittle their man - doesn't make for a very good relationship!!!

Komla - posted on 01/16/2010

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Not really...I just feel blessed. Now that we have our little girl DH is a hands on dad....makes a big difference :))

Tara - posted on 01/16/2010

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most definitely. my best friend loves her husband very much, but i can't help thinking how much happier they would be if he were more involved in her and the children's lives. he is a good guy down deep, but it hurts me to the core to hear some of the stuff she puts up with. my husband and i both feel this way, but we try to be supportive and not talk bad about her husband, and just let her vent when she needs to. it's frustrating, but i'm super happy that this group exists so i can say nice things about my husband and not have to feel guilty for it ♥ thanks ladies for being there and for appreciating the wonderful parnters you are blessed with.

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I don't feel guilty. I bask in it! This is my second marriage and my husband's third - never will we take for granted the blessing of being married to a wonderful and loving spouse. When my friends or even acquaintances make comments, I don't discount their feelings (because I have totally been in their shoes too) but I refuse to feel guilty. I have paid my dues!!

Renee - posted on 01/16/2010

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My husband and I have been together for 24 years and married for 21 years. We do not fight and most people around us have a hard time with that. We don't agree on everything, we just do not fight about it. My husband is so laid back and nothing bothers him. He will do anything for me and our 3 kids. He is an amazing, wonderful man. We are lucky women to have husbands like ours.

Sherri - posted on 01/16/2010

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I dont feel guilty, i just feel sorry for those that do not have such a wonderful husband, or that do not find the small things he does and mention those rather than bash their husbands.

Cindy - posted on 01/15/2010

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I know what you mean. In my situation it's also my mom who always tells everyone my husband gives me anything I want and that I'm spoiled. I feel bad for her that her situation was not like mine,but it's the way we treat each other that makes it work. It is sad that they do not understand that love and respect for one another is the key! It is by no means that we are all mushy over each other, but when you are best friends and truely find that one that is your soul mate, it is hard to explain that to someone who has not. We have been married 34 years and love is stronger in some ways than before. Yes, in one way she is right.....I am spoiled now, that I cannot see how there could be any other for me. Like my aunt said about how she felt towards her husband.....How can you go back to ground beef once you had steak! Ha Ha

Carrie - posted on 01/15/2010

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I know how you feel. It seems like half the women I work with are either going through divorces or breaking up with BF. They are always talking about how men are cheaters and always will be. They keep telling me that my husband is just like all the rest and will cheat eventually. I just ignore them. Anymore when they get on there man hater kicks-- I just walk out of the room. I don't feel bad that my husband mops the floors or vaccuums the carpet or has a hot meal ready for me when I come home from a long day at work. I do the same thing for him. I love my husband and all he does for me and my kids. He is an amazing man and I am proud to say that he is mine and I am keeping him.

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I have jokingly told my husband that he is ruining my social life at work. All the women circle up and complain about their husbands/boyfriends. I have nothing to contribute to the conversation.....

I do not feel guilty in the least. He and I are an amazing team. I'm proud of my husband, marriage and family! You should be proud too.

Sheila - posted on 01/15/2010

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I don't know how some women don't get that you CAN be happy in a relationship!!! Especially one that is just dating and not married! I hate to say it, but those girls just dating doing nothing but complaining about their bf, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! Either take the steps to a better relationship or get out of it!

That's how I spent my dating years. People (mostly friends) didn't understand that I wasn't going to settle for less. They looked at me like I was nuts when I dropped my ex. We were together for almost three years and he lied to me more than once about the same thing... should I have put up with it? NO! Other than that set back, he was a great guy and I see why they thought I was crazy... but like I said, don't ever let yourself settle... but we all seem to know this here!
'
Be thankful and appreciative every day for the blessing your man is :) I constantly am saying to my hubby, "I wish all the people could be so happy in their relationships," and didn't find a single couple until I found wonderful husbands here! Thank You ladies for helping me see that there ARE other good men on this planet!

Molly - posted on 01/15/2010

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Exactly! I know exactly what you are feeling. All my co-workers love their husbands, I guess, but complain about them all the time and I don't join their conversations and then they make comments and I feel kind of bad for being the one lucky person in the room to be married to someone so wonderful that I really have nothing bad to say about him most of the time, only great things. I feel kind of lousy that I am "rubbing it in their faces" how lucky I am. I don't know how I got to be so blessed and they weren't so lucky, but I don't want to feel lousy about it, mostly I am just grateful! It's a weird situation to be in. I wouldn't say I feel guilty for being married to a great guy, I just feel bad that I'm the only one, I guess.

Crystal - posted on 01/14/2010

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I never considered myself blessed until I sat back and really looked at my husband. Its a shame that it took about 5 years to take an account. I have known bad guys that made my skin crawl and I now feel uncomfortable when I hear about some jerk. Jim has always tried and we have sometimes failed in one area or another but the overall man is who I am proud of.

Kimberly - posted on 01/14/2010

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Not guilty, but it is uncomfortable when girlfriends go around the table saying how their husbands are lacking, and I cannot contribute. I wouldn't if I could, so maybe that's what makes it work. Many are newly married or have been married several times. My husband has been my best friend for over 29 years and my husband almost 26 years. He is wonderful to me and has helped generously with our four sons, but that is what I expected. When someone asks my advice about picking out the right guy, there are lots of things to say, but I tell them to expect to be treated right. If their boyfriend or fiance does something they don't feel they can live with, they need to speak up. And then, in reciprocation, you do the same for them. If you can't talk, discuss and compromise, better not to get married. I feel bad that my friends don't have the kind of relationship I have found, but guilty, no. We, and others posting, are proof that you can still be in love after decades, but it takes work, unconditional love and understanding from both people.

Melinda - posted on 01/14/2010

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I completely agree. Some of my friends that are unhappy and express jealousy make me uncomfortable. I have even heard from one complaining friend "you wouldn't know what that feels like. you have a good husband" At that point, I smiled and said, Yes! I do. I'm very proud of my husband and when the girls at work start complaining about theirs, I usually walk away. There is always something else to do than potentiate their complaining. When it gets really bad ( I work with a bunch of nurses most are women) I usually start bragging about mine, they redirect fast enough because they don't want to hear that. I feel sad for them and their unhappiness, but not enough to join in.

Heather - posted on 01/14/2010

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Absolutely! My husband is my best friend, we share everything together! He is an amazing person. He helps with our son, he helps around the house, and anything else i could possibly need him for! We don't have a single friend who is happy in their marriage! I gave up bragging because i feel guilty talking about my husband, and how good he is to me. They get jealous, and i get sick of hearing it! I got very lucky to find my soul mate on my first try! You are defiantly right, it does make you realize how lucky you are to have such a wonderful husband! I tell my husband that every day!!!

Cindy - posted on 01/14/2010

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Unfortunately, I have been in that same boat. A very close family member had always complained about her husband, and it puts you in a very awkward position... not to mention you know there is some JEALOUSLY involved. Almost makes you feel quilty you have a good husband in a way!

Erin - posted on 01/13/2010

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I agree with Kalley, too....it is all about choices! I've been privy to more than a few conversations with women who complain about their husbands' behavior, and I just never have anything to say. My husband is an amazing man, a wonderful father, a terrific provider...and yet no one can make me laugh like he does! AND, if I ever have issues with him, I go straight to him, so we can talk about it like civilized adults. I'm not saying we shouldn't be able to joke or rib our husbands, but it's nice to be a part of a community that cherishes a good man!

Chelsie - posted on 01/13/2010

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Its also not that i feel guilty for having such a WONDERFUL man but that bad but also on the flip side I thank GOD everyday for a man like him!! so theres two sides to it i think

Chelsie - posted on 01/13/2010

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I totaly know how u feel!! its nice to know im not the only one that feels like this. almost all of our friends and most of the family is either not in a relationship or a BAD one and whenever i say anything about my husband they always say something rude back. its quite irritating and most of the time i dont hang out with my gf's around my husband because of it!! well its nice to know im not the only one that feels like this!! thanks :)

Kalley - posted on 01/12/2010

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I don't ever feel guilty! I love my wonderful husband but I think it's all about perspective! Wives either complain for one of two reasons: they either made a poor choice in husband or they have a poor perspective. If their husband has some redeemable qualities, a little bit of effort on their part might make him want to do those things for her she longs for. If we spend our time focusing on the bad, everything will seem bad, but if we focus on and invest in the good, we will enjoy much more.

Laura - posted on 01/12/2010

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I don't feel guilty for having such a good man but sometimes I feel bad because he does so much for us. He works a full time job and goes to school full time while also being in the Reserves. He does all this so that I can be a stay at home mom to our 4 month old daughter. While I do a lot at home I sometimes feel like he is getting a raw deal. I only hope that I can be as good to him as he is to us.

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