House work is NOT my JOB

Leigh - posted on 07/19/2009 ( 40 moms have responded )

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I'm wondering how many husbnds know how to do housework & do it regularly? And I'm talking everything, & without having to be asked. I HATE house work, & only do as little as I have to & I'm a SAHM. But my husband does it all the time, he works 12-14 hours but still comes home & cleans. I cook, he loves his food, but I never have to ask him to do anything, he just goes right ahead & does it. He never complains, he just does it. I know he's the exception, he has 5 brothers & none of them do it, much to my SIL's complaints, but when my DH is around them, they do it (he's the eldest, we're from a culture where the eldest son can give others a 'look' & they know what it means lol.) When I asked my DH why other men have a problem doing house work, he says that men are generally lazy, & are allowed to get away with it. Most of our friends know that my DH does the majority of the housework, & think I should count my self lucky, but I think if it were the other way around, it would just be expected.

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Monica - posted on 09/17/2009

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I hate to say this but, I always keep it real. I think it is selfish of you to NOT do housework AND you stay at home. I believe that if my husband is working to provide for me and our family, the least I could do is the housework so he doesn't have to come home and do it. With that said, I don't think that men should just assume that the woman will do the housework especially when they do their share of dirtying up the house. My husband does the laundry regularly without me asking him to and whatever else needs to be done at the time. We agreed that there is no HIS work or MY work when it comes to housework. We BOTH live there and mess things up so housework is a teamwork task.

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♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 08/15/2011

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I'm a SAHM until my marriage visa goes through and my husband goes to school 3 days a week. We have a 6 year old daughter from my 1st marriage whom we've given the chore of unloading the dishwasher to along with caring for her cat and putting her laundry away for a toonie a week. We also have a 5 month old who seems to be allergic to naps and doesn't like being put down for too long. So I do what I can housework wise and my husband helps with the rest. I just don't let him do laundry because I'm very picky about laundry. But I had to impliment a rule that if it's not in the hamper it won't be in the wash because my husband and my older daughter don't put anything in the hamper.

My husband loves helping with both girls and says that just because I'm a SAHM right now doesn't mean that he shouldn't help out. He helps out even if he's been up for hours working on demo reels for his resume when he graduates and says that even if he was working full time he wouldn't expect my to do everything for the house and the kids and that guys who use that as an excuse are lazy and a poor excuse for a human being.

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I'll admit its nice to have that option. But I'd feel horribly guilty if my husband came home each night and cleaned. At the same time I've been on and off bedrest for the past 2 weeks, so having him clean is nice so I don't over exert myself.

Even on bedrest he has to rangle my chore list from me. lol

Cynthia - posted on 08/10/2011

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You are very lucky and yes its very rare...My hubby also is a rare one...he does work 45 hours a week but I love that he still helps with house work but most of all I LOVE that he takes over the kids...I dont expect him 2 do alot cuz he does work hard but I sure do appreciate it...from what I hear n see fr fam n friends...most men expect it...one of those men even told my hubby hes 2 submissive with me...Lol...he told him if he was he would hav a happier wife n would get "some" more often.....we try n not hav expectation.....leads 2 disappointment...its a partnership not a dictatorship.....

Monica - posted on 09/17/2009

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Quoting Shelly:

Leigh,
What a sad statement...Why would you get on a site like this and talk about how your husband does it all. I don't care how much you don't like to do house work what is it that you are contributing to your marriage/family??? How selfish is it for you to be home all day and your husband goes to work in your words 12-14 hrs a day and then comes home and works even more at home...So why don't you go out and get a job and contribute to the family and let your husband stay at home and take care of the household??? Yes I do understand that your husband says he doesn't mind but how sad that you take that for grant..How long do you think it's going to last before he gets tirered of being tired??? Talk to some of these mom's that have to work all day and then come home and do every thing at home b/c they have a husband that doesn't do anything to contribute or a single mom that HAS to do it all...I guess I'm just old fashion in the belief of if you are a stay at home mom or dad then you are the one that needs to take care of the house hold...Asking your spouse to help with the children is one thing but to expect your working spouce to do it all is selfish!!!



Shelly,



I couldn't agree with you more and no you are NOT old fashioned.  I truly believe that marriage is a give and take relationship.  My mother was a stay at home mother and she never wanted my father to have to do anything when he came home because he worked so hard--sometimes working two jobs at a time. 

Chrystal - posted on 09/17/2009

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I always tell my husband "I dont mind doing the cleaning, all I ask is that you clean up after yourself" Most of the time he doesnt even do that. hahaha. But he does lots of stuff around the house that I dont want to or cant do ( I classify these as Pink and Blue jobs)
I feel as a stay at home mom, I get the "Pink" jobs done and he works during the day (among other things) which is a "Blue" job.

Carrie - posted on 09/16/2009

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In my house I do the majority of the housework due to the fact my hubby works from 4 am to 1 pm....Although he does his share of housework i dont ask him to do it...he just does when he feel likes...the only thing i really ask of him to do is the trash but i do the rest, dishes, laundry, vacumn, sweep, mop, clean bathroom, etc. He is a great man that does help around the house when he sees that i need it...

Tanya - posted on 09/16/2009

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I am a stay at home mom but I don't clarify house work as my job... I do house work because I like a tidy house (hard to keep with 3 kids running around). My husband can clean and cook he knows how but I don't think this is his responsiblity right now except to hang his laundry i can't reach his top pole in his closet and he knows I hate laundry so I put everything else away it's an understanding between us that he put away his. Evey house is ran different. In mine I do all the house cleaning and cooking, my children have small chores feed pets, dust, wipe down bathroom counters, make bed, bring out laundry.. When they get older they will get bigger chores I believe it teaches responsiblity. My husband works all day so I see that to pull the weight 50/50 in between us I take care of our home and he does help out when I need him just like when he needs me to make something for the company potluck I help him it's give and take in our relationship and it works well.



Now for us caring for our children is a shared responsiblity for they are both of our children.. Yes I am a stay at home mom so I of course care for them on my own while my husband is at work. When he gets home he shares the responsiblity with me, we believe it teaches them that not only can they come to Mom for things they can go to Dad too. They can trust Mom and Dad to be there for them and to help them through out life because we are both there for them equally.

Caroline - posted on 09/08/2009

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the way i look at it though is if your husbands are at work every day (mine works 8am-630pm) then surly as stay at home mums (with some kids at school), excludling the working mums, house work is what we do? am i wrong? im at home (my boys are 4, 10 months) and i dont work as im a full time mum, i do all the house work (i love cleaning!!) although at weekends my hubby will hoover/iron etc if im tired (im 5 months pregnant), the one thing i dont do is cook our dinner (i only do kids dinners) even though i can and i will do it, he enjoys cooking dinner! he comes home at 630, spends half hour with kids then i put kids to sleep at 7ish and he starts our dinner!! although i do washing up at times!! lol i couldnt ask for a better hubby, i get every thing i need or want (money permitting!), we have only been together 2 and half years but there is nothing he wouldnt do! x

Sarah - posted on 09/03/2009

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well you can say it is not your job, but to me it a women who takes care of the home, the man will provide the needs but it is the duty of the woman to make sure there is food on the table, everything is in place in the home. pls when he decide to help fine but do not inposed on him and when he dose do apreciate him

Crissy - posted on 09/01/2009

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House work was never my forte'. I HATE it too. My husband always has been the domesticated one. He wakes up before me, fixes breakfast for the kids, serves me breakfast in bed, cleans up before he leaves for work, drops the kids off to school, and tells me to "relax honey, have a great day" Theres nothing wrong with me , i too am a SAHM. But he just loves to do these things for me. I never ask him to neither. He just does it and says he does it because he loves me. And when he comes home from work, he does it all again. And he never complains. I'm not saying I stay in bed all day,and do nothing, I do take care of our 3 year old, which keeps my day busy. I do tell him I appreciate him, I don't mess up the house just because I know he'll come home to clean it, I keep it clean. But in return, I am a good wife to him too, I know many think, ure a SAHM u should be the one who does it, but I have my fair share too. I manage our bills, I do all the errands, i take the kids to all their activities,atttend their events,(he's at work most of the time to attend) i help with homework, I plan weekend events, I make sure he has clean clothes, he doesn't forget to shave, get him new neccesities when is needed, tell him where his things are even when i think to myself..."he's a grown man, he should KNOW where his things are" but i tell him anyway. I make sure he has lunch,(Im not a very good cook, but I surely try) I think we have an equal relationship. But house work, with 3 active children, I try my best to help out as much as I can, but my day's so filled up, all I can do is just maintain what he's done. I married a great man, and I feel he's also married a great woman. But everyone has their own opinions on hubbys who do housework and do the cooking. Many doesn't realize they might enjoy it like mine does.

Mattie - posted on 08/31/2009

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My husband and I tend to share the housework. We both work full-time jobs so it's difficult for one or the other to have the full responsibility. He is great with helping with the everyday things like doing dishes, vacuuming, etc... It's great when you don't have to ask for help.

Lydia - posted on 08/30/2009

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I'm from a culture that believes a woman's job is raising the children and doing the housework and tending to your husband regardless if you were a stay at home mom or not.....yeah right, not for me. My first husband was raised in this manner and let's just say that mom raised me differently, thank God. On the other hand my second husband is wonderful and also of a different culture and doesn't expect for me to do all the work. He's the guy who's always doing the dishes, taking care of kids, running to drop things off at school when they forget something and loves to make me breakfast. He's fine with doing this and to be honest it makes him very happy and reply's to family members that tell him not to spoil me, "I'm not spoiling her, I'm just loving her"...yes I'm truly blessed. I've also been a stay at home mom for the past four years and it hasn't changed anything, he still continues doing what he does best....loving me.

Erica - posted on 08/28/2009

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My husband and I both work out of our home office, so we're in this messy house 24/7 (except maybe church and exercise - lol). However, he does the real running of the business, answering phones, sending mail, etc... I help out for the equivalent of about 1-2 hours a day. So, its my job to keep the house decent. He loves it clean, but he never complains when it gets very untidy (because we have a 5 year old and one on the way (morning sickness) - its been untidy a LOT the last couple of months). I'm really proud of the way he takes care of us and our business without complaint (and eats the strange, quickly prepared concoctions I put in front of him too - lol). I won't judge what anyone else feels about this issue, but I feel happy with my lot in life. It could be a lot worse for me. Sometimes I actually get a feeling of achievement from cleaning my house once its all done. Not to say that's all there is for me, just that its something that helps me feel proud of myself too.

Maria - posted on 08/26/2009

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Although my husband is not afraid of housework, I do my share at home. I just don't feel it's fair to leave everything to my husband when he commutes 4 hours everyday and works 40-hr workweek. I feel blessed since my husband knows from when we met that although my siblings and I were brought up without having to do housework, my mom, bless her heart, instilled responsibilities of the home, and if that includes taking part in the housework then take it with a grain of salt. My husband is wonderful in that he knew how to change diapers, burp the babies, do the laundry, clean the bathroom and the dishes aside from changing the spark plugs and rotating the tires of the car. Other than cooking and doing the dishes, I had the opportunity to learn some of that from him, and I appreciate that. We're type A personalities before the boys were born, and we learned to ease off a bit, and if the house isn't clean today, well, we can do it both over the weekend.

Felisha - posted on 08/25/2009

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My husband and I basically share the responsibility of house/yard work . I am so blessed to have an amazing husband .We have three blessings,he works 3rd shift, I work days,and I go to school full time. This schedule could be very stressful ,but its not .Whatever needs to be done , we both work together on doing so . For example , last night we cooked Chinese together.Then after we cleaned up the kitchen . As for the yard work , he mows , I weed eat. I am so glad God brought us together.

Arlene - posted on 08/25/2009

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I feel that everyone is different, i my self SPOIL my HUSBAND......you may laugh...LOL...I been with my husband 18 yrs, he own his own computer company, i myself been home for 5 yrs was in the medical field for 22 yrs.... I am the housewife like Mrs Cleaver (leave it to beaver),,,,I make sure that he has warm meals, clean clothes, and plenty of SEX! LOL.... I lay his clothes out each morning, fis his coffe, breakfast, snacks, lunch, and dinner, dessert, ...YES MY HUSBAND DOES HOUSEWORK, take the kids shopping, keeep the grandkids, and COOK THE MAJOR HOLIDAY MEALS, Yes, i shall say GOD HAS GAVE ME A WONDERFUL MAN....

Josia - posted on 08/24/2009

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I agree! if it works then do it...what works for me might not work for everyone else here. As long as you are both happy, the kids will be happy, which means the environment will be harmonious. I too would go crazy with nothing to do. I had to tell him yesterday to stop hanging out the washing. He'd just worked five days of 16hrs in a row and i wanted him to take a rest. He didnt listen though lol

Jade - posted on 08/24/2009

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Amy Elliot had a really good point, what matters is "what works for the family." Roles have changed w/who stays home. Both my husband and I have done both. When I stayed home, I did all the chores, now that I work, I don't do as much. He's a SAHD, that doesn't mean he likes to clean, I'm a clean freak so if it's not done, I do it. He tries but sometimes I really have to step in because I'm better at it. I don't mind as much since I don't sit still very well. He does the cooking, garbage duty, & most grocery trips because I don't like to. Working together is important. I have to remind myself that no one is perfect, so I do get upset sometimes when I feel like I do all the chores. But if my hubby did everything, I'd go crazy w/nothing to do.

Josia - posted on 08/23/2009

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Im a stay at home mum that is only at university at the moment since my job made me redundant. I also hate doing the housework. Im messy by nature! But my husband works long hours so i always make sure i cook, we sort of have a system going. If he does the laundry i do the dishes. I clean the house because i just like to do it. We will alternate between dishes and laundry. He keeps his half of the room tidy & generally takes out the trash. We do it because that way both of us are happy. He cooks once a week on a day off not because he's made to but because he likes to. But at the end of the day he works not me and i wouldnt expect him to do anything really but he does. He is my rock, bank, chauffer, chemist, masseuse, as well as a great stepdad to my son. Even if hes buggered he will help with the homework. I know staying at home is exhausting and stressful but so is working. So we work through it as a team. When we both worked fulltime it was the same. We try and do a little bit each day so the weekends can be fun or more study time. I get my son to help and he loves it, makes him feel important and manly lol We try not to view it as a "chore" and each do our little bit coz at the end of the day if we're happy the kids are happy. I want my son to see men doing housework and pitching in and helping and my hubby is the same. I still dont think i give him enough credit for the things that he does for us so i try to do what i can for him. Besides, thats what its all about!

Jeannette - posted on 08/21/2009

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Well, my husband and I work at the same job, roughly the same amount of hours, and .....he just cleaned the dishes and rotated the laundry! I like for me to cook more than I like for him to cook, though he does, but he can do ALL the laundry. I clean the bathrooms, and do the tedious cleaning...dusting...going through clothes to be rid of...and the like. However, I get him to do all of the heavy lifting. So, if I have 3 bags of clothes, he hauls them to Goodwill. He or my son handles the trash. I do no yard work. He and the kids do all of the yard work. Kind of unfair that I can get him to help in the house, but I don't like to mow, weedeat, or rake.

Amber - posted on 08/21/2009

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if its not your job, whose job is it? someone has to do it. its SOMEONES job! if you say its not yours than youre saying its HIS job and thats sad...

Brenda - posted on 08/20/2009

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My husband and I have always shared the chores. The unwritten, unspoken rule, if you want to call it that is "if it needs doing, and you're there, then do it" doesn't matter if it is doing dishes, mowing the lawn, getting up for 2 a.m. feedings, laundry. Funny thing is we never really ever talked about it. It just automatically became the natural thing at our house. Another of God's blessings. We depend on and trust each other. Family Survival we call it. The kids have carried that to their own homes. But it hasn't been met with great enthusiasm by their spouses.

Jeni - posted on 08/14/2009

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I have no problem with your situation, Leigh. I think every relationship has give and take and as long as both parties feel appreciated and feel like their needs are being met then that's all that matters.



In our house we have a strange dynamic too. We both work, but I work from home some days and I pretty much make my own schedule as far as working at home goes. I generally do the majority of the housework. Shane rarely does laundry. His major inside responsibility is the kitchen. I do not cook every night, we have many, "fend for yourself" nights where everyone just finds something they want and fixes it. But if I don't clean up the house and he gets upset or tired of it and I've been too busy he'll pitch in without complaint. If I have gotten behind on laundry and he wants something in particular washed and I tell him that I'm not washing any clothes that day he'll do a load of laundry.



We also divide up the childcare pretty evenly too. Jezi in in preschool on weekdays and we alternate who picks her up and drops her off according to my work schedule at the office. On the weekends he lets me sleep in unless he has to work on the weekend and he gets up with Jezi when she wakes up. And in the evenings he'll go outside and work out in his dojo (not sure how to spell this, it's a martial arts studio basically) or go visit his friends sometimes and I'll watch Jezi. We're both good at giving the other a break when we need it.



Basically it all boils down to us working together as a couple. The things that we enjoy doing we do, and the stuff left over we divide up as best as we can. We're also really good at making bargains over things we don't want to do. Like, "I'll take Jezi to school all next week if you'll pick her up for me on my day and clean the kitchen for me." LOL

Leigh - posted on 08/11/2009

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Brenda, I wish I could send you my lovely neighbour Therese, she's a housework Queen, & she loves it. She's a traditional housewife, as in stays home, but all her work is done by 8am & she always is looking for more (crazy). She tells me that it's the one thing in this life time that she's good at that gives her a great sense of acheivement. Ashley, I have 3 boys, & their father has taught them all to clean the same as him. They're all excellent at keeping this place tip top (no doubt because I'm not the one that does alot of it). Hopefully they've learnt how to keep their environment around them at a happy medium, so that when they go from us, they aren't expecting someone else to do it for them. I don't do any of their washing, or their rooms (they're teens so not keen on having Mum poke through their stuff anyway) or ironing, & they keep the common areas of the house at a reasonable level of cleanliness because they often have their mates over. Some things I do wish I 'knew' how to do, like turn on the lawn mower & the weed eater, but my husband refuses to show me, apparently he thinks I'm going to ruin his work of art (the lawn) that he's worked on for the past 15 years, & can't see why I want to learn how to do 'outside' stuff anyway. His argument is that if he's not around to do it, then it's up to one of our 3 boys to do it, (it's part of the trade off for pregnancy & labour )lol.

Ashley - posted on 08/11/2009

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I would think that whoever is the one staying at home should be expected to clean the home, whether it's the man or the woman. You're so blessed that you have a husband who loves to clean! :D If one spouse is at work all day and the other is not, wouldn't it make sense for the one being in charge of the home to clean it? Why would you want a messy house? What kind of example does that give children (if you have any?)

Colleen - posted on 08/09/2009

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My husband and I pretty much share the responsibilities. I'm home all day with our son so I do try to do most of it while he works all day. He does most of the cooking mainly because he's better at it and enjoys it, and he does the outdoor jobs such as mowing the lawn, shovelling the snow, taking out the garbage. The only indoor cleaning job I expect him to do is clean the tub because I hate doing it and his job makes him really dirty so all the yuck on the bottom of the tub is from him.

Brenda - posted on 08/08/2009

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Quoting Leigh:

Shelly, you are right, I am selfish, will admit it straight up. I've lived a selfless life, so now as I get older, I take this time to be completely selfish. Maybe I have been misleading in my thread, I didn't say I don't do ANY housework, I said I do as little as I have to. Why wouldn't I want to discuss this on this site, my mistake I thought this site was for Moms with wonderful hubbys. For me I think mine is, & this is one of the reasons why. I hardly think it's sad at all. You assume that I take my husband for granted, thats incorrect, That would be disrepectful to him & our relationship. I tell him babe I appreciate all you do, & he tells me that he likes doing it, I'm not silly I know men, if they don't want to do something they generally wont. So far we've been married 20 years, & I assume will be so until our last breaths. Him doing the majority of the housework won't change that. I haven't always been a SAHM, I've worked & given my husband the time/energy/finances so that he too can be selfish. I've paid my dues of being over worked & underappreciated. I contribute the brains behind our family dymanic, I decide how we're going to spend the money my husband brings home. I don't need to talk to anyone of the Mums that do it all, I know enough of them that live unhappy lives, that are depressed & miserable & have poor self estem & low relationship expectations. For me life's to short to be stuck doing something day in & out that I don't find any joy in. I also have great admiration for all the ladies that do ALL the housework & I know heaps that enjoy it, I'm just not one of them.


Bah..  I think you did a fine job complimenting your husband.. I was wondering "wow, I wish my hubby were just a wee bit more aware about the housework and the fact that he could do more" in response.  I do feel that it's my role (not any other woman's) as a SAHM to do more of the housework while he's at his job, but my JOB is taking care of our three children, 13, 12 and 6 months, respectively.  The HOUSEWORK is everyone's job.  I do a lot of it because it drives me nuts first...:)





Ugh, I just caught the "heaps that enjoy it" comment.. if you know any that get bored with their house, send 'em my way! :)

Leigh - posted on 08/08/2009

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Shelly, you are right, I am selfish, will admit it straight up. I've lived a selfless life, so now as I get older, I take this time to be completely selfish. Maybe I have been misleading in my thread, I didn't say I don't do ANY housework, I said I do as little as I have to. Why wouldn't I want to discuss this on this site, my mistake I thought this site was for Moms with wonderful hubbys. For me I think mine is, & this is one of the reasons why. I hardly think it's sad at all. You assume that I take my husband for granted, thats incorrect, That would be disrepectful to him & our relationship. I tell him babe I appreciate all you do, & he tells me that he likes doing it, I'm not silly I know men, if they don't want to do something they generally wont. So far we've been married 20 years, & I assume will be so until our last breaths. Him doing the majority of the housework won't change that. I haven't always been a SAHM, I've worked & given my husband the time/energy/finances so that he too can be selfish. I've paid my dues of being over worked & underappreciated. I contribute the brains behind our family dymanic, I decide how we're going to spend the money my husband brings home. I don't need to talk to anyone of the Mums that do it all, I know enough of them that live unhappy lives, that are depressed & miserable & have poor self estem & low relationship expectations. For me life's to short to be stuck doing something day in & out that I don't find any joy in. I also have great admiration for all the ladies that do ALL the housework & I know heaps that enjoy it, I'm just not one of them.

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I don't visit this community too often and I am surprised by this thread. I am a SAHM but I also WFH 20 house each week. We have a 14mt old and are hoping to add to our family. I don't know that I would say I love housework, but I do it; without thinking about it. That's part of my role as a SAHM. I make sure the house is in order. I cook, clean and make sure my baby and my husband are taken care of. His role is to take care of his family. Make sure he's providing and loving and all else that comes with a loving husband. I feel like a jerk if he has to dig through dryer looking for socks or an undershirt. I don't want my husband to clean when he gets home. He's been gone for 12 hours. I want to feed him and spend time with him. If luck is on my side the house is in some sort of reasonable order by the time he's home. If not, I feel bad about it but I would never ask or expect him to clean it. And he would never say anything if the house wasn't in tip top shape. He understands the work that goes into raising our baby and taking care of the house and he understands that it will not always be perfect all the time. That's what makes him such a wonderful man. And I wouldn't change a thing!! If the baby is awake when he gets home he always takes over her care and I usually find him giving her a bath or putting her to bed so I can get dinner on the table. We are our own little orchestra; beautifully choreographed, although I have quite a few solo acts. But sometimes the solo act is where I have a chance to shine.

Samantha - posted on 08/07/2009

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Even though I seriously HATE to scrub the toilets, unload the dishwasher and mop or vacuum I figure to some degree those things are the trade off for staying home with the kids. Someone has to do it. Even with a fancy college degree! My husband works a stressful career that always has him on call and often going back in the middle of the night, it just doesn't seem right to ask him to help with the everyday cleaning. I cook dinner and he does the dishes every night. On the weekends he helps me with the big stuff because I have some physical limitations from arthritis. Now, our house is by no means one where you can "eat off the floor", my children will have not have memories of mom cleaning over doing other things with them. So, sometimes it comes down to what works for your house and your family.... Currently the clutter is making me a bit nutty and we're ready for a BIG yard sale, "Clean House" here we come!!!! I am just thankful my husband and I are on the same page when it comes to this topic.

Shelly - posted on 08/07/2009

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Leigh,

What a sad statement...Why would you get on a site like this and talk about how your husband does it all. I don't care how much you don't like to do house work what is it that you are contributing to your marriage/family??? How selfish is it for you to be home all day and your husband goes to work in your words 12-14 hrs a day and then comes home and works even more at home...So why don't you go out and get a job and contribute to the family and let your husband stay at home and take care of the household??? Yes I do understand that your husband says he doesn't mind but how sad that you take that for grant..How long do you think it's going to last before he gets tirered of being tired??? Talk to some of these mom's that have to work all day and then come home and do every thing at home b/c they have a husband that doesn't do anything to contribute or a single mom that HAS to do it all...I guess I'm just old fashion in the belief of if you are a stay at home mom or dad then you are the one that needs to take care of the house hold...Asking your spouse to help with the children is one thing but to expect your working spouce to do it all is selfish!!!

Leigh - posted on 07/21/2009

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Yeah Anna, I can only agree, we're Kiwi's/Raro's living in Aussie (apparently it's we're the new economic refugee's lol), so maybe it is being from a progressive culture?? And true, my husbands father did all the housework, he did not like his wife to do ANYTHING apart from cook, so I think it's from that my husband has learnt that it didn't hurt his father, can't hurt him.

Alexia - posted on 07/21/2009

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I don't like housework much but I like a clean house and so I'm the one who generally cleans up and does the cooking. I have a family of boys and they're always hungry! I work part time and so whatever work I do around the house I do as a gift to my family. It's a tangible thing that shows them how much I love them - the same as cooking. Most meals are prepared because I want to nurture them and they enjoy it so much. That doesn't mean though that I don't believe in sharing. My husband has to look after deciding what we do for dinner one night a week and because we have boys, it's his job to clean the bathroom and toilet. No hard and fast rules though - we help each other out when needed.

Cara - posted on 07/21/2009

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I absolutely hate housework and am not very good at it. My husband used to e a stay at home dad and I must say the house was much cleaner in those days. My husband works a third shift job and had a really hard time sleeping during the day. I work very part time, but am going to school full time. He is so supportive and helps out so much. Sometimes I feel bad that he works so hard and still does some of the house work, but then I have to remember that right now , school is my job and it is extremely demanding. I would not e able to do as well as I do in school if not for him. What a man!!!

Amy - posted on 07/21/2009

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My husband does most of the housework, but he's also a SAHD. When I get home from work, that's usiually family time. On the weekends I'll help out some. I think the only thing he doesn't do almost all of the time is the laundry. I feel guilty about not doing more around the house, but I leave at 6am and don't get home till 5 and my son gets upset if I don't spend time with him.

I figured it really depends, our family would rather spend time together when I'm home, so instead of cleaning up we do things as a family. Since my husband is home all day he does what he can. Our son is super active so there are days when my husband doesn't have time to do any housework because he's chasing after our son all day.

If our son was more relaxed and would allow us to do work around the house while he is awake then I would do more around the house. I think the only thing we can do when our son is awake is vacuum and that's because we have a Roomba and our son likes to play tag with it.

I guess what I'm saying is that my husband does a lot of the work, but since we are both exhausted after working hard (Me at work, and my husband chasing after our son) we both try to chip in as much as we can. Dishes is the only thing we both hate doing, but we both (mostly my husband) do what we need to keep the house in order.

Being a SAH Parent is hard, it's a lot of work especially if you have active (or multiple) kids. I think it's great that your husband does a lot of work with out being asked, society is changing so the expectations of the "Mom/Wife" / "Dad/Husband" roles have evolved Many dads/husbands don't feel that the women are the one's who do all the work, it's more about finding what works best for the family.

Anna - posted on 07/20/2009

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My husband is much better at just getting on and doing housework than me. He gets up before I do, gets the kids' breakfasts, does some dishes, gets the laundry on, all before work. He puts the rubbish out on rubbish day, clears up the toys when he gets home, etc etc. I work half time so I do most of the cooking and of course childcare in the afternoons. In the weekends we do the big cleaning together... or more often not at all. :-P When I was at home I felt I should be doing more but I just HATE housework and hate being at home full time as I get bored out of my mind. Kids are nice (sometimes - and sometimes fiends from hell) but honestly, not all that intellectually stimulating as conversationalists...

For us, equal shares is just a given. I sometimes wonder if this has to do with living in NZ - you know, first country in the world to give women a vote, had a woman prime minister for the last 9 years, etc. We are not a society that values "traditional roles" very much at all. And especially not my family - my dad stayed home with us while my mum went to work. So for me that's the norm.

Lynn - posted on 07/20/2009

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I guess i feel its different in every persons eyes. I have basically been a stay at home wife/mom for 3 years now. But I do the housework for the most part. I dont like doing it, but I do it because I think for all the work my husband does at his job, the last I could do is let him come home to a clean house. I see no reason for me not to do it, since I am at home all day. Sometimes I will slack up a little and not do dishes or laundry, and so if he comes home when I am taking a nap, he surprises me by cleaning the house while I am asleep. But its nothing I expect of him and its nothing I would ask him to do. He is the one that works, not me, so a clean house is the least I can do.

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