How do you keep the SPARK in your marriage?

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Lindsay - posted on 02/23/2009

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Hey Megan-

I know that being a mom is incredibly busy and exhausting, but if you can get a chance, you should ready "The five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. This book absolutely changed my life and the way I look at love... my husband read the men's version and it has done great things for our marriage. Check it out! I promise you won't regret it!!

Amber - posted on 01/02/2010

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After ten years of marriage, I have found that random small things are what keeps things sexy. Occasionally, when our daughter is in the other room, I'll grab my husband, give him a deep kiss, press myself against him, and walk away with him breathless. I like these naught little escapes because it reminds me that we are not just "mommy" and "daddy", but that we started off as lovers.

Also, I think a great way to keep the spark is to spend time together not having sex. I have to admit I never love my husband more than after we've spent an afternoon doing something together and just talking.

Tamara - posted on 01/01/2010

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we are married 10 years on jan 3rd 2010.
time for the 2 of us, like when the kids are in bed is most important. communication is also very important. i like it even just watching him play x-box or so, just being close, smell him or lay on his arm is wonderful. and of course lingerie and a great time in the bedroom is part of all this.

[deleted account]

My husband calls me from work and asks me out for a date. I set out his shaving notions and place the towel & wash cloth over the shower door and the bath mat on the floor. I fix his breakfast the night before if he leaves for work before I get up. He cleans the house for me, rubs moisturizer on my back and tucks me in bed at night after I have taken my medications. I call him Honey and most of the time he calls me Angel or Honey.We have a washstand filled with notes to one another over the years.We pray together, and we decide our budget together. We are going on to our 23rd. Wedding Anniversary!!!

Thea - posted on 07/10/2009

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I think every case is different. When we married we didn't have children for 2 years. Then once they started coming, it didn't stop until the 3rd year and the 3rd child was born! Our marriage lost sparks, on and off, while the kids were infants, toddlers and middle schoolers. For me, I was so engrossed in raising the children and giving them a stable environment that I wasn't finding time for my husband and giving him the attention he needed. When he would come home, I was worn out from my day. That is when he wanted my attention. To be honest, I didn't have it to give most of the time. We talk a lot, or at least I talk a lot, and try to communicate feelings. It's almost like they never change, we do all the changing, they just want the woman they married and was attracted to. But babies stretch us out and we lose our self esteem and even lose who we are in all the diapers and toys. So I must say that for the spark in our marriage to come back, I had to come back. Now that I am, just being me and him being himself keeps the spark. If we find we are working a lot, you just know by the action of the other if things are getting off track, you need to regroup and do something he likes or be spontantious. We recently did something different. The ladies invited me to go out. I got dressed up and he was like, where are you going. I told him and he was like, ok. I am at the local pub and in walks my husband all dressed up. He saw me and acted like he didn't know me, so I knew the game! That was the best night out. We flirted like we just met. It's been two weeks and we are still reeling from the night.

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Christi - posted on 01/20/2010

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When we dated I allways left cards on his door
I still leave cards are notes in his truck telling him I love him how wonderful he is

Trisha - posted on 01/18/2010

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I'm not quite sure how we keep the spark in our marriage. I just know that everytime I see him look at me, it feels like the first time. I can't get enough of my husband and I'm very lucky to have one that feels the same way about me. The biggest thing I think is that we don't let life take us away. When we are both home; even with kids ranging in ages from 3-13 we both have the understanding that it's all about us. Our kids always ask us why we act the way we do and I just find that funny because being with him it makes me feel sorry for the people that will never have the connection like we do.

Marla - posted on 01/03/2010

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After 7+ years of dating and 22+ years of marriage, there's a lot to be said for plain old "making out"!! If the kids are out it could lead to more interesting endeavors. If the kids are around (or they just barge in the front door with a pack of friends) it leaves a titillating promise of "more to come".....whenever all those kids get out of here!!!
Next year all of our kids will be in college, so we will certainly need to adjust! I do agree with Amber - simply spending time together, no sex at all, is the best! I love when we are both reading a book, then he reaches over and simply holds my hand....

Valerie - posted on 01/01/2010

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I'll be married 6 years in march....and we're going strong! I gotta say, the bedroom and date nights have a lot to do with it. It was important for me to understand that sex was his way of feeling close to me like long conversations made me feel close to him. So I made sure I wasn't holding out on him in this area so he always feels close and loved. In return, he loves to listen and talk to me, do acts of service for me. Our favorite: we have a board game called: A Hot Affair with your Partner. You need a whole evening for it, some chocolates, music, and drinks. :) It's like a date night in the bedroom with fun little dares that help us keep a little spark in the bedroom.
Also, we go out on a date even if we can't find a sitter...we get out of the house and go out to eat. Our kids are only 2 years and the other is 3 months. But our toddler loves it, and it gets me out of the house. I love the idea of your hubby calling from work and making a date...I'll have to suggest that to my guy! :)

Leanne - posted on 01/01/2010

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My husband is great because he is tirelessly patient in helping me get through menopause. He does everything for me from coffee in bed of a morning to taking me on great trips. Maybe it helps that he is a Clinical Psychologist. All I know is that he tries his best to be aware of what I am going through. When I wasn't feeling so great the other day he offered to take time of work to be with me. I think I am very very lucky lady. love ya Pete.

Chris - posted on 12/30/2009

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Been married 4 16 years and he is still my best friend--we pack each others lunches slip notes inside--just send a becuz text saying I LUV U--we also have date nite (wether it b dinner-movie etc:) reassurance with compliments and lots of communication--just talking about each others day--sometimes even do 1 of his chores 4 him (yes I have cleaned the garage lol

[deleted account]

We keep the spark alive in our marriage by talking to each other and taking advantage of any time we can spend alone. We send the kids to grandma and grandpa's on Friday and they spent the night and sometimes Saturday. We can get out of house without kids and enjoy each other's company. It also keeps our marriage strong.

Lynn - posted on 11/16/2009

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I am so excited to say in this next month coming up my husband are keeping the spark in our marriage by Heading on a 11 day, 10 night vacation to vegas without our son. We have a wonderful family from our church that will move into our home while we are away so our son doesnt have to leave his own home, and we will be in Nevada having fun and enjoying spending time with each other. And believe it or not, we dont gamble. And drink very little and only on rare occasions.

Crystal - posted on 07/10/2009

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Wow Thea! That post just rocked! It's like I just connected with you on several levels! That was really great advice. I can relate. Thanks again.

Vickie - posted on 06/11/2009

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No matter how long you've been married, it is very important to make time for just the 2 of you. We've been married 4 years & we're still on our honeymoon. There are days when my husband is on his way to another location (he manages 5 facilities) & whenever possible, he stops by our house to take me to lunch, while our son's in school. Every week night, unless there is something important to do or take care of, at 8 p.m., we drop everything & watch tv together &cuddle & talk.



We schedule a date for just the 2 of us whenever possible. Our family is important to us but our time alone together is something that doesn't take a backseat to everyone & everything else.

Ofelia - posted on 06/03/2009

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Being a stay-at-home parent and devoting our life to our children doesn't mean our marriage should take a back seat.
Scheduling regular date nights with our spouse will give our marriage a regular recharge, we need a night off, and provide such much needed adult conversation.
Ofelia

Heidi - posted on 06/02/2009

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For us we are still on our Honeumoon. We have been married now for just over 8 years. I lov emy husband more and more with each passing day. Its nice to wake up to someone that you love as much as I love my husband. At least twice a month we go out on a date night. Sometimes its jus the 2 of us and other times we go out with friends. Quite often I will write him a poem and love letter and put it in his lunch. Through the day when he is at work he will call on his lunch break, and sometimes he will text me with some sweet comments. He is the love of my life and I feel absolutley blessed to have him.

Crystal - posted on 05/07/2009

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If I look at everyone's replies, then it really is about the little things that count. My hubby and I send each other text messages during the day. We make it a point not to watch our favourite series' without each other - this is simply not on! LOL And we take turns to give each other rest on a weekend as our daughter is up early on the weekend. So maybe this Sat morn you sleep late and next Sun morn I sleep late. Love is when Aurillia is sleeping, he washes the dishes so I can read a good book. Or asking Gran to baby sit so we can sneak away to the movies and buy pop corn and juice while snuggling up. Or talk till 2 in the morning while eating mussels on crackers!

Shina - posted on 05/06/2009

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My husband and I have been together almost three years and have only been married for alittle over 2 months now. We together have 5 children, 2 mine 3 his, but all OURS. Him and I are best friends and soulmates. I am always thinking and doing stuff for him. I leave for work in the mornings b4 he gets up and either leave him an email or little post its around the house telling him I love him. Always leaving comments and sometimes write poems to show my love. He works till 8 at night so when he comes in he has a bath ready to relax and supper for when he is through. We have date night on Saturday night. Point is not matter how silly you think something is do it to show ur affection. Let him know that the love is still there, he in return will let u know too.

Angie - posted on 05/02/2009

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We will be married 20 years in August. We pray together every morning before we get out of bed. We take 5 minutes every day when he gets home from work to get caught up on the day. We send 20 uninterrupted minutes every day exploring our feelings. We always hold hands when we walk and when we drive. We have amazing respect and love for each other. It's not just about what happens in the bedroom it's about how we live our entire lives......

Maria - posted on 05/02/2009

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My husband and I have known each other 21years and married for 19, and it still feels like new every time! Our motto in our home is, next to honesty, laughter is the best policy! We always find something new with each other. However busy our individual lives are, we make sure we make time together, whether it's date nights twice a month, impromptu dancing at home, flirting with each other like we didn't know each other, it didn't matter whether our kids are at home (our kids are teenagers, by the way) and just touching and making each other know that we're not ignoring them even if the kids are there and we're talking with the kids. We like to surprise each other. I cut roses from my backyard and give it to him at the end of the day, and he'd never expect that! Little things that he'd never expect and keep him guessing and interested. Of course, he should be a willing participant. It wouldn't be fair to you if the effort is just one-sided.

Missy - posted on 03/26/2009

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I can't recommend the book The Love Dare any less......every married woman/couple needs it..... love is so much more than in the bedroom... Of course we joy our alone time, but we have learned to love one another unconditionally.... love takes patience, kindness, selflessness, and it is a covenant, not a commitment. An agreement that you want to love one another. It is really the little things that count in your relationship!

Yuliya - posted on 03/09/2009

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one way my husband and I keep our spark alive in our busy schedules is taking the time to just cuddle up together in bed. sometimes we talk, sometimes just take a nap. But just being close together is something i look forward to everyday.

Stacy - posted on 03/08/2009

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We've been married for 15 yrs this June. I think I am more in love with my man now, than I was when I married him, because I know him so much better now. We have been through times of bad communication, or just moving in different circles, though always together. For us the spark stays by communicating, doing little things for each other. You need to know each other's love language, and put the other first. By doing this you will recieve big time!

[deleted account]

Quoting Lindsay:

Hey Megan-
I know that being a mom is incredibly busy and exhausting, but if you can get a chance, you should ready "The five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. This book absolutely changed my life and the way I look at love... my husband read the men's version and it has done great things for our marriage. Check it out! I promise you won't regret it!!



I'll 2nd this... My husband and I both read this during our first year of marriage, and it definitely made an impact on both of us in a way that no other book has.  It just really made us realize a lot about one another, that perhaps we didn't know before, and also couldn't really communicate before.  There were several parts that described so perfectly how I felt about something, yet could never quite put it into words for my husband to understand, and vice versa.  Excellent read!  It's not long either, and like Lindsay said, it's well worth it! :)

Lisa - posted on 03/05/2009

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We have been married for almost 11 years and we have our ups and downs just like anybody but our thing is to get rid of the kids once in a while and just hang out like grown ups and not have kids constantly interupting the conversation....we also talk alot just while lying in bed...just by keeping close and communicating talking about our fears, dreams, and just stuff going on around us....

Donielle - posted on 03/05/2009

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My hubby and I have been married for almost 4 years and we still laugh and enjoy each other's company. We are both big kids so we wrestle, talk about everything under the sun, laugh at each other's corny jokes, sneak kisses and hold each other all the time. He is my best friend and as long as I remember that, he always will be.

Judy - posted on 02/24/2009

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We've been at this for a mere 35 years...Ups and downs, thick and thin, we count on each other to be there. Yes, we fuss at each other, being older is a definite challenge(we wil be 56 this year), my DH also works from home which can dump on a marriage pretty quick. I always say that's why God invented doors!



When our kids came along my MIL sat us down and told us"leave the kids here--GO ON A DATE!" We did and have. Even if we just go to Big Lots or Costco, getting cleaned up and going out among people is good for you. See a movie, amke sure you know about the things each other likes. The hardest thing tsito get a conversation going after being with a newbie and A thrre y/o  old all day! Barnie and Handy Manny can onlyprovide so many topics! Put newsie, techie mags in the BR and keep that door closed. Nothing kills a mood faster than being witness to anyone elses' BR schedule& secrets! Sorry, too many years in a one BR house;)!



Bottom line, have fun with each other, LISTEN to each other, adn believe me, the house work will be there later or tomorrow. Kids and Hubbys need the time NOW! Love to you all...

Diana - posted on 02/23/2009

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Long kisses, lots of laughs, lingerie & I always make sure he knows just how much I love him.

Gayla - posted on 02/23/2009

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My husband and I try to have a date night every week and we have been married going on 6 years!  We have 4 kids and the teenagers look after our little one's.  We pay them as if we had to hire a sitter to come! 

Leron - posted on 02/22/2009

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We've been married going on 4 years. We pass little notes to each other. Try to put them in new places so we have something to look forward to. He's a vet and has wacky hours. It really helps...the we know the other one has spent their day or night thinking about the other one...then when that rare moment comes along 'for us' it's easy to get in the mood and take advantage of it. We have one son 16 months old and one on the way...we say "Life's great after 8!" We play cards and try to take turns doing sweet things for each other-like say a back rub or what not. We pack each others lunches once in a while and add little notes or notions. My husband made me heart shaped jello jigglers!

Laura - posted on 02/21/2009

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Well, after 11.5 years of marriage, we keep the spark going in a number of ways.  Being adventurous (within your own comfort zone) is always fun.  Communication is the most important factor.  He needs to know what you like, how you feel, and what feels good/or not good, and visa versa.  We are big on the commuication factor.

Lynn - posted on 02/21/2009

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My husband and I are still on our honeymoon. We have been married 3 years now. To keep the spark in our marriage we try and have a great life in the bedroom. (Or hot tub, or other places. LOL) And we always do little things for each other through out the week like leave love notes places. Or i often cook food i know he loves. Or when he is coming home from work late, i lay out his pajamas and towel and everything for him to change into when he gets home, and then I have the dining room all set up like a date with dim lights and candles so its relaxing for him and gets him feeling cozy. These are just a few of the things we do....

Shelly - posted on 02/21/2009

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Megan,



  Can't give you any advice on this one because my husband is on the road so much that we have a honeymoon when ever he's home everyone in our family(even the kids) knows that is our  time.  The fisrst 24hrs you don't call, you don't come by this is our time.  Our kids are old enough that they usually go stay with friends they tell us "we know whats going to happen and we're leaving!!! ( Thier choose not ours) We usually go to dinner or just stay home and get caught up on what has happened while we were apart.  So I guess how we keep the spark/fire burning is we talk alot about every thing from a pimple on the end of my nose to crap that the boys have pulled....Just keep talking

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