I need some advice.on my marriage?

Karen - posted on 09/02/2012

Everyone's given great advice. I'd like to share with you that when my kids were 4 and 1 yr of age, my husband and I were on the verge of divorce. A couple friends of ours who were married over 60 years reminded us of that part in our vows "for better or worse". Sounds like you're in the worst part right now. Indeed a crisis! Dawn, if your relationship, almost a decade ago, started out good, if it was wonderful between you once upon a time, you can find that again. Of course, right now, there's a lot that needs to be done. First of all, take care of you! Your son needs you to be well emotionally and physically. Your husband needs to wake up. Seek different ways to penetrate his heart. He needs to know that you and his boy need him. He needs to fight for his life and do whatever it takes to lose weight. Pour out your heart without criticizing him. Remind him of the good times, of the vision you had for your future, of all his abilities and what he has to offer to his son, of your vows. It's not too late to take steps toward mending your marriage. This is a very challenging situation, but you can get to the other side. Write it to him or sit facing him holding his hands. Find a way to affect him. And do whatever it takes to relieve your stress: walking, yoga, journaling, talking with someone. Go out and have fun with friends. We got counseling. I don't know if that is an option. If not, there are books and CDs that can help. Would he consider Over eaters anonymous? I recommend to everyone to listen to Jim Rohn's 4-disc cd set: The Challenge to Succeed. It really changed my husband and I. Be strong, have faith, practice extreme self care, and ask for help from friends, family, and doctors. God bless... Oh, our crisis happened 6 years into our marriage. It took a period of 4 years to be really solid and now we are very much in love 18 years married with 2 more children. And I had felt out of love and hopeless back then. It's the seasons of life......

Lynn - posted on 08/31/2012

something i think helps a lot is dates. Go on a date together. If you have no extra money, plan an evening walk to the park, and bring a picnic basket. do some alone one on one time.

Julie - posted on 08/24/2012

Hi Dawn,

I am sorry to hear about the struggles you are facing with your marriage and family. It is obvious that you are in a stressful and unhappy environment.

Your husband is morbidly obese. This means he will die from being fat, if he does not change his lifestyle and lose the weight. As a physical therapist I can tell you that his back pain and all his other problems can be close to alleviated if he does this.

I believe there are 3 deal breakers in a marriage. 1. Adultery 2. Abuse 3. Addiction

Problem is your husband is a food addict. He is questioning his feelings for you because he has no feelings at all. Food is numbing, debilitating, and depressing. You are resenting his selfish behavior and taking it out on your son.

You need to see through his complaints and excuses. Tell him, "I can not stand by and watch you kill yourself. You need to get up, get moving or get out."





Start with having him walk 10 mins a day. After 10 days: Two 10 min walks daily.

After 30 days: 3 10 min walks daily. After 45 days: 20 minute walks once a day.

@ 60 days he should be walking 30 mins daily. Even if he complains of pain while walking or has to use a cane to manage. Swimming is great for obese and pain pain people as well.



Give him a time line, with a consequence if not complete (like separation) and reward if he shows changes (date night). I think 2 months is a good start. It's time to implement the exercise, and of course his eating habits have got to change. He will encouragement, so have your son walk with him. He should also bring in some sort of income. Set a goal for that as well.

Meanwhile, really evaluate what YOU want for yourself, and make it happen Be sure you follow though in 2 months, and move out if he has not worked towards the personal and marriage goals you set.

Stay strong! You sound really sweet, but you also sound co dependent. That is not healthy for ANYONE.

Chaya - posted on 08/22/2012

Perhaps it shouldn't last, but if you both wish to save it, you should try.
I've had my back broken four times, it blows me away that I can walk most of the time, but I can. I can do anything most other people can do, except drive, and do the russian dance. I can't drive because I'm hemiplegic.
If your husband isn't willing to loose weight, he probably doesn't want to stay married, his back would improve with weight loss. I know it's not easy to loose weight, but try one pound at a time.
I can't tell you what is best for you, but perhaps you should take a weekend to yourself, it's not cure, but it would relieve some of the stress.