I resent my sister because she doesnt like my hubby

Monica - posted on 09/17/2009

My question is: Why does she HAVE to like your husband? She didn't make the decision to marry him; you did. I don't care who likes my husband or not. I married him because I liked him and I loved him. No two people are alike so you can't expect someone to agree with who you choose to spend your life with. Cut your sister a little bit of slack. I always tell my husband that my family is for life no matter what regardless of his opinion.



Sometimes we can't see what others see in our relationship because love tends to blind our judgement.



She will be your sister forever and there is nothing you can change about that.

Julie - posted on 09/17/2009

My advice is: invite her to lunch in a public forum and discuss this issue with her in a mild tone. Do not berate her or become combative. Be firm, concise and make sure she understands although she has a right to her opinion, it does not matter to either of you or your husband.

It has been 8 years and she is still going on about it. It sounds to me she is a bit jealous actually. If she does this at family gatherings,etc. the person having the party/gathering should ask her to stop this behavior or leave.

You have done nothing wrong Venessa, she needs to grow up. This is NOT your problem, it is hers and the sooner you realize this, the better you will feel. You have tried the sister approach and it hasn't worked. There is a root to her doing this, and it's probably because you have the better husband. You can do nothing to change this. Do not resent her because she probably already resents you as you have such a great husband! It may not happen now, but perhaps sometime in the future she may come around and see losing a sister is not worth any man. Give her some time, even if this means giving her some distance.

Venessa - posted on 09/16/2009

I have tried to improve the relationship between us. I started about 3 years ago and just kinda gave up at the beginning of this summer. I felt that I was putting too much effort in for no reason. I would fone her once a week for a chat and make sure I would visit once a month and bring the kids. I went a few nites when I knew he was in the pub and pretended that I had just popped in and stayed with her so she wouldnt be on her own. I honestly did try but in all that time I always just got polite conversation or talking about what was going on with our siblings. I realised she didnt want to be my friend and thats ok cos I have really good friends and so does she but I felt that because she was my sister that we were meant to be closer but I suppose thats not always the case. Emotionally, I have put all I can into it. Its sad but true. I have just realised that I dont actually resent her, I love her but I dont like her. Thats not good.

Tanya - posted on 09/16/2009

Sounds like your not looking to change or improve the relaionship between you too... You stated you don't feel like your missing a relationship with her because you never really had one.. Well have you ever tried to look at it from her point of view?? You said her husband is not yet an alcoholic but people sence there is a problem well maybe she does want to change your guys relationship as sisters she may want a sister to go to to talk to expecially if you suspect there is a problem everyone needs someone to go to who isn't going to judge them (that's why most of us bring our problems on here right? It feels good to get advice from people who we don't see everyday and aren't going to go gossip all our bussiness around to everyone.) She may just want a sister... Relationships between siblings change over time... I am sometimes closer with my sister and sometime I'm closer to my brother it depends on what is going on at that time, right now my brother isn't do very well so i'm more close to him now trying to help him out, now my sister just got a new job as a head chef and she just got a new apartment so all she needs from me right now is "hey nice apartment here's a new plant".... Maybe your sister would like a relationship with you and the way to get your attention is to "pick on" your husband becasue you deeply care for him she knows it'll get your attention...

Venessa - posted on 09/16/2009

Hi Tanya, we were never close. I dont feel like I'm missing a relationship with her because of my husband, I have never really had one with her. We never fought or anything but we were just never that close. I am close to my brothers who are the same age as me and I spend alot of time with them, one in particular. His kids and my kids are best friends and his wife and I are very close and he is very close to my hubby. I am very close to my mum and we do things together at least once a week, jst me and her or with one of the others, we go shopping, have dinner or go to the cinema. I agree totally that although hubby and kids are #1, friends and family are a very close second. Another worry I have is that although her hubby is not an alcoholic, I believe he's not an alcoholic yet. Everyone has tried to talk to them both about it (including his family) they both deny there's a problem so as we all know we have to wait until they acknowledge that there could be a problem before they will except help.

Tanya - posted on 09/16/2009

Sometimes when someone is unhappy with them self or something in their lives they tend to find someone to "pick on"... You said your sisters husband is the complete opposite of yours you seem to point out that your husband is pretty quite, shy and not a drinker so I take it her husband is kind of loud, personable and is a drinker (not a drunk or acoholic but he drinks right?) Well maybe she has a little bitterness toward your husband and your relationship becasue she is unhappy with something in her life (and it can be anything from her job to her husband and everything in between) It may have nothing to do with her life either she could just have felt pushed away when you and your husband began to get close.... Were you close with your sister before your relationship started with your husband??And if so do you still plan things with her with no husbands?? I have a younger sister and I still plan for her to come with me and my kids to the zoo or other places she is in her own relationship but likes the "time" away just with us..... It is important that your husband and kids are now # 1 in your life and that is a good thing but you also have to be a person without your husband it's important sometimes for other relationships in your life.. For example my husband and I concider eachother # 1 in our lives us and our kids are our family... We do almost everything together because we enjoy our time together but every now and then I will take the kids and go with my mom or sister or everyone (mom, dad, sis, and brother) out to eat or shopping ect... I think that is important too... Good Luck maybe you should plan a day out with your sister and talk to her about what you are feeling and why she feels the way she does, there maybe crying bring tissues ; )

Venessa - posted on 09/15/2009

we dont fight all the time... I meant we have the normal problems every couple have.........

Sara - posted on 09/15/2009

2 things could bee

#1-she doesn't like seeing you fighting all the time,because she cares about u and she wants someone better for u or #2 - she is "Jelous" because no mather the ups and downs, u guys still strong. Your husband should have a talk to her and put a stop to this nonsense. Good luck!

Maria - posted on 09/14/2009

It sounds like your sister wishes she had what you have, Venessa. Don't hate your sister for her pettiness, rather feel a little empathy for her, and count your blessings. I can relate to you in some ways, and although I love my sister, she can be sarcastic because she can't have what I have, and she knows that. Just hang onto what you have, and since it's been 13 years and going strong, you've already proven that you and your husband are not going separate ways, so she'll just have to accept that. Besides, look at the big picture, you're married to your husband, and that's what matters.

Venessa - posted on 09/14/2009

Thanks girls, I did think that she was jealous but then thought that I was been petty thinking that. Her mariage is not perfect ( but then neither is mine) but I believe I married my best friend and I know she didnt. I may just ignore her. I know I'm adored and she's not so maybe she just cant deal with that.

Krystal - posted on 09/13/2009

i think that maybe she is just unhappy with her life and seeing you happy reminds her of how unhappy she is...i guess it all falls down to her being jealous of you marriage...trust me, i know what you are going through i have a sister who hates my hubby to the core...for what reasons i do not know...but she seems to blame him for everything that goes wrong in her life...js dont pay any attention to her...its not worth ur time...as long as you know ur happy and in love...thats whats most impt...

Lynn - posted on 09/13/2009

To me it sounds like she is either super jealous of your great marriage, or maybe she has lead such a hard marriage of her own, that she doesnt believe that a marriage can be so great. Either way, she needs to stay out of yours.

Marlyn - posted on 09/12/2009

That makes me think a bit. First, maybe she's jealous because you have a marriage that she wishes she and her husband did, and that in reality, she is the one who's unhappy in her marriage and puts on a show for others?

Or maybe she's worried that he's stealing you from her?

Or maybe she's just being a b@tch and you should tell her to keep her comments to herself like a good sister and be happy for you since you seem so happy.

I know how you feel though. My sister's husband absolutely hates me, and does a lot to try and keep her away from me, including guilt trip her and use the mistakes I've made against me. It's a wasted effort though. She's my twin and only death can seperate us. Luck to ya sista, and I hope your sister cleans up her act where you're consurned.