married vs not married

Michelle - posted on 05/04/2010

I think for me it's just a security..when your bound by marriage then you're more likely to work things out rather than just bail. The biggest change for us was learning to let each other know about things like finances, places we went, etc. rather than just doing what we wanted when we wanted we had to talk about things first.

Frenika - posted on 05/04/2010

Umm... My husband and I had this same discussion the other day.. We are not really sure what makes marriage different than shacking up (although the first time my husband and I lived together was after marriage).

Its more of an emotional thing. I love being able to say 'my husband' and I love the smile I get on my face when I look at my ring. I love that my husband decided to stand up in front of God and commit to me for the rest of his life..

So to some there may be a small difference but to me being married just makes every day a little bit more special..

Alyssa - posted on 05/03/2010

I was 17 when I got married and if I could go back and change it I would...I am still married to my husband but it is the hardest thing I have ever done...I love him more than anything in this world (except my son) but once we got married our lives changed completely...we bicker more about stupid things now than ever..and sex life is all good until your married and at first its great and then you don't really care to have sex....i was a nympho so to speak before we got married and now i just don't really care...its not new anymore and he doesn't try now that we are married...when your not married they try harder cause if its not good you leave.....and thats not just sex its everything, but once you get married they don't care to try anymore because in their eyes you are already theirs and they dont have to TRY to keep you because you are already theirs.

Corrine - posted on 05/03/2010

Here is how I feel about it, I feel that love is love, no matter if your married. I have been married now for almost 12 years. all of my adult life. We had 3 kids and many differences a few years ago and we separated. We both had other relationships and were in the process of divorce, Then my grandmother died. My husband was there for me while my "boyfriend" made me miserable, I was also 4 months pregnant. My husband and I reconciled things and was able to bring our family back together, He is also the legal father of our youngest son who is almost 2 now. While our relationship has been hard it took me almost loosing him to realize what I would be missing. He has been 100% perfect father to all 4 of our children even tho he is not the biological father of the youngest. We would still have had this bond if we werent married. I honestly believe that the kids and our love for eachother is what has kept us together. NOT the piece of paper that we signed in the courthouse. Don't get me wrong I like to brag about the fact that I am only 30 and have been married for almost 12 years now. but I don't see how it is different than a couple who has lived together for 12 years and has children. the only difference to me is a legal piece of paper. and the different status that you file on your tax papers each year. If you make a commitment to someone it is your own choice, not the choice of the legal system.

Joanna - posted on 05/02/2010

My husband and I did not marry until two years after my daughter was born. He was married once before with no children but swore he would never do it again. Well, I don't know if it was the postpartum depression or what but it really started to bother me. I was afraid that he was just gonna take off and leave me high and dry. I figured a more solid commitment like marriage would help me get over my insecurities. We talked it over and I told him I understood why he didn't want to marry. Here I was beating myself up over nothing b/c he told me the only reason he said he wouldn't get married again is b/c when he met me I always use to say I didn't want to marry anyone. We laughed about the misunderstanding and set a date. Since a lot his family couldn't attend that year we had a small ceremony. The following year we had a huge wedding on our 1 year anniversary with our daughter as flower girl. After two years of marriage I still catch myself calling him my boyfriend instead of husband. Things have not changed at all. We are best friends still and have yet to become that bickering old married couple.

Aenea - posted on 05/02/2010

I think it is a big difference. Not being married its always that I I I I thing. Whats his is his and whats yours is yours. You dont feel binded as one. Its always that imaginery line that is separating the two of you. You may feel like your in a relationship but its nothing but playing house to me. Then its the committment thing, it can go both ways also, well hes not my husband I can hang out later, and vice versa, just an example. Now being married there is no I's always us's and we's. You feel more confident about the relationship and for him choosing you to carry that name forever. I know I felt even more deeper to being his ride or die chic and he is my ride or die man. Its that me and him against the world attitude that he and I have. Like Sonny and Cher said I Got You Babe!!!

Ashley - posted on 05/01/2010

My husband and I lived together before we got married. Acctually, him and I were off and on for about 9 yrs. We have had our problems, and now we are just learning about putting god into our marriage and our family.

Julie - posted on 04/30/2010

i am so glad u said what u did! i agree totally...i have only been married for 4 years now but didn't live with my husband before marriage.. marriage is a lifetime commitment before God and friends/family...Its does make a difference when u have God involved in your marriage..would love to add u in my circle cya julie

Ashley - posted on 04/30/2010

My husband and I have been together for 6 yrs, but we just got married in July 2009. I have two kids and he has a daughter. Neither one of my kids are his, and he has his daughter with his ex. When we got married the only thing that I noticed that changed was that we were not as intimate as we were before. But I think what it was, is that since both of us knew that neither one of us was going to go anywhere. So we don't have to worry about being nice.

Joan - posted on 04/29/2010

well, being married does make you feel more secure about the relationship and if there are problems you will work harder to sort it out whereas I thing just living together it would be much easier to leave and not try at the relationship, and in my opinion you feel more together as a married couple. So I'm for marriage all the way.

Ashley - posted on 04/29/2010

The only difference is being able to introduce your spouse as your husband/wife, without having to explain that you really aren't married, but you might as well be. For me, nothing else really changed. I can say that I am proud to call him my hubby, feels better than just saying he's my boyfriend or fiance.

Viridiana - posted on 04/29/2010

Merried or not,been together is teh best for your child,if doesnt have a family together can think that is ok dont have a family,that is not important as u say if u show to ur child that been in family is good but not for them at the momment or something like that,grow in a family is so much ,is like very very important,kids growing always,thay make a family sometimes or they just broke a family they can not be happy cuz really inside of them have a wounded inner child.

Deb - posted on 04/28/2010

I didn't feel any real difference in our relationship. It seemed more a social change......husband/wife seems more grown-up and responsible. It feels like people respect a marriage more than just a relationship.....My $0.02 anyway.

Sarah - posted on 04/27/2010

when you have children, of course it is different to be married versus unmarried. For one you have the security and comfort of the marriage. It provides stability for the children and if, God forbid, something cause you two to separate, the children are protected under the law more than when unmarried. Feelings shouldn't be the governing factor in a relationship anyway. That's why so many relationships fail. Feelings are faulty. The heart and emotions are very unreliable to base your decisions and actions off of.

Connie - posted on 04/27/2010

i agree with Carolee york and i will add that... when you are married you arent forced to stay with that person but it's a lot harder to just give up when things go wrong but when you arent you can leave and give up if you wanted and not have to go through divorce... idk it just makes me feel better not because of any ring on my finger but that he wanted me to be his life partner it means he cares more about me than anyone else.

Tah - posted on 04/27/2010

i was in a relationship..engagement..whatever for 7 years and after a beautiful daughter it ended. we lived together and i did all the wifely duties, but i wasnt his wife, and it didnt go unnoticed. when i met my husband we both decided that we would not live together if not married and i did hld back what i have until we were married. I am now happily married and i feel closer to him, i feel more secure in this relationship of 5 years(4 of marriage) then i did with the 7 year relationship and i love the feeling, and the perks, insurance, lol..also there is more of a commitment to work through any issues that we have. I love being married and i love the changes it brought with it.



I also always felt like something was missing when i was living with but not married to my ex..and thats because i am a christian and I knew that we weren't living right. I just feel better the whole way around now and i am happy with my decision...

Jessica - posted on 04/26/2010

I don't see a difference. We just wanted to get married in the church because we're religous, but the legal part or the manmade part? It's seems more like a legal document for two "companies" to have legal rights as one.

Lucretia - posted on 04/24/2010

I don't see a big diff. We treat each other the same before an after marriage.

Heather - posted on 04/24/2010

once we got married we both felt a lot better about our relationship. if u live together, sleep together, love each other. i think u should set a great example for the kids in ur life and get married. saying his is the father of ur kids and ur boyfriend doesnt feel as good as having the same name as ur kids and man, and calling him ur husband

Virginia - posted on 04/24/2010

Hi Lynn, I have been with my husband for about 13 years now and we will be married for 8yrs in Aug. I used to say the same thing about being married too, but once we got married it was a total differant world, I love saying he his my husband, and my best friend to people, it's like once you feel you belong together then getting married is the fun part!!

Phyllis - posted on 04/24/2010

speaking for myself, my hubby and I have been married for over 50 years, 52 come June to be exact. We started out all wrong, but when you are meant to be together it really doesn't matter. We had 4 children along the way, worked hard to make things work and here we are 52 years later, still happy and still together. He completes me and I hope I do the same for him. Marriage is never 50 50, you have to give what it takes at that moment, some times it's you giving and some times it's you getting. And at the end of the day Thank the Good Lord for putting this man in your life. I can't even begin to think of my life without him.We married very young and we have grown up and old with each other. And it has been wonderful, what a ride it has been, good and bad, the bad makes you strong.

Jo - posted on 04/24/2010

I have been married 10 years and wouldn't have it any other way. I believe the marriage ceremony is very significant and to make public promises before your family, friends and God (like it was originally designed for) seals your relationship in much more than a legal way. It has nothing to do with the wedding, the dress, the paperwork but everything to do with the public declaration of your love and commitment. Cant think of a better or more secure environment to raise our children in and so far the statisics are in our favour.

Lainie - posted on 04/23/2010

I like being married but I don't see that it matters if others are/arent

Ellen - posted on 04/23/2010

Me and my hubby lived together for almost 4 years before we got married and nothing changed between us. Once you get married wether you realize it or not you expect more trust and faith in each other because you went from being together to Man and Wife.

Michelle - posted on 04/23/2010

i don't see any difference too if your married or not as long as you love each other and as long your husband take the responsibility of being a father,my husband and i were living together for almost 5 yrs. now and nothing has changed sometimes were far apart but still the love and trust is there i love my husband so much..but still i believe in marriage because it makes the two of you lived together till death do you part and your child take the surname of your husband!

Marian - posted on 04/22/2010

I think personally it just about being willing to make that committment to say that u want to spend the rest of your lives together is easy but to take the steps to prove that u mean it sometimes can be harder for people. I didnt notice any changes once we were married, if anything the longer were together I can see how we fall closer but thats all.

Decolua - posted on 04/22/2010

Honestly nothing! I feel exactly the way i did before being married. Now to everyone legally we are considered "one" entity lol. I mean I felt honored and delighted that asked He me to be his wife! and he thought it was wonderful I would tie the knot with him and carry his last name with pride. But being his wife doesn't change anything else. It's just a title. I do have to mention that my mom had me out of wedlock. My mom and dad are very good friends and love each other very much. Not really having both parents in my life hasn't affected me one bit. I was so loved by everyone that even though it didn't work between my parents I never felt unloved or different from kids who had both parents. I am actually glad my dad wasn't in my life now or when I was a kid lol. We are too stubborn and set I our ways! We have to take each other in doses lol. Just a couple months and I am ready for him to go. I love my dad so much and my mom has always been my inspiration. If you have the kind of love my family has whether you marry or not your kids will be happy and beautiful.

Althea - posted on 04/22/2010

As for me, I am from the old school. I believe in marriage with children. I was married the first time which was horrible. I divorced, wasn't looking, and my now husband of almost 16 years came into my life. We had the same problems in relationships and didn't want that in ours. Make sure you find a man that will look you in the eyes when he talks to you and you can feel/see the honesty in his eyes. Communication, honesty, and no cheating are the most important thing in a marriage. Our marriage has had many rough spots but we have made it through all of them with communication. My husband believes it is both partners responsibility to help raise your children, share in the work load of the daily household chores, communication where finances are concerned. There is no 'I'm the man, you do as I say' in our relationship. He would never in a million years think of raising a hand to our children or me. He is an extremely hard working man and extremely dedicated to his family. Marriage has only increased our love for each other. Our secret? We sit on the couch together and hold hands every day. When we go to bed we lay there holding hands and talking. Then snuggle and kiss goodnight even if it was a bad day between us. How many people do you know that do that.

Gemma - posted on 04/22/2010

I got married at 24 (my husband was 25) we had dated for 5 years and lived together for over 3 years before we got married. Although day to day life didn't change dramatically after we were married our personal connecting and relationship did, with out any councious effort. My husband noticed a big change in how I opened up and responded to him. He said I was a lot more open, honest and affectionate, which came as a real suprise to me; as I didn't know I was any different. The commitment of marriage from my husband was very important in making me feel I could be truly myself with him, and trust him fully. I suppose marriage means different things to different people.
We have always had to work hard at our relationship, and will continue to; but it has all been worth it. Since our wedding life as been so much fun and everyday we feel grateful that we decided to be decisive and make the commitment. We celebrate our 2yr anniversary next week and expect or first baby to arrive in august.
Two big thumbs up for what marriage can do for your relationship!!!

Van - posted on 04/22/2010

being married in church is the most ideal

Valarie - posted on 04/21/2010

Well, we too were together for many years before we made it legal! In the eyes of the Lord, it is the right way to live especially since we are and always have been committed to each other!

Rebekah - posted on 04/21/2010

Glad that no one is arguing on this page, that's awesome. I'm proud to be in this group!

Shannon - posted on 04/21/2010

I htik Married is best, Especially if you're goin to have kids. We didn't want our kids to think we got married after the fact because we'd gotten pregnant with them so we decided to marry beforehand. However, if we did't want kids, we wouldn't have gotten married. Marriage in my opinion ishow committment.

Kathy - posted on 04/21/2010

Unmarried just like being married, but they are not married.

GirlFriend and BoyFriend vs. Wife and Husband

Shelly - posted on 04/21/2010

Ok here we go I will probebly get yelled at for this but for all of you that says there is no differance don't understand what a commitment is..If there nis no differances then why not just gett married, it's way to easy for you to walk away from a relationship rather than sticking around to work on a marriage...The biggest arguement is it's just a piece of paper and my arguement is it's just a piece of paper why are you so afraid of it?

Karen - posted on 04/21/2010

For me, our relationship blossomed even more! There is a difference! Once you stand in front of all your family and friends and say your vowels.The whole world blanks out! You hear no one and it seems as no one but the two of you are there and a spirit comes over you that the only the two of you can feel! Once you become as one it's just different we appreciate and think of the other person in a more deeper level.It's hard to explain and I didn't even feel this way from my first marriage nor he . It has a lot to do with weather or not you truly find your soul mate.

Kacee - posted on 04/21/2010

I didn't find a difference, except the way people looked at us. I know I received ridicule for being unmarried and pregnant but now we're just like a normal family I guess. We still tease each other and fight with each other and make up and cook great meals and every thing we always did. Although, it is nice to introduce him as my husband. That makes me smile.

Marliss - posted on 04/21/2010

Marriage, easy to say "I do" hard as heck to get out of it if you "don't" I love my wonderful husband and love the fact we are married. To join together, under God.......

Vanessa - posted on 04/20/2010

My husband and I lived together for 5 1/2 years before we got married, we have been happily married for 7 years now. The way we conducted our everyday lives didn't change much after we were married. Before marriage we had an agreement to stay faithful & love each other no matter what but I do feel however that the bond between us became stronger after we stood up infront of all our friends & family and confessed our love and commitment to each other. I feel that since we openly stated & legally bound ourselves together niether of us takes our vows lightly we make sure that we honour them always. This is not saying we didn't try in our relationship before hand, of course we did or we wouldn't be together today, we just became more determined to make it work. Also I felt great pride in taking his name. We have a 2 year old son that never would have made it into the world either had we not been married because I felt if we couldn't make a solid commitment to each other via marriage then children should be left out of the equation because they are by far a bigger commitment then marriage is. What I am trying to say is while physically everything stayed the same, emotionally it all changed and made our relationship even better!

April - posted on 04/20/2010

Me and my husband had our son before we got married, after we got married a lot has changed he expects more from me as a wife and mother and has pushed the issue of me not working, there is a different level of commitment we spend more time together. We have a friend that are living together with 2 children not married, I see more respect from my husband then I did when we were married. We dont get judge when we go out or from family. She is being forced to sue him for child support although they live together. so I enjoy being married and all the benefits!

Danielle - posted on 04/20/2010

That was a beautiful story that u shared about u & ur husband. Congrats on ur new comer also. If u keep the same feelings that u have for ur husband later that u have for him now, u'll be just fine.Of course every relationship has it's up & downs, but it's what u make of it. "Roy" needs to c what can be done to legally divorce his wife, cuz as long as they are married to one another, his current woman will run into problems in the future. I guess every relationship is different, but I wouldn't be comfortable being with a man for over 11 yrs that's still legally married. His current woman is really getting the end of the stick, bcuz his wife can still collect payments, money, insurance, etc... the list can go on. The main thing is that u & ur husband are happy & hopefully never have to be in that situation! I can relate to u about how much u luv ur husband. Some ppl can't understand how to keep their relationship strong..it's work, but if it's worth it, u have to put ur all into it to make it work. I am soooo very much in love with my hubby after all these yrs we've been together. he's been my soulmate since i was 16 going on 17 & we have 4 beautiful children. I wouldn't trade him for the world ( even though sometimes i feel like pulling out my hair!!) lol... May GOD continue to Bless ur marriage & give u both the strength to last a lifetime!

Judi - posted on 04/20/2010

I'd like to add that people treat us differently now that we're married too. They don't necessarily realize they treat us differently, but they do. Especially those with a faith-based background. (Christian, Muslim, Jewish - all faiths that believe in sacred unity) But also those who aren't religious.

Melissa - posted on 04/20/2010

Well, I'm kind of old fashioned in the way I wanted my life to be. I never lived with a man until I was engaged. I knew that we were going to have kids one day and I wanted to be married before that happened because I wanted to set a good example for my kids. I got married at 31 and my husband was my first and only love partner. Like I said, I'm a bit old fashioned.

Judi - posted on 04/20/2010

I haven't read other people's posts. I just want to share my own experience. I was just married over a month ago. I'm 34. My husband is 36. Neither of us have ever been married before & we're expecting our 1st child next month.

We started talking about marriage March last year, but both of us had reservations. We've seen too many failed marriages & neither of us want that - ever! We got pregnant @ the end of August. That pushed us to get married sooner, but we were already very much committed to one another. Having a baby together ties us together, whether we intend to spend life together or not. Neither of us want our baby having step parents, visitation, etc. We agreed that we want to raise her together. It helps that we're still madly in love with one another. We both agreed that we want to keep that flame alive for years to come & not just stay married, but to stay happy.

Before, we did live together. Now, it's official. There is a stronger feeling of security. We'll never lose each other. The trust was there before, but is stronger now. Even as pregnant as I am, I think we've had more sex than we did before marriage. There is a huge relief now & the uncertainty is gone.

He has a relative who has been living with the same woman for 11 or 12 years. They have a 9 year old kid together. She has adult children & he (the relative) has a teenager. The teen lives with her mom. Legally, the relative (we'll call him Roy) is still married to the teen's mom. They never see one another & whenever Roy tried to file divorce papers, something would happen. so the divorce never occurred. Meanwhile, Roy lives happily (or in a type of obligatory captive type relationship) with his girlfriend, the mother of his youngest. I guess it's like a marriage with her. He never eats out with us because if he doesn't get home to her & have dinner with her, she gets upset. She calls constantly while he's away. Not a great situation for Roy, but he says he's happy with her.

Roy & his GF are poor. File taxes separately, get a smaller tax return, can't share insurance plans or anything. These are legal consequences to living together & not being married. Maybe there's security (or bondage) after 11-12 years together, married or not. But I am SO THRILLED to be married to the love of my life. I am committed to making him & the relationship happy. I know it'll take work, but I have no doubt about my husband's loyalty, integrity & honesty. He's my best friend & being married to him makes all the difference in the world! Heck - I changed my identity for him! LOL!

Danielle - posted on 04/20/2010

It's not a big difference especially if u already live/been together for a long time. I think that the biggest change is u finally make the step so it is right by GOD.

Laura - posted on 04/20/2010

only change at my house was the benefits that i could get or give from work.

Elane - posted on 04/20/2010

I think it all depends on you faith to be honest we lived together for 17 yrs and just got married in 2008 now Ifeel I'm right with GOD that was the only part missing in our relationship. My husband has always been wonderful, loving, supportive, and committed to our relationship. Now he has said those words infront of our families, friends and God the strength of of our marriage seem more real before it was like either of us could just walk away now we can't.

Brooke - posted on 04/20/2010

Well I have been married for a year and a half and we were dating a year and a half before so i still remember alot from before. I love the fact that I now carry his last name, I personally think it is a blessing and a privlage. Not a whole lot has changed in us so to speak, we fight like a married couple and we did that before. Our relationship is stronger but i think that is because when you get married you go through ALOT of different types of issues. Ex: Keeping the bills right, keeping the house under control, and the biggest thing is having a baby, etc. I think us having a baby was the thing that made a way bigger difference than actually getting married. Being married is just different i cant exactly put my finger on how it is different but it is. It could be the fact that knowing he is mine and i am his for the rest of our lives, or it could be that waking up to a man that you are married to every morning just seems to feel different from when we werent married. It all depends on the person tho.

Michelle - posted on 04/20/2010

I do not believe anything changed between my husband and I when we got married. We lived together for about a year before we were married and our feelings did not change just because we got married. Our commitment to one another has become stronger, but I think that has more to do with the years we have been married versus the marriage itself.

Brenda - posted on 04/20/2010

Marriage is God ordained and it is a commitment to Him. The difference for me is my faith and serving the Lord in all I do.