my husband now wants to wait...I need advice!

Heather - posted on 03/22/2010

well for starters just because your first is an angel does not mean your second will be horrible!! my daughter slept through the night from five weeks old, my son slept through the night in the hospital and ever since!! i do think kids close together is a good thing but there is such a thing as too close. i had mine twenty months apart although not on purpose, but my doc. told me it was good that they were not any closer together bc it truely takes your body one year to recover completely from pregnancy. you are concidered postpartum for one year. and if your body is not healed properly you can end up with a bad out come for one of you or both of you. as for your husband as you know a baby effects both of you although moms usually carry the brunt of it but it changes dad to, you have to be mindful that he may feel like he is just getting his wife back yall are just getting the baby thing down and things are getting back to what he feels confident and comfortable with. i know its hard when you feel so passionately about it, but you also need to enjoy your first for a while they do not stay tiny for long, i have heard 18 months apart is good but still hard. just give your husband some time and back off the subject for a while enjoy the little family you have created and all the things you are going to experience with your new daughter and then broach the subject again. it may be that dad needs so so called normalcy

Vicky - posted on 03/22/2010

MY personal opinion is, well obviously dont be so vindictive as to get pregnant on purpose. Its kindve a hard question to answer. I dont believe you're ever "ready" even if you think you are. My daughter wasnt planned, and I knew my man for only a month before I found out I was pregnant with his baby, and he never regreted it, neither did I. Neither of us were ready, emotionaly or fiancially at the time. We're making it by now, but we love eachother more then anything, and our daughter is the best thing that ever happened to either of us. I feel like I contradict myself when I say, IF you were to get pregnant even unplanned, I'm pretty sure your husband would accept it and love him/her anyway. He'd get over it. I doubt I was a whole lot of help, very hard to word an answer to a subject like this.

Lynn - posted on 03/22/2010

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

Christine - posted on 03/21/2010

Hey guys. Thanks for all the advice but IM PREGNANT AGAIN! 5 weeks! The hubby is so excited and im so grateful he is so happy about it.

Kirstie - posted on 03/18/2010

I would say he is not ready, I had my first 2 kids close 1in half years apart the biggest thing i regret was i was not able to enjoy my first one as much as i could. He wants to enjoy as much as possable of his first born so i say let him.

Marcie - posted on 03/18/2010

We didn't plan to have our second till five years later but then found each other wanting to have another one when our daughter hit the 10 month mark. She was such a good baby, i had a hard time trying to get to sleep cause i was afraid i wouldn't hear her cry, but we had our second and he was a premie and i think it was because i didn't wait the full year after having our daughter to let my cervix heal, but that also could have been because of other reasons to. But our second one when he came home he was much more diffucult then the first one. We would end up being up all night till 1-2 am and sometimes even later then that, and that's after being up almost all day, so trust me when i say this mother to mother wait a little while longer and don't rush things. Just giving advice.

Ashley - posted on 02/23/2010

I am a mother of children who are 20mths apart, and I know that is almost 2 yrs apart..Our 2nd child was not "suppose" to happen for another year or so and I can honestly say it really did put a BIG BIG strain on my marriage.. It is really hard to juggle 2 children who both need you undivided attention every minute and then a husband who feels left out because by the end of the day you are so exhausted you don't care if you haven't had a shower in 2 days.. I fully understand that you don't want your children to be far apart...but slow down mama Enjoy the time of just you 3...trust me...you will know when the time is right.

Amber - posted on 02/23/2010

Your Birth and first few months might of been a big dreamland experience for you, but it's possible your husband did not feel that way , or at least, just wants to enjoy it a little longer.
You have to respect the agreement you and your husband made together in the beginning. Yes, desires change, but you still agreed, that At 10-12 months, you'd try for another. There is nothing wrong with being 1-3 years apart. If it's any consolation, my brothers and I are all 2 years apart ( There are 4 of us) and we weren't any closer growing up, and we're even further apart now. Age has nothing to do with it. It depends on how you raise your children :)

Enjoy the bliss of your little angel a little while longer :)

Allie - posted on 02/22/2010

I think you should give it a little bit more time. I think you could possibly miss out on some fun times with a big belly, time goes by so fast. Also, it needs to be mutual between you and your husband. I think having kids close together is a wonderful idea, but my brother and I are 18months apart and we aren't that close, but my sister and I are 7 years apart and we're very close. So just because they're close in age doesn't necessarily mean they'll be close.

Christine - posted on 02/22/2010

Thanks everyone for the advice. I havent metioned it for a about a week now and he said in a few months we can start trying for a boy. lol. He said he has his daddys girl now he wants a boy. We came to the decision if our next is a boy we are done. We will feel like our family will be complete, but if we have another girl we will try one more time but after 3 girls we will stop. Thanks for all the great advice.

Jennifer - posted on 02/22/2010

Your baby is still young. She needs your full attention and to be spoiled before she feels pushed out by another baby. My sister has two boys that are 13 or 14 months apart. It is nice for them to have a close playmate but she has to carry both of them around to make sure they are getting where they need to go safely. They both want her attention at the same time and they both can be very demanding. My two oldest girls are 20 months apart and absolutely love one another and are each others greatest playmates. If your husband isn't ready then you shouldn't push it. It will happen when the time is right. With your baby being such an angel then it shouldn't take long for him to come around. Babies grow way to fast and he'll start to realize that and get baby fever. LOL

Donna - posted on 02/22/2010

Why don't you take the time to enjoy your first. Babys are only little for such a short period of time, don't rush into having another child just yet. Your body needs time to recooperate. Remeber when your pregnant how tired you are all the time, when you have a baby allready you don't have the time to rest when needed, cause you have a little one allready depending on you. Maybe your husband just wants to enjoy his first angel, and you his wife for a little while longer. It sounds like there will be plenty of time later for another child. I'm not saying you have to wait 10 years, but another year wouldn't hurt. Besides you allready have a little one to keep you going. Enjoy her.

Alyssa - posted on 02/22/2010

I agree Lynn, you should really wait until the both of you are ready! All it will do is strain your relationship and that's the last thing you want to do. I think if you show that you are supportive of his decision, he will come around soon enough. Hang in there and hopefully he will come around soon. :-)

Alyssa M.
Helping Moms Work From Home
www.4theLoveofMyFamily.com

Lynn - posted on 02/21/2010

Its important to wait until you are BOTH ready. If he is a wonderful husband, and keeps your happy, you should do everything you can to be a wonderful wife and keep him happy. I child will be more enjoyable when they are something you both want.