Should I worry about my hubby's 1000 online "friends"???

Onda - posted on 07/16/2010 ( 12 moms have responded )

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My hubby tells me the same thing about being beautiful. Although I tend to not believe my hubby since he has about 1000 "friends" on fb and myspace that he doesn't really know. When I ask him why he does that he tells me "it's just a stupid game". WTF does that mean?! Like I told him these websites are for social networking to keep up with friends and family, that is what I use them for. I don't believe his is cheating on me but I have caught him making what I believe to be inappropriate comments on pictures for a married man to make. When I confronted him about the comments he tried to say it was nothing but did delete his "friends" when I told him to. It wasn't long before he started adding them back :( I don't know what to do. He's everything to me and our kids. I'm a stay at home mom also but mostly by his choice. Does anyone have some insight for me?

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Well on myspace and facebook they have a lot of games that require hundreds of friends to play easily. I would not just jump straight to cheating. You married him for a reason so remember what that was and trust him. Most guys are a bit pervy so I wouldn't worry about a few comments. As long as he is coming home to you and you have no concrete proof of anything I wouldn't assume anything. You could destroy your marriage if you do and you are wrong.

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Victoria - posted on 07/23/2010

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Facebook is also used as a 'gaming' site of sorts, see if he's been actually playing games that 'require' you add friends for this or that reason. If not, check to see if his status says married to you, then I'd start adding the same people he's added and just say "well, he's my hubby, I thought I'd like to know his friends too!"

Shayna - posted on 07/22/2010

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If it is bothering you this much then you should definitely tell him that you think this is inappropriate for him to be doing, and how much it is upsetting you! He should get be off the damn computer in the first place and devote his time to you and your child(ren)! I find it beyond ridiculous how people let total strangers into their personal lives like that. My hubby & I add close people we know only and even with the people we know, we keep our personal lives private over Facebook. I personally find it very perverted for a married men to comment on the looks of random people's photos he does not know. Even if he is adding people for 'games' he doesn't need to be commenting inappropriately towards them!

Kellie - posted on 07/21/2010

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I read all the other replies and I was going to mention that I add friends that I don't know for the games on fb but after I read your last comment it seems if others that are close to you and your husband are seeing changes that concern them that maybe you could ask your husband to go to see someone to see if you could get help to strengthen the marriage. Let him know that you love him and you are concerned and that it maybe nothing to him but it is something that you need. And if he is understanding enough to go to counseling for you then I think that you both could work things out. From what you said in your last post it does sound like maybe he is becoming consumed with "something". Since there are so many women and not just one or two that concern you I would think that it is more of a porn addicition and not anything as intimate as an affair. One of the biggest problems for you with these actions from him might make you feel less of a women and I plead with you to not let that happen. If he will not get help, go for yourself. Don't get down on yourself for something that you are not at fault for. I'm not an expert but I feel your pain and I'm praying for you that things will be resolved soon. Remember that even if he does agree to get help that things can't change over night and be patient with him if he is willing to get help. Good luck.

Onda - posted on 07/20/2010

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Thanks ladies! He's not actually playing games online, he just referred it whatever he is doing as a game. Which REALLY bothers me. Family members and friends from both of our sides have noticed his "problem" and have said something to me about it. Even as recent as tonight. This ordeal is taking a serious hit on our sex life. I can't feel good about myself and want to do anything with him if he's too busy lusting after other people. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with porn as long as it's not on a regular basis like an addiction. But what I do have a problem with is that he can and from what I have seen does talk to some of these girls. Over the past couple days he has added 30-40 or more girls he doesn't know. Who knows how many he's invited and declined his invitation. It's not like he only does it from the computer at home. He's constantly on his iphone doing this. He uses so much data that our phone company let out a big WOW and asked what is he doing to use that much. I really hope I'm just over-reacting but I don't think I am.

Louise - posted on 07/18/2010

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i do not talk to any of them i just added them for the games thts all there very addicrive and u need heaps of people on some of them to get to the next level.

Louise - posted on 07/18/2010

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look darl i have added 100 or so people i dont no just for the games here on face book, if u are woried set up a false name and see what happens

Traci - posted on 07/17/2010

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Well sweetie, ur gut is ur best detective.... I went the same crap for awhile with my husband... After awhile he stop even going on those sites... Its just a computer is what I had to learn, now if he starts runnin out the door to meet up with 1 person than id freak out, but a comment is all it is a comment... He dont know them, so dont worry ur self over lonly woman... I 2 was a stay at home per him.... If u feel there is more behind it than he says, make up a profile dont tell him & mess him, than ull see whats really going on, but dont talk to him as u would, play the game, but dont freak out if u find out something u dont want to know.... So u have to think do u really want to know whats what if he is talking out of line???? Or start up a page & just invite random people, & let him see u can play that way 2, & see how he feels, but dont tell him thats why u did it until after he comments on it...... Just remember why u married him, what u want out of ur marriage, could u live ur life without him, & is the net worth being upset over all the time.... Good luck hope I was able to help u & give u something to work with...lol

Joshua - posted on 07/16/2010

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well you cpould set up a "fake" profile and see if its more than it is. if not let it go. at least u would get a piece of mind

Kaitlin - posted on 07/16/2010

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hmmmm...well...I have gone through something like that with my first husband but he was actually cheating on me. My husband now doesn't do that. He has quite a few friends on facebook too but he knows them all. they are all either family, co workers, or people he went to high school with. Same with my facebook page. I really don't know. That is weird. I guess the only advice I have is that if you really don't think he is cheating on you than I wouldn't bug him too much about it but still talk to him about it and just tell him how you feel. I wouldn't worry about the amount of friends he has, just the inappropriate comments. That's just me though. Hope everything works out for you.

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