We have a girl but my husband keeps buying boy stuff

Marianna - posted on 05/16/2010 ( 16 moms have responded )

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My husband and I just had our first child that turned out to be a girl. Of course I was super excited and he seemed to be as well. She is 4 months now and I look around and all I see is blue this and boyish toys there. I know his intentions are good but I think he is being a lil passive-aggressive with the boy toys and I'm a girly girl so naturally I wanted pink this and pink that but he said he didn't want to much pink. Now the only thing that is made for a girl in here is her swing, which I still didn't get a chance to pick out. The next item up for grabs is the high chair, and come hell or high water I want a girly pink chair with butterflies and flowers. How do I let him know without hurting his manly feelings that he is sort of ruining my experience as a first time mom to a girl.

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Donna - posted on 05/17/2010

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I dont know that there is a way that you cant alk to him and express your feelings about being a Mom to a baby girl, because he has those same feelings. Daddy's lil girl and all....My advise is to ask him if and when you two try for another baby, what would he like to have? And if he says boy, like most men do, then tell him that everything you buy for that baby boy will be blue. But for now, you have a daughter and you want her to have the pink stuff that all lil girls have..

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Nicole - posted on 06/06/2010

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My husband doesn't have much experience with girls either until our daughter, (4) came around. He doesn't like pink much so we compromised. I went with girly things in different colors like lavender, light greens and blues, red, yellow, and some pink that wasn't too bold. Her bedding and everything was something that we picked out together so that it was what I liked as well as what he could tolerate. I gradually worked him into the girl thing and now he's come a long way and loves her princess dresses and has tea parties and dances with her all the time. We have 3 sons ages 7, 6, and 15 months and our 2nd daughter is due later this month. I hope this helped.

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It sounds to me as if you already know what to say. "I really don't want to overwhelm you (him) with pink and ruffles, but I don't want to overwhelmed with boy toys either. "
It important that you teach your daughter what society expects from a girl. There is nothing wrong with girl playing with trucks just as there is nothing wrong a boy playing with a toy kitchen or a doll house. But there are certain things are expected for girl that are not expected of boys and vice versa.
If you could talk to your husband (quietly) when the baby is asleep, and explain your concerns. As calmly and sweetly as possibile try to get him to agree that you are raising a girl and not a boy; because after all that's what she is -- a girl.Try not to let the conversation get argumentative and explain that this is not about you and him, but about raising a child with a healthy self image. Be willing to compromise blue isn't a bad color but neither is pink or yellow. or purple. Girls can play with boy toys just as boys can play with girl toys. Your daughter isn't your baby or your husband's baby but belongs to both of you as unit. One of you should not be going off and making a unilateral discision with out consulting the other. Raising children is one the greatest stresses in a marriage. After 44 years I can tell you that sometimes it takes more patience, and self discipline to deal with one another sometimes that it doses to deal with the kids themselves. God Bless --Anne

Heather - posted on 06/04/2010

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LOL@ girls need to be girly...Ok, my daughter is now almost 19, and when she was little there was no, and I do mean no cute clothing out there for girls. I dressed her in bright shirts and overalls that I found in the boys department. So here she is dressed up like a little tomboy, and guess what? she isn't now, nor was she ever a tomboy. Why don't you just really skip the whole issue of what color goes with what sex? babies like black white and red, geometric designs, things of that nature.
By the By, my son was the one that liked the light colors, and he isn't girly at all.
Get things that are hard wearing and sturdy and skip all the color by-play. When she is old enough she will tell you what she wants, it may not be what YOU want, but then she isn't you, or your husband.

[deleted account]

I understand how you feel. I have two boys and two girls. The swing, the pack n play, the play mat, etc. is neutral or blue. It does make sense to buy neutral if you are planning multiple children.

However, I LOVE buying girly stuff! I made sure that I bought girly bedding and girly clothes. That seemed to be enough for me.

Karina - posted on 06/02/2010

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i agree with Rachel.
we have a beautiful 17 month daughter, but the majority of the "furniture" items for her are gender neutral or blue and green (which i do not considered specifically boy colors) . i wanted this because what if we have a boy for the next child. i really did not want to have to repurchase a swing, bouncer, eating table, etc. too much pink can make your home look like Pepto was spilled all over.
besides, you can always "girl" her up with her wardrobe.

Cyndel - posted on 05/30/2010

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We chose gender neutral because we want several kids and don't want to repurchase basic items because we chose gender specific items. Toys are neutral, only the clothes are gender specific, though many of those can go both ways as well.
You may be a girly girl, but your husband is a man and is probably intimidated by the idea of all those pinky girly things. It won't hurt a girl to learn to catch a ball, or play with lego's.
We chose not to find out what my son was before he was born but I chose medium blue for the nursery because I love blue! Though most people assumed that he was a boy, even though we had no idea, I was always having to explain that I didn't know what the baby was, that I chose blue because it was a favorite color. They didn't all get it, some thought we knew and were trying to hide it. Lol.
Let your hubby have his fun with your daughter in his way, it may turn out that she enjoys both sides, playing dress up with mom, and catch with dad.

[deleted account]

Here is an interesting trivia fact in India they dress their boys in Pink. Pink is a BOY color.. so tell him the pink shirt is a cross cultural boy shirt... :-)

I keep thinking of the Bill Cosby routine about the man who wanted a boy I think it's in Bill Cosby as Himself. Maybe you should rent it an have a few laughs with your hubby.

Don't worry My hubby bought a mitt, a glove and a baseball bat for his little daughter (now collecting dust). This too will pass. you may find that your DD may grow up hating pink *waves hand* like me I was a tom boy and rejected ruffles at age 4. I have 2 girly girls and do 3 loads of Pink a week (the tom boy in me rolls her eyes at all this PINK!) So buy a rainbow of colors, enjoy your motherhood and paint the high chair pink if he buys a blue one with cars on it. :-))

Nicole - posted on 05/28/2010

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why does everything have to be blue or pink? there are many other colors. i wouldnt go out buying pink everything cause you cant put pink on a boy (all issues of gender equality aside ppl give you funny looks and you will get sick of explaining that the newborn dressed in a pink romper is a boy). i bought all the more expensive items in gender neutral colors (green mostly as i got a matching set of portacot/highchair/swing/playmat/larger toys). You can buy smaller things in pink to express the femininity and fun of a baby girl - hair bows, little booty shoes, lacy socks, fancy dresses. you still get to do the girly thing but you get more use out of big ticket items if they are not barbie pink.
It sounds like you think that your husband is unhappy with the fact that his firstborn is a girl and that you are resenting him for this. you need to talk to him about this as it is a bigger issue than blue toys. i think it is a good sign that he is involved in the buying of baby stuff, possibly he is just buying what appeals to him and is not putting any thought into gender appropriateness. it would be only natural for him to prefer the boy toys.
Also how many toys could a four month old need... i have a ten month old and her favourite toys are the tv remote and my hairbrush which she constantly steals from the coffee and bedside tables. she has other actual proper toys but they are not nearly as fascinating for some reason i am yet to fathom...

Kathy - posted on 05/27/2010

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I definitely agree with Rachel that the color of the things around the child doesn't matter. It is the quality of what you share with them. My boys were born first and when my girls were born, I did not go out and get all "girly" things. I even dressed my girls in alot of the clothes that my boys wore as babies (why waste a perfectly good outfit.) Now that they are much older (the youngest is 6) I let them pick out what they like. My 2 girls are so different my 6 year old's favorite color is black and my 7 year old's favorite color is pink. They both love to have their nails painted, and definitely know they are girls. But still love to play with the boys toys too. Let them play with everything. Why should there be limits.

Rhiannon - posted on 05/23/2010

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I have 3 kids, a girl and 2 little boys. When I was pregnant with my last baby we decided not to find out the gender until he was born. I truly thought I would be okay with whatever God gave me, so I was horrified with myself when I was more than a little disappointed I got a boy. My baby angel boy is now 8 months old, and I am so glad that he is a boy, that is part of what makes him, him and he is the perfect child for God to have given me. So I understand the initial feelings. However, your husband should embrace the baby that he does have now, and that is a girl. Blue is fine, so is pink, I don't really think that's the issue here, I think that your experience is being tainted because you're not getting to experience things your way too. Both my boys and my girls have a variety of "girly" and "boyish" toys. Variety and balance is the key.

Rachel - posted on 05/22/2010

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Girly toys are boring and sexist, and all they do is get a girl ready to raise babies and run a house. If your husband wants more for your little girl than just babymaking and pretending to cook food, you should encourage him and thank him that he has such high aims for her.

If we want to know why there are so few female scientists and engineers, we need look no further than the way we give our boys building stuff and imaginative toys, and we give our girls plastic babies and pretend makeup.

Also, since when does a colour indicate gender? My daughter wears blue and has never looked boyish in it, and my son wears pink and is absolutely a little man.

Kathy - posted on 05/19/2010

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Talk to you husband! Be supportive and encouraging that you will try for a boy next.

Jamie - posted on 05/19/2010

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"he is sort of ruining my experience as a first time mom to a girl".- you just need to tell him exactly what you just said

Rebecca - posted on 05/17/2010

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You said the only thing girly is a swing and everything else is boyish... sit him down and point out the imbalance... It's not so bad to have a mix of things, but it sounds seriously lopsided. Explain that you are not judging or criticizing (indeed it seems as if you have been extremely supportive of his feelings/actions so far), but that you would like the chance to give her the things that you feel a little girl should have. Tell him that you are not trying to take away anything that she already has, but you would like her to be exposed to things appropriate to her gender because you don't want her becoming too much of a tomboy, because then you won't be able to relate to her. I think your husband might be afraid that he won't be able to relate to her if she's too girly and that's the reason behind his boyish purchases. Tell him that he can teach her to play sports, and/or get her interested in the "manly" things he likes to do. (I myself love to watch football, shoot pool, and play video games..and yet, I am still a "girly" girl who dresses up, wears makeup, and can't climb a tree!! lol) So basically, my point is to have a heart to heart with him and try to figure out why he feels like he does.
BTW, about the color pink.....maybe your man would not be as opposed to girly stuff if it was purple? Just a thought.... Hope this helps you guys!

Melanie - posted on 05/16/2010

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Girls need to be girly and i think it's your right to want all girl things. I was never girly girly and thought i would find it hard to buy pink stuff. Until i had my daughter there was nothing pink in our house i hate the colour. Try telling your husband that she needs girl things and that maybe when she's older she may play with boy things. Always having blue or boy things around will guarantee a tomboy (sorry but i think a girl needs to be a girl). saying that my daughter is now 7 and likes nothing more than playing with cars and playing football. So i guess either way i didn't win. At the moment she is still too young to understand the difference but you need to tell your husband that she is a girl and that he seems disappointed it's a girl not a boy. x

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