What are you doing to keep your husband in love?

Janeta - posted on 09/29/2011

I make sure that I praise my husband as much as I can! (: Men need to hear that we love them and they are special to us ect just like we need to hear it as well, most men just wont say that they need to hear it. I make sure that I do special things for him and when he has a bad day I "cater" to him in a sense to make sure that he knows I still love him and everything will be okay! I make sure that I talk to him and I keep him informed on everything that is going on or went on while he was away at work, We take showers together at night after we put our daughter to bed it gives us a little relaxation time and its a great time to have a little conversation, I make sure that our sex life stays strong because that is a very intimate important part of any marriage, I make sure that I always make time for love making with my husband. He really likes knowing that I want to make him happy and give him just as much as he gives to me and our daughter and it makes our relationship wonderful! (:

ELizabeth - posted on 09/21/2011

I always tell my husband he is a wonderful person, father to our child(a daughter who's three)and partner and husband. THe ex-wife never used to make nice comments to him about anything. So I try to be better then her. And be a good wife and mother to our child. At night we have little chats before we go to sleep and it helps wonders. So we both are on the same page of things. And the sex is great. ANd I have gotten to be more spontaneous then I used to be. Which makes the him happy and the sex even better. hehe ANd also after the sex we cuddle together and talk about what's ever on our minds. and that helps things a lot. Sometimes I worry I am being like the ex-wife and so i ask him am i being like Megan? cause i don't mean to be. and he tells me no your not. your nothing like her. and he also loves that i do his laundry for him. so he can clean the house on the weekends and not worry about that. and i help him clean as well. :)

♥♪Megan♫♥ - posted on 08/19/2011

Katie the BJ won't work if it does nothing for a guy in the first place :) Not all men enjoy them.

I'm also curious how your relationship is with your step children because I'm in a reverse situation myself. I recently re-married and now my 6 year old is dealing with her buddy becoming her step dad and having to understand he can dicipline her just like I do. Her father is in GA (we live in BC) and pretty much out of the picture.

I'm also going to try not to get into praying with him or for him or lightening his load. Because it looks like this person (who posted over a year ago) has her own load to bear and might not be able to take any more.

The honeymoon stage doesn't last forever and you do have to work on things to keep it exciting. But I strongly advocate talking to your husband to make sure he knows what your feeling. Our husbands aren't mind readers, they weren't before we married and they probably will never be able to be mind readers. Men in general don't pick up well on subtle cues about how we're feeling. It's something to do with how their brains are wired.

That said my husband and I both assist eachother with parenting and household chores. I try to make him feel needed in my life because I was a single mom for almost 7 years and I'm used to parenting my older daughter on my own. Also I try really hard (really really hard because it's definitely not my thing) to show interest in his video game stuff and some of his computer programs he uses for school. I let him know that I believe he's a very creative person and that when he finishes school he'll have his choice of gaming companies to work for. We joke that Bungee (they produced the Halo video games) will be beating down our door to hire him.

My husband seems to think that me telling him how I feel is sexy and that keeps him crazy about me. I honestly don't know what else I do.

Lynn - posted on 08/17/2011

I was an adult when my father got married. But even as an adult, i treated my fathers wife like crap. And there was really no need for it. Every time he wanted to go out and do something with her, i tried to screw their plans up by asking my father to do something with me. I had my father wrapped around my little finger and it just hurt her soooo bad. What helped my father and his wife become closer, was when his wife and I started doing things together more often. And because she and I became connected to each other, without him, it made me feel better. Now i sometimes call the house just to talk to her, not even talk to him. BUT i will still never call her my step mom. she is my 'fathers wife'. lol

Lynn - posted on 08/17/2011

I TOTALLY AGREE WITH MISS KATIE

Katie - posted on 08/17/2011

What is your relationship with your step-daughters like? Daughters typically hate step-moms because they feel a loyalty towards their own mom, and also because they feel threatened that you're taking their dad away from them. Maybe the step-daughters are having a miserable time and venting to him. He might feel stuck in the middle of a conflict you are barely aware of and keeping his distance from you makes him feel like he is helping his daughters to adjust to the new arrangement by being more available to them. I would ask him how he thinks the daughters are coping, he might end up telling you that they are unhappy, then you can try and think of ways they can feel less threatened by you. For example, perhaps instead of playing golf with his buddies twice a week he only plays with them once and takes the daughters to the driving range on the second day for some bonding time. Maybe then he would feel like he was giving them the attention they need and start giving you the attention you need.

Others have mentioned sex, but I will add that an old fashioned BJ every once in a while can make a huge difference. If you have a caring, sensitive husband he probably feels a responsibility to make you orgasm during sex, which can take away from his pleasure. About once a week or once every other week it is bliss to receive a work-free, guilt-fee orgasm. My husband loves these 'treats' and seems happy to return the favor (not in the same session as that would defeat the purpose) which is bliss for me. I think we both feel more satisfied this way and he certainly shows more affection towards me than when we were only having 'regular' sex.

Elizabeth - posted on 09/06/2010

Don't be afriad to ask him for what you need, if it will make you feel more loved if he holds you hand while you're out tell him!! My husband was really good at those things when we were dating but after we got married he thought he didn't have to do them anymore. I ask him to do them when he "forgets" and I try to act like I did while we were dating (he knows how to drive and park the car and doesn't need me to tell him!!!) I know when those things aren't happening because our relationship starts to feel stale again. Marriage is work, just make sure you work on the right things.

Alaka - posted on 08/13/2010

Really my husband shows he loves me. we pray together, attend the same church and work thins out. we also read and debate about issues of life, There is nothing we really dnt discuss about and above all he is the best father has. He doesnt joke when it cums to his son because that's his life. He loves playing ball with his son too.

Cherie - posted on 08/11/2010

SHARE a HOBBY!
Im telling you, it is amaizing how much of a difference it makes. After my son was born I felt like my husband and I were just like machines.
We decided to buy an old Volkswagon bug, and fix it up together.... how do I have time with a little baby? We put him to bed, bring the monitor in the garage, turn up some tunes, and pop open a beer.
We fixed up the bug, and took it to car shows as a family. My brother and his family got one too, and we go to shows together. Its a blast hanging out in the garage with him....and can be romantic too! :)

Tah - posted on 08/09/2010

you can try to help financially..i know some men say heyyou can stay home,..but we as women know when it is getting to be to much...the things you do seem to be things that every wife and mother does..esp if they arent helping financially...how about the intimacy...meeting him at the foor in a nightie..just holding him..sending him little text messages or emails during the day..saying how much you love him..or things you want to do to him...go out on dates..allow him some time away from work and the kids ato just do something he wants to do and unwind..not worry about kids, bills etc...

Cynthia - posted on 08/09/2010

I try to always have a grateful spirit for the sacrifices my husband makes and the hard work he does. Try to keep a cheerful spirit and to be happy when you see him. It will make his spirit lighter and more free to know that you are grateful for him and recognize his efforts.

Regenia - posted on 08/08/2010

Stay supportive and pray for him to find that feeling that he once had for you back. 9 out of 10 he's stressed out because he's carrying everyone on his shoulders and he need your help by going back to work and he just don't know how to tell you that. That cause you to feel like he's resenting you when in reality he's struggling but don't want you to make him feel like he's failing as a husband or father by you nagging about what he stop doing for you.

Jessica - posted on 04/04/2010

My husband was EXACTLY the same way. But for us it didn't happen till we had our daughter. He just felt more pressure being the only person working. I tried everything you did, then I got fed up. After the baby was born he started coming home after work to help me instead of playing basketball, that's is when he really got icky. So I handed him his ball and gym bag and threw him out the door. We've been great ever since. Point is maybe he stopped doing a hobby he loves because he felt he needed to. Maybe he needs to pick it up again if he did.

Kim - posted on 04/04/2010

Have a date night - as often as you can manage, have dinner and a movie, no kids, no talk of work or stresses, just date. Flirt with each other, get dressed up, pretend it's one of your first dates ever.
Can't afford to go out ? Get the kids to bed and plan a night for just the 2 of you - dinner in bed (finger foods) and a movie or an adult board game (An Enchanted Evening is a great one). Obviously this would be on a night you don't work the next day if you feel your plans will keep you up late, but schedule it in and still dress up (or wear something sexy) and add a touch of his favorite perfume.
Maybe make a box of "coupons" that he gets to use one a day or one a week - whatever works - and offer a massage, or a bath, or even just tell him how much you appreciate him for all he does for you and your family. And tell him in person that you love him, that you appreciate him, that he's handsome, (compliment him). Just as we women love and need to hear those things, our men love and need to hear them, too.
Believe it or not, the occasional family day often leads to a couple night, so give that a few tries as well.
It's hard - we have 5 kids & my husband is our only "source of income", so I understand - but there are ways to make it work when you want to. Best wishes.

Tanya - posted on 04/03/2010

My husband and I have date nite atleast once a week. No kids, no worries, no work stress, etc. We're a household of 6 and we're so busy and both of our jobs are physical and we have the heat to deal w/ too. After work we deal w/ dinner, our children's homework, etc. We put aside date nite for just us. We usually go to a movie and dinner or rent a movie. We love each other very much but we have to work at taking time for ourselves. I'm a very touchy, feely person and we hold hands all the time. I also flirt w/ my husband, either in person, on the phone or thru a txt. I'm a very independent woman but I have to include my husband in decisions or ask for help occasionally. My husand likes that I need him sometimes, which I think men like to hear sometimes. lol My husband and I have been together for almost 20 years and been married 12 years. It hasn't always been easy but we love each other. My best advice is: communication and let him choose your undergarments! lol

Yvette - posted on 04/02/2010

Hello Charlene,

My name is Yvette C. Martinez and I have 2 beautiful children. I have a 10 year old son and a 16 month old daughter. I am 27 year's old and like you, I got married when I was about 4 to 5 months pregnant. That wasn't the reason why we got married but like you, My baby girl beat us to the punch. Since we were already planning out our wedding. Only we had to bump up the wedding date. I can sort of relate to you about how you're feeling on behalf of everything because I once was concerned about my husband and how he really felt about me. I mean, I knew he Loved me, or should I say, I know he does LOVE me, only he really had a funny way of showing it. For awhile he wasn't the same loving and affectionate husband I once married but after time went on, things seemed to change. Just recently he finally told me, for the first time in our lives, that he was IN LOVE WITH ME! And that just happened to be the other day. Maybe on Weds or Thursday! We were together for 5 years and then got married and so now we have been married going on 2 years. So I guess the only advise I can tell you, from my experience, is that within time he will probably reasure you and become alittle more affectionate. Atleast I think that's what happened to my husband towards me.If anything, maybe try telling him how you feel about it and maybe he will do more thoughtful things to show you that he really does and is IN LOVE with you. I'm sure he really does LOVE you, maybe it's just the stress that he's having. I wish I could help you more, but so far that's all I have experienced on that subject.Please let me know how things go.


Sincerely,

Yvette C. Martinez

Christine - posted on 04/02/2010

My husband and I have times were we sit with music playing in the background and we just talk, no tv, no kids just us. Since we are a spanish/english household, teaching each other something new has always helped our relationship stay strong. The other things we do are individual time, he spends time with his brother one night a week with no hassles from me or the boys and I have music practice for so many hours a week withouth boys as well and then we stay in contact when we are at work if possible. When I was pregnant I always worked but I also reminded my honey that if something happened that one of us had to stay home that I would leave my work before he would, so I work and the boys get social interaction at a private daycare, while we take care of the household. we have always made family dinner a priority regardless of who is cooking. Sometimes a little time apart to do activities without the other, helps revamp not only who you are but the relationship that you commit to, I found the better I feel about myself the better my relationship flows and it all goes from there and the kids do feel stress/tension so in turn it helps all over the house.

Lisa - posted on 04/01/2010

I agree with everything they are saying, especially that it is most likely a bunch of things including his daughters moving in. He may feel that his two daughters from his ex will never be able to be a complete part of your family and that you will never be able to bond well with them since they are not your children. I would try to spend some time with them as well, get to know them, take a girls day trip to the zoo and then come home, watch a movie and paint each others nails or something. Let him know that you care about him and his children even if they are not your own. Good luck!

Tracy - posted on 04/01/2010

I put little notes in his lunch box telling him how much I love and appreciate him, I call him out of the blue and say that. I make sure to let him know how physically attracted to him I am and do what I can to help out with the money thing. Let him get something selfish or try to arrange a night with the two of you and do something romantic. Even if it is at home with a really nice meal and give him extra love. Spoil him when you can.

Elisabeth - posted on 04/01/2010

And Denise is right. Sex...simple but it works haha. Maybe you should just forget what I just said and go with the sex. Haha, nah just kidding the problem needs to be addressed but seriously sex does help relieve a man and makes him feel better about himself. And it also makes a women feel better about herself as well because it releases all sorts of good hormones...have fun.

Elisabeth - posted on 04/01/2010

Gee I should of come on here on this community sooner, I just started a post in another community saying things you can do to keep your husband and family happy and I got attacked like I said people should kill their mother or something. Looks like I was in the wrong place, it's great to see women in this communty supporting each other. I don't know if this will help but just remember that marriage is never as easy as what we think it should be. Often the way a women is feeling in a relationship a man is feeling the same. Maybe he feels like the honey moon period is over to soon too, maybe he feels that things didn't turn out the way he had all imagened it was going to be. Firstly when you got married it was just you and him and then pretty quickly there was another 3 people in the picture too and it was all pretty sudden for both of you. Make sure that you show your husband respect and love and let him know he's doing a good job. Hopefully he will show it in return. Maybe he just wants some time with you but that might be hard with 3 children and he doesn't know what to do with the situation. Maybe when and if the time is right you can ask him if he's ok. I know it all seems to be maybe maybe maybe... but marriage needs to be worked out unfortuantly there is no manual, just like kids. It is hard work but keep at it.

Charlene - posted on 03/31/2010

I am not a stay at home mom... i have been working since i was able to start working.. i only took a break during my pregnancy..

Heather - posted on 03/31/2010

I also wanted to add that I am a stay at home mom, and my husband cooks sometimes too. He enjoys it. There is nothing wrong with it. My husband gets upset if I don't ask for help. I just let him know how he can help me and if he does, great, if he isn't up to it, or doesn't have time, I can do it later. But there is nothing wrong with letting your husband help you out!

Mae - posted on 03/31/2010

Well it sounds like alot of stessors have come into both you and your husbands life. Let us look at him for a second, Full time Husband, Full time Father, Full time provider, and 2 children older and pulling on him for attention. Men see things differently then women do, they see providing financially as love But we women see affection, holding nurturning us, and caring for our needs a priority. Question when he comes home from work do you attack not physically of course with all the problems you had all day and the children driving you crazy, baby sick, washer blew up, sink will not drain, or just for an another adult conversation (only adult conversation of the day) ECT... you get my point his deepest need is for you to respect him, appreciate him and what he does for the family. When you do this it will make him want to run home to the safe haven you have provided. Then he will listen. Some times we as women get frustrated at what he is not doing that we forget to see what he is doing. Remember you said he is now providing for his income and your income because he wanted you to stay home and take care of the family. That is admirable, Stressful, and can be frustrating at the same time. Does he have men that he can talk to about his stress as the Godly responsible man in the house, his roles. Next alot has been place as well when it comes to the new arivals in the house. 2 girls, 12 and 6 wow....Tough...He may not know how to relate to them either...A man needs to feel that he can help in a situation or he will check out of the situation...What did you guys do when you first started dating??? Go once a week and do a date night....Get a sitter...If you cant afford, is there any older women that would be ok, or a family memeber close to you that you would trust to watch the children???? You have to get some quality time with your husband, to just talk, laugh, maybe even if it is permitted take him a meal at work, or a note in his lunch that says I love you and appreciate you darling for the million ways you have touched my heart, here is one and tonight I will tell you the rest. Tell him you want him.....you need him.....you appreciate him....you thank God for him.....Ask him what you can do for him... What he needs from you....Give him time to relax before you talk to him.....Just some suggestions.....

Heather - posted on 03/31/2010

I went through a 30 day husband encouragement challenge. It helped me to be an encourager to my husband. You can check it out at: http://www.reviveourhearts.com/challenge...

Another thing is to dress up for him. When he has a day off, or even when he comes home from work, make yourself look good, even if you didn't earlier in the day. If he has an outfit of yours that you know he likes, wear it. Always, always, meet him at the door when he comes home. If he has his hands full offer to carry it, or just hold the door for him.

Judy - posted on 03/31/2010

A family that prays together stays together!!! God should be #1 You have to be the stable positive one!!!

Judy - posted on 03/31/2010

My first question would be if you are a stay at home mom, why is he doing the cooking? Men love to come home from working out all day to a clean (everything in order), peaceful, supper on the table, no fighting kids, home. They do not want to come home and have to cook supper. Why is he cooking for you call when you are a stay at home mom?? I have been married for 37 years and we are still like we are on our honeymoon!! If my husband has to go out of town on business, I go with him. We have 3 wonderful grown up sons and 5 grandkids and we both own our own businesses and our businesses are in the same building. So we even go to work together!!! We have a blast together. I do everything!!! AND I LOVE IT!!! I clean the house, I cook the food, I mow the lawn, I keep the yard cleaned up, I keep the car filled with gas, I wash the car, He helps also but I don't expect him to!! He wants to because he sees me working hard I don't ask him to. It is all in your thinking!!! NEVER think of self!! Sometimes it is hard but God can help, when you start thinking of self get on your knees and ask God to help!! A Christian home is a happy home!!!! There is no room for negative and it takes a mother/wife to keep it that way!!! Men think totally different then us and we have to remember that also. Anyway enough said, Good luck, God bless.

Adejoke - posted on 03/31/2010

Pray together with your husband, Let your faith be strong and creatively talk things out with him.

Maria - posted on 03/30/2010

My husband and I have been together for 22 years, and will be celebrating our 20 years of marriage bliss, and I have to say, you have to keep him guessing. I find that falling in love also means you can also fall out of love, staying in love and keeping that love alive is between you and your beloved. It's about keeping your priorities straight and keeping the balance. Others may not agree, but when I married my husband, it simply means that... my husband comes first above everyone else, including my children. It doesn't mean I have to choose between the two, when I don't have to. Just the right balance... of course, keeping the lines of communication always open.

Chelsea - posted on 03/30/2010

My hubby and I just celebrated our 12th anniversary on Sunday. We are more in love today than we were even when we married! He is truly my best friend. We don't hide or keep things from each other. Communication is big! He may not even realize he is acting this way or that you are feeling this. My husband says flat out he's not a mind reader and even if he was the thoughts that constantly run through a busy women's head would baffle him even more. If I am feeling insecure or upset I let him in on it. He has learned over the years it's not necessary for him to 'fix' things, but just to be there to listen and vice versa. Also, we make sure there is always one on one time regardless of what it is. Whether it is helping in the kitchen, hiding in our room watching silly movies, going and getting coffee...little things can make a big difference. You also need to have your time away from each other as well. Couple times a month meet up with your own friends and go do something and let him do the same. Do not become a homebody because you are letting your worries get the best of you. The relationship will definitely feel it and you will both begin to resent each other. Another thing too, is my husband has no problem with the fact that I love having a job and doing my own thing, he does however hate the fact that if it were just him providing we wouldn't make it. He grew up in a family where the mother stayed home and the father worked sometimes 3 jobs to make a comfortable life for them. He may have a little ego slump right now realizing he can't do it all. Best thing to do...ask what's going on. Don't assume the worst, especially when nothing has even been said yet. Best of luck to you.

Blanca - posted on 03/30/2010

My best advice would be to "pray together". Sometimes we forget how God should be that "third" strand in our marriage. Faith plays a big part in most of our lives. If you tried all the other things, great sex, talking, etc., then may be first praying for him and then gently suggesting praying together as a couple and as a family. GOD is the best thing for our marriages and most of the time we ignore him...I know that you did not mention anything about your religion or such, but FAITH and GOD works wonders when all other things fail...I'll be praying for you, your husband and family...God bless..

Kristi - posted on 03/27/2010

My husband and I had a phase that we went through also, we were both stressed and had a lot going on in our lives and our "honeymoon" withered quickly.



I made one night where our daughters were fed, bathed, and in bed early one night. I then made him a special dinner where we sat and discussed everything that was worrying us both *Bills, finances, health, everything* and how we could both work on fixing these things so that they didn't come between us. Maybe this is something you and your husband could do?

Denise - posted on 03/26/2010

SEX...... Makes my husband happy without it he is worse then a women on PMS. If he's happy am happy.

Stacy - posted on 03/26/2010

I would never ignore it. If something is bothering you, you need to voice it. You just need to be creative in how you do it. He is still a man and the topic might set him further off rather than actually helping the two of you. There could be many things going on with him. Does it bother him that his ex was deployed? Does he wonder if she will make it back safely? Is it about the extra two kids? Is he started to think about the future's of the kids and how to make that happen for them if the ex passes over there? Do the kids remind him of times with the ex? Are there too many mixed emotions with all the kids in one house? Is he struggling with how to handle the joining of the two families? If he missed out on raising the kids when they were little, is he feeling guilty for not being there when they were littler? I mean truly it could be so many things.

My husband brought with him a psychotic ex and two wonderful boys. We ended up getting pregnant shortly after getting married. There were many nights where I would ask him a ton of questions. Do you miss her? Do you miss them? Do you miss ...? I said it obviously better with a lot more tact but I was just trying to get the point across. You just have to be the supportive wife that you obviously are no matter what the response. It sounds like you are being wonderful. I guess I will find the time that he seems to be in the mood to talk about things and capitalize on it.

Charlene - posted on 03/26/2010

By the way I am now working... so there is no stress of him payin the bills on his own now... as far as the sex, well its mainly when he's in the mood cuz if i try he'll only make up some excuse not to.. and this is the part that i dont understand.. i know for a fact that there isnt anyone else and well he claims that i am still a very attractive woman.. i dont see what could be affecting him so much since i let him have his "me" time, he goes and plays golf at least twice a week with his buddies.. and i dont fuss about it until i wanna do something as a family and he says hes not up for it... i wanna think that its his depression but its not severe depression to where he is going off on rages or extreme sadness...he seems pretty stable to me.. thinking back he stopped being romantic and sweet when his kids moved in with us... and started talking to me like i was one of them...I want to be as supportive as possible to him but i think its also fair for him to be a little more interested in what i like to do. And again im not bashing him im only looking for positive opinions on what i can do or say to him without sounding like im nagging... should i ignore it and just give him time?

Stacy - posted on 03/25/2010

Wow! There is a lot going on and don't belittle what BOTH of you as well as the kids are going through. Everyone has told me that date nights are important but we never had the money do them. If he is the single wage earner, then this might not be an option for you either. I do think he is dealing with a lot on his shoulders but that is not to say you aren't either. It is just different stresses for each of you. Don't stop what you are doing now. Talk to him about it and see if you both can't come up with ways to modify the road you are traveling on right now. Even a little change will make a big difference. Maybe a family game night that brings all of you together for some light fun! My family enjoys cards and it is a time to play a little footsie under the table! TEE HEE! Just try to share some of the home stuff like cooking with the older kids that way the night time isn't yet another "chore" that someone has to do. Doing things together is always a sparker and so is talking about things. You might want to even touch on the subject of a part time job for yourself to ease some of the financial burdens but also to show him that you appreciate what he has been doing and want to assist him. Do let him get some "ME" time in whatever activity that is. He needs time to let off some stress just as much as you do. So don't forget yourself in this too.
Good luck!

Michelle - posted on 03/25/2010

I have been married for almost 7 yrs, together for 10. Wow, doesn't seem like it. We have been through alot! A child with cancer. At some point, no jobs, homelessness (before the kids) and tons of other stuff to long to list! At the end of everyday, we make a point to talk about all the stuff that happened. A HUGE part of staying attracted is the SEX life! Even if we dont think we are in the mood, it is amazing what a good ole' fashion "make out session" can do to get the juices flowing! I think it is very very important to "keep in touch" with each other in that area! Another thing is to make sure all parties are satified at the end of each rendevous! THis must not include making the other person feel bad about.....not making it to the "big O" Just say something like lets try this so I can get off too! Be creative and spice it up! Try something new. All to often we get in a groove of what we do and how we do it. Be spontaneous and dont take no for an answer. Us girls have our ways of getting guys in the mood! I dont want to sound like a sex freak but, intamicy is one of the best parts of a relationship!

Ashley - posted on 03/25/2010

Try working on the bills together, so he doesnt feel like it is all on his shoulders and you both are on the same page! Also if he has something he enjoys doing (like Fishing, etc.) that he did before the kids that made him happy, try to make time for him to be able to do that! My husband always says he needs time for these things when he gets stressed! Hope this helps!